hadriel_logs | Event Log: Dreamwalker the Second

Entry tags:

Event Log: Dreamwalker the Second

Who: All characters participating in the event
What: The event log for the Dreamwalker part 2 event
Where: In your dreams
When: October 14th-20th (the second log will go up on Oct 23rd, please keep the two weeks of the event separate!)
Warnings: All different kinds of dreams falling under the umbrella of Delight, Rage, Sorrow, and Hope.

This time, the weird stuff doesn't happen when you're awake- as a matter of fact, your waking hours are the normal ones. That's because you're forced to sleep by some unknown entity, getting more and more exhausted by the moment as night falls. Better make sure you're always around a soft pillow.

Once asleep, it doesn't get any less weird- your dreams will be influenced by one of the four gods that make up the first week. Something to make you smile, something to make you angry- or something that reminds you of your deepest regret or most vulnerable hope, they're all things that you're dreaming about now for some reason, no matter how hard you may try to pull away from them.

To make matters more complicated, there are others intruding on your dreams who definitely don't belong there, and while they may seem like manifestations at first, it becomes clear that these others are actually the consciousness of other members of Hadriel, getting some top quality exposure to your angriest, happiest, most sorrowful moments. Hope it doesn't get awkward when you see them tomorrow...

► This log covers October 14th-20th.
► Feel free to make your own logs as well
► Please tag headers of threads with content warnings where they apply
► Please put your character's name and open/closed in the subject line of your starters!
► If you die in dreams you don't die in real life, but if you somehow die in real life anyway, please let us know here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[It doesn't sound stupid to Kravitz. It sounds like holding hands under a restaurant table. It sounds like a quiet shared moment, and speaking with a look, and long ears slowly turning red. It sounds like the first spotlight of happiness in this miserable fog of a dream.

He rests his free hand over one of Taako's where it's wound around him, presses back as much as he can, until it feels like there are no spaces between. It helps.]

I think I would like to. Tell you, I mean. It's just that... there's not much to tell.

[Kravitz tilts his head to the side; leans it against Taako's.]

There are a lot of things I can't remember, Taako. It feels like this.

[He gives Kravitz the inches he can, space where their fingers can reach, crevices of each other where they fit. Taako doesn't fit into him like he does with Lup, and he's so aware of every rough edge of him that rubs Kravitz, every jut of his hip or elbow or nail that disrupts the flow in between. His fault. Putting hard angles and sharp corners into a place where Kravitz needs him only to be soft.]

I know.

[It's quiet, like every one of his admissions. Something flat in his voice, where Kravitz has run down the prickling ugliness of him to only the truth, like a smooth stone run over by the river.]

I know what this feels like. I thought this was mine.

[Kravitz doesn't know the difference. It's not as though being held like this was a common occurrence or even a rarity before Taako came along. There was no one. For a long time, there was nothing.

(That isn't quite true. There was the Queen, and there were other Reapers. Distant figures. Not so distant ones. But nothing like this. Nothing.)

The truth always comes suddenly from Taako, in moments where he is unprepared for it. Kravitz feels the revelation jab at his chest like a hot knife slipping between his ribs to the light underneath. He presses a kiss to Taako's hair.]

I'm sorry. Generally, I'm quite happy when we share something. This may be the exception.

[He tilts his head a bit, head leaned on the edge of Kravitz' shoulder as it slopes down to his chest. Part of him just wants to stand there and grieve with him, but he knows that's not actually going to help him. And he wants to help. It's one of those moments where he truly wants to let Kravitz in, wishes he had the emotional capacity to give some part of him, body or heart. It's just so hard. It's so fucking hard for him to open up at all.

Taako curls in just a bit more, doesn't quite look at him when he speaks.]

I didn't tell you about Lup when we met because I didn't remember she existed.

[Kravitz can probably feel the way his chest seems to move differently, the weight in his breaths, how he seems to be struggling for them further.]

'Ss what Lucretia did. Me, Magnus, Merle, Lup, Lucretia, Barry and Davenport. We used to be family. She erased it. I lost... a hundred years of shit, to that. And like a hundred more before that in pieces because I didn't remember growing up with her. So I used to... dream like this.

