hadriel_logs | The Killing Game

Entry tags:

The Killing Game

Who: The Raven crew: Gansey, Blue, Adam, Ronan and Noah
What: Blue targets Gansey during the Assassin event
Where: The Raven House.
When: During Rage's Assassin event
Warnings: Attempted murder, the full list of swear words known by Ronan Lynch, teenage angst.

[ As far as Gansey knows, it's an ordinary morning in their house. He's yet to venture outside, and hasn't seen any of his friends emerge from their rooms. Given that his own is the living room these days, and also given that he struggles to sleep most nights, he typically finds himself wandering around alone in the mornings. This isn't a place with a great prevalence of cereal boxes, and his beloved car is still at home, so his usual methods of distracting a wakeful mind are unavailable.

That's why, on this particular morning, his friends will arrive to discover Gansey has built some approximation of the Eiffel Tower out of a range of the house's cutlery. There may have been one or two minor crashes, when his efforts collapsed on him, but really, that should just make everyone glad that he didn't decide to use the plates. This is a lot harder than it looks. He's in the kitchen, minding his own business, and setting this monstrosity up on one of the counters. There's also some indeterminate can of something being warmed in the microwave; let no one say he never attempts to cook for his friends.

Oblivious to what's started to happen around the city, Gansey goes innocently about his model building, and waits for the first of them to wake up. ]

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[Noah should be abashed or ashamed but he's neither of these things, instead stupidly pleased at how quickly she replied. Like she thought of it ahead of time.

She was thinking about it. ♥]

Ms Sargent, [There is the fake scandalized tone again, along with the crooked grin.] Are you asking me to be a man-ho? ... Is that what you're into? Because I can do that if it is.

That's not even a thing! [ Her voice rises slightly on that, caught somewhere between embarrassment at the insinuation, frustration at the use of the word "ho" (even with man attached to it), and amusement with his own scandalized behavior.

She lets out a frustrated groan, shoving her hands in her pocket and shaking her head. ]

That's not what I meant. [ Here eyes are daggers for him. ]

I meant that... you shouldn't be wasting all your time on me. There are plenty of girls here to kiss. You could pick one of them.

[Noah has to laugh at her frustration. He's the worst. He'd try to take her hand if he thought he could get away with it. He's considering it even so.

Blue seems to have her mind taken off what was bothering her, and that's what Noah was going for.]

Are you saying girls are interchangeable, Blue? Wow.

[Teasing, he's teasing.]

There's no one else like you.

I'm saying...

[ Saying what? That she's in love with Gansey? Is that even true?

Yes. She realizes. For now, the anger doesn't outweigh the love. In fact, maybe that's part of why she is so angry. She's too close to the situation. ]

I'm saying you know I love you. [ She glances at him out of the corner of her eyes. ]

But I don't love you like that. [ Though sometimes she wonders if there's a world where she doesn't know Gansey and Noah's not really dead that maybe that'd be different. ]

I know. [The words come just as easily as Blue's retort from before, and he shoves his hands in his pockets as they walk so he doesn't give into the urge to reach out and take her hand.]

So that means I've got nothing to worry about. I'm safe.

[He's thought about it too. He likes to imagine that maybe when he was alive he could have been Blue's true love, that's why Gansey has it now. They'd have to meet later - he'd be seven years older than her after all. Maybe when he was in grad school and she was in college and he'd calmed down a bit with age so she wouldn't hate him instantly.

If he died from the kiss, it'd be worth it.]

Mr. Czerny. [ She does her best to match his scandalized tone from before. She even adds a hand over her chest, protecting her innocent heart. ] Are you saying that boys are interchangeable now when it comes to kissing?

[ She shoots him an awkward smile.

Then, with a heavy sigh, she resolves. ] I don't want to kiss anyone else. [ She draws her eyes back up to him. ] That's why I don't want you to wait.

[ As much as she would like to keep both, she knows that's not how the world works. And it's not fair to Noah. He has an opportunity now that they don't know how long it will last. She doesn't want to see him waste it on her. The timing was wrong for them, it didn't have to be wrong for him and others. ]

[Noah does have other girls he'd like to kiss. The thing is all of them have boyfriends. It's apparently Noah's type - girls who like him, they just like someone else more.]

I don't mind.

[He genuinely doesn't. He knows it's Gansey for Blue, and it's Blue for Gansey, and it's just a matter of time.]

I'm okay with being a stand-in until whatever.

[ We need to work on your type, Noah.

