Event Log: Dust to Dust

[hadrielmods]

Who: All characters participating in the event
What: The event log for the Dust to Dust event
Where: All over the city!
When: January 14th-17th
Warnings: A big ol' mess.

It starts off small: the wind picks up, particles of sand and dirt and dust begin to fill the air. You might not even notice at first, not until you have to wipe the dust off your windows to see outside. After all, it's been a long time since Hadriel has experienced weather, and it's never experienced a weather event not caused by the gods before.

But the gods aren't in charge of the weather now, and even if they could prevent this dust storm, they have way too many other things to do. So it's up to you to deal with it, and as the wind rises and the dust storm moves into the city, there'll be plenty to deal with.

Once the storm is at its peak, it'll be almost impossible to see outside - and it won't be safe to go wandering, either. Entirely besides falling and hurting yourself, if you aren't wrapped up well enough the particles in the air will abrade your skin. Love that sandpaper feel! Oh, and breathing? Yeah, better make sure your nose and mouth are covered, or else they'll be full of sand, too. Hope you've got some goggles stashed away to protect your eyes. Luckily, it won't last too long - 'cause you'll have plenty of cleaning to do once the storm is over.

► This log covers January 14th-17th.
► Feel free to make your own logs, as well
► Please tag headers of threads with content warnings where they apply
► Please put your character's name and open/closed in the subject line of your starters!
► If you foolishly get scoured to the bone, please let us know here.

Comments

[glacius]

It's hard to maintain that smile when Carlisle doesn't come over to join him; it's impossible to miss that affection when the clergyman had been so reliant on it ever since they became romantically entwined. Glacius folds his hands in his lap, both trying to figure out if he should stand up and go to his partner and trying to figure out what to say.

"And... there must be some danger inherent in this if it has you so clearly out of sorts," the alien murmurs, still holding his partner's gaze. Clearly this goes beyond simple healing, otherwise Carlisle wouldn't have to talk to him about it, and he knows why that might be a problem. He understands his partner's abilities on a deeper level than others-- knows how they rely on his energies and vitality, and clash against his lack thereof.

And yet he doesn't know exactly what affliction the clergyman would be trying to ease, so there could be other repercussions still that he hasn't yet considered. Now Glacius does frown, his urge to close the distance between them spiking again as he strives to be there for his partner. "Perhaps you should explain the situation to me, so that I can better advise you."

[tongueamok]

Glacius' guess is accurate; the alien does indeed know his partner better than anyone, and knows what kinds of concerns would make the clergyman hesitate in what he considers his life's calling.

"She was the subject of experimentation," he starts; his eyes flick away, then back again as he forces himself to maintain his gaze, to not let his nerves and fears for how Glacius might react keep him from this conversation. His moral dilemma conflicts with his desire to spare his lover from trouble, yet Carlisle knows he cannot -- and should not, more importantly -- face this alone. They're supposed to bear their struggles together, trusting in one another.

"Her energies are tainted, Glacius," he continues. "They force her to feed only on human flesh, like an aberration of some kind, but that- that isn't who she wants to be. And the only way to cure her of this affliction would be to cleanse her energies somehow."

[glacius]

Though not similarly afflicted and thus not getting those deep pangs of empathy that drove Carlisle to try and help the person in question in the first place, Glacius does experience some deeply-rooted sympathy; he's no stranger to experimentation, and the damages it can cause, both physical and to the psyche. Who wouldn't want to be more than what their captors tried to make of them, after all?

But he also wants his partner to be safe, and would sacrifice his own well-being to ensure that. So naturally, the protective ice alien has some reservations about this... but he wants to help his partner in the things that are important to him. "And it sounds like you are worried that cleansing her energies would take a considerable expenditure of your own... hm. Perhaps you should consider using mine, instead? You have access through the Mote, and it... was my hope that you would be able to rely on me in such a manner and thus, ease the symptoms you have been experiencing..."