[He gestures out to the blurred landscape, still not looking towards Kravitz more than out of the corner of his eye.]

So. Y'know. It's not a thousand or whatever how old you are, but. Yeah.

[Taako feels so much smaller in his arms than usual. He holds him carefully, but Kravitz's fingers curl into the fabric of his shirt, as though he doesn't want to cling too tightly but can't help himself. He tucks his head down against Taako's, and he thinks he might be shaking. He hopes Taako can't feel it.]

I... I have no idea, as to what I may have lost. And so I won't pretend that anything I feel about- [he nods to their surroundings as well] all of this, could even compare to what you must have felt. But, I. I'm very sorry.

And I'm- angry. I feel angry, for you.

[He wishes he was-- god, anything right now, but more than anything he wishes he was good at this. Kravitz has been scared before, but fuck, not this. Not shaking, not the way he can feel his shirt pulling because he's fucking desperate, like Taako's keeping him upright. They're both too fragile, right now, in this space that doesn't exist, pushed against each other like the falling beams of a house.

And hah, thinking of Kravitz as a home.

Damn, he's fucked.]

'Ss whatever, it's... it sucked then, but she's here now.

[It's not whatever. He still hasn't been able to really talk to Lucretia, to settle this burning in him that feels worse by the day when it surges through him like fire.]

You deserve to. Remember, I mean.

I'd get it back for you if I could.

[What he wants to say is, 'we're all here now'. He wants to say, 'I'm never leaving you', and 'none of us will'. But until their whereabouts are not dictated by the whims of a magical door, he can't make those promises. Taako deserves better than false platitudes, and Kravitz knows he doesn't want to be lied to. So instead, he steps in front of Taako, bows his head and presses them together again, nose to nose. Taako is soft, and warm. He's very, very real.]

I have everything I need right here.

[He begins to pull his head away, rapidly amending his words-]

Not to! Spit on the lovely sentiment of your words. Thank you. Truly.

[It’s outright embarrassing, the way his heart leaps into his neck as Kravitz pulls close, as he still manages to shield Taako from his own issues, even as Taako crashes in and makes it all about him. Is it better, that way? Taako breaking through Kravitz' bullshit and just dumping more of his garbage? God, it’s so hard to say.

All he knows is he probably looks like an absolute goof just staring at him as he speaks, and while Kravitz goes to pull away, Taako just grabs at his jaw with his hands. Don't leave, don't leave him in this.]

Nnnope, you stop that—

[And he presses their faces together, not his usual needy, tight kiss. Just something gentle. Something grounding. Something real. Even when he breaks it, he doesn’t move his face away, pulse a little too fast for his liking.]

You don’t... I can’t be your whole world. Right? You have to have... other things. Something.

[Haha oh god why is he talking about this. Fuck. Well, now we’re in hell.]

[The kiss catches him by surprise, and yet somehow Kravitz leans into it easily, as if even though his conscious mind didn't know that it was coming, another part of him did. It's such an earnest, soft gesture, different from the way Taako usually does things. Kravitz feels like he's floating, maybe. He laughs quietly, abashed.]

I um- I enjoy reading? I've considered gardening. And I do enjoy my job, when I can do it. [still salty] It's just that I suppose, when it comes down it, you... You are. What's most important.

[hufffffffffff]

I'm sorry. I suppose it's a little embarrassing, isn't it? How I'm so-

[He cuts himself off, flushing in a way that makes little sense but honestly who the fuck really knows how reapers work anyway?]

[It never fails to mess with Taako how overwhelmingly, disturbingly sincere Kravitz manages to be. Taako can catch him off guard, can worm his way through pain and issues and Kravitz still has it in him to find kindness. Love, even, because Taako doesn't have the strength to really think he's lying about that, either. This-- fool, this absolute idiot, is laying it all out for him like a spread, a presentation of himself that all he wants to do is share. He can't even fathom it being real, but Kravitz makes it impossible to think it's a trick.

