hadriel_logs | Event Log: Dreamwalker the Second

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Event Log: Dreamwalker the Second

Who: All characters participating in the event
What: The event log for the Dreamwalker part 2 event
Where: In your dreams
When: October 14th-20th (the second log will go up on Oct 23rd, please keep the two weeks of the event separate!)
Warnings: All different kinds of dreams falling under the umbrella of Delight, Rage, Sorrow, and Hope.

This time, the weird stuff doesn't happen when you're awake- as a matter of fact, your waking hours are the normal ones. That's because you're forced to sleep by some unknown entity, getting more and more exhausted by the moment as night falls. Better make sure you're always around a soft pillow.

Once asleep, it doesn't get any less weird- your dreams will be influenced by one of the four gods that make up the first week. Something to make you smile, something to make you angry- or something that reminds you of your deepest regret or most vulnerable hope, they're all things that you're dreaming about now for some reason, no matter how hard you may try to pull away from them.

To make matters more complicated, there are others intruding on your dreams who definitely don't belong there, and while they may seem like manifestations at first, it becomes clear that these others are actually the consciousness of other members of Hadriel, getting some top quality exposure to your angriest, happiest, most sorrowful moments. Hope it doesn't get awkward when you see them tomorrow...

► This log covers October 14th-20th.
► Feel free to make your own logs as well
► Please tag headers of threads with content warnings where they apply
► Please put your character's name and open/closed in the subject line of your starters!
► If you die in dreams you don't die in real life, but if you somehow die in real life anyway, please let us know here.

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I don't know, but... He's your father.

「At the step taken, Atem takes another step back, and so he would continue to push, though, gently.」

Don't you want to see him?

[Kain is only taking small steps, moving reluctantly.]

But... I already did see him. I already bid him farewell, a long time ago. I already... went through with this. I did what was needed.

[The clouds surrounding them get heavier and darker, but still there's no rain despite how much they're threatening it.]

「Atem notices the sky, though makes no comment.」

Why are you running, then?

「Aaaand another step.」

I'm not running, I...

[But he is. He's running. He knows it, and clearly Atem has noticed as well. They take that step closer and Kain bows his head even lower.]

...It's not... it's not that I can't accept it. [He clenches his hands into fists.] I accepted it long ago. I accepted it, did what had to be done, and I moved on. As simple as that. Why would that qualify as running?

[He never faced it emotionally, though. He simply faced the practical side of things, what he had to do, how he had to deal now that he was the last Highwind left. Running from the emotional side of it had been... the only way to deal. The only way to stop from breaking down completely.]

I think you know the answer, that's what you were doing, Kain.

「Atem lets go of his hand, they are close enough to the coffin, just a couple of steps away that he believes the dragoon should take by himself.」

I lost my father too, when I was younger — I cannot remember any other pain greater than that, and, after all this time, I still don't know when we will be reunited again, but, I don't think he'd like the idea of me running away from him in fear. If you have accepted it, then tell him you're fine.

Of course, I've accepted it. I accepted it then, as I do now.

[But does he? And did he really, back then? He'd been very distant, very stern and stiff on that day. It's ok to cry, Rosa had said and he'd brushed her off. Real men don't cry. Real men just deal with it, and move on.]

So you understand, then... you understand how it feels, how I felt on that day...

[He walks the last couple of steps, bowing his head.]

Father... father, I'm sorry. If I've dishonored you in any way.. please, forgive me...

「Real man are human too.」

I do...

「Little time did he had to dwell on the passing of his father, too busy suddenly becoming King and god on earth that very same day. He remembers being told that he shouldn't be sad even if it completely crushed him, that his father's soul would reach the Field of Reeds and that they would be reunited once more when the time came.

It hasn't... It is not quite his death what Atem laments, it's the long wait.

Atem observes at Kain's display of love and guilt for his father, then he looks away, it seems too personal to him.」

[Kain nods, glad to hear that he's not alone, that Atem at least understands this, and has even experienced something similar. For as understanding as Cecil and Rosa could be, they had never quite had the same experience. Cecil had never even known his parents. It just wasn't the same.]

[The clouds surrounding them are definitely closer to threatening rain right now, and Kain himself feels that sense of loss as strongly as he did on the day it happened. He sinks suddenly to his knees, and bows his head, closing his eyes and fighting back those tears. Nope, he is supposed to be an emotionless being, he isn't supposed to lose it like that...]

「All what Atem can do at this point is place a hand on his friend's shoulder. He can feel his pain as if it were his own. He can see him struggle as he once did, refusing to show a weakness to something that is apparently so natural. But he understands more than he knows, to this date, Atem probably hasn't shed a tear over his father's death ever since it happened, he wasn't supposed to, it would have been seen as weak.」

Let it go.

「He can always be a little hypocrite.」

[Real men were supposed to carry on, to be stern and stiff and proper, not to break or show emotion. His own father had always taught him as much, and Kain had always assumed he wouldn't want him to break down for his sake. So he'd held it all in. He'd pushed it all down, even though there was a side of him... a much gentler side, one which always struggled with all of the pain he carried.]

