hadriel_logs | Event Log: Dreamwalker the Second

Entry tags:

Event Log: Dreamwalker the Second

Who: All characters participating in the event
What: The event log for the Dreamwalker part 2 event
Where: In your dreams
When: October 14th-20th (the second log will go up on Oct 23rd, please keep the two weeks of the event separate!)
Warnings: All different kinds of dreams falling under the umbrella of Delight, Rage, Sorrow, and Hope.

This time, the weird stuff doesn't happen when you're awake- as a matter of fact, your waking hours are the normal ones. That's because you're forced to sleep by some unknown entity, getting more and more exhausted by the moment as night falls. Better make sure you're always around a soft pillow.

Once asleep, it doesn't get any less weird- your dreams will be influenced by one of the four gods that make up the first week. Something to make you smile, something to make you angry- or something that reminds you of your deepest regret or most vulnerable hope, they're all things that you're dreaming about now for some reason, no matter how hard you may try to pull away from them.

To make matters more complicated, there are others intruding on your dreams who definitely don't belong there, and while they may seem like manifestations at first, it becomes clear that these others are actually the consciousness of other members of Hadriel, getting some top quality exposure to your angriest, happiest, most sorrowful moments. Hope it doesn't get awkward when you see them tomorrow...

► This log covers October 14th-20th.
► Feel free to make your own logs as well
► Please tag headers of threads with content warnings where they apply
► Please put your character's name and open/closed in the subject line of your starters!
► If you die in dreams you don't die in real life, but if you somehow die in real life anyway, please let us know here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[The rest happens just like he remembers. At his answer, Lup leans forward and plants her elbows on the table, watching her brother carefully while she speaks, the hand not clasped in his waving around in vague gestures.]

We’re gonna become liches, Taako.

And that sounds-- that sounds way scarier than it actually is, but… we’re- we’re going to take our living essence, [her hand moves to her chest, pressing over her heart] Our… souls… and combine it with our magical essence and… we’re gonna become something… [she gestures her hand around in a circle, spinning while she searches for the word she wants] --new. Something… something powerful. And… we’ll still be Barry and Lup, I’ll still inhabit my body-- unless I’m killed-- and then things are going to get a little spooky, and, it should stick. If we do this, the next cycle, we’re still liches.

[Lup pauses, just briefly, taking in her brother's expression, looking to see if he's still with her. He is, which is good, cause the next part is important.] The-- the risk is-- it’s hard to combine your soul with raw power and keep your mind right. You need something keeping your feet on the ground. An... emotional anchor. And when I go all ghosty, I need to have things to remember to hold on to who I am. Today is… [Lup's expression softens, eyes trapped on his own.] it’s gonna be one of those memories.

Barry already gave me a day. And… I love him, Taako, with all of my heart, but you… [Her free hand falls, to settle atop of the clasped hands, cradling his single hand between both of hers. Her touch is warm.] I needed a day from you, because you are my heart. You know that, right?

Edited 2017-11-03 04:42 (UTC)

[He just... feels sick. In her confidence, in the way it drains from him, in the way he can feel his legs shake and his heart and throat feel tight. This is for her, this is for her you impossible ass, can't you just have one thing that isn't about you?]

Yeah.

[He reaches his other hand up, puts it on top of hers. He knows the alcohol is by his feet, whether he actually put it there or not. He should get it. They can drink, and he can forget.

But fuck, he's so tired of forgetting, and he speaks.]

Have you... I mean, not like you and Barry are chumps or anything, but you've really researched this, right? If this is gonna be permanent, how do you know it's not gonna... permadeath it if it goes wrong?

[Lup hesitates.

In the dream, this is her first time experiencing this day all over again, everything new and exciting, every scripted scene feeling as if it had never yet been played out before. But even believing it to be real, Lup feels like she's taken a step forward where she expects to find a step in a staircase, the stomach swooping downwards as her foot falls forward through the air with nothing beneath it.

This isn't how it happened. But if she's never experienced it before, how could she possibly even know that?

Lup's mouth purses, thoughtful and slow, before she tips her head and shoots her brother a reassuring smile.]

