Event Log: Dreamwalker the Second

[hadrielmods]

Who: All characters participating in the event
What: The event log for the Dreamwalker part 2 event
Where: In your dreams
When: October 14th-20th (the second log will go up on Oct 23rd, please keep the two weeks of the event separate!)
Warnings: All different kinds of dreams falling under the umbrella of Delight, Rage, Sorrow, and Hope.

This time, the weird stuff doesn't happen when you're awake- as a matter of fact, your waking hours are the normal ones. That's because you're forced to sleep by some unknown entity, getting more and more exhausted by the moment as night falls. Better make sure you're always around a soft pillow.

Once asleep, it doesn't get any less weird- your dreams will be influenced by one of the four gods that make up the first week. Something to make you smile, something to make you angry- or something that reminds you of your deepest regret or most vulnerable hope, they're all things that you're dreaming about now for some reason, no matter how hard you may try to pull away from them.

To make matters more complicated, there are others intruding on your dreams who definitely don't belong there, and while they may seem like manifestations at first, it becomes clear that these others are actually the consciousness of other members of Hadriel, getting some top quality exposure to your angriest, happiest, most sorrowful moments. Hope it doesn't get awkward when you see them tomorrow...

► This log covers October 14th-20th.
► Feel free to make your own logs as well
► Please tag headers of threads with content warnings where they apply
► Please put your character's name and open/closed in the subject line of your starters!
► If you die in dreams you don't die in real life, but if you somehow die in real life anyway, please let us know here.

Comments

[unknowable]

Don't look.

[His voice is tight, and now he thinks that he should have left her behind. He doesn't know what they'll see, but he knows it's likely that neither of them will want to see this. Adam, of course, would go on even so - he would not stop looking for Ronan, regardless of what he might see - but she shouldn't have to.

At least she can hide her face against his shoulder, close her eyes. It's something. It's all he can offer.

It's hard to tear his eyes from the tire iron. And he knows, of course he knows. The horror of it is almost too much, in this place, in Ronan's dreams. And why shouldn't it be? That, everything it represents, nearly destroyed Ronan. Changed him forever.

Adam looks away. He takes a breath, steels himself, and presses one hand to the back of the girl's head, so she won't look. So it'll be harder for her to look, anyway.

Then he follows the blood trail. He does not hesitate, once he's begun.]

[greywaren]

[It's Ronan, of course- who else would it be? He's laying facedown, but the shape of him gives it away as soon as Adam draws near. The scene is recreated from memory, like a painter with a self portrait, and that's the end of the barn, blood soaking into the ground from a fatal wound to the head, drenching his jacket, his shirt, his long, dark curls.

There's no monster who did this, not even a man, it's just there, held inside of this barn like a macabre museum of all the horrors in his memory, kept in pristine condition and ripe for revisiting whenever his mind decides to rebel against him.

But he knows this place now. It has a place in his mind, like everything else does, and when Ronan steps out of the shadows of the barn, he's not angry or struggling or even particularly upset. He's calm, accepting of the scene before him because it's a part of him now, just like the good things, just like Adam or Opal in his arms.]

Sorry it took me so long.

[He finally murmurs, stepping in a little closer and reaching his arms out for Opal.]

I didn't know if it was really you at first.

[unknowable]

[Ronan may be calm, Ronan may not be upset, but Adam is. Of course he is. How could he not be? That's a piece of his heart there on the floor, and though he knows it isn't truly Ronan, that it's only a part, that the true Ronan is still alive - for a moment, he was afraid.

He steps close, as if to give Opal to Ronan, but he doesn't let go of her, and he doesn't keep his distance either. He puts his arms around Ronan, as well as he can considering Opal, aware of the fact that he's squishing her between them. He is careful not to make her too uncomfortable, but he needs to touch Ronan, needs to be close to him. And Opal's presence is a comfort as well, in its own strange way.]

Damnit, Ronan.

[His voice is a little shaky. This is a dream, he can't help but know that, but it still feels real. Like a piece of reality. And this, the Ronan on the floor next to them - that feels real, too.]

You scared me.

[greywaren]

[Ronan returns the hug, wrapping his arms around Adam's shoulders with Opal between them, holding them both tightly. She squirms a little, uncomfortable, but ultimately far more at ease now that Ronan is here and both he and Adam are embracing around her.]

I know.

[He says it gravely, pulling back just a little to look at him. He's not so casual now that he's realized that Adam can't just shrug this off, and instead he lets himself look at the situation before him, more solemn now that he can smell the blood proper, see the tire iron gleaming on the ground.

It's not a good place for him. He should have tried to intervene earlier, but he hadn't even known Adam was here.]

