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Who: Rosie, Carlisle
What: Rosie tries to harass Carlisle into friendship again.
Where: Carlisle's place, his garden specifically
When: your guess is as good as mine broseph though sometime after the Null invasion but not like too late just the right amount of time after
Warnings: Possibly some discussion of heavy topics!

There's a lot to take in with their change of scenery. Like many, Rose has been exploring this newfound world. While she doesn't like the arid climate, she finds it a bit fascinating. It reminds her of the deserts of Arizona, of such a foreign-seeming place in the United States. Japan didn't have any natural deserts. Compared to her home country's greenery, it seemed very... beige.

Perhaps that's why it's Carlisle's garden that stands out. Not that she knows it's his or that this is even where he lives. She wasn't trying to find him or anything after their last conversation went sour. In fact, it was actually the opposite. Rose had been steadfastly ignoring him since and letting him have the space he so requested. That was a thing she was trying to do now more than before: respect people's wishes.

"Woah, how are they keeping this place alive? These things should be keeling over by now..." the blond muses as she peers into the place. In normal circumstances, they would be wilting just as Rose feels like doing. But these aren't normal circumstances, aren't they?

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This seems almost routine for him. Like he's used to just... bleeding ink like that. Rose wonders if it's a byproduct of his conjuring. And if so, why does he still do it? Maybe stopping will have worse repercussions? It's all speculation, of course, and maybe she's wrong. She could just ask but- She doesn't want to pry or make him more uncomfortable. Which might be a funny thought from Rose, of all people, who didn't seem too concerned with people's comfort during her shipping chart.

"My kind don't exist in a lot of worlds," she admits. It's not actually anything disconcerting for Rose. She holds no love for her own people. Most of them, anyway. She thinks the more worlds out there in the multiverse where they don't exist, the better.

"But we have magic."

It's not that they have magic, but what else Rose says that certainly gets Carlisle's attention. He folds the towel slowly, his eyes on her as he tries to discern just what it is she meant.

"Your kind?" She looks human enough, but to be fair, so does he -- and looks can be terribly deceiving, can't they?

"My kind," she says again and in what will seem to be the blink of an eye she's changed. Hair of snow white instead of gold cascades past her shoulders. The ears on the side of her head have disappeared, replaced by tall white wolfish ones atop her skull. A tail of the same color now curls behind her where she sits and dusts the ground lightly. Eyes of amber stare Carlisle down, her now amused smile a lot more toothy than previously.

My, what big teeth she has. Fangs, really, but- Details.

"Yokai. It translates to demon but... It's a bit more complicated than that."

The transformation is more than startling: it spooks Carlisle so badly that he jumps in his chair, nearly sending the pail at his feet toppling over. He seems to judge saving his cottage floor as important as saving himself, and so he leans forward and catches it, his eyes never leaving the strange being before him. It's not the ears nor the hair that have his full attention, but those teeth so sharp and frightening.

"Oh. Oh, ah. Th- that is, um. That is s-s-something, isn't it?"

That nervous sort of smile pulls at the corner of his mouth again, clearly a reaction more than a truthful expression. With the bucket steady -- as steady as it can be in his shaking hands -- he leans back into his chair once more, as far as it will let him... and then further still as he scoots the entire seat back an inch or two. The last time he came face to face with a demon didn't end well at all.

"H- how is it m- more complicated? If that- if that isn't rude to ask?"

Please don't be rude to ask.

It's been a while since someone reacted the way humans back home would. Rose had actually thought after Haven and Hadriel and the absolute lack of surprise that maybe it was just the mortals of her world. Maybe she wasn't as terrifying as she'd always been led to believe, but- No. He's right to be afraid. She's exactly the monster she never wanted to be.

But his fear kills any potential appetite she might have had. She doesn't like her prey to be frightened; she likes it when they have some fight. He doesn't have to worry about his question being rude to ask, his reaction was well enough.

"We're made of ki, life energy. But ours is tainted by negative human emotions and that's what makes us demons. My kind, the okuri inu, are born of people's fear of walking alone in mountain passes at night. We jump out and eat them if they trip. I mean. They do. That wasn't really my thing."

