hadriel_logs | to every life a light that shines [CLOSED]

Entry tags:

maketh tua,
rey

to every life a light that shines [CLOSED]

Who: Rey and Maketh Tua.
What: Despite trying to avoid discussing the aftermath of a recent event, a much-needed talk is had.
Where: Speakeasy.
When: About a week after Stepford Summer ends.

Not much unlike her roommate, Rey has been dealing with her problems in distractions. Keeping her mind occupied though thoughtless busywork, be it dealing with the dam or tending to the bar. She needs this, she thinks. Having shed enough tears already, she can't keep drowning in them.

Some things still nag at her in the back of her head, however. Things like the faux-ceremony towards the finale of that stupid alternate world that the gods had cooked up for them. But how much was that the gods' meddling, and how much of it was their own? To some extent, these things have to be influenced by their memories and emotions.

And yet, she tries not to think too deeply into it. She didn't actually get married, contrary to their happy little ending. It's insane just how much Rey bought into the illusion. How much she wanted to. It's a reality so far away, so unattainable, such a distant dream, but how distant are some of those things, really? Nick being her 'father' didn't feel too far from their already existing dynamic, though him and Undine? Seriously? What was she even thinking?

Then there was Sully, who she hadn't thought about in a long time. The real deal hadn't been so serious that she could see herself ever following through with something like a marriage with the man, so maybe things hadn't been too off there.

But Maketh?

Rey shakes her head as she finishes storing away some bottles behind the counter, separating the empty ones to be refilled later. She frowns, picking up a half empty wine bottle. It's poor business practice to consume too much of your own product, but this isn't exactly a bustling central of capitalism, either. That's how she dealt with Bianca's departure, and that's how she's thinking of dealing with this as well. Whatever the hell 'this' even is.

Brows scrunching together, Rey slams the bottle into a cupboard and slams the door shut -- just in time to catch a finger.

"Fuck," she hisses through her teeth, bringing her blistered thumb to her mouth.

Guess that's what she gets for not paying attention to what the hell she's doing.

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If she's being honest with herself, Maketh has to admit she's been avoiding Rey since the event ended. The gods ran wild in all their minds, created some picture-perfect universe for them to live and die in that still ended. It didn't hurt nearly so much as some of their other games, but it was still false. A dream constructed so that some outside force could gather power.

And as for what she felt, what she did--

Sometimes, Maketh finds herself rubbing her ring finger, searching for something that's no longer there. That sensation.

She knows what it feels like to hold Rey's hand in hers. To go up on her toes for a kiss.

It wasn't real. It was just a trick. And yet--

Well.

Don't be a coward, Maketh reminds herself as she steps into the speak easy. Don't be a coward and speak your damn mind, soldier.

She clears her throat as she approaches the bar.

"Are you all right?"

One arguable downside to a mind like Rey's -- forgetting is not always an option. It sure as hell isn't an easy one. She can't just shut things off and bury them under repression. Instead, she has to compartmentalize. Put things in the right place at the right time. Otherwise, she might as well lose her damned mind.

Suffice to say, maybe she has. Though another argument would be whether or not Rey had a mind to lose in the first place.

Her shoulders tighten at the sound of Maketh's voice, and she can't tell if her response is out of nervousness, fear, or something else. But her chest hurts, almost more than the throbbing ache in her thumb now.

Drawing herself back onto her feet, she rests her elbow over the counter, grabbing her swelling finger with her other hand to cover it up. She hisses through her teeth, and nods.

"Yes, fine." Rey forces herself to look towards Maketh, uncertain. "Um. You here for anything?"

Maketh smiles uneasily. She's never been good at talking with people. And that should have been the hint that the dream world was fake, because it had seemed so simple there. Almost inevitable. "I thought -- we might talk."

So, this is how it's going to be. Rey doesn't need to ask what it is they might talk about. Still, better to try to play it up with some levity:

"What? Been wondering about the legitimacy of the... you know."

Not that it's been on Rey's thoughts. Oh no.

Maketh sighs. So this is how it's going to start. Better than the alternative, she supposes. It would hurt too much to pretend it never happened in the first place. "I would like to be--honest, now. I'm not very good at that."

But she's going to try.

"It wasn't all a dream, was it?"

No argument there. Rey has had to fight the truth out of Maketh on more than one occasion to know that honesty doesn't come from her easy. The fact that she wants a straight conversation about this says something.

She stops to think for a moment. Was it all a dream? Sure, her role as a small town firefighter seems farfetched, but certain relationships seemed genuine. Nick is still her family, albeit the dynamic changed a little, more straightforward. That wasn't a dream. Her mother's death must have bled through realities as well.

Who's to say that Maketh is any different?

"No," Rey finally admits. "Don't think it all was."

It doesn't take much effort to parse out which parts.

Maketh ducks her head, nodding slowly. She's promised herself she won't bolt from this conversation, from this moment. It's going to happen and she will hold. No matter how much it frightens her. "I said -- I said I wanted you to be happy. And I do. Want that."

She meets Rey's eyes carefully.

"But you have to decide that. For yourself. Not for me, or anyone else."

Rey remembers what Maketh had said. She also remembers how she had felt in response to what she said. She blinks, not quite sure what it means yet. Not sure if she wants to know.

"And... what about you? What would make you happy?"

Because it can't all just be about Rey's happiness.

And that's the question, isn't it?

Maketh shivers. Forces herself to stand up straighter and not squirm. She wants to bolt. Go somewhere quiet and just drink until her head goes numb and she doesn't have to think about these things.

No. Hold your ground, solder.

"I don't know," she admits. "But I think, maybe--maybe I could be happy with you."

