(open) i will never find a way to heal my soul

[puzzlingly]

Who: Atem and peeps. Open mostly, specially to anyone in the in the clinic.
What: Atem finally comes to after being attacked by Yukari, spends some time at the clinic being a massive grump, then goes home to grump a little more.
Where: Clinic / house 6-1
When: November 3rd- 14th
Warnings: Mentions of stitches and wounds ew, torture and blood. Other possible warnings in comments.


november 3rd | clinic | open to one trafalgar law

「He wakes. He wakes and all his being pushes him to scream, it is not possible for someone to withstand so much pain, so much cold. But he does not utter a sound. His body shivers from the cold, and he frantically looks around trying to get his bearings, trying to locate him, Yukari. He doesn't remember anything, just pain, and so much red, and the need to hurt that man as much as he possibly could, to stop him from going after someone else, then nothing, just nothing. He tries to sit up, failing completely, the ache down his chest forcing him to fall back onto the mattress and finally making him blurt out a pained cry.

It's been so long since he's felt this torment, this body is was not designed to endure so much punishment, it was a temporal vessel for his wandering soul. Why must he go through it all over again? Wasn't he done? Wasn't his time up? Why have they abandoned here...? Was he never good enough to move on, to go back home? -- Why is he here?!

Please end it, anyone, please just, end him.」

november 3rd - 12th | clinic | ota

「He should probably be sleeping instead of forcing himself to stay awake and even more so, forcing his dominant hand to play chess on his phone, or even to reply a few messages. Hell, he can barely hold the stupid phone, but he needs the distraction. Every time he goes to sleep, he sees his face, and then he remembers how stupid he was to give his trust away, again.

Meh, just meh...」

november 13rd - 14th | imported house 6-1 | open to bakura and anyone who asks idk (someone bring food to this child omg)

「Not being able to stay at the clinic any longer, because it is so damn depressing, Atem finally convinces them to let him go home, under the solemn promise that he would not do anything stupid. Like going outside and look for Yukari.

Being drained from the past days, he often finds himself simply sleeping, indulging into tiredness and allowing his vessel to regain its strength (not that he has many options controlling that...). But more than once, he finds himself bored to death and trying to get a hold of his cards, he can't. Having sliced through his fingers, trying to avoid Yukari's blade to go any further into his shoulder has made it impossible for now. It is so frustrating, so painful! 」

Dammit!

「It wouldn't be the first nor the last time during these days that he's absolutely tempted to toss his deck of cards to a close wall due sheer resentment, but he doesn't... Picking them up would be yet another pain in the ass.」

Comments

[puzzlingly]

「Why did he have to ask that...?」

Home.

「Used to be.」

[aroundthecoroner]

[Shit. Well that could've gone better. Everything happening here could've gone better tbh.]

Sorry. But, uh, at least he's not here for all the craziness?

[That's a positive right??? He's bad at optimism. Still.]

[puzzlingly]

「Well, that's strangely helpful. It is not quite a smile but it is something vaguely resembling one when his lips twitch upward. Nice save, dude.」

There is nothing to be sorry about. You're right. He and I... Our time together came to an end and it was time to move on.

「But the remainder that he's alone in a way no one here can really understand remains. He tries very hard not to show it.」

How crazy has it been for you anyway?

[aroundthecoroner]

[Oh. So leaving his body's original owner behind was a thing that happened before Atem came to Hadriel. Still sucks.

At least Michael's question didn't totally ruin the conversation?]

Pretty crazy, I guess. [But when hasn't his life been pretty crazy?] Though this might sound weird, but it's not as bad as I thought it would be. People told me all kinds of stuff when I got here, like that the gods killed people. None of that's happened since I've been here.

[puzzlingly]

Hmm. I heard the same. I guess they cannot afford to make people hate them right now.

「A little pause, then he adds, darkly,」

It doesn't excuse them from what they've done.

[aroundthecoroner]

I mean, I guess not.

[Believe him, buddy, he's had the thought cross his mind. But he doubts the Visitor could deal with a god. Fake or not.]

Does that mean you're siding with the Null in this whole war thing? I'm kind of undecided myself.

[puzzlingly]

... Siding the Null? Really? 「DUDE...」 There is no way I would side with them, look what they are doing, dividing the only side that should matter, ours!

「There is not two sides... just as Bakura said, there is the Null's, the Demons' and theirs.」

What is there to decide? Do you consider your life more important than others? Do you really think they are going to help you in some way to go back to your world when they defeat the so called gods?

「He needs to take a moment to breath, you're not a very good doctor, man, upsetting your patients.」

You've never been in a war, have you?

[aroundthecoroner]

[w h o o p s]

I mean, okay, I guess I figured you'd be upset with the whole being on the hitlist thing, but some people got on there for stupid reasons, without having decided for sure to be against them.

[Michael tries to backpedal but is mostly unsuccessful. At this point he's just rambling.]

And I guess I was thinking that like, I don't know, the Null aren't going to see "neutral" as a side probably, and the gods were rooting out traitors, so if you're against the gods, I thought maybe you'd just default to siding with the Null. I didn't think of us as being a third side since I doubt either of the other two are going to just let us be one. Even though I said I was undecided, I'll probably default to the gods just because they're the ones who feed us and the Null told us to murder kids. But I mean the gods are pretty bad too, like you said.