Barry and I know our stuff, babe. And we've been studying the Bond Engine for almost a full century. Bar's certain we'll return just like always at the start of every cycle, right back into our regular bodies. Every cycle when we change over, we manage to keep what we've learned, the power we've grown into along the way. There's no reason it would reject one type of magic over the other. [She squeezes his hand beneath hers.]

Besides, we've been experimenting, a couple dozen or so tests the last few years to make sure we're not off our mark. And we're not. We've got this, Taako. We can do this.

[He listens, tries to find reassurance in it, but that's not the problem and it never was. He knows it's going to work. He knows they'll be okay and everything stays fine and sometimes his sisters a skeleton and he's come to terms with that-- or he's tried to. Because it's been hundreds of years and out of all of those this grievance feels stupid. Selfish. She's still here, she's-- she's better than here, and he never has to worry about her dying ever again and he should get over that.

But it's the reminder that she's not his anymore. But she never was. But she's all he has.]

I just. Look. You know I'm not gonna, uh, I don't bullshit you on this stuff, and you tend to go all headfirst into shit-- and really, appreciate that you're actually talking to me. But this is... pretty permanent stuff. There's no goin' back from this even if it works.

[And the truth is still burning behind his teeth, you will go and I'm still here, you will go where I can't follow and we'll always be a moment from each other and why is this bothering him. Fuck. Why is he saying this now?]

Taako… [Maybe it had been foolish of Lup to just assume he'd accept what decision she'd made so many years ago, but isn't that how they've always operated? When was the last time he'd ever denied her anything this significant in earnest? She honestly can't remember.

They are only connected by their hands but Lup can feel the soft thrum of nervous energy rolling off of her brother, the uncertainty he's trying so hard to hide from her. But every word trying to carefully convince her otherwise seems to be dripping with it, like he just can't keep it inside any longer. Lup doesn't want to sit here and watch her heart lose the nerve to speak to her.]

Hey, if you have something to say, say it. Don't dance around shit. Not with me.

[Never with her. If they can't be honest with each other, there's no hope for them ever.]

[He bites his tongue so hard it hurts, at first. This is selfish. More than selfishness, something he never gave a shit before, this is cruel. This is cruel to her to deny something like this that she's worked so hard and so long for. Especially now, on the day she asked to be for her.

But he couldn't even do that. He could then, when he could laugh it off- or try to- but it's been thirty years and it's still simmering, the permanence, the way he can track back in time where he feels he might have lost her.

Since when was he so insecure?]

You just-- I can't do this with you.

[Said in the same tone someone would say I can't do this alone.]

I know you're not asking that. That's stupid, cuz this would be different if you were, I just--

[His voice dies in his throat, and he keeps holding on, but doesn't look at her. He can feel the motion in his legs, how it chokes his gut and works up his chest.]

I can't follow. This. You.

[Lup's expression drops when her twin speaks, the realization of his words twisting like a knife in her gut. She feels like the wind's been knocked out of her, leaving the elf dazed and suddenly not as certain as she'd been only seconds earlier.]

Taako, I'm not going anywhere... [But even as the words leave her mouth, Lup knows it isn't exactly what he means. She may physically be there (even as a lich, nothing could make her leave his side), but it isn't the same thing. She'll be suddenly be different. They won't quite match.

It's fairly rare for Lup to fall into quiet, thoughtful silences at this point in their journey, but she's quietly watching Taako from across the table, her matching eyes sweeping over her twin's posture, taking in the emotion trembling in his voice. There's some part of her that has to realize that his response is so much more than having been told a brief moment earlier, but Lup's too taken back by the response to put that together completely yet.]

I'm doing this to keep us safe. I... I don't know what else to do, Taako. I don't know how to beat this. [Because they need to find a way to defeat the Hunger before it finally kills them all for good. And that time is quickly approaching, as it grows stronger through every world they can't save.] I can't stand the thought of us having gotten this far to just lose. I can't--[And as much as she tries to keep her tone level in response to Taako's emotion, she can't help the waver there, the real fear there.]

I can't lose you. I can't.