But ultimately, he just feels scared. This is real. Kravitz is real. Kravitz is real and he cares about him beyond what Taako can even imagine and oh no, oh no.]

I... I, Krav, that's...

[How does he respond to this, how can he ever, fuck, fuck fuck fuck--]

I can't. I can't be your...

I'm gonna disappoint you. I don't... I can't belong to someone like that, like...

[Like the last man who looked at him like he hung the moon, a man Taako didn't love, that ended badly all the same. The last time someone cut to the core of him and found there was only ever room for himself.]

No.

[He responds immediately, sure and clear in the way he feels Taako needs him to be right now. It's not an act, though. He is sure about this. It's something Kravitz has thought about plenty.]

You can't disappoint me. I promise you right now, I will never ask for more than you are willing to give. I have told you this, yes? The way I feel about you is not an obligation. It's not a, a demand.

[He grasps Taako's hands in both of his own, the static world around them hardly even on his mind, at this point.]

I'm happy with this, Taako. Just this. As long as you are, too.

[There's a lot of things he wants to say. He wants to take his hands back and say no one has ever been happy with just him, with just what he has to offer, because he will fall short and hurt him and he has no obligation to stay. He wants to curve into Kravitz' touch, something soft and accepting and live there, between his ribs and in his heart, for the rest of his life. He wants to leave and never speak to him again. And he never wants to do that, ever, not in a million years.]

I know you've told me, just, look, none of this uh, leaves here but I'm not perfect, okay? You're a fuckin'... caring, sweet dude who for some reason thinks he can hold my dumb ass together and I'm like, issues central my man. This is the tip of the Taako iceberg and I dunno if you really wanna go there.

[And I don't know if you should, he thinks. He doesn't know why he keeps pushing Kravitz to jump through these hoops for him, but that ugly part of him is wrestling forward, that part that wants to snap and be mean and cruel. He can't disappoint anyone if no one cares. Breaking Kravitz' heart won't be a surprise if he does it himself, on his call.]

Edited (goddangit) 2018-01-28 05:43 (UTC)

[Alright, so Taako is scared of Kravitz running if he puts it all out there, as far as he can tell. And he's insisted he won't, but that's not enough. Sometimes words aren't enough. So, he'll make the first move. He's good at that.]

I do. I do, so... [He takes a deep, needless breath, and clicks his shoes together anxiously.]

Alright. I am selfish. Often arrogant. Probably too mean to children, even if they are just incredibly germ ridden. I... lack tact and empathy, sometimes when it matters. I know that sometimes my dedication to my job makes me appear cold of heart.

[His mouth pulls tight, and he glances away for a moment, eyes landing on the figures still shifting far behind them.]

Sometimes, I mourn people whose faces I can't remember and whose names I can't recall. Sometimes I do remember things. I am not fun to be around when this happens.

I am not perfect either, Taako? And I don't expect you to be. Don't put me on a pedestal somewhere above you, and I won't do the same in return.

[The words perhaps sound a little harsh alone, but his tone is as gentle as it is firm, and his hand presses softly against Taako's face; thumb drawing circles over his cheek.

Take a chance with me, he thinks, hopes.]

Edited 2018-01-28 12:05 (UTC)

[He barely moves as Kravitz speaks. This man-- this stupid, absolutely idiotic man, this boomerang of a person that the more he throws the harder he comes back. And this man that's wormed his way into his instincts, the way Kravitz talks and Taako wants his first reactions to be to lean into his touch, to give some calming motion in return, to smooth down his hair or wrap him in his arms or just be bigger, more demanding than his problems. But that implies he's not a problem, somehow, because he is, he's always the problem, but Kravitz... just doesn't seem to care.

No, it's more than that, and he knows this. It's not that Kravitz doesn't care because he doesn't know. Kravitz cares despite knowing. He's seen the messy parts of him and for some reason pushes forward, every time.

He doesn't know what to do. Usually, Taako can think of something, even if it's useless empty words. He's good at that. Maybe that's what's making this so hard, when Kravitz is overwhelmingly sincere and his usual silver tongue is reduced to cotton.