"O- oh." Carlisle continues to jitter his chair, but at least the part where eating people isn't 'her thing' is a relief, if true. Would she lie to him? She is a demon, and demons are known for their trickery, their inclination toward deception.

... Of course, that'd demons from his world. How are they in hers? Those he knows of certainly aren't created from this 'ki' material when a fearful individual travels alone through a mountain pass; if they were, Carlisle would have been devoured long, long ago in his mountain home. There is nothing about him that screams heart of a lion, despite his proud lineage.

"F- funny how different things c- can be from world to w- world, isn't it?" he asks, what levity there is to be found in his tone purely there is a failed attempt to soothe his own nerves. "Life e- energy as we utilize it is called ek-ek-eksth'alva, and is not at all how a demon would come to be. I- I mean, perhaps? Some demons, but- but not most. Interesting."

His fingers curl into the arms of the chair as he physically tries to hold himself still. Though he manages it, his mouth keeps running, as though more words would explain away his fears. "Sorry, I- last time I was faced with a demon was- it was here, and it was not a- not a good time, mind you. Terrible, really. Possessions and- you can't do those, can you? Possessions?"

She would, actually. It wasn't her thing... and then a man by the name of Phillip Kite made it so that it was. He doesn't need to know that though. Besides this, most her lies are just that of omission. There's a lot that Rose doesn't say. And is that really lying? What people didn't know (usually) didn't hurt them.

"Yeah, it's pretty fascinating." His discomfort is obvious but maybe it's for that reason she doesn't shift back. Exposure therapy. That kind of idea, anyway. Maybe the longer he sees her with her fangs and how she isn't doing anything with them the more convinced he'll be that she doesn't actually have any intent to harm.

"Not my kind. But some of us can. Usually the lesser ones. They possess people to do their bidding, keep that negative energy flowing." Without it, yokai wouldn't exist so there's... a reason for it. Rose doesn't like it, or what she is, but can't deny it's a necessity. "I remember the demons, but- Our kind aren't all evil. We can be benevolent too. Like there's guardian wolves."

Unfortunately, Rose's exposure therapy just seems to be unnerving Carlisle more and more; his eyes fall to a spot on the floor, his brow knotting tightly as he grinds his teeth behind his lips. He has dealt with the exorcism of demons before, but being face-to-face with one -- especially one so close, and so soon after what happened to Emily -- just riles his inward terror.

"G- guardian wolves?" he asks, still searching for distractions. "Are they- are they wild gods of some sort?"

He'll have to get unwound in the same clothes he got upset in because she's not changing. It's not often Rose even shows people this side; it's usually taken as a very big sign of trust. Considering Carlisle didn't attack her outright, she doesn't think she made the wrong decision. She can deal with nervous fear. It's aggressive fear that she has a hard time swallowing. People who act without even giving her a chance, without letting her show them she's not just a demon.

"The Ôkami aren't gods, but they're... up there. Similar to the dragons. They're like a tier below the actual deities, they work directly under them. Ôkami are herald to the Yama no Kami, the mountain deity."

"A- ah. So... lesser deities."

Carlisle continues to try to relate what she's saying to things he knows, things that are familiar, and comfortably so, but all he can think about is his former student turning to him, her eyes no longer her own, body twisted with the onset of full possession—

"Please change back."

His eyes still aren't on Rose, as though keeping her on his periphery would somehow help quell his fear. Usually, he would try to keep an eye on something that so threatened him, but she doesn't seem interested in hurting him or toying with him, as the demons he knows of would tend to do. She is less of a danger to him than his own paranoia, and he knows it, so that's what he fights to curb first.

"Yeah, kind of like that." Rose is hard-pressed to call either of them truly deities but- It's fine. He can think of them how he wants. They're not so picky about labels. Well. The dragons, maybe, but they're a bunch of conceited assholes Rose doesn't about.

He says please. She almost doesn't. But while they might have their disagreements, she's not malicious. Or at least she doesn't try to be. With a sigh, the woman focuses. It takes a little longer than the change back because the spell requires concentration to maintain and dropping it is the opposite. It's a lot harder to think about something intensely than to not, so. After a moment though, she's back to the blond woman that most of the residents of Hadriel are familiar with.