[The problem with leaving things to be an issue for Future Taako is they never quite stop coming back. Most he can shrug off- they were never as big a deal as he was feeling at the time, and most he doesn't even remember.

He remembers this. He hates that he does.]

I know.

[He could never wish her to let him go. He doesn't want to go back to being the person Lucretia made him into, the person who had nothing and no one and didn't, couldn't handle the kindness of others.

For a second, he entertains the idea that he's actually back, that this is real. What does he change, if he wins? Does Lup not feel assured enough to leave chasing her relic without him? Does she not leave at all? Does he get to keep her, even if Lucretia succeeds, does he stay, himself, unchanged?

It's stupid to even consider.]

I can't-- I know why you're doing this. And I can't stop you. And it might not-- at least you'll be... I'unno. Safer.

[No more cycles where only one of them is gone. There's been precious few. But every one was fucking torture.]

I just can't follow this, Lup. If something goes wrong out there, I fuckin'... can't.

[Lup falls into uncharacteristic silence, thoughtful and unsure, her gaze falling from Taako's face for the first time this whole conversation, though her hand remains wrapped up in his.

Safer. They'd all be safer if Lup went down this path, not just her. She could continue to fight long after her death, never leaving their crew of seven without one of their strongest offensive magic users. And if the whole crew managed to fall, she could get the Starblaster into the sky in time, avoiding their total destruction, avoiding the entire universe falling to the Hunger's gaping maw. How was this not the just-in-case security they all needed to ease some of the weighty stress off of their shoulders?

But Taako doesn't agree. He doesn't want this. No matter how carefully he's trying to word it (which is ridiculous, she thinks, she'd rather he just yell at her than to play this careful role), she knows exactly what her twin is getting at.

What would Barry say? They've been working on this plan for well over a decade now, putting their everything into fully understanding what they were getting themselves into before committing. So many sleepless nights of research, emotional outbursts when things weren't adding up, private celebrations whenever they'd come one step closer to the answers...

She sighs, sounding sad and tired and just not sure of herself.] I don't know what you want me to do. [Though as she says it, she wonders if he even knows himself.]

I know the danger is there, but the danger is always there. And I--[she raises her head and bites thoughtfully at her bottom lip]

Taako, you're everything to me. I never would have gotten this far without you. If you'd stayed behind for this mission, if I went on without you, I-- I wouldn't be here. Not like this. We've come this far, fought this long together. I'm not leaving you. I won't. Do... Tell me you don't want this and I... I won't.

Edited 2017-12-03 19:53 (UTC)

[He doesn't even know what he wants from this conversation. What is he hoping to change? What is he hoping to do? It's not even like he showed up with a plan here, with intent and purpose. It's better for the crew if they do this. It's better for the mission. And he's being selfish, so, so fucking selfish, to do this. To put her through this for his own... what? Satisfaction? Is this even satisfying?

There's no winning when one of them loses. And Taako, Taako knows when he's dragging down a team.]

Don't... don't stop this, okay? You worked hard on this. It's important to both of you.

[Even if it's killing him that he's giving her away, that he can't just admit she has her own life and her own being and it's not all about him.]

Just... next time you're gonna do something ridiculous and life-changing, maybe talk to me sooner than the night before? Like, you're going on about me not talking to you, just, uh, say something, you feel?

[He needs to give this up. For her sake. He squeezes her hand, trying to look gentle.]

Don't leave me behind, okay?

[Lup can't honestly for the life of her tell if this is the best answer to her offer or the worst one. She knows that Taako doesn't want her to make this change without him, to take the leap that will finally make them different, yet he's still giving her permission to go ahead anyway.

What does she even do with that?

Lup's hand remains there with Taako's, clutching at his and refusing to let go, her gaze flicking all over her brother's face while he answers. It's almost funny how surprised she is by his words, as if she hadn't completely realized fully what she'd done. But no matter how startled she is, Lup's response is firm while she grips at his hand.]

I won't, Taako. I promise. Whatever happens, I'll talk to you first. I'll do better at the give-and-take thing. [She offers him a small smile, still watching his face.] I can't expect you to do all the giving, now can I? I'll do better.