But he wants this. He wants these promises, desperately so. He wants them to be real, and Kravitz is, in front of him, whole, and waiting.

At least Taako is good at taking things, when given.]

... can probably work with that. For, uh. Y'know.

For you.

[He lets himself lean into Kravitz' touch on his face, tilting his head towards Kravitz' palm to press his lips there. He's always been a fool, to let anyone into his heart.

But, well, maybe he wants to just be the idiot for once.]

[Sunshine bursts in his stomach and his mouth stretches into a grin as wide as it will go, because Taako can make a mess of his dead mans heart with just two words.

For you.

He feels special. Worth effort. It's a really good feeling, and he wants Taako to feel the same. Kravitz surges forward to kiss him properly, tender and gentle but bursting at the seams with so much more. More than he knows how to contain within a kiss.]

That makes me- [He sighs against Taako's mouth, still smiling.] Very happy. You make me very happy.

[If it's Taako's words that do it for him, it's Kravitz' smile that brings it to his door. Taako has always wanted to be adored in the shallow way he demands- don't know him, just the idea, just the promise. He spent so long believing no one could care about him, and even now knowing that to be false with Lup by his side, this feels... not real. Like too much to beg for, to selfishly think there was someone who truly knew what it meant to want him.

But Kravitz is the sun. It chases away his darkness, and brings only warmth.

He finds himself reaching for Kravitz' face, pressing his hands into the flesh of his cheek, and trying to hold on to the light in his chest when their lips meet.]

I mean, yeah, of course, you seen me lately? Hell, even if you didn't, let's reach into some ol memory and think about Taako instead of this depressing crap, huh?

[But he can't keep it up, so he presses a kiss back, never moving further away.]

You, uh... you feelin' better?

[Taako jokes, but the more they press into one another, the longer Kravitz smiles and the stronger this warmth in their chests seems to grow, the further away and less glaring the figures around them seem. Everything else is distant. All he cares about is Taako, and the promise of a future.]

Yes, actually. [It's the truth. It may be bittersweet in a way, but he's miles better off than he was.] Any dream with you in it seems to become a good one, regardless of how it began.

[His tangles his fingers through Taako's long hair. It's one of his favorite things to do.]

Edited 2018-03-08 11:31 (UTC)

[He has to bite down a purr as Kravitz drags his fingers through his hair- let’s not get that embarrassing today, he thinks- but he does lean into the touch, willing to push back seriousness for more of Kravitz’ touch.]

Uh, yeah. How can you have a bad time when I’m around? You can’t. Taako, nightmare killer, that’s me.

[He doesn’t want to leave Kravitz right now, but he also doesn’t want to be… here. Maybe he can force something better.]

Want me to get us outta here?

Taako the nightmare killer.

[He echoes the sentiment, suddenly feeling a rush of affection that inspires him to lean down and plant a kiss on top of Taako's head.]

Oh- [His words catch for just a second, and he glances back at the shadows- it's an infinite second of longing and sadness and all the things that once were and will never again be- and then he looks back to Taako, and he nods without any further hesitation.]

Please. I do believe I've had quite enough of this place.

[Part of it’s the dream and part of it’s him that he feels his heart leap with a twinge of fear at the kiss. Kravitz believes in him. Really does. And he’s going to mess that up eventually, this tenuous trust. But he shoves it down. He’s good at that. He detangles himself from Kravitz just enough to grab for the Umbra Staff, conveniently on his person— or maybe he just now imagined it there. Dreams are weird.]

Hang on. Got a plan. This is gonna be wicked, babe.

[Regular dreams, this might be harder, but since Taako’s certain this is a lich trick, he’s pretty sure this is going to work. He raises the staff and charges up a dispel magic, before slamming the tip into the ground. A wave of force propels outwards from them both, and as it goes, the landscape shudders and disappears in a wave of ethereal magic, radiating out white over and away as far as their eyes can see.

Kravitz can see Taako pressing it to the floor as it goes, and finally, the tip of the Umbra Staff sinks into the ground with a small crack, and the both of them wake up in their different parts of the city.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Event Log: Dreamwalker the Second

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject