(open) i will never find a way to heal my soul

[puzzlingly]

Who: Atem and peeps. Open mostly, specially to anyone in the in the clinic.
What: Atem finally comes to after being attacked by Yukari, spends some time at the clinic being a massive grump, then goes home to grump a little more.
Where: Clinic / house 6-1
When: November 3rd- 14th
Warnings: Mentions of stitches and wounds ew, torture and blood. Other possible warnings in comments.


november 3rd | clinic | open to one trafalgar law

「He wakes. He wakes and all his being pushes him to scream, it is not possible for someone to withstand so much pain, so much cold. But he does not utter a sound. His body shivers from the cold, and he frantically looks around trying to get his bearings, trying to locate him, Yukari. He doesn't remember anything, just pain, and so much red, and the need to hurt that man as much as he possibly could, to stop him from going after someone else, then nothing, just nothing. He tries to sit up, failing completely, the ache down his chest forcing him to fall back onto the mattress and finally making him blurt out a pained cry.

It's been so long since he's felt this torment, this body is was not designed to endure so much punishment, it was a temporal vessel for his wandering soul. Why must he go through it all over again? Wasn't he done? Wasn't his time up? Why have they abandoned here...? Was he never good enough to move on, to go back home? -- Why is he here?!

Please end it, anyone, please just, end him.」

november 3rd - 12th | clinic | ota

「He should probably be sleeping instead of forcing himself to stay awake and even more so, forcing his dominant hand to play chess on his phone, or even to reply a few messages. Hell, he can barely hold the stupid phone, but he needs the distraction. Every time he goes to sleep, he sees his face, and then he remembers how stupid he was to give his trust away, again.

Meh, just meh...」

november 13rd - 14th | imported house 6-1 | open to bakura and anyone who asks idk (someone bring food to this child omg)

「Not being able to stay at the clinic any longer, because it is so damn depressing, Atem finally convinces them to let him go home, under the solemn promise that he would not do anything stupid. Like going outside and look for Yukari.

Being drained from the past days, he often finds himself simply sleeping, indulging into tiredness and allowing his vessel to regain its strength (not that he has many options controlling that...). But more than once, he finds himself bored to death and trying to get a hold of his cards, he can't. Having sliced through his fingers, trying to avoid Yukari's blade to go any further into his shoulder has made it impossible for now. It is so frustrating, so painful! 」

Dammit!

「It wouldn't be the first nor the last time during these days that he's absolutely tempted to toss his deck of cards to a close wall due sheer resentment, but he doesn't... Picking them up would be yet another pain in the ass.」

Comments

[puzzlingly]

「Actually... He places, awkwardly, his banged hand over Delmar's.」

You already are.

[imhisaunt]

[Delmar's gaze drops to that hand resting on his own. It's small compared to his own. And hurt so very badly.

He swallows with difficulty around a burning knot in his throat]

Atem

[He keeps his eyes trained on their hands, too ashamed of himself to meet Atem's eyes]

I...I hate them.

[puzzlingly]

Delmar... don't...

「But how to ask him not to? Atem doesn't know how to deal with his own.」

Don't harbor such feelings in your heart, there is no need.

[imhisaunt]

[He's nodding but only as a gesture to show that he's listening. He'd be lying if he said he agreed. And he doesn't want to lie to his friend.]

Have you eaten recently? Are you hungry?

[puzzlingly]

「Atem knows and feels that it's not just a magic thing to stop feeling, specially hatred, but he will try to be there for Delmar, to lesses that terrible burden he put upon his friend.

He gives him a little nod.」

I'm good, 「In that regard, at lest.」Bakura has been taking care of me.

「Oh, didn't he mention he's kind of living with his worst enemy and he is taking care of him? Oops.」

[imhisaunt]

[It takes Delmar a few moments to put that name to a memory. Some time has passed since the dream and so much has happened in that time that a lot of the details seem fuzzy now. But he is certain he knows that name.]

...Bakura...

[He frowns looking at the floor as if the answer might be there before his eyes suddenly go wide and he straightens]

Isn't Bakura the one who had you so very worried?

[puzzlingly]

Yeah, still am.

「Atem pls.」

But we... Talked.

「Sort of? Bantered, threatened and insulted each other, you know, talked. Well no, in fact, Bakura had done all the talking, last time anyway.」

It's going to be fine.

[imhisaunt]

[Sorry, Atem, but Delmar does not look entirely convinced]

Is he a good person to be taking care of you right now?

[puzzlingly]

「He gets it, but he surprisingly nods at him.」

He had every chance to kill me and he hasn't, and he will not.