Edited 2017-12-17 04:12 (UTC)

[He feels guilty for having even brought it up; for someone who likes to spend so long in the limelight, for the limelight to be his emotional issues sucks ass. Even if it's with her. He should've kept his mouth shut like he did in the real version of this scene, of what he did in history. It was the right choice for her. What does it matter if it's here clawing at him thirty years later, what should he care.

He doesn't. He doesn't.]

I mean, you've put up with a lot of bullshit from me, so. Maybe we're even. Or you could owe me just a little bit.

[He winks, trying to salvage this, and reaches for the grey goose he knows will meet his hand.]

Got one more for ya.

[And he hauls it up. Are you supposed to be hungover to do some horrible spell to kill you forever? Eeh, it worked in reality. Fuck it.]

[The moment isn't completely salvaged, it's hard to come back from something as deep as that so easily, but Lup laughs as Taako hauls the bottle up, her hand finally slipping back into her lap.

And that's it. Taako blinks and the scene changes. There's a hill beneath the shimmering purple sky, where Lup and Barry are standing with their hands clasped, Taako not too far off. It happens exactly as he would remember. The same pillar of carved whalebone is there, the temporary vessel for their spell, runes spilling across the ground in preparation. The dialogue as Lup holds Barry's face is the same, not a word uttered between them changed.

But as Lup releases the love of her life, she looks over to her brother first before making another move, searching his gaze for any sign that he wants her to stop, that he's changed his mind.

When it doesn't come, the pair move forward with the ritual as planned. Lup and Barry fall, two liches rise in their place, wild and out of control for just a moment before they fall back into their bodies and all is as it was. The dream doesn't linger further than Lup returning to her body, the twin elves quickly waking up in their shared room at the same moment. But if Taako opens his eyes and attempts to peer over to his sister's bed, he'd just catch a flash of red robe before Lup floats through the door out of their room.

She's overwhelmed in a way that she hasn't felt since dying alone in that cave. Lup's usually the first one to want to talk things through between them, but right now, she just wants to be alone.]

[It happens, and he has to watch it. He has to watch, again, the worst day of his life, in which his sister dies and he can't stop her. He has to support it, has to put on his bravest face when she breaks script and meets his eyes, and he just nods.

He has to be strong for her. He can't let this go wrong. He has to.

It's different when he finally wakes up, groggy, and barely catches her disappearing before his brain catches up and he realizes what happened. Taako groans, rolling onto his back and pressing the palms of his hands into his eyes. Fuck. Damn, shit, fucking cave liches and their fucking dreams and this-- garbage, absolute garbage. He sighs, heavy, knowing what he has to do, but hating every second of it.

It still takes him a minute, to force himself into movement, to climb down the rope ladder and walk out. He doesn't really think about where he's walking- he'll find his way to wherever she is. And maybe by the time he gets there, he'll know what the fuck to say. Still, he calls out a bit ahead of him, trying not to surprise her but also trying not to wake the rest of the house.]

Lup...?

[Lup hasn't gotten very far.]

Taako?

[Her familiar voice rings out directly above him, Lup halfway phased through the ceiling of this floor to float up to the next. But she pulls back to peer down at her brother fully, just hovering there near the ceiling. Lup isn't very often grateful for her lack of a face in this form, but she's certainly feeling it this time.]

Go back to sleep, goobus. It's like three in the morning.

[He screws up his face a little, lips flat in a line as he stares at her. He wishes he could read her a little better like this, missing all their physical tells from their life together when she floats there just out of his grasp.]

And what, let you mope on the roof until the fake sun comes up? Time is fake. And elves don’t need to sleep, you know the trade secret.

[As if he’s going immediately back into that anyway. It might not have been a nightmare, or any full-blown terror, but the jitters are felt easily in his body, and he certainly isn’t relaxed.

Taako doesn’t have the staff with him (and he wouldn’t want to point it at her anyway), but he doesn’t need it for this. Lup can see him cast a Mage Hand, and struggle with it for a bit until it’s basically overlaying his own. It gives him excuse to hold it out towards her, and also to try and tug at her cloak.]

