hadriel_logs | Event log: Who What Where Wendigo

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Event log: Who What Where Wendigo

Who: Everyone participating in the wendigo event!
What: The accidental-cannibalism-turned-horrifying-monster event that is the Who What Where Wendigo event!
Where: All around the city
When: Feb 14th-March 1st
Warnings: Cannibalism, body horror, evil monsters lurking around.

Don't forget to check up on the Wendigo Guide that Ami posted!

On February 14th, Rage and Fear decide to give Hope a little bit of help taking care of the residents of Hadriel - they'll provide some food for awhile. How nice! Except, of course, that there's an extra ingredient in this food. A can of beef stew? Yeah... that might not be beef. But hey, it still tastes pretty good! Unfortunately, some spirits slipped through the Door last time it opened, and they're ready to possess anyone who participates in cannibalism - even if they don't know it.

Anyone who eats the provided meat will be possessed by a wendigo spirit. Over the course of twelve days, they will transform into a monster that feels little but rage and hunger. While at first it can be explained away easily enough (people are super annoying, and isn't everyone a little hungry most of the time?), by February 18th, wendigo transformations are impossible to ignore. A few days after, on February 22nd, the anger and cravings of the wendigo spirit will overcome all other emotions, and possessed characters may begin hunting.

The physical and mental transformation will be complete by February 26th. The possessed characters will have lost themselves completely at that point. While physical healing (done by a character with Hope's blessing or another healing ability) can turn back the physical and some mental effects, they will remain possessed until death or until Hope removes the wendigo spirit - which can only be done on the altar of Hope's temple. So have fun dragging your angry, possessed friends there!

On March 1st, Rage does Hope a solid (because she feels sort of bad) and kills all remaining wendigos. Upon revival, the spirit will be gone and the character will be fully recovered. Hopefully no one holds what they did while possessed against them!

► This log covers February 14th-March 1st.
► Feel free to make your own logs, as well
► Please tag headers of threads with content warnings where they apply
► Please put your character's name and open/closed in the subject line of your starters!
► Please report any character deaths right here!

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Noah is not as surprised by Gansey's touch this time. He lets himself be pulled into the embrace, lets himself rest his weight against Gansey's solid form. Their rock, their immovable fixed northern star that they all follow, all place their trust in.

How that faith must weigh on him. Noah used to know, he still does to a certain extent, but he is acutely aware of knowledge he used to have that is now gone of things that have not yet happened (they have always happened and will continue to happen). Leading them, being there for all of them and holding their faith the way Gansey does - it's not something Noah could do, not ever, not in any lifetime. He lets out a sort of stuttering sigh, resting his head against Gansey's shoulder, bringing an arm around him to hang loosely onto the back of Gansey's shirt again.

A lighthouse, a northern star, a lifeline to hold onto.

Somtimes there aren't any words, there's just the quiet knowledge of companionship, a support between one person and another. He didn't mean to turn the conversation this way. Gansey already has so much to deal with to acclimate himself again to this place with no memory of being here before, but god - Noah and Ronan couldn't keep it together, Adam was barely holding on with no help from them at all. Every time Noah thinks about Gansey gone, the relief rushes back in like the tide that he's back.

Noah's voice is quiet when he speaks, audible only because of his close proximity to Gansey in the first place.]

I am happy, sometimes.

[Not always. Sometimes. But sometimes is more than a lot of people get. People who never died at all.]

It isn't your fault, what happened to me.

[ Gansey wraps him up tightly, showing no sign of moving back or letting go. That sometimes is heartbreaking, since it means that the rest of the time, Noah isn't. there's something terrible in the thought that being alive again would not solve that problem, and may even make it worse.

It shouldn't be surprising, though. Gansey ought to know better. He ought to have understood, because after all, he has not found peace in living. Why should he expect it of anyone else?

He's reminding himself of that, when Noah's words send a chill through his chest. It isn't your fault.

He feels his eyes close. The words that leave him are not entirely planned, and seem to come out whether he wants them to or not. ]

I didn't ask for it.

[ To be brought back at Noah's expense. To be brought back at all. It just happened. But that makes the cost no less real. ]

I want to make it better. You deserve to be alive. It shouldn't have to be a choice.