I can't... I... can't...

[But in that moment, it's all he can do.]

[The clouds finally break, unleashing their contents, the rain spilling down torrentially. At the very moment that happens, the tears start to flow as well, and Kain lets out a long, low sob. It's a release of everything he's felt and held back all these years. The guilt. Remorse. Shame. Regret. This deep, terrible sorrow which he'd always avoided facing for too long.]

「The rain is not quite a surprise, it seemed to be announcing itself from the beginning. Atem listens to the sob and approaches to his friend, just standing next to him.」

It's okay Kain, it'll stop hurting.

「He puts his cape over the dragoon, just so he doesn't get too wet.」

I'm proud of you, friend.

Edited (wow im tired sorry) 2017-12-09 04:05 (UTC)

[At the moment, Kain is too overcome with grief to care that someone else is here, seeing him like this. It's so overpowering, that it's all he can think about or feel, all that matters in the world. It's as if the loss only just happened. As that old wound opens up, Kain lets out all of the emotion that he'd held back, for all that time.]

[He clutches the cape around him, head lowered as those tears continue to flow.]

Proud? Of what? Of me giving in to this weakness?

Weakness? I don't see you as weak, Kain. It takes a lot of courage to acknowledge something is hurting you when you're trying to keep your pride intact.

「Doesn't he know it...」

[Kain clenches his fists, feeling all of that anguish flowing out of him, as steadily as the rain is falling. He sobs a little, keeping his head lowered. He can't admit it, entirely, but this is quite a release.]

It feels like weakness to me. My pride is everything. To lose it is unbearable... Y... [He lets out a few sobs and works to catch his breath.] You won't ever tell anyone about this, will you?

Hah... 「The remark makes Atem chuckle, not because he's laughing at Kain, but at himself.」

I used to be like you. 「He crouches next to him.」 Maybe I still am...

Don't worry... I will not tell anyone if you don't want me to.

I appreciate that. You seem like someone who keeps their word.

[This is far from how he'd have expected things to go, after all. At least he doesn't react much to that chuckling, too stricken with grief at the moment to notice. Kain sniffles a bit, the sobs somewhat subsiding. He looks up, face stained with tears and rain.]

Like me? How so? What do you mean?

I would have been a terrible king if I didn't.

「It goes with a little shrug. But at the question, he grows a little somber.」

There was a time all I ever cared about was winning, I was prideful. I didn't see it until it was very late. I lost something I cherished more than life itself to my it.

「He's not going to tell him the whole tale, it hurts to even think about it.」

It wasn't until I let go of my pride that I won much more.

Did you…?

[Ah, another king, huh? What is up with him and collecting king friends? He… supposes they are something like friends, at this rate, right? Given the way things have gone, he’s going to need to offer him the trust of a friend, anyway.]

Pride is very important to me… such a part of who I am… Isn’t it still important to take some pride in yourself? In your strengths?

「Of course they are friends!」

It is... but... 「Sigh.」 It can also blind you, terribly. I was... lucky to regain what I had lost then, but if I hadn't...

「Nope, backpedaling right now!」

I hope you haven't lost anything to your hubris, Kain. Not as did nearly did. It is something I wouldn't wish even to my worst enemy.

[Kain sighs, knowing he’s right, but having a hard time admitting it. He’s always been a prideful person, and without that… without it, he wouldn’t know what he’d have.]

I’m glad you regained it. For my part… I very nearly ruined the lives of those who mean the most to me. I very well could have lost it all. I’m… still dealing with the fallout of my actions.

[He tries rubbing the tears away from his face, then realizes with the rain, it’s kind of pointless.]

All actions have consequences, after all, and we must face them.

Well, I'm glad you didn't ruin their lives. 「Which is basically the same he almost did. Losing the soul of his partner would have been, terrible.」

Couldn't agree more. All we can do now is move on.

「Try to, right?」

I came far too close to ruining their lives, though. What I did was still inexcusable.

[But he's right, and Kain sighs, again rubbing at his eyes. He nods slowly.]

All we can do is move forward, whether or not we're ready for it. It can be... pretty difficult, sometimes.

You did what you thought was right at the time, the fact that you repent says much more than you realize, Kain.

「That said, Atem stands and offers his small hand at him.」

That's why it's easier to walk that path with someone else.

[Kain blinks, his eyes starting to clear considerably. Even the pouring rain is also letting up. He only hesitates a moment, and then reaches out to take the hand being offered. The moment he makes contact, the rain fully stops.]

That's not an easy lesson for me to learn, but... learn it I must. Thank you, Atem. For everything you've done here.

[He can't always go it alone. The others have tried reminding him of that fact during the war, and it didn't always stick then, either. Who knows if he'll always keep it in mind this time, either? But... at least he'll have someone around to remind him again. That means a lot, to him.]

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Event Log: Dreamwalker the Second

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