Come on, we don’t have to go back there. There’s, uh... I mean, nobody’s up on the top floor, ‘n the kitchen’s there. Okay? ‘Ss always time for a three am pastry party featuring us, right?

I'm not moping! [But her tone lacks the usual defensive bite it holds when Lup doesn't want the company.

She stares down on him from above, watching Taako cast mage hand and hold it out to her before she's drifting back down to his level, slipping her bony hand into his. It's not the same, nothing could ever compare to the comforting warmth of his matching palm pressed against hers, but it's the closest she's come to physical touch in well over a decade. Lup's well aware it's her own mind playing tricks on her, but she swears she can almost feel his real fingers curling around her hand.]

I was just gonna go play with Peanut, she's real into these ol' bones of mine. [She's grown on Lup a lot, but that doesn't mean she isn't going to torment the dog.]

But I guess a three am pastry sesh isn't the worst idea.

Edited 2018-01-06 20:24 (UTC)

[It's the closest they've got, right now- this handhold, one step separated. Is this what he was complaining about, that they feel just slightly off? Is this what started it? Is he really going to let this petty garbage get in the way?

No. He can't go doing this. He can't go back to mourning her when she's right in fucking front of him. He owes her that much.

Taako gives her hand a little tug, and they start going to the stairs together.]

What do you wanna make? We don't have a ton of specialty ingredients but, y'know, we've worked with worse.

[It's hard to drag her along and also look at her, but he's trying, stumbling up the stairs a little as he doesn't watch where he's going. It's more important that he keeps her close. That she knows he's here.]

D'you think if we make it entirely out of magic you could eat it anyway? Bet we could figure it out.

[Lup doesn't need any special insight into Taako's thoughts to know what he's doing, the careful way he tugs her after him, keeping his attention on her instead of the stairs they're ascending. It's always touching to see this side of him, bringing back memories of their childhood where they'd always been attached to the hip, always striving to take care of one another.

If she could feel anything other than the crackling magic that made her up, Lup imagines the thought would leave her feeling warm.

So even if she's a bit put off by the shared dream, Lup curls her fingers around Taako's hand and floats up the stairs at his side,]

Maybe go basic on some brownies? [Her head tips to the side, mimicking a smile she doesn't quite reach her tone.] Y'know, comfort food.

[Not that she can eat any of it, but maybe part of the baking process would help in that. Being around her twin in the kitchen, falling easily into sync while they move around each other, it's a good reminder that not everything is lost to them. She may not have a body and he might not look exactly like her even if she did, but they're still the same on the inside. Nothing could ever change that, no matter what Taako thought.]

Maybe, but I don't want to find out how fucked up my sense of taste is without a tongue.

[He hums in agreement at her suggestions, getting to the top floor with minimal issue and hitting the lights as he goes. Since everyone else is asleep, this is their city now, and Taako intends on making it bright.]

Alright, I'll party down on brownies. Get the oven, okay? I'll figure out what we need to magic up.

[His hand gently drifts from hers, but he keeps the magic glove on, wanting those sort of meaningful touches they usually share while they work. He's still close, reaching into their supply cabinets quietly. The only problem is probably the cocoa powder, and if they're out of sugar again, but that's nothing they can't handle. He can conjure or transmute it for her- he owes her right now, needs to do better. He needs to make this right, somehow, but maybe he can't. Why did he say that, he knew these dreams were shared, why couldn't he have just done it for her, just been a supportive person instead of a selfish, spineless idiot who can't see past the superficial, who can't get over looks and shared hands and their own god damn past--

He shakes his head a bit, resumes taking everything out onto the counter, scared to breach the topic and not knowing how.]

How many should we make? Mags'll love that he just gets to wake up to surprise brownies. Ango too. I'unno if we've ever done 3 am baking with him around.

[Neither of them really need the light, but Lup appreciates the gesture all the same. Despite her arguing, Taako had been right. Lup would have just floated upstairs to mope alone and in the dark until the rest of the house had finally woken up for the day. Even if there's the chance for things to fall into a little awkwardness between them, this is already a much better alternative to her original plan.]

