ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴏᴅᴛᴇᴀᴍ ᴏғ ʜᴀᴅʀɪᴇʟ (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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hadriel_logs2017-08-23 09:18 am
hadrielmods) wrote in hadriel_logs2017-08-23 09:18 am
Entry tags:
- !event,
- akira kurusu,
- calanthe,
- celebrimbor,
- curufin,
- daenerys targaryen,
- dr. temperance brennan,
- duck,
- elena fisher,
- ellie,
- fingon,
- george lass,
- hannibal lecter,
- harlan halliday,
- henry percy,
- ignis scientia,
- inquisitor trevelyan,
- jo harvelle,
- kravitz,
- lup,
- maedhros,
- maketh tua,
- merle highchurch,
- mettaton,
- michael munroe,
- nick valentine,
- nico di angelo,
- oscar,
- raidou kuzunoha,
- saber,
- sansa stark,
- seel har parasiel,
- terrence ephemera/sharkface,
- will graham,
- will solace
Event Log: Bad End
Who: All characters participating in the event
What: The event log for the Bad End event
Where: All over the city!
When: August 23rd-September 5th
Warnings: Bad futures, awkward conversations, smashed mirrors
What: The event log for the Bad End event
Where: All over the city!
When: August 23rd-September 5th
Warnings: Bad futures, awkward conversations, smashed mirrors
You wake up to find a mirror at your bedside - a pretty nice one, too, a silver hand mirror perfect for fixing your hair in. Only when you try to do that, it's not your gorgeous reflection that you see. It's something else - a terrible future, just about as bad as anything you could imagine for yourself.
Maybe you see your loved ones dead on the ground, and you know it's your fault. Maybe you see the goal you've been working so hard for pulled out of your reach forever. Maybe you see someone you've hurt in the past ruining your life. Maybe you see your hot girlfriend leaving you to shack up with your worst enemy. Whatever you see, it really sucks, and you know that it's possible. This future could happen if you make the wrong choices, give in to your worst impulses.
Break the mirror if you want, but you'll see the same vision in any reflective surface in the city. You can't break them all, but you can sure try. And what will you do when you see your best friend's vision - and it features you betraying them?
Seek reassurance, give reassurance, lash out, vow to yourself that you'll never let it turn out that way, sink into the depths of sorrow because you feel like the future you see is inevitable. Whatever you do, it won't take away those visions - not until the event is over.► This log covers August 23rd-September 5th.
► Feel free to make your own logs, as well
► Please tag headers of threads with content warnings where they apply
► Please put your character's name and open/closed in the subject line of your starters!
► If you can't handle the idea of your dark future, or maybe you just accidentally slip and fall on a mirror shard, let us know here.
no subject
[He tilts his head back toward Adam, letting the other boy's hand drop from his face. Ronan moves in then, scooting closer and then letting himself drop back into bed with his head on the pillow- he doesn't think that he'll sleep anymore, but sometimes going through the motions helps, even if it's just laying next to Adam.
It's never just laying next to Adam, anyway. It means more to him than he can really say, that feeling of togetherness, and he knows that Adam feels it too. At least they have one another.
He wants to be a little gruff maybe, to tell Adam that he's not worried about taking care of such a scavenger- but it would ring on hollow ears to them both. Adam knows how deeply Ronan cares for her, even if he's never really said as much before.]
I just wanna bring you home with me, [he admits, his voice muffled against the fabric of the pillowcase- and maybe a little due to his own embarrassment.] You'd come home from work and loosen your tie, I'd show you how to go horseback riding... we'd put her to bed and just- read shit to her. Watch fucking brainless kids shows and make fun of them. I just want-
[He growls, frustrated, burying his face more into the pillow. What he says next is utterly unintelligible.]
no subject
But Ronan loves so fully, opens his life to Adam with such little hesitation. Like he's worth having around, like Ronan wants him and loves him and wants to build a life with him. A good one, something healthy and warm. Adam knows it, he's known it for awhile, but hearing Ronan say it is always - different. More.
He speaks quietly, carefully.]
I don't know if I could be a - a good parent.
[Because that's what Ronan is talking about, and they both know it. There is absolutely no doubt in Adam's mind that Ronan would be, will be, a wonderful parent. But him? He's always so afraid of becoming like his father, turning into a monster. He'll probably always be afraid of that.]
But I want that. I want... this, what we have here, but at home. With the Barns and Opal and our friends.
[He isn't unhappy, here with Ronan. Overall, he's happier than he ever was living with his parents. He's safe and loved and they've built a life together, and Adam knows this can be a terrible place but he's still happy. Even so, there's so much missing. He wants that, especially now that he knows this is how it can be.]