"I'm not like them," she says. "Not the ones that were here." Not anymore. She refuses to be.

Throughout Rose's shift, and even for several moments afterward, Carlisle keeps his eyes lodged on the floor, as though the hole he's digging there with his gaze would protect him from his own trepidation. When it doesn't work, he goes for words instead, his usual distraction.

"It's not you," he utters as a reassurance to them both. "I know it isn't, but- but I had someone killed by one of them, and—"

And he hasn't really gotten over it.

Rose can fill in the same blank, honestly. While she hadn't lost anyone to the demons then, she remembers how ugly. How bloody and awful their infestation was. Her own kind liked to tear the flesh from people's bones and she has too so she understands just how horrible demons can be. Whether they be the kind that plagued Hadriel or her own kind. She knows his fear isn't founded in something irrational.

"It's not fine, but. I get it. We all got shit that we're afraid of, even if it might be... Well, not unfounded. I mean, we usually fear the worst things that have already happened to us repeating so. Your fear is demons. Mine? Water." That might seem anticlimatic, so she clarifies: "Well, drowning. But I mentally flip out if I get too close to a body of water I can possibly drown in. So I'm not having a good time with these pools and I know it's not exactly the same, but."

There's something in what Rose says -- her fear in particular, upon clarification -- that draws Carlisle's attention. His eyes flick to her, and while they are still laced with fear, there is also quiet bewilderment, then sympathy.

"Oh." She looks human enough, is a demon beneath the skin, but despite all that, she has... such simple fear, one he's faced many times himself. Most of those occasions were when he stood at the edge of the Cottonmouth so long ago in Bear Den, wondering if the riverbed held solace that the world could no longer provide. His family was gone, his lineage broken, his reputation as tattered as the remnants of his soul. What reason was there to look elsewhere?

He'd kept finding reasons, and still does. Perhaps she does, as well -- maybe they have more in common than he initially believed.

"I fear many things," he admits quietly. "Demons, yes. Drowning as well. The dark and deep shadows and what whispers lie there. Bears. The end of all things and what lies beyond it, but—"

He pauses for just a moment, his hands wringing together. His greatest fear is up for debate, as is whether or not he should divulge such things to near strangers, but it does seem right to do so. She did oblige his request. "But loss is, perhaps, the worst of them."

"Bears, huh? It's spiders for me. Creep me right the hell out every time." Larger ones actually paralyze her in fear, especially if they're poisonous. Just like drowning, that one was born of... personal experience.

And he's right. She does. For a time, she didn't. Hiruma was the one to pull her out of the depths of her own despair in Haven. Realizing she was nothing but a catalyst for the destruction of other people's lives was too much to bear in that world.

In this one, it was Rey who talked some sense into her. The weight of having loved again only to lose and know that she'd just keep losing that almost sent her over the edge of a building again and again. Until Hope lost interest in reviving her. It's still heavy in her heart but she's trying to find ways to carry it forward with her.

"I get that. I lost... pretty much everything I thought I could in Haven. But in the words of Passenger," she starts, taking a breath. "When he woke up with nothing he said I'll tell you something: When you've got nothing, you've got nothing to lose."

Carlisle's eyes fall again as he ponders Rose's words. Having lost everything is exactly how he has described his experiences a few times himself: he lost his father and his uncles years ago, his church and home when taken from Bear Den, and what life he'd made on the Tranquility when pulled through Hadriel's Door. From his time in the city, he has lost friends, both had them vanish and watched them die. He has gained much as well, but what good he has in his life only seems to fuel his fears.

And even if he loses everything, does he not have more to lose eventually? That is the fate of all twice-cursed, their afflictions wearing them away until there is nothing left. Knowing the nature of his curse has dinner him no favors when it comes to his paranoia.

However, he can't deny the advice Rose offers does resonate within him, in a way. "Is this Passenger a god of some sort, as well?"