[tongueamok]

And down go Carlisle's eyes, despite his best efforts: Glacius' mention of his symptoms only reminds Carlisle of how precarious his situation is, the signs of his affliction worse every time they manifest. He coughs up ink far more often now, finds it creeping from beneath his nails even at the slightest duress; his nightmares cause it to well readily behind his teeth, leaving him awake and afraid. It's always Glacius who calms him down, who reminds him that everything is all right -- he's fine, he's here... for now.

There's more to Carlisle's concerns than just his own condition, however. "She is, in her natural state, a creature born of negative energies from her world... a demon of sorts, as they would see her. Whether it is true or not, I don't know just how an aural connection with her will go."

He leaves the primary trouble of such a connection unsaid: Glacius has heard Carlisle debase himself many times, the clergyman often stating how he's sure his curse will one day taint Glacius' Mote and the pure energies that flow from it. That is what he's been told his entire life regarding the twice-cursed, after all, and if he fears his affliction might poison his partner through the Mote... what might Rose's do, even unintentionally?

[glacius]

There it is-- just as Glacius thought, there is more to this problem. It's not just the cost of the expenditure that might be required for this cleanse-- though that would be a big enough concern on its own, given the noticeable degradation of the clergyman's condition every time he pushes himself too far. The issues extend to the very nature of the being his partner wishes to help. Though not the type of being to give off many physical tells unless the situation really is dire, Carlisle likely knows Glacius well enough to pick up on the way the alien's body tenses and his eyes narrow just at the mention of the word demon.

The galactic marshal is no stranger to beings of that sort, nor to how dangerous they can be. It was bad enough when he only knew of the creatures through his studies of the danger of folding space; misuse of this power could open doorways to places best left sealed and cross not only simple distance, but dimensions, some of which contain things that have been “removed” for the greater good due to their corruptive natures. But now, having seen just how terrible a force they can be firsthand when one of his best friends was possessed in this city, Glacius has an even greater reason to be wary of them-- and to fear not for himself, but for Carlisle in this endeavor.

"Are you sure... this is a good idea..?" the ice alien ventures carefully, not wanting to seem resistant to something his partner seems to have a personal stake in, but unable to really help himself. "Your energies are already tenuous as is. What if interaction with this 'demon' backfires-- what if it drains you further, or it is simply trying to prey on them and subvert you while weak? After what happened with Emily... Carlisle, I do not want to even risk you suffering a similar fate." Glacius continues on, his wariness gradually fading away as his reflecting on the matter allows his opinion to solidify. "I do not think you should put yourself in such a dangerous position. How well do you even know the being you are trying to help?"

[tongueamok]

Carlisle rubs at his chest -- though the scars from the demonic invasion of Hadriel have long healed over, he remembers that night they faced a possessed Emily, the demon turning what magic he taught her against them, far too well. Glacius' missing mandible serves as a constant reminder of it... and yet, that particular scar has become so much more to both of them, a visible sign of what they mean to one another, of what ways they can provide in this relationship. Glacius gained that scar protecting the clergyman, and Carlisle, in turn, helped him recover from it.

Glacius protects others though, so stalwart and brave. Carlisle could never hope to do the same, but perhaps he can serve people, his goddess -- and ultimately, himself -- in other ways.

"I have spoken to her at length," he explains. "She even inquired about my plants once, and I was... not particularly kind to her. She came across me in my garden weeks ago, when I was having one of um. A bit of a fit."

One of those fits.

"And yet, she remained kind to me when she had no reason to. Had she wanted to hurt me then, she'd have had no trouble, given my state."

[glacius]

If Carlisle is hoping to settle Glacius in this regard, then perhaps he shouldn't keep moments of his vulnerability from his partner, only to reveal them when his hand is forced. Not only does it undermine their trust, but hearing that this being came upon the clergyman during one of his moments of weakness has Glacius seeming even less likely to budge on the matter, now.

"Or maybe she doesn't want to hurt you. Maybe she wants to use you, to prey upon you in a much more sinister way. And you probably wouldn't have even told me any of this if you weren't hoping to get something out of it, were you?! Despite the fact that I am the one who looks out for you when you are scared and alone and your body rebels. Makers, Carlisle," Glacius huffs out a little laugh, but it is absolutely not an amused or even nice sound; sometimes he feels like he's at his wit's end in this coupling. "I'm starting to think you delight in causing me distress."

[tongueamok]

Carlisle's eyes dart back to Glacius as his partner's voice rises, alarm coloring his features. "What? No! Glacius, I didn't mean to keep this from you!"

But he did, even if by accident. He closes his eyes, sucks in a breath, swallows the knot in his throat, and does his damnedest to make things right, offering his hands -- palms up, eager to be filled -- to his partner.

"I didn't see a reason to tell you about each and every conversation I've had here, but... I should have told you about this. It slipped into the tangled web of my recent burdens, what with this place, Kate, the heat, the ink, and my own fears of losing you in any way. I simply never thought to mention this, and for that, I truly am sorry."

[glacius]

Glacius had already been on the verge of chastising himself for being hard on Carlisle, but that posturing-- eyes closed, palms up and open-- strikes at him immediately. It's the same sort of body language that his people adopt when seeking pardon, and he can't help but wonder if the clergyman picked it up from him somehow, or if this is another one of those little congruities between them.

Either way, it serves to make the big alien feel even worse for his reaction, even if it had been coming from a place of protectiveness. He knows that Carlisle often struggles with feeling like a burden to those around him; he wants the clergyman to feel encouraged to come to him with his problems, not feel scolded for doing so, even if he'd prefer his partner to be more up front and open with him. One step at a time--and he can start by providing that measured calm and stolid support that drew Carlisle to him in the first place.

So Glacius rises up off the couch immediately and strides right up to Carlisle, going as far as to bare his hands before slipping his fingers over his partner's palm and interlacing theirs neatly together. "Oh, my partner, you are fine. If you acknowledge the lapse, and strive to do better, then I forgive you-- and I am sorry for letting my emotions get the better of me. I care so much about you, some times I just feel like I don't know what to do with it all--but I know that I want to protect you, and it frustrates me when I like anything is impeding that."

The alien pauses, tilts his head, then gives the human's hands a little squeeze, trying to get him to open his eyes and look up to him if he hasn't alright. "I'd feel better, I think, if I can help you untangle some of this web that has got you all caught up. What of your burdens can I ease?"

[tongueamok]

As Glacius takes his hands, Carlisle affixes his gaze upon his partner's face with a look of subtle, but genuine gratitude. His eyes go back down to their hands, his own fingers curling around the alien's bare ones.

One trouble of untangling a mess is simply knowing where to begin. His first inclination is to ask Glacius to cover himself once more, as he fears for his partner's health in the unbearable heat; even in the relative cool of their apartment, he cannot help but fret over the mental image of Glacius suffering, as he had when his microweave was damaged. Still, he decides to start with something smaller first, appreciating the contact of his partner's bared skin while he can.

"I spoke with Kate," he murmurs. "Finally. I believe we are at... some kind of an understanding." Or standstill. It's hard to tell with her.

[glacius]

"With Kate..?" Glacius echoes, not quite understanding how that could be a burden given his high opinion of her-- the puzzle pieces slot themselves into place in his mind fairly quickly, though. The tension between them when she temporarily shared their apartment; the conversation he had with Kate recently over the network...

"You were the one she was arguing with? About staying out of trouble? If so, then... I am glad you two did talk... I don't like the thought of my two closest friends in this place clashing," the alien murmurs. "For what it's worth, I... did try to encourage her to seek understanding, even when I didn't know you were involved. Tried to tell her that whoever was trying to hold her back likely wasn't doing so because they thought she was fragile, but because they worried for her. I... I hope it helped... she did seem receptive to the conversation. I hope she was receptive to you, as well."

[tongueamok]

"Somewhat," Carlisle mumbles, grinding his teeth. "She would argue with any attempt to keep her safe no matter who it came from, insisting she need not be watched, and yet she did just that to me when she forced me from my apartment. She wanted to keep an eye on him, as though I could not survive on my own."

Things might be different now, but the irony was not missed, nor appreciated.