But his response.... well.

At least he knows.

She sighs, stepping a little closer to him. She briefly touches her fingers against the back of his hand as they walk. Not quite holding his hand, but taking a moment just to reassure him. Or herself. Someone. ]

You deserve better.

Are you going to tell me about your face yet? [ Did he think they'd never come back to it? ]

[He wants to take her hand, to duck down and kiss her. It's okay. It's okay. He's not in danger, he knows he isn't.

It's her true love that's in danger. Noah's feelings aren't taken into account by her curse, so he'll be fine. It would be enough.

The moment's gone too quick, Noah only gets his fingers brushing against hers as well before she's asking about his face. He takes it as a request for reprieve and gives it as such, longing stomped down in favor of another easy smile.]

Oh, that? ... Someone tried to kill me. It's fine. I got away.

[And had been hiding out in Raven Haus since he came back with it, actually. And is just now leaving in an attempt to cheer Blue up.]

[ The same story as everyone else around here lately. Suddenly the whole city was lashing out at each other. For a moment, she makes the connection that she's doing the same thing to Gansey. That it can only escalate. But instead of tamping down that anger, she just feels it rise further. Yet another way he complicates their lives. Why can't anything ever be simple with him?

She moves closer to Noah. If the fingers weren't enough and the kiss too much, then her head on his shoulder should fall somewhere in a happy medium. ]

Who was it?

I need to know who to punch the next time I see them. [ Is she joking? ]

Or at least help look out for them for you.

[Hopefully she's okay with his arm going around her shoulder, because it's just easier if she's going to rest her head on his. He has to walk a bit slower, to make sure their legs don't get tangled up or anything. He can't remember doing this with anyone when he was alive, but he's certain he must have.]

No, she - she wasn't in control of herself. It was something else. I met her before all this. She gave me a book.

[It wasn't quite a 'she was my friend', but Noah knows how flimsy even that excuse is, when you've been murdered by a friend in the past. And even if he doesn't blame her, he's now sufficiently fucking terrified by her.]

Her name's Sharon. She... did something. It was like she was ... I don't know. Changing the buildings. Bringing someplace else here. Like Adam calling Cabeswater but... something darker.

[ That sends chills through her. Someone that can control the world around them like that? Bringing a place inside this one?

She wraps an arm around his waist, squeezing a little tightly. She's listened to him for too long. She hears the slight change in his voice. The drop from happiness before to the fear that resonates in him now. Whoever this friend was, her anger was something else. ]

I don't think whatever's happening to us is done yet...

I'll try to keep look for her. I don't want you to run into her again.

[ She swallows hard. ] I'm glad you didn't get hurt worse.

[Noah lets his lips brush against one of the spikes of her hair, not enough to really feel. He doesn't have the same danger there that Gansey does, and it isn't a kiss anyway.

As always, he's stupidly happy for her embrace, even if it came about due to him almost dying a third time.

Blue doesn't know about the second time, does she? He doesn't really want to worry her, but everyone else knows. Gansey arrived while he was still dead.]

Me too. ... I've already died here a second time, though.

[ She feels him lean close, feels his face near hers. She doesn't really know how to respond. What to say to it.

Then the moment is gone. Too brief for her to have even decided how to respond, should she have wanted to. She lets it pass instead. She doesn't want to let him go right now.

So she doesn't. Even as she looks up at him with wide eyes full of surprise. ]

You died? Here?

What happened?

[They're getting closer to the river, Noah can hear it in the distance, the water. He belatedly thinks he should have brought some bread to throw into it to see if he could make the fish appear in case they're shy.

In the meantime, story time.]

It was quick. I didn't have time to be scared.

[That's the more important part of the story, first off.]

There was a snowstorm. I got caught out in it. Which wasn't so bad but... there were things in the snow, too. Yetis, other stuff. A yeti was what got me. I didn't see it coming. I just got unlucky.

[ A yeti. Not even one of the locals turned monster. Just a straight monster.

She grips him a little tighter. She'd press closer, but they already have to manage to not tangle their feet. So she doesn't come too close.

But something in her heart tightens. ]

I know you come back but... [ She remembers the way he used to act out his first death for her. It makes her stomach twist this time. ]

I wish none of us were in this danger. Mom used to say that death wasn't always the worst thing that could happen to a person.

It's true.

[Again, there's no hesitation, Noah's voice quiet. Blue's mom knows this, Blue has been raised being told this, a lie is kind of pointless.]