You know I'm coming back. Right? I'll go to school, but I'm coming back. No matter what it takes.
no subject
Robert. Niall. How could either of them hope to build a loving home with the shadows of their fathers looming over them? Opal is- she's not human, and she's a bratty little shit, but there's something about her that reminds Ronan of all the vulnerable parts of himself, all the pieces that he needs to protect, and he doesn't even know if she'll age properly or if she'll always be a little faun of a girl, he doesn't know how to be kind and gentle to her when she seems sometimes like a mirror into himself and he doesn't know if he can make right everything that's gone wrong.
Adam can, he's fairly certain. Adam is calm and steady and even. Adam is the fixed point on the horizon where the sky meets the sea- a constant, a warmth, someone who will remain a grounding force even when Ronan spikes and falls. He needs that, he thinks.
Opal needs that.]
I...
[Which makes it hurt when he remembers that Adam is leaving. He's always known this, though- he's even accepted it. It doesn't lessen the sting, but it does make it feel a little less dramatic, even if it hurts.
Ronan wets his lips carefully. When he speaks, he sounds almost timid.]
...would you stay if I asked you to?
[They need him. Opal needs him. After everything they've gone through, Ronan doesn't know what he'd do without him, even for a single week. It's too much.]
no subject
Don't ask me to.
[He knows Ronan doesn't understand his need to get out, go to college, make something of himself. He's never understood it, but they've come to a place where they can support each other even if they don't always understand those driving forces. And Ronan does support him, has supported him, even though Adam knows Ronan doesn't want him to leave.
Would he stay, if Ronan asked? He knows he should just say yes. Even if it isn't true, he should say it. But it isn't true. The truth is, he doesn't know.
The truth is, if Ronan asked him, he might stay. He might give up his dreams, his goals, and stay at the Barns forever. But would that really be him anymore, if he gave that up? Isn't that drive, that ambition, an integral part of him? Would he recognize himself anymore? Could he be happy? Adam has seen a marriage that disintegrated long ago - that's what he grew up in. He knows what it looks like when no love is left, only recriminations. His mother probably had dreams once. Maybe his father did, too. Would they turn into that, Adam resenting Ronan, misery replacing love?
It's also true that if Ronan asked him - he might still go. And would they survive that, would they stay strong even if Adam chose to leave even knowing Ronan wanted nothing more than for him to stay? Or would that shatter everything, the deathblow to their relationship, Ronan knowing that Adam chose his future over their love?
He doesn't know which he would choose. He doesn't ever want to have to. He doesn't think there's a choice that they could survive, not really. Not intact, the way they are now.]
Please don't ask.
no subject
On a good day, he'd say that they can survive anything, but he's seen his own mirror and he's seen what happens when he only has himself to fall back to. When it comes down to it, he's almost unsure, and that shakes him more than it should.
Ronan wets his lips, closing his eyes. It was cruel of him to even suggest asking, even in a hypothetical, and he knows it. Selfish. He's been selfish for so long that it's easy to fall back into it, hard to let things go when he needs them.
He'll survive. They both will.
(How?)]
No- I'm not.
[He corrects, correcting them both, really, and he turns a little so he's buried partially in the pillow, obscured from Adam so that neither of them have to really look at one another in that moment, though it's not nearly as isolating as it would have been if he'd pulled away or rolled over. He's still here, just- humiliated, maybe, by his own need and his own selfishness, and it burns across his chest in a tight, constricting vice.]
Sorry.
no subject
And though Adam hasn't seen Ronan's mirror, whatever is in it has clearly affected him too. All Adam can do is keep himself together and try to communicate. He thinks they're getting better at it. He thinks, once upon a time, they would have not even said these things to each other, instead hiding them away inside and letting them fester.
When he isn't so afraid, he turns to Ronan. He presses a hand to his shoulder, leaning in to kiss behind his ear very gently.]
If I could have it both ways, I would.
[But there's no physical way for him to live at the Barns with Ronan and still pursue his Ivy League goals. But it's not forever. It won't be.]
It doesn't matter what else happens. I'll come back.
[He means that. He doesn't know if Ronan believes him, but he can't do anything but say it. And, eventually, prove it. He doesn't know how to express the facts: that Adam never had anything like a home before, that when he thinks of home he thinks of Ronan, that living at the Barns with him feels like an inevitable, perfect dream. He just has to hope that Ronan somehow understands.]
no subject
I know that.
[He says, and he doesn't say it to be defensive- he does know, but the thought of Adam leaving still strikes a certain terror in him, like everyone else who's left. He doesn't want to be the only one still back there in Henrietta, lonely and waiting for his friends to come home.
But it isn't his choice to make. He knows that he can't own a creature like Adam Parrish and he'd never try to, but this whole thing would be easier if Adam would just do what he wanted. He won't- and maybe that's the reason why Ronan loves him so much. He always has been contrary like that.]