[glacius]

Glacius can tell-- and though he cares for Kate dearly and will generally back her on her decisions, moving Carlisle out of his home without telling him or waiting for any sort of agreement from the clergyman had struck him as a flagrant breach of boundaries. He hadn't even considered it before now, but as it's been brought to his attention, he can see how it could be particularly chafing.

"That certainly isn't fair, and I'm sorry," Glacius murmurs, slipping his fingers out from between Carlisle's, but only to rub their tips soothingly against his partner's palms. "But... I don't think my bringing that up to her would accomplish anything, since that particular event is so far in our past now. I will keep trying to get through to her in regards to her own safety, though... and now that I know who she's been clashing ideals with... I can try to help express your sentiments to her, as well. If it helps... I know that she cares about you deeply, and thus does not mean to put you through undue distress, even if it might not... seem like that at times."

[tongueamok]

Carlisle sighs, his eyes back on their hands; he cannot help but be soothed just a little, even if his features are still tinged with frustration.

"I... envy her, Glacius," he admits after a moment of silence, his mouth stretching into a wide frown. "I envy what time she has, and how flippant she is with it."

[glacius]

That quiets Glacius, who finds himself frowning similarly-- as he can't quite help whenever thoughts of his partner's demise worm their way into his head. "It's... it's not her being flippant, at least not from what I have seen. She genuinely wants to protect the people around her... and she feels as though sacrifice is sometimes a necessary path to that end. I cannot say that I disagree in that regard," the alien replies quietly, thoughtfully. "The universe is a dangerous place, this city in particular, and I would see my blood shed and feel my bones break countless times over before I let even a scratch mar your body. But I... am coming to understand that there are some costs that might be too high, and that other's wishes for our wellbeing that must be respected, and I... tried to impart as much to her."

The alien heaves a sigh. "It is, unfortunately, a complicated issue-- we all want each other to be safe in the end, but there are threats encroaching from all angles. But the good news is that we will all fight for each other with everything that we have... and that you have friends, and a partner, who will support and care for you in every way that they know how. So if you talked to Kate about this, I can only hope that she will take it to heart, and perhaps try to be more sensitive about her actions... even if we can't hold her back from the fray any more that we can hold you back from your healing duties. We all have things that are important to us that we would risk ourselves for, after all."

[tongueamok]

Glacius is ever patient, ever understanding, and through him, Carlisle gains some clarity. "Some costs might be too high..." he repeats. "So easily you put into words what I was struggling to express to her. As terrible as losing her again would be, more troubling to me is how she disregards the concerns of those who care for her, seemingly ignores what pain they suffer when she falls... or worse."

And as someone who has been left behind too many times in his brief life, lost so many and struggled to carry on their legacy, Carlisle feels the heft of that concern tenfold. Kate didn't even tell him when she died the first time in Hadriel -- she seems to care, but does she truly? Actions, indeed, speak louder than words, even to someone as wordy as Carlisle.

The agony left in the wake of someone's demise has been heavy on the clergyman's mind lately... especially in regards to Glacius. Perhaps action would do him well, too, but how high is the cost?

He's not sure he wants to know, but he must find out, nebulous reasons forming from desperation in the back of his mind. He closes the gap between himself and his partner, pressing his head to Glacius' chest.

"Hold me, please."

[glacius]

Now that feels like something Glacius can provide concrete assistance with. He doesn't even respond with words; he just emits a loving, rumbling purr as he slips his hands out of Carlisle's and then surges forward to wrap his powerful arms around the lanky human's waist, hefting him effortlessly. From there it's just a few steps backwards until they flopped down on the couch, the ice alien placing himself on his back—a position he would not adopt with any other—so that his partner can position himself however he wants.

Once he has, that's when words come back. Glacius keeps one arm draped over the clergyman, but threads the other through his partner's hair as he does his best to look him in his eyes. "Here you go. And... I'm sorry things have been so hard lately, Carlisle. I feel it too, but I'm... glad you're opening up to me about all this. You're still allowed to feel bad, but just know that I will do what I can to help you get through it."

[tongueamok]

Carlisle takes the repositioning as an opportunity to bury his face in Glacius' neck, right at the crook of his shoulder as the rest of him halfway slides beside his partner, the back of the couch keeping him from slipping away. If only it were so easy to keep his very essence from doing that, more and more of him lost to the aural tear each day.

