hadriel_logs | Event Log: Bad End

Entry tags:

Event Log: Bad End

Who: All characters participating in the event
What: The event log for the Bad End event
Where: All over the city!
When: August 23rd-September 5th
Warnings: Bad futures, awkward conversations, smashed mirrors

You wake up to find a mirror at your bedside - a pretty nice one, too, a silver hand mirror perfect for fixing your hair in. Only when you try to do that, it's not your gorgeous reflection that you see. It's something else - a terrible future, just about as bad as anything you could imagine for yourself.

Maybe you see your loved ones dead on the ground, and you know it's your fault. Maybe you see the goal you've been working so hard for pulled out of your reach forever. Maybe you see someone you've hurt in the past ruining your life. Maybe you see your hot girlfriend leaving you to shack up with your worst enemy. Whatever you see, it really sucks, and you know that it's possible. This future could happen if you make the wrong choices, give in to your worst impulses.

Break the mirror if you want, but you'll see the same vision in any reflective surface in the city. You can't break them all, but you can sure try. And what will you do when you see your best friend's vision - and it features you betraying them?

Seek reassurance, give reassurance, lash out, vow to yourself that you'll never let it turn out that way, sink into the depths of sorrow because you feel like the future you see is inevitable. Whatever you do, it won't take away those visions - not until the event is over.

► This log covers August 23rd-September 5th.
► Feel free to make your own logs, as well
► Please tag headers of threads with content warnings where they apply
► Please put your character's name and open/closed in the subject line of your starters!
► If you can't handle the idea of your dark future, or maybe you just accidentally slip and fall on a mirror shard, let us know here.

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[Taako's just... watching him. Like he doesn't know where to go from here, which for Taako, isn't a place he ends up almost ever. He's good at being in control. He's good at having a reaction, something witty, keeping other people guessing about his motives, his real self.

Right now, he looks at Kravitz, pauses a full five seconds, and just chugs whatever the hell the other man put into his hands until it's easily half gone.]

Alright. Well. That's a fuckin' start.

[He leans forward, holding the cup in both hands with his feet planted on the ground, a little hunched over, but still quiet, the air mostly filled with the sound of him breathing.]

[It certainly doesn't feel right to Kravitz, in any sense of the word. But, on the other hand, if Taako isn't up to laughing right now- can't laugh- he's glad to see him not faking it. Maybe this is a good thing, in a way.

He rests a hand over Taako's knee, gentle and careful.]

Taako... we can talk about this, if you want to. Or- whatever it is that's bothering you right now. It if might help, even a little, I want to listen.

[Uuugh, of course there's an emotional catch here, the man gets him drunk and wants to have feelings. Taako, on the other hand, would like to get drunk and Erase All Feelings. Please pinpoint him the correct direction to remove all emotions from his body. But he doesn't brush Kravitz off. Doesn't force. But isn't looking at him, either.]

What's there not to be bothered about? Fuckin, liches running around fucking up everyone's reflections so there's no time to fight back. It's bullshit. And you...

[He stops himself, then, like his heart was about to say something his brain decidedly didn't want to, and the conflict of interest finally found it's way to his mouth.]

And you're over here being... I don't know, whatever this is. Compassionate or something. Like you actually give a shit-- I mean, you do, I just.

[He just lets out a groan, bringing a hand up over his face to huff into it a little for just a moment.]

I don't want to talk. But I guess I should?

This sucks.

[It feels like something is lodged in his throat. Kravitz thinks it may be fortunate that he doesn't breathe, because at this moment he wouldn't be able to anyhow. Can't speak, either.

And you... And I what? What comes after that? Is it good? Is it bad? The things he would pay to hear Taako finish that sentence. Nerves wrack him, and Kravitz empties his mug rapidly. But then he continues, and Kravitz feels the rest of Taako's words tear through his own self-centered worry.

Right now, he reminds himself, I have to be level headed. For him.]

If my opinion on the matter is welcome... I do think it might help. You are, of course, welcome to tell me to fuck right off.

[He smiles, but it's tinged with concern.]

[He sighs a little heavily into his cup, having curled in on himself a little more, knee tucked up to rest his chin on it and both hands gripping his drink as his arms lay semi-limp. It's not comfortable, necessarily, but Taako's not comfortable so it doesn't matter.

He... it's something Kravitz should know anyway. It's not even that big a deal, in the grand scheme of things. He was going to say something when they met again, if he found him back home, was going to do it when Kravitz showed up in Hadriel. But then Lucretia appeared and he fought with Lup and he couldn't handle being vulnerable again. But now it'd been a few weeks, and... god, why does he feel like he owes him? Why does he feels like he needs to say this, as if Kravitz has some fucking hold on him, as if he owes him a piece of his heart, when he doesn't owe him shit.