I shouldn't have said anything.
no subject
[Scared, more than anything. Frightened that one day I promise I'll come back won't be enough, that it'll drive Ronan away from him. He knows that leaving will be difficult for them, but Adam wants to believe that they'll make it through. That their future together is a certainty, that they'll just need to get through a few years of on-and-off separation.
He doesn't want to lose that belief, that certainty. He doesn't want to think about ending up alone and miserable, losing Ronan because of this. He wants to believe that they're stronger than that, and most of the time he does.]
I just -
[He takes a breath.]
I don't want to lose you.
[Not because of this. Not at all. It's not something he worries about often anymore - what they have is built on a strong foundation, made stronger by everything they've been through, and there is very little to cause doubt there. But this, this might be the one thing.]
no subject
[To both of those things. Ronan sighs, his face still partially obscured. He doesn't think that Adam is afraid of him leaving- at least, he hopes that he's not. For Adam to think that Ronan could walk away from this would be a gross miscalculation on his part, with some part of Ronan's earnest intent never getting through to him. He hopes that's not the case, but he's not sure.
It's difficult to know, really, when Adam is so insecure about himself and Ronan is so devoted to him. It's difficult to know if Adam's unease is because he thinks he doesn't deserve it or if he thinks that Ronan is just the kind of person who will hurt him.
Maybe neither. Maybe this is just a big deal for both of them, and so it's natural to assume that promises will be bent, just a little.
He closes his eyes.]
You won't.
[It's a tired reassurance, but one that he means wholeheartedly, completely.]
You know you won't.
no subject
[He isn't going to argue with that. He doesn't want to, and there is no point anyway - he believes Ronan. If Ronan doesn't think distance can break them, then Adam believes him. He might be a little frightened of the future, he might be uncertain of what exactly the strain will do to them, but so long as Ronan is willing to fight for them, Adam won't give up either.
He knows Ronan probably doesn't really want to look at him right now, and maybe doesn't want to get that close, but he reaches out anyway. Sometimes actions are easier than words. Usually that's more true for Ronan than Adam, but not always.
Adam moves closer on the bed, until they're pressed together and he can feel the long line of Ronan's body against his, warm and solid and real. He doesn't want to do anything - he just wants to hold Ronan, remind each other that whatever else happens, they have this. Those mirrors will never come true as long as they have this. He slips an arm over Ronan, pressing his cheek to Ronan's shoulder. He does not think Ronan will push him away, but he'll move if he seems too unwelcome.]
Have you been sleeping?
no subject
The question isn't a surprise, but it's never one that he knows how to answer truthfully. What he does never feels like sleep, and true slumber is little and far between for him. He feels relaxed now and he supposes that's what really matters.]
I'll be better when the mirrors are gone, [he admits, reaching for Adam's hand to pull the other boy's arm around his waist and interlock their fingers together.]
You?
no subject
He presses close, holding Ronan gently, comforted by the warmth of Ronan's body against his and the sensation of their fingers curled against each other.]
Nightmares sometimes. But nothing new.
[Which is to say, Adam is great at falling asleep, even now - but after everything he's been through, of course he would have nightmares. They've gotten better over time, though, which he is immensely grateful for. Frankly, it was embarrassing sleeping with Ronan at first, knowing he'd eventually see the aftermath of one of those dreams. But it's been - all right.]
You should try to rest, if you can. I'm not going anywhere.
no subject
[He agrees to the nightmare part at least with a sigh, cuddling Adam closer and letting his eyes slip shut. He's not sure if he's going to sleep right now, though that's less and less for fear of bringing something horrific back and more just because he's not used to it.
But they've both weathered bad dreams before, from both of them. Ronan has woken up more than once to find Adam in a cold sweat, shaking against the blankets, and he'd held him through it as much as he could, backing off when Adam felt like he was too overbearing, but trying to be a source of comfort all the same. Ronan knows that just because his own nightmares come alive at times doesn't mean that he has the monopoly on shitty dreams, and so he tries- he tries to do what he'd want done for him.
Maybe it helps. It seems to, even if it happens more often during times like this. He sighs, relaxing his shoulders.]
I love you.
no subject
Adam hopes that Ronan will be able to sleep, but even if he doesn't, that's all right. They've learned how to coexist, and maybe Ronan will doze a little, maybe he'll pull something impossible out of his dreams, or maybe he'll just relax and take a few moments to breathe.]
I love you, too.
[The words are murmured, soft and sleepy as Adam lets himself slide closer to sleep. He knows that, just like Adam doesn't have to hear it, Ronan doesn't need it either - but that doesn't mean that he doesn't want to say it sometimes. After all, it's the truth.]