[ And if it is, then why was Gansey chosen instead? He's not better than Noah. What made him deserving of that privilege? It should have been him. Gansey died from natural causes. Noah was attacked. It shouldn't have been Noah.

It should have been me. ]

I know.

[That Gansey didn't ask for it, that he didn't make the choice, that he wants to make it better and all that. Noah's not certain he deserves to be alive, no more than anyone else. Gansey knows what it means to be dead, if only briefly. Gansey knows what it means to be on borrowed time.]

Neither of us had a choice.

[Gansey being a child is no more guilty than Noah's trust of the wrong person. Noah's inclined to think it's less - they always say hindsight is 20/20, and that's even more true when you're connected to a magical source of ancient power and drawing from it, seeing the same time used up and reused over and over again.

He told Gansey before, on the train, before Gansey died there. He almost doesn't then - the anxiety of what if one inconsequential act caused the horrific later events, even though he knows they had nothing to do with one another. Noah's hand tightens on the back of Gansey's shirt.]

... If I had a choice, though... for one of us to live ... I would choose you.

[It's a terrible burden, being alive, having so many things weighing on you. Noah squeezes his eyes shut, drawing in another shaking breath.]

Whether or not I was supposed to die - you have to live. It had to be you.

[ It had to be you. It makes Gansey ache, makes his chest strain painfully as though there's a hole inside it.

Why did it have to be him? How did he deserve to live any more than Noah? The answer resounds very clearly in him; he doesn't deserve it. He'd stood on a nest of hornets. He'd been unwary, and he'd stood on it, and the hornets had stung him in vast numbers and his allergy had done the rest.

It hadn't been fair, of course. How could it be? Death was never really fair for anyone, but it had been natural. It had been caused, if by anything at all, by Gansey's own foolishness. Even at ten years old, he should have known better than to play in the trees like that. He should have been watching where he put his feet. But Noah? Noah had been murdered. No blame is on his shoulders. Life had been taken from him, and it isn't right.

His arms tighten around his friend. This is a thing they so rarely talk about, and it's painful now. Gansey has never done well with confronting his own fears. It's so much easier to bury them, to lock them away. His jaw touches against Noah's shoulder, and he realizes he's leaned his head down. ]

I don't deserve it more than you.

[ HIs words are quiet, very nearly whispered. ]

Someone decided that for me. I want to make it right, Noah. I want to choose you.

[ He makes himself lean back to see Noah's face. Gansey's voice strengthens. ]

I said I would, when I found Glendower. But these gods brought you back, Noah. You have a choice now. Please don't run from it this time. I promise you, I will help you cope with it.

You're so quick to say you'd die for me. Can you live, instead?

[Dying is awful, but it's comparatively easy. Running away, hiding, that's more Noah's style than facing a problem head-on.

Noah doesn't want to look at Gansey when he pulls back, doesn't want to see the expectation there, the faith Gansey has in him for some reason Noah can't really fathom except it's an intrinsic part of Gansey's nature to have faith in people. That that faith often brings it out.

What if there's nothing there for Gansey to bring out in Noah, though? Noah couldn't live with himself if he failed Gansey that way. Nevermind that Noah's inability to live with himself was part of the problem that lead to this in the first place.]

...I can try.

[The trying is all Noah can promise, and he still can't look at Gansey when he says it, his voice soft and apologetic.]

It isn't your fault if I fail, though.

[ That's not exactly a resounding proclamation, but Gansey didn't really expect it to be. Noah is clearly struggling, and has been for some time. Gansey knows that there are months he doesn't remember, split between this world and the last that his friends had been in. Being alive again is not actually new for Noah, and this is still how he feels.

It's not going to be easy. Gansey holds him a little tighter. ]

I'll do whatever I can to help you. I may not remember everything we've been through together, but I can be here for you now.

You're not going to fail.

[ So, the part about it not being his fault? It's a fair bet he hasn't taken that on board. It's Gansey, after all. He'll not be told he isn't responsible for his friends' happiness. What is he good for, if not that? ]

[In truth, Noah's glad that Gansey can't remember. He'd tried to comfort Gansey as best he could back on the stop where the poison finally set it, talked him gently through his last conscious moments before the seizures took him, then death. Again.

Gansey had come back, but he was never really the same after that.