I didn't mean to- it's not like I expected you to ever be here. This is just... [Ronan's voice trails off, and he looks down, his shoe scuffing at the dried blood smeared across the ground. Jesus.] ...it's in my head. I can't get rid of it.

[He reaches over to ruffle Opal's hair a little, affectionate, pleased to see her despite the circumstances.]

It scares me too.

[unknowable]

[Having Ronan there, being able to touch him and know that he's alive, does help calm Adam. It's something he's though about before, something that's scared him - the thought of coming home one day to find Ronan dead, waking up to blood and terror, being unable to help him. He can only imagine how much worse that must be for Ronan, who has had to live that fear.

He pulls back a little, but he doesn't let Ronan go. Opal, between them, is somewhat steady, Adam still supporting her with one arm. With the other, he holds on to Ronan, his hand gripping Ronan's bicep. Not too hard, but not letting go, either.]

I know. There are things in my head I can't get rid of either.

[And Ronan knows him better than anyone. He knows what those things are, just like on some level Adam knew about this. These things are part of them, as horrifying as they might be.]

I didn't expect to see it. I was - I was afraid it might be real.

[Someday. Now.]

You don't have to get rid of it. I won't let it happen.

[greywaren]

I know you won't.

[It's gentle and real. Adam knows him better than anybody- knows what's inside of his mind because he's been in it, he's tied to it in a way that nobody can really explain. Adam sacrificed himself for Cabeswater and while it wasn't to Ronan, it was still something wholly Ronan's creation, a life to the magic that was around them both. Adam knows what's in Ronan's soul because it's tied to him as well.

It's a scary thought, but also comforting in a sense. That they're both here together, aware and afraid, but together through it all. Ronan nods, leaning into Adam with a low hum, pressing their foreheads together with his eyes closed.]

I can't promise that this shit will never be real, [he says quietly, because Adam needs to know. That someday, he could wake up next to a bloodied and bruised Ronan, or something even worse. Or that one day, he could wake up to the mask or the gun or anything else in this terrible barn. The risk, while mitigated, is always there and he knows it and Adam has to know it too.]

Just that I'm- it's better. It's further away, and... accepting it as part of myself- [it's hard to explain, and Ronan has never really had the language to do it, but he tries anyway. For Adam.] -it makes it easier to deal with. I know it's there and I think that's enough for it.

[unknowable]

[He breathes in. He knows that a promise like that - a promise that this will never happen, that Ronan has defeated every demon and his dreams won't stalk him anymore - would be a foolish one. That's how life works, that's how their lives work. Even when you think you've moved beyond something, so often its hooks are still in you.

And Adam would never ask Ronan to lie. Would never want him to.]

Even if it is real someday - I'm not going to let it take you.

[How effective that promise will be, Adam doesn't know, but it's one he makes anyway. How could he do anything else? Even if there is nothing he can do, he'll still put everything he has into keeping Ronan safe. It might be impossible, but no matter what, it won't happen just because Adam let it.

He presses fingers to the back of Ronan's neck, keeping him there for a moment before stepping back so they can both breathe. He doesn't step away, though.]

You're not alone.

[greywaren]

Neither are you.

[He promises, because they've found one another here, two broken and battered souls haunted by their own trauma- but now that they're here and they're together, they're stronger. They're better for it, using one another as additional foundation to make up for what they lack. Ronan isn't sure if he'd have it any other way, doesn't know if he could have recovered without Adam, and he's thankful for it.

The dream is fraying at the edges and Ronan looks pained for a moment, vulnerable as he realizes that it's coming to a close. He doesn't ask this time and instead just reaches to take Opal from Adam's arms, steady as she wraps her hands around his shoulders and leans in close with an indecipherable murmur.

He doesn't say anything to her, but the closeness is there, and Ronan exhales a deep breath, before nodding, directing his attention back toward Adam.]

Thank you. For seeing this through 'til the end.

[unknowable]

[He can feel the dream starting to unravel around them. There's nothing he can do to stop it, and he thinks it's all right anyway - Ronan is okay, Ronan is here. He'll be all right. This is a part of him that isn't going to go away, a part that Adam can't fix with his analytical mind or his love, and that's all right. They both have broken pieces. That doesn't mean they're actually broken - not anymore.]

You don't need to thank me.

[That should go without saying, really. He holds Ronan's gaze, even as he can feel everything around them fading away.]

I'm gonna see it all through 'til the end. With you.

[It's a plain declaration, a simple admission of what they both already know: Adam's in this for the long haul. No matter what might lurk in Ronan's dreams, Adam isn't going to walk away or give up. Not here - not anywhere.]