She doesn't mean to snort out a laugh at that question. In fact, she tries especially hard not to. Rose forgets, sometimes, just how different their worlds are. Passenger is supposed to sound like some lofty name, she's sure, but in reality, "Ah, no, they're. Uhm. They're a band, back home. Just a group of people that play music.

But that's, uh. That's one of the reasons I love music so much, I guess. You can find some lyrics that really resonate with you. I got quite a few songs that mean a lot to me."

Carlisle makes a noise that's somewhere between oh and hm as he tries to hide his embarrassment over asking if a band was a god. He's familiar with the concept, even if he's not terribly warm on most music himself. In general, he finds it to just be too much of a distraction when he's trying to think -- which, if he actually did think about it, he would probably benefit from, given the usual cacophony of apprehension going on in his head at all times. At least he doesn't drown it out with alcohol anymore, though he does miss that method from time to time. Alas.

Still, he is not the sort to completely turn away such wisdom, even if it comes from a bard rather than a deity. "It is in the unexpected that we often find clarity," he notes. "I hope you have found other sources of comfort, given music is not common in a place like this."

Since Rose has only seen Carlisle flustered in the angry sorts of ways, it's... kind of nice to view this side of him. For a while, she wondered if it even existed. The woman herself hates to be vulnerable, so- She understands, perhaps, his hesitance to display it. Still, it makes him much more approachable than he ever was before.

"You're telling me," she says, thinking fondly for not the first nor the last time of Hiruma. He was the last person she ever expected to help her find her will to live again in Haven, yet... His help was invaluable, really. "I have my guitar here, which helps. Otherwise, I'm mostly in the orchard. That gives me something to focus on that I enjoy."

"My plants offer me respite from the world around us, as well."

Which is probably why he's there more often than not, and never to be found in Sorrow's orchard. One glance around his garden is enough to see it's fairly different from the orchard -- aside from the glyphs being used to keep everything watered, the plants themselves aren't the same type at all, each carefully labeled and arranged, with some vines crawling and coiling along constructed eaves and arches in the various rows. He's spent a lot of time here -- perhaps he feels he needs a lot of the aforementioned respite.

"I won't take it for granted again, honestly." How lifeless Haven had been was... soul-crushing, to put it lightly. They had a garden but it was full of savage creatures and overgrowth. Then, Jesse and Hiruma had burned it to the ground in some kind of protest of the Yao Corporation. All that had actually happened was them incurring the wrath of a goddess though.

She misses those idiots. She misses... the good parts of Haven, the friendships she made. It makes her heart ache to think about them all for too long. Time has dulled it but it'll never really go away.

"And I got music. Might pick up another hobby soon, too, just to try and keep me busy. Maybe bartending at the Speakeasy. Always wanted to try it."

Carlisle perks up just a bit at the mention of the Speakeasy. It's been some time since he went in there -- mostly because of his struggles with alcohol -- but he's fine with sending others there, especially since he associates the establishment with one person in particular.

"Ah. You could ask Miss Rey for help with that endeavor."

He hit the nail on the head there.

"That's... kind of what I was thinking, yeah." There's an implication under the surface of those words. It's not anything Rose is going to be so forthright about, but- It'll be clear if Carlisle ever sees them interact that Rose cares. That she wants to make sure Rey is okay, if nothing else.

"I see." Carlisle misses the implication, though whether it's because of his exhaustion from hacking up ink, or that he's just not that skilled in dealing with interpersonal relationships, isn't entirely clear.

Still, he clearly does have some kind of genuine respect -- perhaps even subdued, not fully understood adoration -- for Rey, as he brings her up again. "Are you two friends?"

Edited 2018-02-02 04:50 (UTC)

To be fair, for Rose it's often the latter. She doesn't pretend to understand relationships between people very well. This is despite the fact that she does her best to look and act like a person.

"I don't know," Rose admits. Because she actually doesn't. She might say they are, but, "It's complicated, I guess. We didn't get along at first, like. At all. But then she was there for me when I needed it and I tried to do the same for her and... it's just kind of gone from there."

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cw: suicidal ideation

cw: mention of past suicide attempts

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