He pulls in a breath, letting it rattle out of him, his face still hidden as though it'd keep his troubles at bay. "I have to do this, Glacius. I have to try to help Rose. It's not something I could consider normally, as magic of such a nature is taboo at best, and necrotic at worst, but..."

His fingers curl as he tries to keep his hands from shaking, but Glacius can no doubt feel the tremors than run through them as they rest against him chest. "I feel I have no say in what Kate does. I cannot battle the gods nor monsters that we face here as you can. I hardly have control over what little time I have left in this existence, but- but if I could help her... maybe therein lies a way to help myself."

All this comes from a man who, only a year or so ago, would have never considered experimenting with any magic even remotely related to necromancy. He still finds it repulsive, but even his healing magic can be used for ill will. Perhaps there is a way to do the opposite for the forbidden arts.

[glacius]

Bringing that particular topic gets Glacius to tense again as a sound that's part whine, part growl slips up out of his throat. But this talk has contextualized some things for him—namely the fact that they can't hold each other back from their respective callings, and his repeatedly emphasized desire to help his partner with his troubles—so when he speaks again, there's less stonewalling and... more unguarded concern, perhaps allowing them to strike at the heart of the matter.

"But this is different than anything you've tried to heal or cleanse before, you just said it yourself. We... we don't know what could happen and... I'm supposed to keep you safe. What if I let you do this and it goes terribly?" the ice alien laments, tightening his grip on his partner as if to physically emphasize his next thought, the crux of the issue: "I... I don't want to let you go."

And from the way that Glacius says that, it is very apparent that he doesn't mean going to Roise, or to this task—but that he doesn't want to let Carlisle go in the truest sense of the word, that he doesn't want to lose him.

[tongueamok]

A shudder runs through Carlisle's back as Glacius pulls him tighter, his trepidation about what he feels he must do and what he would rather do to soothe his cowardly nature clashing in his gut. Had someone posed a situation like this to him when he first arrived in Hadriel, when he first got to know Glacius, or even when the first began their courtship, he'd have denied them on principle alone: not only would he refuse to dabble in the darker arts of his world, but he had no reason to. Though he'd spent his service to the Camisou attempting to prove his worth, that was on the hopes she'd not allow his soul to wander in the Land Beyond Living upon death. His death was inevitable, accepted. He had no real reason to live beyond his meager years.

That is not the case anymore, and in a way, that frightens him most of all.

"I don't want to go, Glacius," he admits. "I have seen a glimpse of what suffering you will endure upon my death, and I would do anything to spare you from it. I have witnessed in dreams what awaits me beyond the veil of death, and before, it was a miserable, eternal existence. Now, it is a terrifying inevitability, one made worse because I will have someone I long for, someone I regret leaving."

He presses his face tighter against Glacius' neck, as though he could hide from his own emotions. "We know not what could happen with this, but we know what will happen if I do nothing. I... have spent my whole life not fighting my end, Glacius. Passively awaiting it, hiding away so as not to bring misfortune to others. I now have a reason to do otherwise, and... I feel I should, despite my fear."

And that's quite new for him, but so inspiring has his partner been, and so strong is his desire to keep them together.

[glacius]

All that just gets Glacius to hugs Carlisle tighter while the human burrows against his neck, going so far as to pawing at the human's back slightly as he tries to get the best grip possible. "Oh, Carlisle... I am touched that you wish to stay with me so badly... but I am not sure how I feel about the fact that you feel you must put yourself through so much just to stay with me. Of course I want you around for as long as possible... but death comes to us all at some point, and I will be grateful for and cherish whatever time we are allowed. And during that time I want you to be safe, and happy, not feeling like you... constantly have to put yourself out there, just for fear of what might happen to me when you are gone."

He sighs sadly, squeezing Carlisle one last time before gently trying to pry the human away from his neck—not to keep them apart, as he immediately presses their foreheads together in that solace-seeking and providing way, but so that they can make eye contact with one another. "But if this is something that you feel strongly that you should do, then I will not stand in your way. Just make sure that you're doing it for yourself, not for worry of me, not for some sense of obligation to someone else... but because you think it is best, and because you want it. By now, I think you deserve the chance to take control of your fate into your own hands."

