hadriel_logs | Event Log: Senses Fail

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Event Log: Senses Fail

Who: All characters participating in the event
What: The event log for the Senses Fail event
Where: All over the city
When: May 14th-May 20th
Warnings: None

You wake up on the 14th, and something is different. Maybe it's something small - you can't smell anything, or your hearing on one side seems to be on the fritz. Or it could be something large and impossible to miss - you've gone completely blind, or you seem to be missing a leg. You've lost something, and no matter what you do, you can't seem to fix it.

Will you ever get it back? Probably, but it's impossible to be sure. And even if you're thoroughly convinced that this is temporary, that still means you have to figure out how to live like this for the next week. Even small things can be huge difficulties. Your sense of taste doesn't seem that important, until you accidentally eat something that'll make you sick. And sure, maybe you can figure out how to live without one hand, but what about when you wake up three days from now and you've also lost your magic?

Do your best to keep yourself calm, but remember: it can always get worse.

► This log covers May 14th-May 20th.
► Feel free to make your own logs, as well
► Please tag headers of threads with content warnings where they apply
► Please put your character's name and open/closed in the subject line of your starters!
► If your lost sense turns out to have been essential to your survival, please let us know here.

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[ Cecily has run into quite a few people already today and knows the theme of the hour. Fear is drawing strength from them, and at a great cost to each resident.

She doesn't have to ask, but she will. ]

What've you lost?

[ It'd be easy to guess, at least in a superficial way, but she isn't going to venture. The possibilities might be as cruel as whatever the reality turns out to be. ]

[He doesn't have to answer. He thinks about not doing it. But not answering breeds questions and issues. So he raises his hand, does a little flick of the wrist that she's probably used to seeing, because it's usually accompanied by a spread of glitter or sparks. But there's nothing. Like hitting the starter on a lighter out of gas.]

Magic. And my fuckin' face, because apparently they wanna pull the no mirrors shit again.

[Taako looks at her, still keeping his head low out of habit.]

Don't tell me you're gonna ask me to give you a hand or somethin'.

[ Whether he's joking or it's just ironic wording, it surprises a hollow laugh from the Inquisitor, who raises her left shoulder more obviously to show him that she's missing a piece, too. ]

I'm sorry. [ They can commiserate, but there's also something more to Taako's demeanor at the moment than an inconvenient loss. Maybe his magic really had been more devastating than she could imagine, or... ]

The gods so nicely removed my "fatal hand" problem, so it's no issue. [ That he doesn't have the magic, at the moment, to calm its effects. ] So helpful, aren't they?

[It was a joke. Just about the only one he has at this point.]

Well, I mean, good in the sense that you get to not die for a couple of days. Seein' as I couldn't do shit if they decided to try and kill you.

[That sounds almost a little too bitter, and he makes a 'tsk' sort of noise as he aligns his jaw, catches his bottom lip with his teeth.]

Guess you wish you picked up one of those prosthetics now, huh?

What prosthetics? [ She questions, brow quirked. Taako may still have his humor, but Cecily is finding it more difficult to be flippant. Her friends are all suffering, after all, and she's having a mild-to-medium existential crisis. ]

In any case, I have to hand it to them. This is-... [ But she exhales abruptly, pinching the bridge of her nose with her remaining fingers. ] ... Never mind. I can't bloody joke about it. This is absolutely dismal.

[All he has are jokes, okay. Jokes and bullshit. What else does he have left without his looks, his magic, his sister?

He sighs. Can't even keep doing this.]

Do you wanna-- I dunno, get the fuck out of here? I was goin' to Hope's temple to knock some shit over. Let him to know to curb his asshole friend when he starts doing this shit.

[He's realizing that he doesn't know how to be alone right now, even if opening up is harder.]

I just don't wanna be, uh. Out. And stuff. Do you get me?

[ An odd smile rises to her features, and Cecily nods. ]

I do. And I do get it. [ So she starts off alongside him, intended for Hope's temple. ] The least we can do is to remind Hope and the rest that we aren't their playthings.

[ Or their food, which is probably more accurate. ]

[He moves almost before she answers, wanting nothing more than to get the hell off the street.]

Not the kinda reminder I want, but they don't seem to give a shit if you burn them to the fucking floor, so.

[Plus, then, Lup woule have nowhere to come back to, and he can't have that.]

This whole thing is fucking stupid. Might as well kill us and get it over with instead of making us all murder each other for their fuckin' fun.

So, what reminder is it you want to give?

[ They're both grieving for their own reasons, so she won't press too much beyond the initial question. ]

I don't think that they see it as fun. They're not sadists, they're-... well, without emotion or feeling of any kind. Our fear is their strength, and that's all there is to it.

[ Her flat expression suggests how much she loves this fact. ]

Which, of course, doesn't mean we ought to not fight back.

