hadriel_logs | Event Log: Senses Fail

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Event Log: Senses Fail

Who: All characters participating in the event
What: The event log for the Senses Fail event
Where: All over the city
When: May 14th-May 20th
Warnings: None

You wake up on the 14th, and something is different. Maybe it's something small - you can't smell anything, or your hearing on one side seems to be on the fritz. Or it could be something large and impossible to miss - you've gone completely blind, or you seem to be missing a leg. You've lost something, and no matter what you do, you can't seem to fix it.

Will you ever get it back? Probably, but it's impossible to be sure. And even if you're thoroughly convinced that this is temporary, that still means you have to figure out how to live like this for the next week. Even small things can be huge difficulties. Your sense of taste doesn't seem that important, until you accidentally eat something that'll make you sick. And sure, maybe you can figure out how to live without one hand, but what about when you wake up three days from now and you've also lost your magic?

Do your best to keep yourself calm, but remember: it can always get worse.

► This log covers May 14th-May 20th.
► Feel free to make your own logs, as well
► Please tag headers of threads with content warnings where they apply
► Please put your character's name and open/closed in the subject line of your starters!
► If your lost sense turns out to have been essential to your survival, please let us know here.

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[ When she first knew Taako, she knew him without Lup. She knew him, apparently, before he even had a new "family", so to speak.

Seeing Lup ripped away from him? Even from her perspective, as someone who was never really in this whole story, it's clear. It's clear how painful it is, and the uncertainty of it all.

Not a lot of people tend to see Taako like this, she figures. She also figures not many things or people drive him there.

She isn't sure what to say to him. One more god interveniente, and they're left to assume things will blow over eventually. What do you do when there's worse consequences than before, but you're still as helpless? It's frustrating. It's maddening. It's depressing.]

Taako... [ She can't help the tone in her voice, sympathetic, sad. Unsure of what to do. Saying she feels sorry about this is pointless...]

[He puts forward a lot, most of the time, to make sure no one sees him like this. He doesn't like being this person, someone vulnerable and open. He's just-- not. Vulnerability was beaten out of him by life, by circumstance, by ill placed trust one too many times.

He doesn't know how to soothe himself. And deep down, those Judges all those years ago were right- he will never be satisfied.]

Look, just... you don't have to sit here and feel bad for me or something, it's been days. She'll, uh. Y'know. Be back soon.

[It doesn't even dawn on him she might know what that means now. Sometimes, things just hurt.]

[ She does know, if just by looking and talking around, reading the network and the recorded history of this place. But reading that it does happen - and even personally knowing people who've been through death and revival more than once - it doesn't really prepare you for it. Not when death's been so final all your life, and not when you don't actually know for sure if it'll still work this time.

And not for seeing a friend like this. Not to see Taako like this.

She knows, she can't push. There's no point to it. He won't want it, anyway. As many tend to gently push away comforting words and gestures as a way of feeling polite, Taako always made it clear that vulnerability is not his thing.

But here they stand, and it's not that easy to just leave him there, like this.]

...I'm so sorry, Taako. [ She says it gently, quiet. They can pretend she never said it - nobody needs to know.]

Do you--can-- [ God.] Can I do...anything to help? At all?

[Nobody needs to know is right. Taako doesn't do vulnerability, has to have it pulled from between his teeth after he's bit his tongue until the blood runs. Vulnerability is to give away a piece of yourself, to trust someone with that piece that they'll keep him safe. She's more inner circle than the average schlub, sure, but-- everything's so much more complicated now.

Everyone other than the 7 of them were dust.

The Hunger is gone.

Is she still dust?]

Look, just. You. You're not even involved, okay? You weren't on the ship, you can. Walk away.

[The words feel raw, and he's not looking at her. He doesn't know how to ask for help. He failed, didn't he? You don't work, you don't eat. And he didn't work hard enough.]

You can go and it won't even matter. Why do you care?

[ Maybe it's the couple of years she's known them. Maybe it's the year and change since the Hunger came down to their-- to her world. Maybe it's the months in Hadriel. Maybe she's reading it wrong- But she can't help but to feel hurt by his question.]

I-...

[ Should she walk away? He's not wrong, you know, that she isn't involved. Not in the long-run of their whole story. Maybe she should leave Taako to grieve, leave him to himself and maybe others that do belong in the story.

But. She's involved in this. This isn't time to be splitting hairs. Lup is her friend. Taako is her friend. They're all in this together.

She's not going to walk away just because she isn't part of the bigger story. So she picks herself back up, breathes in through her nose. Don't take the hurt from someone in pain.]

You're my friend, Taako. Lup«s my friend, too. And Magnus, Merle, Barry-- we're all together in this.

Maybe it doesn't matter, but I--I want to help. If I can.

But if you--if you really want me to go, I will. Just say the word.