[tongueamok]

As much as he wanted to stay embedded in Glacius' neck, Carlisle does appreciate their usual method of showing comfort, pressing his forehead tightly against his partner's in their personal sign of affection and solidarity. What's more is what Glacius actually says, the support he provides with his words as much as his actions.

"To take control of my own fate," he murmurs, his eyes closing as they glisten with a mixture of melancholy and determination. "I suppose that is what this is about, isn't it? Not just accepting things as I have seen them for so long, but... trying to do otherwise, despite everything that says I shouldn't. Despite my fears and apprehension, despite my nerves and my impending end. I don't wish to further its advance, but if I do nothing, it will find me regardless."

His expression relaxes; he rubs his forehead against Glacius' smooth brow again, his hand finding its place along the warrior's prominent scar. "I have had so much taken from me, and could do so little to prevent it. I have blamed myself for years, and even now, I still feel the guilt of their deaths, and of my failed lineage, weighing upon me. My existence until this place had been a burden on others... and on me, yet I persisted out of the terror of what awaited me. There were times I contemplated my end by the riverside, knowing I had so little to lose."

Carlisle shifts his head just a little, the bridge of his nose gracing Glacius' head in their form of a kiss. "I now have a reason to take control of what life I have left. I have motivation to do what I can to live, and while I feel sometimes that I don't deserve it, I know you would say otherwise. You give me what reason I need, Glacius. You- you are everything to me in this existence. You are why I want this."

[glacius]

The only response that Glacius gives to that is a shuddering exhale; he doesn't seem to have any more argument to make or advice to give. How could he, when his partner is offering up such heartfelt sentiments, returning the alien's own back to him? He only wants to be with Carlisle in this moment, relishing in the love that they share. Unfortunately, what brought them to this point still looms before them; they must face it, and so the otherworldly being speaks up again, bolstered by their bond.

"You have grown so much, my love," the ice alien murmurs, pleased that even distressing circumstances can bring them to a deeper understanding, and a more fully-fledged connection. "I cannot state enough how proud I am of you... or how pleased. Pleased to know that you will do whatever you can to stay by me. As your partner, it is my duty to return that, so... how do I help you for this? If you are going to undertaking this perilous task, surely together we can find a way to minimize the risks to you. I would feel much better knowing that I've... done what I can to make this safe for you."

Which seems to be a recurring theme for the alien, no matter what world they're considering. He might not be able to hold Carlisle back or keep him from danger all the time, but if they can prepare and work together... he knows they can find a way to prevail.

[tongueamok]

Carlisle can't help but smile at his partner's pride, that acknowledgment of personal progress rejuvenating. He continues to graze Glacius' ridges with the bridge of his nose before finally resting his forehead against the alien once more, letting the cool of his armor soothe him as he tries to think.

"I will need to use your energies somehow. I... I am not sure I can, or should, use only my own."

He has no doubt Glacius has noticed his recent bouts of coughing, as well as his weariness when he returns from his garden. The glyphs that keep it watered and protected from the oppressive heat are fairly simple, but numerous, and such a tax quickly adds up into something significant.

"But I would rather not expose your energies to any kind of taint... just in case."

[glacius]

Glacius certainly has noticed it, and all the other signs of his partner's struggling health lately. As such, he responds in a careful but up front manner, "I'll be honest, Carlisle, I don't think you can or should be using only your own energy unless it is a dire emergency. The Mote is there to keep you nourished, and so that you don't have to wear yourself down as much."

The alien puffs a little breath through his nostrils, though he is apparently thinking on the clergyman's words. His people are taught to be wary of corruptive influences, but... can he really call himself a protector or a partner if he shies away from this while Carlisle risks his own energies? "Well, it would be even worse to expose only your own, as we have just said. So I'm not sure there's another option in this case. Besides, my energies are strong and pure... there's a good chance that they will be able to resist this, yes?"