You ever see 'Clue', with Tim Curry? 'What are you afraid of, a fate worse than death?' 'No, just death, isn't that enough?'. It's like that.

There are worse things. Being dead is plenty bad on its own, though. I was a ghost for a little bit. Couple months. I'd asked for it to be that way.

[Again, Adam, Ronan and Gansey already know. There's no point in trying to hide it from Blue. She'll find out sooner or later, and Noah figures she'll be less angry if she hears it from him.]

Why? [ It comes out harsher than she means. She can't help herself.

So she takes a deep breath. Recenters herself. At least this is a rational reaction to that statement. Not like her irrational anger from before. This she can rein in without missing a beat. This is easy to reset.

With a softer voice: ]

Why did you ask that? [ Because while she immediately jumps to never wanting to see him dead again, she knows she's not lived like that. She doesn't know what can be going through his head.

So tell her, Noah. Help her know you. ]

[There's a brief tension at the harsh demand - Blue is just the most recent in a long line of people to be upset with Noah's choice, but he's still learning how to deal with people being angry at him again when he can't just vanish to escape it.]

I didn't want it forever. Not to stay that way forever. [He clarifies that part quickly when she asks again, gentler.] I just...

I just needed a break.

[ Is that really a break?

They reach the lake edge. She stops with him, watching the water. She wishes this place were more open. That there was more breeze coming off the lake. Instead all is quiet around them. The water gently laps at the edges of the lake, only amplifying the silence as she lets his answer settle between them.

Is being dead a 'break'? She doesn't know the answer to that. She can't know the answer to it. She's never died. Not in that other world. Not here. She's never been dead like he has.

So she asks a question she's never asked before: ]

What's it like? Being dead like that? [ She asks softly. Carefully. What does he go through? Who is he really?

She doesn't move from his side. ]

[Noah spends the whole of the silence tense and worried - worried she'll be upset with him, that she'll pull away, that he'll have just made things worse somehow. When she finally asks him what it's like to be dead like that - it's a terrible subject but he could cry from relief that she doesn't sound angry or move away.]

Awful.

[That's the short and sweet of it, really. The one quietly spoken word.]

It's hard to explain, standing outside of it here. Everything is different and fading and - and I'm running out of time.

Being alive after being dead, though. It's not the same as being alive in the first place.

[ No. She doesn't know how any of it feels. She doesn't understand any of it.

But she does realize something, then. He's damned if he's dead. And damned if he's alive. There's no real winning in any sense of it. Not for him. Even if she were to die here and come back, it'd never compare to what he's gone through.

She turns then. She wraps her arms around his waist and she hugs him tightly. ]

Thank you for telling me.

I'd miss you if you were ever gone. You know that right?

[There is a certain comfort in everything only being able to get worse, after a fashion. It makes every moment the best one he’s got left. Dammed if you do, dammed if you don’t.

Adam was right, about the relief that comes from feeling known. It’s such a selfish thing, Blue would be happier not understanding.

He wraps his arms around Blue when she hugs him, resting his cheek against her hair. He’ll let her go a soon as she tries to pull away, but until then he’ll savor the warmth, the closeness, the feeling he won’t ever get again once they return home. If he just holds it close enough to his heart he’ll be able to take it with him, maybe. A candle to keep the light in the darker days to come.]

I know, [The words are softly spoken, leave out that it’s good to hear anyway.] When it’s time, though… you have to let me go.

[ His arms around her are little comfort. They're more comfort than she wants to give them credit. Warmth and touch and everything whole in this world about him. But it's just this world. It's just this time.

And his words ring too true.

So she holds onto the little reality that she has. She clings to him, pressing her face against his chest as he speaks so softly. ]

I know. [ She answers just as softly.

Then she clears her eyes. Sighs. ] But I don't have to let go yet.

[Noah smiles a little at that, agreeing,]

Not just yet, no.

[They have some time left. A little bit whenever they return back home, and whatever extra being here gives them. Even when he was dead here, he didn’t feel like he was actively decaying the way he was back home. There was no bringing back what he lost, but it wasn’t a struggle to just keep hold of what he still had every day.

He’s also selfishly pleased that she’d miss him. That she will miss him, even if he thinks they’d be better off forgetting him entirely. If they forgot Noah, they’d have no reason to be sad for the loss of him.]

Too bad the water here isn’t any good for swimming. A real beach would be great with the bar.

[All those are problems he can’t fix, though, and he came out here to try and cheer Blue up.]

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The Killing Game

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