"Cal, I never... this poison within you, that you speak of so often. It's never hurt me. I've never feared it." He curls his fingers against the sides of Cal's hand, keeping him close. "I don't know if I believe in souls, but you're right about one thing. Part of me is missing, without you. It's more than just love, I think, though that was frightening enough on its own. This is something deep and tangled inside. I'm only alive when you're with me."

Cal's gaze on him is heavy and stressful but he continues, idle ramblings.

"Maybe the har you know now changed so much just because he'd lost who he was, without you. And didn't know how to deal with that loss. I know I change, without you. But I like myself so much better when we're together. I'm.... brighter. Sharper and stronger and braver but not just because you're there with me. Because you believe in me. Take all that away and I'm sure he was lost, for a long time. I remember being so, so lost, when I wound up here without you. I'm tired of feeling that way now, when you're right here."

He shifts, then, pushing himself up to his knees to straddle Cal's lap, bringing their faces close. The age is there, and Cal's eyes hold more peace than he ever remembers seeing in them, but.

"Show me, Cal. That we're still ourselves."