So I'm saying my goodbye

[greywaren]

Who: Ronan and Adam
What: Adam sort of assisted Ronan's mother commit suicide during the ghost event. Ronan finds out.
Where: casa de Raven
When: Backdated to just after the ghost event
Warnings: Discussion of suicide, betrayal, all that fun stuff.

[Ronan wakes up slowly and becomes aware of several things in varying degrees. He feels warm- there's a blanket on him, tucked snugly around his shoulders. His hand hurts, from laying his cheek against it on their dining table. His back is sore from hunching over for so long.

But he feels more awake than he has in days, despite having just recently woken up. Ronan doesn't move for a long few moments, as is customary for him when coming out of sleep, and as he blinks away the sleep from his eyes, he thinks that maybe he's finally gotten enough rest.

Nobody else is in the house. He stands slowly, letting the blanket fall back against the chair behind him. Chainsaw is in his room, making a racket in her cage, and Ronan moves toward her, unlatching it and watching as she flutters out, feathers rumpled, rushing past his face and to his bed.]

The fuck is your problem?

[She doesn't respond of course and he frowns, only just now picking up the sound of Aspen's claws tittering on the floor above him.]

Adam?

[He calls out- but there's no response. The dog upstairs hears him and starts moving down the steps toward his voice.]

...mom? [It's softer this time, almost a whisper.

He's alone in the house, like he thought, but both of the animals are here as well. What could that mean? Even if they'd gone for a walk or gone searching for food, they'd take Aspen. Something feels wrong about this.

Ronan checks the windows before moving out of the house, patting his leg so that Aspen will follow him. Nobody outside. He knows that searching for them will be pointless when they'll likely just return home soon anyway, and so he paces on the street leading toward their house, impatient and with both Chainsaw and Aspen on his heels, catching his anxiety and seeming adequately nervous themselves.]

Comments

[unknowable]

[He reaches out, running the tips of his fingers along Ronan's cheekbone, gently turning his face back toward Adam. If it were another situation, he might tease Ronan - like he does sometimes when Ronan lets himself be a little softer, lets gentle words slip out when normally he might be sharp instead. But this isn't a moment for that, and Adam would be lying if he pretended those words meant nothing to him.

He is a survivor, that's something he's always held on to. But to imagine trying to survive here without Ronan - well, not only would he be dead a few times over, but living would barely be worth it. Not everything is always terrible here, but having Ronan to come home to, having someone to trust and watch his back through it all, is priceless.

And the things they've built here - it's not like home, of course. But it's something, and it's theirs, and between the two of them and Chainsaw and Aspen it can feel a little like home. Maybe that's just because Adam has never really had a proper home before, though.]

I think that almost every day.

[He is quiet and honest, and he leans in just a little, pressing his lips gently against Ronan's.]

I know how lucky I am.

[greywaren]

Me too.

[He whispers it against Adam's lips as they kiss. He'd die without him- it sounds melodramatic, but Ronan knows that it's trust. Without Adam, what else is there in this hellhole? Without Adam, how could he even begin to go on? He's lost everything else- they both have.

It's unfair to pin his entire life on Adam's shoulders, but there's no other way to go about it. Ronan needs him in a way that he needs the Barns, that he needs his dreams, that he needs air itself, and being cut off from his home means that he relies on Adam more than ever, to be a bridge back to it.

Ronan returns the kiss and deepens it, pressing into Adam's warmth for a reassuring, comforting moment.]

Thank you.

[unknowable]

Thank you for coming back.

[It's all he'll say about it - it's the closest he'll come to admitting that secret fear, that Ronan would leave and not come back. He knew that it wasn't true, he knew that the bond they have is so much stronger than that, but he was still afraid. It's not logical, but fear never is, and Adam has had far too much time to become familiar with it.

Ronan wouldn't leave, but he was afraid anyway. And Ronan came back, like Adam knew he would, but he'll never take that for granted.]

Come here.

[He slides closer to Ronan on the bed, until there's hardly any space between them, and kisses him again. It's not enough, he wants to be closer. He doesn't think he needs to say that - Ronan probably knows. But it might be too soon, Ronan might need more time, so Adam tries not to be too insistent. Still, his fingers slide beneath Ronan's shirt, against his skin.]

[greywaren]

[Ronan lets Adam move closer and he moves closer too, kissing him and wrapping a loose arm around the other boy's shoulders. The fingers under the hem of his shirt are neither unexpected nor are they unwanted and he breathes out softly at the feeling of Adam's hands on him- he doesn't think he'll ever get used to that.]

Yeah?

[It's a rhetorical question, and one that he's happy not to have an answer to, as the answer is evident in Adam's body language. Ronan is still a little tipsy, but he knows what Adam is giving him and he knows what he wants to give in return.

He returns the kiss gently, opening his mouth to taste Adam's tongue, letting his fingers rest in Adam's hair to push the two of them closer together. He wants to be even closer, and he's sure that Adam does too, but first he needs to just kiss him first, after days of no contact. He used to go longer than that- his entire life- but now that he's spent the last year and a half kissing Adam, even a few hours sometimes seems like too much.]

[unknowable]

[He wants more, it's true, but right now he's happy to be close to Ronan no matter what they're doing. He missed this, the warmth of Ronan's body next to him, the feel of his skin beneath Adam's fingers, the gentle tug at Adam's hair. The taste of his lips.

He kisses Ronan back. Of course he does. He can taste the alcohol on Ronan's breath, but it's not overwhelming, and it's not unpleasant - not really. He knows Ronan well enough to know that even if he was drinking, even if he's tipsy, he's not so far gone that he doesn't know what he's doing. That's all that matters.]

Yeah.

[But Adam will take it slow. If what Ronan wants right now is just to kiss, and kiss some more - Adam wants that too. He wants this slow building need, this intimacy, this hunger that's always at the edges of his thoughts when Ronan is close like this.

He'll go further when they are ready, but for now this is enough.]

[greywaren]

[Ronan feels like, on some level, he's always ready. He's not angry at Adam, not anymore, and he's missed the feeling of him closeby. His thoughts start to wander while he thinks about Adam like this- the expanse of Adam's chest that he wants to see again, the weight and feel of the other boy pressed up against him- and it's enough to want to push things further.

He doesn't speak. He doesn't need to, not when they know one another as well as they do. Instead, Ronan rolls them both so that Adam is on his back on the bed and he's on top, crouched over him with knees on either side of his hips. Ronan lets out a soft noise of satisfaction at the new position, before resuming, kissing Adam proper and letting his hands slide down the narrowness of his waist.

It's always been enough. Even when they just lay in silence together, it's enough- but this is more, and this is something that they can both have. Ronan nips at Adam's lower lip, feeling more in control than he has in weeks, and that's good. That's a start.]