I'm on it. [Being incorporeal is straining on her more and more as of late, but working in the kitchen alongside her brother always puts Lup heart at ease. Whenever she feels disconnected from him, it's a simple reminder of just how in-sync they've remained, no matter how much time they've spent apart.] If we're gonna go for it, may as well go all out. Couple dozen, just to keep the boys from fightin' over 'em?

[And, y'know, to keep their hands busy longer.

Lup sets the oven to pre-heat and is carefully mage handing her way to setting up a few trays for the brownies while Taako takes care of the ingredients. But she just can't help herself from asking.]

Taako. [she tips her head his way, as if to meet his gaze.] Are you pissed with me?

[Maybe she's the one who should be scared to breach the topic, but for a woman who danced around the issue of love for nearly fifty years, when it comes to her brother, she's always direct.] Just be straight with me. I wanna know.

[He hums a bit at her first answer, continuing to mentally try and push his hangups to the side. He can do this. He doesn't have to mention anything, they can just... cook, and be together, and that's proof enough that he didn't really mean all of that in the dream. Just a dream. He's here now, that's what--

Oh, fuck all, she brought it up first.

Taako can feel the pace of his heartbeat quicken, necessitating an inhale a little too sharp for what he meant it to be. He can feel her eyes on him, but he doesn't turn around. Not yet, not... he can do this.]

I'm not... ugh, god.

[He can't do this. Taako tilts his head, unable to really answer without knowing she can see him. Out of everyone, she's the one he doesn't want getting the wrong idea, especially when he knows exactly what she means.]

I'm not mad at you, okay? That's dumb. I think you'd know if I was uh, super pissed or something. No reason to be all... worked up or whatever.

[If Lup had a bottom lip to chew on, this is about the time that she'd be doing exactly that.

The lich floats upwards to sit against the pre-heating oven, watching her brother try to keep it together. She doesn't exactly believe his answer, but at least he's given her something and isn't just avoiding the issue completely. Her hooded head tips in time with his.]

It'd be okay if you were. I mean, I'd be kinda pissed you haven't said anything at all for like a million years before this, but it's whatevs. I just-- [Lup pauses briefly, not quite sure exactly what she wants out of this. Just honesty? His forgiveness? What's the end goal here?]

Just wanna be honest with each other and crap.

[He looks down at the counter, trying to concentrate but not able to at all as she speaks. Goddamnit. Not this, anything but this-- whatever this is. Taako lets out an exasperated sigh, maybe a little too loud and heavy for his own liking.]

It's not about that, it's not a fucking-- honesty thing, goddamnit.

[He turns around, leaning against the counter and gripping at it's edge, but still not quite looking at her.]

I just... didn't wanna mess you up, alright? I got too fucking scared and got thrown back into it now, and I really shouldn't have said anything, like, what the hell was it gonna do, change the entire timeline with no consequences or whatever? It's stupid. I haven't even thought about it in, like, forever.

[Uuugh he feels like garbage about this, because it's all his faults laid out, messy and in pieces. And he's forcing her to put them back together.]

You were already gonna do it. No point in freaking you out and maybe killing you while you were like, proto-Casper, my new actually dead sister who asked for a good day and got a fuckin' mess at the end.

[It scares Lup completely that she doesn't quite understand him. Like there's a disconnect there between them, too big for her to get the complete scope of, the thoughts and emotions that she might normally be able to pick up on too distorted to be completely certain of anything. As children, being together had been as easy as breathing. They'd scarcely needed to look the other's way when they were trying to work their way out of scrapes. They just felt one another's everything down deep in their very souls. It was the easiest feeling Lup's ever known.

Was going through with this plan, dying and becoming a lich, what changed it? Had Taako been right all along?

Well, Lup's not going to give him that much credit. Taako refuses to look at her, but she just isn't satisfied with that answer. Lup floats over, phasing right through anything in her way, just to put her incorporeal body directly in his line of sight.]

Taako. It's fine. You're not... [she pauses, thoughtfully considering her words for once.] I'm not mad either. It was just a dream or whatever. We've had plenty of those lately. I'm just, I just was really shitty, okay? I should have talked to you sooner. About a lot of shit. That's on me.

Event Log: Dreamwalker the Second

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