「For now.」

We share a bigger enemy right now. ... Plus... he's a good cook...

「If it only was food he makes! He does laundry too, bless that fuck. Don't tell anyone Delmar!」

[imhisaunt]

[Delmar still looks unsure but he relents for the moment. If Bakura is feeding him and making sure he rests then he supposes he shouldn't be ungrateful]

Well, if he does anything untoward you tell me.

[as if you could do something, Delmar]

[puzzlingly]

「The idea of Delmar lecturing Bakura in some way is actually a little funny. He knows the Ring's Spirit will not harm his friend, also, for now, but even Bakura has some honor left, plus he swore upon the Ring... Those are not small words, coming from him. So yes, that comment makes Atem chuckle, it comes naturally even if a little too mild for him, but it's way better than what he's been forcing for the last days. The fact that Delmar is there helps.」

Believe me I will. He will not hear the end of it.

[imhisaunt]

He will not

[Delmar nods in emphatic agreement, brightening a little to hear Atem chuckle.]

It must sound silly of me to say...but It really has felt like you've been away forever.

[puzzlingly]

No, it is not silly.

「Atem attempts to lie down back again, it's tiring to be sitting up.」

I feel I've been away myself.

「And he's not back yet, somehow. He still cannot believe he was completely out for a couple of days, in truth, he cannot still believe what happened.」

[imhisaunt]

Where do you feel you've been?

[He asks in a quiet voice]

[puzzlingly]

「He thinks about it for a little moment as he looks at nothing, the weight of his soul's years reflecting in his eyes.」

I'm... not sure.

[imhisaunt]

[Delmar in turn looks a bit lost, not sure what to say to that, but worried. So many little ways that his friend doesn't seem altogether himself.

Gently he squeezes Atem's hand again]

Well, right now you are here with me.

[He hopes that is at least a tiny bit comforting]

[puzzlingly]

「It is much more than comforting, it sets his feet on the ground and helps him stop drifting away.」

You are, and I cannot thank you enough for that.

「Delmar seriously needs to stop reminding Atem of Yugi, it is so unfair what he keeps doing in his mind... But it is really hard not to think of the young man when around his friend, he does and says things he knows the other would do and say. He has kept him afloat ever since he met him that ridiculous day with the washing machine incident. Maybe one day, he'll tell him about Yugi, tell him how wonderful he is and how much Delmar reminds him of him, but today, is not that day.

After a moment, Atem looks away, briefly.」

Delmar, you told me you were going to help people. May I ask how?

[imhisaunt]

Oh! Yes.

[He's been so tied up with the hide out that it feels strange to him that Atem doesn't know about it. But of course he doesn't. Delmar hadn't been able to tell him.

He smiles shyly]

Well, it's probably not very much, but that young man, Seel, he helped me to build a safe hiding place under the bakery. For the people who are afraid.

[puzzlingly]

A hiding place...

「Not a bad idea, not at all. One that doesn't work for him at all, he would never hide but see where that landed him... but for others, it might be the best.」

That's a great idea. Sorry I cannot help.

[imhisaunt]

A lot of the people on that list can't fight... or at least they can't fight people like---

[He stops there. About to say 'Yukari']

...I hope it helps someone.

[puzzlingly]

「Not to say Atem can read minds but, it is a little obvious.」

Do not be afraid of a name, Delmar.

[imhisaunt]

[At that, Delmar gives Atem a level look]

I am not afraid. I don't think its a name that deserves to be acknowledged.

[It does not get that respect.]

[puzzlingly]

「To which Atem actually looks surprised—he has never seen Delmar so adamant and displeased about anything...

He gives him a little nod, however.」

If that's your wish...

「He doesn't like the hate this has brought to his friend. Just another thing to add to the pile.」

[imhisaunt]

I don't think strength is strength if it has no conscience. It's just cruelty. And I can't respect cruelty. No matter how someone tries to justify it. Strength...bravery....it...it takes something more important.

[he raises a hand to touch lightly over where his heart is beating]

Cruelty is the easy way out. Hurting things because you can or because you are only thinking of yourself and what you want.

[puzzlingly]

「How wrong had Atem been until now, believing Delmar needed him in some way to be strong. He doesn't, it's a bit of an eye opener. Is it the other way around, perhaps? Is it Atem who needs him to tell him these sort of things? He's always had people around him, helping him through life, after all.

He listens to him, truly impressed from how he's expressing himself, of the strength of his heart and the passion he shows when defending his beliefs. The more he learns about him... heh...」

I understand.