That Gansey can't remember that now, it's a blessing.]

It isn't just for you.

[The admission is a quiet, reluctant one, but Gansey had doubted why it had to be him to live. Noah had to tell him. He had to know that, at least.]

You saved Adam and Ronan, you know. Without you, they... [Ronan would probably be dead, spiraled down into his own self-destruction with no one there to hold him back from the worst of it. Adam - Adam would have probably survived, because Adam is a survivor, but there's a difference between living and being alive. Noah finally looks up to Gansey, finally meets his eyes so Gansey can see that he means this.]

I'll do my best to live now, but ... One life for three. That's why it had to be you.

[ Gansey blinks. Saved them?

He’d tried to. He’d tried to keep Ronan balanced, and in school, and alive when he’d thought he was suicidal. He’d tried to get Adam away from his father. He’d tried to support them both.

Uncomfortable, he looks away from Noah. ]

I don’t know about that. I don’t know how much help I ever was.

[ It’s honesty so stark that he couldn’t have said it to either of them. Had he ever really helped them, or had they done that for themselves? Adam had left his father on his own terms, helped more by Ronan than by Gansey. Speaking of which… ]

And they have each other, now. They didn’t before. They don’t need me as much as you think.

[ Or as much as Gansey thought. The knowledge of that flutters in Gansey’s chest, carrying anxiety along with it. He knows that’s foolish, and unreasonable. That whatever is between Adam and Ronan now does not change what he has with either of them.

Fear is not so easy to wash away with logic. They still care about him. They’re not going to pull away from him just because they’re together. He can’t think about that. ]

I’m just their friend. Like I’m yours, but the difference is I can help you. You have to stop thinking I’m more important, Noah. You’ve got to value yourself. I do.

[Noah sighs, looking away again, resting his head on Gansey's shoulder so he has an excuse to break the eye contact.]

... I'll try.

[He's still perfectly unconvinced, but he knows Gansey is certain about his own feelings. Sometimes Gansey misses the forest for the trees. That metaphor becomes very ironic when tied to a magically sentient forest, on that note.]

... You're still important to them, even if they're busy kissing each other now. They wouldn't have met without you.

[ Gansey lets him lean away, not trying to enforce eye contact again. He keeps his arms around Noah, though. That, at least, seems to be helping a little.

His tone turns a little wry. ]

Yes, I suppose there's that. I never thought matchmaking was a specialty of mine.

I want them to be happy. I just didn't see this coming. [ A pause, while he considers his friend. Noah had always known more than seemed probable. ] You did, though, didn't you? You probably have for a while.

[Noah shrugs a little bit.

Yes, he had. Not this exact set of circumstances, but he had watched Ronan's anger come to a rolling boil when Adam started dating Blue, saw that it was more than just the way Ronan is possessive of his friends. He saw that when Ronan was not looking at Adam, sometimes Adam was looking at him.

He's watched his friends in a fixed orbit around each other for some time. Adam and Ronan. Gansey and Blue. The inevitabilities of the rotations they fit into, caught in the gravitational pull of each other.]

You didn't see how bad they've been the last few months. It's been awful.

[ Gansey isn't aware of it to that extent, even now. He thinks that what he's discovered here has made some of the last few months at home make sense, though. All the time they'd spent together without him, while he was with Blue. He had only barely noticed it, primarily because he'd been distracted by Blue. ]

Has it? Why? I thought this was a relatively recent thing. Obviously, I knew they weren't really speaking when I arrived.

You didn't have to live with the tension for the last few months.

[Everything leading up to the kiss was terrible. Noah pulls back from the embrace then - they aren't talking about Noah's death, about Gansey's survivor's guilt. He wipes at his eyes quickly with the back of his hand, as if that'll hide the whole over emotional last few moments they shared.

He's not really embarrassed by it. All Noah is left is what Cabeswater salvaged from a dying boy, and even much of that has bled away, shame being a large part of what was lost. He doesn't want to overload Gansey, though. He still is settling in. He's always taken responsibility for their feelings, their problems.

Noah takes a deep breath and gives a sigh, leaning back against the counter again.]

I'm pretty sure that's what killed me. The yeti was incidental.

[ Gansey is trying to watch Noah without appearing to watch Noah.