But fuck, he wants that approval. He wants it so badly. What is this man doing to him.

Taako tilts his head away, takes a deep breath, and when he looks back towards Kravitz, the disguise spell he's been channeling since Wonderland is gone. It's not... as drastic as one would imagine Taako makes it out to be. Small creases around his eyes, a shift in his nose and cheekbones, a droop to his lips that isn't quite the pout he'd like it to be. But at this point it's more than that. It's every physical representation of how separate he is from everyone, how much he's now physically someone changed. And to have it all laid out like that, to have to face it in the mirror, is the worst fucking thing for him to deal with.]

So, uh, I had a bad run in with some liches while I was saving the world again, and this is what I really look like. And I just. Wanted you to know that, in case it changes anything for you, personally. So, this is Taako today. Sorry I've been catfishing you or, or something.

[Kravitz might remember his tone of voice here, the same way it got low and flat at the Chug'n'Squeeze, at the admission that forces past his lips. But he does look towards the other man, finally, tilting his head towards him so he can see Kravitz to his side.]

Probably should've said something earlier, I guess.

[What hits Kravitz in a rush, more than any perceived change in Taako, is what this means. That Taako chose to show him this. He didn't have to. But he did.

Kravitz never once before considered himself to hold any power over Taako. But he sees it now, sees how he could hurt, or even crush, with words or a poor reaction. The same way, he knows, Taako could easily hurt him.

He makes a promise to himself, there and then, to never ever use that power.]

Taako- [He presses a hand against the other man's face; runs thumb over the curve of his eyebrow, down the dip next to his eye.]

How could I ever... I love you. Without condition. Nothing can change that. [His voice wavers a little, hinting at his incredulity at the thought that anyone could believe otherwise.] Besides- magic, no magic- look at you.

[And he does, admiration ruling his every action, spilling out of him like sunlight bursting in lines and patches through opening shutters.]

You're beautiful.

[He hates the pause after he speaks as Kravitz watches him, the moments where he doesn't actually know what's going to happen. He doesn't dare assume the best, because Taako's best would be that this never even happened. He can't afford to hope, even with what Kravitz has shown him in feats of kindness, because he could't recover if it went badly. But he has to have thought it was possible to get something from this, or it wouldn't have happened.

This feels like it's the most vulnerable he's ever made himself, if he was being honest. Sure, crying in his arms is one thing, but this is confronting who he is. This is... a part of him. People can come and go and actions can affect him, but this is him. He doesn't think he could recover from this if Kravitz rejected it. He could as himself, but not-- not as them. Not like this.

It feels like he put himself on the line for... this thing, they've made. The shakiest, first step towards the center of this bridge they've made between their hearts.

And Kravitz just goes.

He doesn't stop to meet him halfway, he just-- barrels him down, as the word love off his lips sinks into his chest and hooks into his heart, the gentle touch, the fuckin'-- the way Taako can't possibly look at him and think he isn't loved.

God, this is horrifying, he's really got this guy. He has to do something, holy shit.

What happens is that Taako fucking laughs at him.

It's way louder than they've been previously, especially with Kravitz' new close proximity to his face. It is something he will consider to be one of the most mortifying things he's ever done. But he barks it out, for a full few seconds, mouth still a little screwed up as he finally gets his shit under control to speak.]

I mean, yeah, fuck-- y'know, I'm usually like a 20 on a 10 scale so you're still batting a hundred. Besides, your face is a skull half the time.

[This is an unmitigated disaster, and he downs the rest of the alcohol Kravitz has brought in a fucking chug. God. Everything is a mess and he's dying.]

[Kravitz blinks at him rapidly, ears ringing a little in the aftermath and watching the way Taako immediately downs his alcohol, and maybe it's not the best or most sensible reaction considering all that has been said, but he just absolutely loses his shit.

The volume of it rivals Taako's own laugh, and he muffles it with one hand, eyes wide.]

You're- I mean, no, you're right, absolutely.

[He starts up again, smaller giggles this time, and Kravitz keeps his hand up there until he thinks it's under control. Then he reaches out to take the mug from Taako, sit it aside, and grasp each of his hands with his own.]

Thank you. [He smiles softly, the shadow of laughter still resting over his face.] For sharing this with me.

[There's a lot Taako could think in the aftermath of this. He could think that he's angry, because Kravitz isn't allowed to just play this off, Kravitz isn't allowed to still care about him after he says such dumb stuff. He could think that he's happy, because Kravitz didn't reject him or something, that Taako punched with words and he opened his arms.

Mostly, he's just so surprised that Kravitz can fill his silences with laughter.

It's everything he has not to let his hands shake as Kravitz touches him, as he looks down at them clasped together and can't quite meet Kravitz' eyes for the first few moments.]

I mean, it's... you should know, I guess. If we're gonna...