[He snorts, ears hanging low like a disgruntled cat.]

Wanna shove my whole fuckin' foot up their ass and take over this whole show. I've been in torture chambers disgused as fun by psychotic liches before this place, I know what that shit looks like.

[Even if Lydia is stuck here too, which is a small blessing, only because he gets to kick her ass for funsies.]

We don't mean shit to them. And then they turn around and pretend like we should thank them for staying here. It's bullshit. They oughta know. I'm fuckin' tired of getting tossed around for their shit and getting fuck all back for it. This-- this isn't worth whatever they can give.

[For the first time, he's not perfectly policing what he looks like in front of her, how his head is tilted, and she might be able to see he looks-- well, something's off about his face, that's for sure. Like seeing someone without makeup for the first time, but down to their bones.]

Of course it isn't. All this time I've been here, and it hasn't all been bad, but that's because of other people like us, not--

[ There's a hiccup as she does catch sight of his face, eyes lingering there for a moment, but then she remembers herself and picks back up: ]

...because of the gods. Still, siding with the Null isn't the answer, and we can't exactly fight them. Not in any way I know of. [ They're gods for a reason. ] If you've come up with a sound strategy for locating the Door, though, I'm all ears.

[He catches the stumble, jerks his chin down. No. Damnit, he is not having that conversation today. Not like there's anyone around for him to be compared to though, huh? What does it even fucking matter?]

Gods, no, I'm not giving fuck all to those robot freaks. They're the ones who've come the closest to killing me in this disaster place. Punched a bigass hole in my stomach, it sucked ass.

[But he doesn't have a strategy. He never does. As long as he was with his family, stuff just kinda worked out.]

We need to get them first. Then we have all the time in the damn world to get the Door. I don't care if they die, maybe they, they should for all this, but I don't care.

[He sighs.]

None of it matters right now anyway.

[Not without her with him.]

Having been successfully killed by them, I can see I am thoroughly against the damned Null.

[ Taako sort of has a plan, but he doesn't seem energized enough to do anything. She continues to study him, trying to think more about all this than about her ghostly limb. ]

Why? [ Not because of the magic, or the face, is it? ... Is it? ] Seems to be that this is the time it all matters the most: when they've taken from us again and we ought to be angry about it.

Right, you fuckin'. Died. Yeah.

[He's not even thinking about that right now. He's just one foot in front of the other, trying to keep fucking going, still feeling like he just wants to die with her. At this point, he's almost too tired to keep lying.]

... Well. Can't do any of it without Lup. So.

[So he has to wait until she's back. Which considering where he's heading, why he's alone-- might make some sense now as to why he's so wrapped up in this.]

It wasn't the first time.

[ Rage's influence killed her once, before it was the Null.

Then it comes. "Without Lup." ]

... What happened to her?

[ Killed? How, and by whom? Cecily is oddly quiet, standing stock-still, like a predator waiting to bound off after a target. ]

[What happened to her?

He stops walking.

He doesn't have to tell her. He doesn't need to clarify himself, there's nothing forcing him, but he's seen her in moments of distress and back now. Maybe this is practice. This is practice admitting she's...

Not gone, not gone, just a few days.]

Liches took her. She'll be back.

[Because they did, they took her right out of that form, out of her magic and turned her into that, a thing they had to put down.]

This stupid loss thing happened and they took her.

"Liches?" [ She frowns even more deeply, trying to summon memories, or knowledge, associated with the word... and comes up short. ] I've... never heard of them. Are they here? Or...?

[ Back home? Something that will affect Lup long-term, unlike the monstrous events of their current world? ]

So - hang on. We've all lost something, but she... got lost?

[ Sorry to make you explain, Taako. It's an understandably delicate - and complicated - situation. ]

[He sighs, heavy, frustrated, and shaky. Damnit, why now, why does he have to talk about this now. He feels like he's unravelling, like his spool's been cut and there's no anchor to tie himself to.]

No, the liches who run this place. Most of 'em suck, it's just a thing, it's-- it's like--

[He can't compose himself into a well thought out explaination here, so this is all he can give.]

Look, a lich is a dead person who like, lives because of emotions, and if you've got your shit together you just function off your own and you're immortal and it's fine. If you're an asshole you take other people's and poke 'em for your fun. The liches in charge suck, but Lup isn't like that, but-- they had to've taken her, her thing, the emotional thing she has that stops her from wigging out, which makes no fucking sense because it's basically me and she still wasn't fucking attacking me! So she still had to have been in there! But she was fucking posessed and killing people and I don't know what they fucking did but they took her.

[Fuck, he has to get it together, and he sucks down the impulse to cry.]

They took her and left... whatever that was.

[Whatever it was that they had to put down like a sick animal, and his stomach churns at the very thought.]