[And it's fine, he's not a real doctor. His "patients" back home are all already dead.]

And uh, no. I've never been in a war.

[That much is obvious, honestly.]

Listen, if I'm pissing you off, maybe I should just go.

[puzzlingly]

「No, wait, don't leave him alone!

...

But it is true he is just pissing him off, which is weird even for him, it is clear something is not okay with him at the moment, he doesn't feel like himself.

Regardless, he can now somewhat understand the reasoning behind his logic.」

You're the first one I find that thinks that way. 「But surely, he is not the only one, he had been naturally drawn to those who would side with the people rather than taking part with either of the other parts.」

Sorry, I think I'm tired...

「Enough to blurt out an apology he doesn't even feel.」

Don't... Don't go.

[aroundthecoroner]

[Michael is very prepared to get up and leave, not really wanting to cause either of them anymore trouble, but that "don't go" catches him off guard. Atem must either really be lonely, or really be in a bad mood. Or both? Probably both.

Michael sinks back down onto the bed next to Atem's.]

It's alright. I know I'm not really helping. I'm kind of bad with people.

IM SORRY IM SERIOUSLY NOT CALLING YOU OUT? ♥

[puzzlingly]

「Probably both, the former more than the latter. His comment at least makes him snort a little amused.」

You don't go around killing people. That is being bad with people.

「He knows bad people, one of them is currently living in his house and this guy is nothing like him... Huh.」

Can you tell me more about you? Why did you choose to do what you do?

「Back home, embalmers were had some of the most important jobs, as they were to prepare the temple that was the body to the soul and all that stuff... The word around him has changed so much, and it's nice to know some things remained almost the same.」

DW THIS IS BEAUTIFUL

[aroundthecoroner]

[Oh. Oh. Oops. Welp. Michael decides to do the only smart thing he's done in this conversation and not verbally respond to that comment, just give a nervous little laugh.]

What do you, uh, what do you want to know? Why I work with dead people? That's a good question.

[And the answer is a little complicated, but he'll try to condense it and leave out the illegal parts.]

I needed a job, and my medical training looked good on the application. And from my end, I thought working with the dead would be easier. I mean. You see what happens when I try to talk to the living.

[puzzlingly]

Back home, it was said embalmers learned their craft from the god Anubis. He was the first to create a mummy to keep Osiris' soul alive and ensure a clear path for him to the Afterlife.

「Just a random fact there. Just random chitchat. He seems to need it. Hopefully he's not imposing himself too much on this guy.」

Hmm... Was it easier anyway?

[aroundthecoroner]

Oh. [Yeah that's... that's way more prestigious than his job at the mortuary was. Place was actually kinda shady.]

I learned from a guy named Jerry? I don't think it was quite the same kind of embalming, though. Not as many rituals and, well, it just wasn't all that religious in general.

[Sorry?]

It is easier, though, working mostly with dead people. I mean I'm never really working alone or anything, but not working in public is a step up already.

[puzzlingly]

「He would have never expected that his so very old traditions would be carried to this world, he can't blame Michael for that.」

I wouldn't assume it was, no... 「But thinking about it was soothing.」

Do people scare you? 「Living people, huh? It is a honest question, he used to know a little boy who wasn't very social... haha... Damn.」

[aroundthecoroner]

Uh, I mean. [He has a clinical diagnosis that says as much.]

I don't know about scare me, but I'm not a big fan of crowds, and I get kinda anxious when I have to talk to people on the phone and stuff.

[Understatements. He has some.]

[puzzlingly]

「oh, forgive him, Michael, he's never heard of something like that before. He knows he can be too forward, he was taught to talk to crowds, he just enjoys being around people, even though sometimes he found himself needing a moment of respite, sometimes even he felt a little (or very) overwhelmed at his responsibilities, but you cannot just stop being king so hiding was his way to cope. He wonders if it's a bit alike. Just a thing to think about.」

Ah... Am I making you anxious?

[aroundthecoroner]

[God, this is embarrassing. A teenager is worried that he's making him nervous, and the worst part is it's actually true. But, to be fair-]

No more than most people. It's kind of like a baseline thing? Almost everybody makes me at least a little anxious. But you're not, like, worse.

[puzzlingly]

「Almost everybody makes him at least a little anxious...?

That's one eye opener.」

Sorry. I made you stay longer.

[aroundthecoroner]

Don't worry about it. This is- [Normal? Normal is probably the wrong word.]

I'm used to it.

[puzzlingly]

「That doesn't sound too reassuring.」

Can I do anything to help?

「Role reversal. Yep.」

[aroundthecoroner]

Probably not, unless you brought some Xanax.

[Excuse him while he has a little chuckle over his own very stupid joke.]

[puzzlingly]

「The hell is Xanax? He's clueless alright, but the chuckles seems like a good thing? People are usually Atem's strong point, but Michael he... is proving to be a challenge.

He just gives him a halfhearted shrug and a little smile.」

Sorry, I don't. What I can do is stop bothering you.

「No matter if Michael came to him first.」

[aroundthecoroner]

[It's okay, Atem, Michael is always a challenge.]

Uh, I guess. I should probably let you get back to resting, anyway.

[Instead of, you know, stressing him out.]

[puzzlingly]

Yeha... Maybe.

「He does look awfully tired, especially after dealing with Michael...」

Thanks anyway.

「For trying? Yeah.」