(open) i will never find a way to heal my soul

[puzzlingly]

Who: Atem and peeps. Open mostly, specially to anyone in the in the clinic.
What: Atem finally comes to after being attacked by Yukari, spends some time at the clinic being a massive grump, then goes home to grump a little more.
Where: Clinic / house 6-1
When: November 3rd- 14th
Warnings: Mentions of stitches and wounds ew, torture and blood. Other possible warnings in comments.


november 3rd | clinic | open to one trafalgar law

「He wakes. He wakes and all his being pushes him to scream, it is not possible for someone to withstand so much pain, so much cold. But he does not utter a sound. His body shivers from the cold, and he frantically looks around trying to get his bearings, trying to locate him, Yukari. He doesn't remember anything, just pain, and so much red, and the need to hurt that man as much as he possibly could, to stop him from going after someone else, then nothing, just nothing. He tries to sit up, failing completely, the ache down his chest forcing him to fall back onto the mattress and finally making him blurt out a pained cry.

It's been so long since he's felt this torment, this body is was not designed to endure so much punishment, it was a temporal vessel for his wandering soul. Why must he go through it all over again? Wasn't he done? Wasn't his time up? Why have they abandoned here...? Was he never good enough to move on, to go back home? -- Why is he here?!

Please end it, anyone, please just, end him.」

november 3rd - 12th | clinic | ota

「He should probably be sleeping instead of forcing himself to stay awake and even more so, forcing his dominant hand to play chess on his phone, or even to reply a few messages. Hell, he can barely hold the stupid phone, but he needs the distraction. Every time he goes to sleep, he sees his face, and then he remembers how stupid he was to give his trust away, again.

Meh, just meh...」

november 13rd - 14th | imported house 6-1 | open to bakura and anyone who asks idk (someone bring food to this child omg)

「Not being able to stay at the clinic any longer, because it is so damn depressing, Atem finally convinces them to let him go home, under the solemn promise that he would not do anything stupid. Like going outside and look for Yukari.

Being drained from the past days, he often finds himself simply sleeping, indulging into tiredness and allowing his vessel to regain its strength (not that he has many options controlling that...). But more than once, he finds himself bored to death and trying to get a hold of his cards, he can't. Having sliced through his fingers, trying to avoid Yukari's blade to go any further into his shoulder has made it impossible for now. It is so frustrating, so painful! 」

Dammit!

「It wouldn't be the first nor the last time during these days that he's absolutely tempted to toss his deck of cards to a close wall due sheer resentment, but he doesn't... Picking them up would be yet another pain in the ass.」

Comments

[fadeling]

It's alright. I can't help if I can't hear.

[puzzlingly]

So, are you going to help me now?

[fadeling]

If you want me to.

[puzzlingly]

I don't know. You're gonna make me forget or something, I don't wanna.

[fadeling]

I don't have to. It's not for always.

[puzzlingly]

Then what is the point?

[fadeling]

Then it doesn't stay stuck.

[puzzlingly]

「He stares for a moment, considering his words. He could do without certain stuff right now, but then he just shakes his head a little.」

Keep me company instead...?

「It comes as a mere whisper.」

[fadeling]

Alright. [He doesn't even hesitate agreeing with that.] If it helps.

[puzzlingly]

It will, I promise it will...

「He pats, awkwardly, at a little space beside his bed, take a seat.」

Have you always done this, helping people? Or was there a time when you didn't?

[fadeling]

I have to help. I've always helped.

[puzzlingly]

How? I mean, when you were Cole.

[fadeling]

I don't remember. I let him go.

[puzzlingly]

「Well... that is a little sad.」

Then why keep the name?

[fadeling]

You need to call me something. He won't mind if I'm Cole for a little longer.

[puzzlingly]

「The way he says it, funny, it has him smiling, it is not big nor bright, but a ghost of what it usually is. But a smile anyway.」

You know, I went through something like that once.

[fadeling]

Why?

[puzzlingly]

I had forgotten my name, so I had to borrow one.

[fadeling]

Why did you forget?

[puzzlingly]

It's a secret.

「And wink. Nah not really, it's not, but... sadly, for Cole, he's not about to trust that part of his life so easily now. Blame the fuck that nearly killed him.」

Let's just say it was necessary at the time.

[fadeling]

Oh. [He doesn't even bat an eyelash at that explanation--he doesn't have to share if he doesn't want to.]

Most people don't like to forget. They say it hurts too much to remember but they want to keep it too.

[puzzlingly]

I didn't want to forget, but it happened, and it helped. Then I spent a lot of time trying to remember everything... But, if I had to do it again, I guess I would.

「A bit of a pause, then he chuckles, at himself.」

I think I just like suffering, huh?

[fadeling]

Sometimes it has to hurt to help.

[puzzlingly]

Heh, I hadn't thought of it that way, you're right.

[fadeling]

No one likes it, but it does, sometimes. [He doesn't like it either.] Burns and breaks and blood, bound and broken and always something else on the other side.