[He thinks about putting the spell back up. But he doesn't. Instead, he slides his hands out of Kravitz, pressing warm palms against the cooler skin on his face, cupping the reaper's jawline into the soft pads of his hands. Taako hates that he can't keep the vulnerability out of his voice, the way his tone goes flat and hollow when he has nothing else to give but truth.]

You know I want this, right? That I'm not just messing with you, I just can't... do all this emotional shit. But I want this to work. I don't want to fuck this up by being... me.

[Him, in the mess of not being able to trust anyone, about the way that even the people closest to him can't always get properly in, in the way that he still hurts even Lup with his words sometimes. Kravitz always has the option to leave. But gods, for once even as he does his best to shove people away, Taako desperately doesn't want him to go.]

[He's so, so worried there for a moment that he's utterly cocked this up by laughing. It's hard to read Taako's expression, impossible to tell if he's seeing vulnerability or discontent or simple thought. Kravitz doesn't like not being able to tell. He realises, he's taken his remarkable intuition when it comes to Taako for granted. He needs to stop doing that. Immediately.

He breathes a sigh of relief when the hands that have slipped out of his simply reach up to cup his jaw, and he chances pressing a kiss to Taako's nose before he continues.

The words that follow make his heart ache. There's a relief and a happiness in there too that he can't deny, like some sort of soothing balm over anxieties he feels embarrassed and ashamed about having. But the hurt is stronger, the concern that Taako feels this way about himself outweighing all else, and he makes a noise like he's been punched in the gut.]

Taako, I- gods, Taako. [He presses his hands over the top of the ones curled around his face, cold and gentle.]

You won't. You can't, because I- I am not here, Taako, just for the good parts of you. I'm here for all of you. And if you want this to work, and I want this to work- I know we can do this.

[It's very dramatic, but he delivers the words irony free.]

[It's stupid, he thinks, that he can always tell when it's really Kravitz in this place by the hands. Taako's been lied to in Hadriel before, the gods pulling from his memories false approximations of people he loved, but they never get Kravitz' hands right. He's always warm. And it's become comforting, almost, to have that ace in his back pocket, some hollow comfort that this isn't a trick. It plays well to Kravitz' actual sincerity, too, like he can believe it better because he knows it's coming from him.

It's stupid, a little bit. There's something in him that knows that detail is entirely pointless. But it's comfort, in all it's messiness, all the same.]

You really think you know what you're getting into, bubbleh? I mean, I know you're the guy who got his dick tentacled and came back for seconds, but really.

[Here comes Taako "I don't know how to have serious emotions without turning them into a joke" Taaco all over again. But he doesn't want to fight him on this. He just doesn't. He wants this to be right, and good, and he wants it to be effortless. So he just... tries. Anything. Anything he can.

He sighs, averts his eyes from Kravitz'. He just wants this to be over. But if Kravitz wants to be here for him, he has to attempt something back. He has to do... something.

He doesn't really have kindness. What he does have, is honesty, even if it's almost harder to give.]

Let's just, uh... figure it out, okay? We can just, uh... slow, and stuff.

Are my decision making skills going to be weighed against that choice for the rest of eternity?

[He's kidding. It was a really, really good decision.

Kravitz doesn't force their eyes to meet, doesn't squeeze him in tighter or ask for more than Taako is willing to give. He smiles, and he nods, and he rubs his thumb against the hand under his.]

Slow, and stuff.

Uh, yeah, cuz I rocked your world.

[And it's an easy drag. But he's leaking into being too ashamed, too decked with emotion, and he leans forward, digging the top of his face into Kravitz' collarbone. He's tired. This was enough, right? God, he hopes it was enough.]

Mm, I just decided I don't wanna be here. Carry me out. Your place.

[It's only kind of asking.]

[I want this too, he'd said, and Kravitz selfishly wishes he could hear it again.

But Taako is tired, and he's tried so hard for Krav- and that is more than enough.]

As you wish.

[He presses a kiss to Taako's hair, and then tucks one of his arms underneath his boyfriend's legs. Kravitz could easily just open a portal as he stands and slides his other arm around Taako's waist, but he wants to prolong this. Just a little. Just a little longer of Taako in his arms and holding on, a comfortable weight.]

[He lets himself be touched, be held, shifting a bit to press his hands against the front of Kravitz' chest. Sure, he could put one around his neck and actually like, help, but also no. It's been a long day and he wants things. It's been a long day and he wants to-- to feel vulnerable, but in a way that makes it okay. In a way Kravitz can make it okay.

He mutters into the front of his chest, ears drooped low, and presses a bit insistently, like a cat never quite satisfied with the amount of attention he's receiving.]

Damn right.

[And he lets himself close his eyes and doze, stealing just a small bit of safety from the world in his boyfriend's arms.]

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Event Log: Bad End

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