[ It's enough of an explanation. Possessed. Her stomach turns sickeningly, bile rising into her throat and threatening to spill out like a scream.

She'll never forget the experience - something much like what he's talking about. Except, then, she was the creature who'd had to be put down. ]

... I'm familiar with the - with that particular curse. [ Not exactly, but they've both suffered because of the gods. She and Lup, apparently, were both transformed into monsters and had needed their loved ones to stop them from hurting others.

Cecily draws a long, steadying breath. ]

I won't ask anything else. [ ... ] We'll make them pay for this, Taako. I swear it.

[His teeth are clenched, hands tight. He hates this. Hates the breakdown, the admittance of what he fucking did, because he fucking did it. He brought Kravitz to her without a plan and without remorse and it fucking happened.]

They'll just find some fuckin' way out. They're cheaters. They're cheaters and the game's rigged and all they want is us to suffer. I've done this before, you're supposed to not let 'em get to you and not feel it but it's been a fucking year. Killed the last ones in a damn day.

[Or well... Lup did, huh? Another moment of her by his side. He pushes it off, keeps going.]

But here we fuckin' are! Suffering Game v2, it's a whole city this time and there's like eight of us! Grrrrreat! Just fucking great!

[His shoulders fall again with a huff as he tries to get some of the tension out of his body.]

'Ss just bullshit. They're cheating fucks and it's bullshit.

[ They're all dealing with this in their own ways. Cecily studies the wizard, eyes dulled with the grief of it all. Cheaters. Taako thinks of this as a game, and she isn't sure she views it the same way - as something to be won or lost - but she can certainly appreciate that that point of view might make things a little easier. ]

... Are your friends safe? [ She asks finally, daring to venture another question. A risky one. ] If they're here, any of them, then they'll be able to help you through this. That's what we're all doing in this place, isn't it? Just trying to survive from one day to the next, helping each other to the other side.

[If pressed, he doesn't know if he'd describe life as a game. But there are structures like it is one- there are ways to lose, so there are ways to win. There are ways to play it right, so there are ways to cheat. People have been trying to wrong him his whole damn life- deadbeat parents, relatives who would only feed their kids and not him, a birthright of being unwanted. He's cheated his whole life. But when he can't win, when the deck finally falls? He has to get better. He just doesn't know how.

He feels like he's barely breathing, a hand having worked itself up to the side of his head, gripping hard at his hair. An old nervous tic. An almost literal grasp on his mind, like something's going to slip if he lets go.]

I don't know. Some of 'em.

[He can't think about Kravitz now, Kravitz who he fucking ran from and left there and probably never wants to fucking see him again. Another thing, lost.]

It's just... what's the fucking point. If they can kill us whenever the fuck they want, just for fun, just because they want to, what's even the fucking point?

Taako, if this is all a game? ... And even if it isn't. The point is to beat them. To stand against-- whatever it is: the gods, the Null, the monsters from the coliseum, and to win. [ She doesn't get closer, doesn't grip him by the shoulders, but her eyes are blazing, her voice emphatic. ] They have incredible power, but so do the lot of us. We can resist them and fight and stand together, because even if all that is to them is a nuisance, then we are taking some kind of damned meaningful action. Whatever it is that we can do here, we do it, and that is where our power lies.

[ No matter what hell they're put through in Hadriel, they've dug themselves out again. Sometimes literally. Cecily knows now that the face and name of their enemy doesn't matter, and that the only truth to hold on to for dear life is that they are all here together. ]

If you can put your trust into one thing today, Taako, please. Believe me.

[He doesn't really understand why she's still here. He's been nothing but unpleasant and he knows this, even if he has no desire or energy to ever make himself more palatable for others. But she has strength. A fire he's sorely missing. There's a joke here, about how he always gravitates towards these types of people- people who pull him into danger, people who believe the best in others, people who want to do well. Maybe it's what he wants to do, too, and it's just impossible to get there on his own.

Trust is funny, with him. He never wants to give it. But he does, without knowing, an extension of simply wanting not to be so alone. He's safe, in isolation, but he's not happy. He never was.

He tries to will his breathing slower, hand in his hair shaking as he pushes it back like he was smoothing something out, like he wasn't about to pull something right out.]

Trust you, huh?

[I trust nothing, and no one.

He doesn't want to be that way.]

... We'll get 'em. But sometimes you gotta regroup, so.

[He's not giving up. But he needs her back. He knows this.]

You can. I mean. I'm still gonna go wreck a temple or two. 'Ff you wanna come with.

I do. [ It's what they both need right now. ] I've only got the one arm, but I'll do enough smashing for two.

[ If this helps either of them a microscopic amount, then it will be worth it. ]

Ready? [ She asks with some gentleness, tilting her head toward the nearest temple. ]

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