Edited 2018-06-24 09:37 (UTC)

[Taako's perception of caring is-- well, not the best, as is probably obvious. More than it needs to be deserved, it needs to be earned. What has he ever done to make her give a shit about him? What has he even given her that constitutes this, this level of putting herself out there and going through his messy grief? What is he gonna owe her for this if he lets her stay?

He can almost hear Lup's voice ringing out in his head, that he needs to love better. And yet, he struggles.

Taako sighs, digging the heels of his hands into his eyes.]

I just-- y-- I'm just saying you don't have to. Don't feel obligated, or... you're not required, okay? You don't have to fix it, I mean, you can't, unless you have a spare sister in your pocket.

[He drops his hands and looks up, pressing his head and hat against the wall.]

Just figured you might wanna get outta here. Seeing as you're the one who died.

[ She takes a moment, just barely a second, to take notice of his face, now that it's in view. He looks a little different, even under this grief that almost feels like it doesn't belong in his face. But it might be the light, she might be seeing things - in the way, it doesn't matter right now.

She does focus, and pause, and then take a step forward and crouch in front of him. She's smiling, but it's just gentle, sympathetic. This is a rough situation, and that's okay.]

I know I don't have to. And, hum, hey - guess I got better.

[ It's kind of funny, you know, considering what she knows about him and the rest of the IPRE crew. The times they skirted death, or just dipped their toes in.]

Tell you what. Lets wait for her together. Sure she's gonna need some help when she gets back. [ She won't impose on his space, on their moments, but she'll happily sit out the wait with him.]

[Death is so impermanent to him, and yet still so weighty. He's died around two dozen times, but it doesn't stop meaning something. He remembers mushroom planet, when they came back without Magnus, and he shoved his feelings down and said it was bullshit and didn't matter as Lup cried. You're wrong, she had said back. It matters so much more.

Taako sighs, dropping his shoulders. He's not looking at her, but he's just tired.]

I mean, I can't make you leave, so. Not the comfiest, but uh. I have like, pillows and shit.

[That Angus brought a few days ago. The boy keeps popping in and out to bring him food, and that's already more than he can handle. Why do so many people care?]

Not that you haven't taken a super long nap or anything.

[ Can't stop people from caring. Funny how that works.]

Yeah, haha. [ A very weird, very almost-permanent nap. Kind of like a blackout. If you take away the minutes before it, it didn't feel so different from falling asleep.

She steps over and sits next to him, crossing her legs.]

How long's it been? How long was I out?

[He shrugs.]

Dunno. When did you go down, uh, the 17th? It's the 20th.

[He thinks. Taako pulls out his phone, confirms he was right, and puts it away.]

Few days. Nothin' happened. We're all still in shitty fantasy loss.jpg hell.

Oh, wow. 3 days, huh?

[ A comment half to herself, staring down at her feet. She pauses for a few seconds just to mull on it.

She glances at him again.]

So what do you do all day? Besides...you know. [ She shrugs a small shoulder, the word "waiting" left hung in the air, along other momentarily unsavory words.]

[He just kind of twirls his wrist in response, gesturing in a similar, subdued way.]

I mean, like... that, basically. I dunno when she'll actually pop back up. Didn't know when you would.

[He's only now realizing he saw her body fall, when he confronted Lup. He tries not to think about it.]

Told you you didn't have to stay.

[ She crosses her arms over her knees.]

I know, bud.

[ In a moment of silence, she looks around the temple. It's dim, empty. A little simpler than she expected.]

...I haven't actually gone into one of these yet. The temples.

[Taako shrugs, leaning back against the wall he was slumped against, drawing his knees up to his chest and letting his hat fall forward again.]

Look around all you like. Sucks anyway. No fuckin' point.

[And he'll wait.]

I guess... [ Mostly because she doesn't want to push.

She does look. She wonders, in this place, did people worship them? Were there other peoples wherever the gods are from that payed homage to them, or are these just glorified homes? She can't hear anyone else in here, at least.

A slow-chugging train of thought, attempting to keep her busy while the silence is heavy and the mood is grim.]

...she's going to come back, you know. [ She rests her chin on her arms.] Things usually work out.

[He doesn't respond. He appreciates it, he really does- but he has no idea how to process, to exist with another person in his grief. He needs her, needs Lup, and as much as Carey is right, Fear is certainly getting everything he wants today. That was everything he ever worried about, back through time, to the deepest parts of him.

But someone else is here.

That's better.]

[ She hopes it is. She can't be sure, all she can bet on are the times friends and loved ones kept her company when she needed it. She just hopes she can do the same to her friend.

So she rests her chin on her knees, closes her eyes, and listens to the silence of the stone building. She'll go outside, eventually, contact the friends she hopes are still around. Give some sort of sign that she's back, knowing there's people out there who she likes to think missed her.

But, right now, this is more important. The heavy nothing and the fear, the misplaced guilt and the complex emotions.

This is where she'll stay for now.]

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Event Log: Senses Fail

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