[ Gansey wraps him up tightly, showing no sign of moving back or letting go. That sometimes is heartbreaking, since it means that the rest of the time, Noah isn't. there's something terrible in the thought that being alive again would not solve that problem, and may even make it worse.

It shouldn't be surprising, though. Gansey ought to know better. He ought to have understood, because after all, he has not found peace in living. Why should he expect it of anyone else?

He's reminding himself of that, when Noah's words send a chill through his chest. It isn't your fault.

He feels his eyes close. The words that leave him are not entirely planned, and seem to come out whether he wants them to or not. ]

I didn't ask for it.

[ To be brought back at Noah's expense. To be brought back at all. It just happened. But that makes the cost no less real. ]

I want to make it better. You deserve to be alive. It shouldn't have to be a choice.

[ And if it is, then why was Gansey chosen instead? He's not better than Noah. What made him deserving of that privilege? It should have been him. Gansey died from natural causes. Noah was attacked. It shouldn't have been Noah.

It should have been me. ]