Such an expected answer had never been so... unexpected, until then. Rey just gapes at Maketh for a moment. Slow as she is on the uptake when it comes to handling emotions, she'd like to think that she's improved in this field at least a little.

Not wanting to keep the counter between them anymore, Rey steps around the barrier to face Maketh head-on. She opens her mouth to speak, but when the words don't manifest once again she closes it. Her eyes dart towards one of the booths, before shifting back to Maketh.

"Do you... want to sit down? I..." She stops again. "Don't leave."

Not that Maketh was going to, but Rey can tell that that's the inclination she's fighting right now.

Maketh laughs a little, unbidden. She puts a hand over her mouth. "I'm not going to leave."

Not when she's finally spoken. Perhaps a minute ago, before the words had escaped. The fear is still there, sinking into her belly. But it's been said and that's done. So she'll stay to see it through.

Maketh clears her throat.

"Yes. Let's. Sit."

Something about seeing Maketh laugh like that makes Rey laugh. Not just because of that alone, but the situation itself seems rather comical to her. Humorous, even.

Because here they are.

Rey places a hand over Maketh's arm, to guide her towards the booth.

"That's good. To hear that. I think you're right -- we should talk."

There's a bit to talk about.

They sit. Maketh takes a moment to center herself. She doesn't want to get this wrong.

She clears her throat.

"Well. I--I don't regret it. What happened in that world."

Rey slides into the booth shortly after Maketh, needing about as much time to center herself and her emotions as well. The memories they share are still very real to her. But she knows there's more to it. There has been for a while.

"Neither do I." Rey wants to make sure that's obvious. "I wasn't trying to avoid you because of it or anything, so we're clear. It's just..."

She pauses, resting her elbow over the table, hand covering her mouth as she leans forward.

Thinking about it now, she can't help but laugh into her palm. "All of it felt... familiar, actually."

Familiar.

Maketh sighs, shaking her head a little. This whole thing is ridiculous. She stood up in the middle of a wedding and asked Rey - all decked out in white - if it was what she really wanted. Like something out of an old holodrama. "I suppose that's....one way of putting it."

It hadn't seemed strange, at the time. It hadn't even been frightening.

"We were happy."

She smiles a little, meeting Rey's eyes.

"I didn't think I was capable of that."

Happiness had always seemed like such a distant concept, it never occurred to Rey just how simple things can really be. They don't always have to be complicated and absurd.

Rey gambles on a leap then, taking Maketh's hand into her own. The memory they share of their feelings for one another doesn't feel much different now as it had been then. So there has to be some truth to the fantasy.

"Maybe you just have to give it a chance." It's as much valid to Rey as it is to Maketh. "Think it might've been this way for a while. Just wasn't able to..." She trails off, biting her lower lip.

Unlike Bianca, Rey wasn't as quick to jump into such affairs while engaged with someone else. The parallels between then and the happy little reality they all shared seems too uncanny -- and appropriate.

Rey's hand is startlingly warm. Maketh swallows hard and doesn't pull away. They're talking about this now. It's time to be honest, in all ways.

"I had thought -- perhaps. But it hadn't...been the right time."

They'd been with different people, or caught up in themselves.

Maketh squeezes Rey's hand gently.

"Perhaps it could be the right time, here."

Timing was certainly one thing that worked against them. Maketh herself had once said how long it's been since she's touched someone, and though it hasn't been as long for Rey... it's been a long time since she's actually felt this way about someone. Maybe it's no wonder why things didn't progress as far as they maybe should have back then...

"That sounds nice. I, um. Think I'd like that, too," she admits, relieved to hear what Maketh has been saying. That she hasn't been crazy, and isn't right now. She pauses again, before nodding. "I know it hasn't been too long since..." (Bianca.) "...But, it was harder to open up to new things then." She chews on her lower lip again, nervousness creeping in. "It isn't hard with you."

She doesn't want to think back on things like now and regret not taking any chances just because of what had happened not long ago.

"No," Maketh agrees quietly. It's true. They've fought, certainly - even bled in their anger - but though Rey was frustrating at times, she was never confusing to Maketh. Things fell a certain way and Maketh understood the reason.

They're similar, in many ways. But not all of them.

She smiles a little.

"Will you have dinner with me, Rey?"

Hell, most of Rey's closest relationships with people have started with fighting. It's almost become the ultimate testament to their tolerance for her.

Maketh's suggestion just about comes as a sweet change. Her muscles relax; mouth forms into a small smile.

"Of course. What sort of stuff do you like."

Maketh ducks her head a little. She just asked someone out on a date. She asked Rey out on a date.

And she said yes.

"Curry. Anything spicy, really. I'm afraid I'm not much of a cook."

It seems surreal, like everything else about that dream life they lived together. Something that 'normal' people often took for granted, while Rey could've never hoped to have.

"Not much of one, either, but have picked up on a few dishes here and there." She's traveled a lot. Seen enough cultures to have an idea on what things are supposed look like, but taste being another matter entirely. "Can't hurt to ask around, though. Think we've got a few culinary experts still around."

It's something Rey would be willing to work on. Shock of all shocks.

"I'm sure we do, somewhere." There are so many odd talents floating around, why wouldn't someone know how to make good curry? Henry tracked down steamed meat buns for her birthday. So perhaps they can have this small thing as well. Maketh squeezes Rey's hand a little. "Will you bring some of those drinks you brew?"

"That won't be a problem."

Being her own boss has its perks. She can enjoy her products as much as she'd like.

Rey then smirks. "Actually learned how to make honey mead recently. Ever tried it?"

Seems like an appropriate drink for the occasion. Better than tequila.

"I have not," Maketh admits. "But it sounds nice."

Something new to celebrate what they might make. It's a tentative thing still, but a hopeful one, Maketh thinks.

She smiles a little.

"Thank you, Rey."

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