He seems better, he thinks; more settled, less upset. Enough that he seems calm, anyway. And he's joking again. Who knew that talking about Adam and Ronan's problems would result in that?

With a silent apology to them, Gansey decides that he'll take it. Besides, there's a part of him that wants to know how long this has been going on.

He doesn't appear uncomfortable at all. He just leans back against the wall, his arms folded. ]

I didn't realize there was tension! Adam said this was all very new. Exactly how long have you been trying to get them together, Noah? I'd no idea you were so invested in the idea.

[Noah gives Gansey a bit of a withering look - of course there was tension, not that anyone noticed but Noah - like how Ronan and Adam were too busy with their own to notice Gansey and Blue's.

Noah always notices.]

Ronan's worst cockblock is himself.

[ Gansey weathers that look as well as he can. Its appearance tells him he’s missed something obvious, which, all things considered, is not very surprising to him. ]

Well, in Ronan’s defence, Adam was dating Blue until very recently. He could have thought he was straight! I know I did.

[ Discovering otherwise had been quite a revelation.

Not so much where Ronan’s concerned, admittedly. ]

[That withering look? Gansey gets another very brief shot of it. It's more vaguely exasperated than anything, really.

Noah can't be truly upset. They all missed a lot of little things, all the time. That's how people were when they didn't have the benefit of seeing the way time circled back in on itself.]

It's probably better that you didn't know.

[That is, Adam is a private person, he was surely relieved to be able to trust Gansey in his own time on his own terms.]

I probably wouldn't have if I wasn't ... me.

['Me' in this case meaning 'dead'.]

[ Noah always knew everything. Gansey is strangely used to that, but still, he’s shocked that he’d been so oblivious. ]

I knew Ronan wasn’t interested in girls.

[ Which hadn’t necessarily meant he was interested in boys, but if he’d been pushed on it, that would have been Gansey’s guess. ]

But Adam…I suppose it just didn’t occur to me.

How long have you known, Noah?

[Noah gives an uneasy shrug. In truth it isn't just a lack of wanting to answer. He doesn't exactly know, himself. His knowledge that came with being dead in Henrietta is a foggy thing, and he's aware it's full of holes - and none of it is in any kind of liner order.]

... Do you remember, time keeps reusing itself?

[ Gansey frowns at him, brow furrowing a little. ]

You mean like in Cabeswater. How time is more of a circle than a line.

[ He’d not truthfully understood that it had been more to that for Noah. He might be in for a rude awakening here. ]

[The corner of Noah's mouth quirks up in a smile and he nods.]

Time is a circle. Time is a mirrored lake. Time is a slinky.

I still know some of what I knew, but... I know I'm missing things I used to know, too. I think I can only remember what's already happened to everyone else as they know it. I'd probably be more helpful if I knew what I used to know, but this way I can actually affect things. That's what Adam says, anyway.

So you knew what was going to happen, because it already had.

[ Gansey frowns, though with interest rather than confusion. He's not unfamiliar with this concept. It explains a lot that he'd taken for granted about Noah. ]

It's like you're seeing it in the fourth dimension. Or you were, before...you came back to life.

You always did seem to know everything, in fairness. Maybe we should've stopped to think about why.

I don't think it works that way.

[As a consolation prize, for the not noticing. Noah's not sure they could.]

Like how even though I told you all I was dead, even though you never saw me in classes and never saw me eat and didn't remember when I moved in or what my last name was... you couldn't know until you found my body. What was left of it.

You never noticed because you couldn't.

[ Gansey thinks back on that time now, and can't understand why they didn't ask those questions. Why had it never occurred to them to wonder when Noah ate, or slept, or went to school?

He frowns now. ]

It seems ridiculous when you say it like that. There's so many obvious questions we should've asked. And all those times you said so, and I just thought...

I don't know what I thought. That it was a joke, maybe. That you were particularly dry-humored. It was right in front of us. We should've seen it.

You couldn't. I don't know why, but you couldn't. I'm sure you would have otherwise.

[Gansey can be oblivious sometimes, but not to that extent. Additionally, Adam is keenly observant of anything and everything. It had to be something magical in nature stopping them. Like when you're dreaming, and you can't scream no matter how hard you try.]

Event log: Who What Where Wendigo

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