[ semi-closed ] (650): Come home... I'm drinking and playing with knives.

[hardwearing]

Who: Wash & friends
What: post-deserted event reunions, mostly! possibly a general blue team log?
Where: starting off in bluehaus once again
When: august 31 - first few days of september
Warnings: possibly mentions of suicide, will mark in subject lines and update if more arises

(( starters in comments! if any cr wants a reunion thread with this disaster hmu @ cuddlebug and i'll write you one, or feel free to just show up and check on wash. ))

Comments

august 31; kyna

[hardwearing]

[ After eight nights of basically zero sleep, Wash was crawling in his fucking skin, twitchy and irritable. The rest of his group was side-eyeing, enough that Harlan approached him on the evening of day nine and offered him weed, which... probably a bad idea, Wash told him. He hadn't reacted great when he tried it with Julie, and with that in mind had already been turning down Faith's bliss all week. He hates anything that alters him, as a general rule. Buuuuuuut he really couldn't afford to be even more sleep deprived so at that point he'd have taken a sleeping pill and just dealt with whatever dreams haunted him. Buuuuuut he hadn't recognized anything in the clinic and none of them had a stash. Then Harlan had offered something else, that he'd actually trusted more -- a spell he described as magic xanax, and. Yeah. Sure. Why not?

It was an awesome spell, actually. Except then the little shit had somehow talked him into sharing a joint while he was buzzed on it and once he wakes up, he'll realize things get pretty blurry past a certain point. At least it'll be hard to be mad, since he's sleeping real well right now. He won't remember how it happened but somehow he did wind up in his bed and currently he's dead to the world. The sun is just starting to peek up over the horizon, and he's sleeping through that for once, too.

Look, he was really tired. Stop judging. ]

[evocation]

[Kyna hasn't been sleeping well, either. She's taken to staying in Wash's room, because as irrational as it is, it makes her feel closer to him. The first few nights, the bed felt overwhelmingly empty to her, and then she'd started getting Lando to sleep on the bed with her, and it got a little easier. Sort of.

Every time she lays down, she can't stop thinking, her thoughts buzzing. After a week, Kyna starts casting sleep on herself. It isn't meant to last the whole night, but it gets her through the worst of it, and by the time she's asleep she's exhausted enough to stay asleep.

She wakes up to Lando jumping off the bed, his collar jingling, and it's in the half dark of the room that she realizes someone is in the bed with her. Kyna reacts on instinct—she screams, scrambling backwards and accidentally kicking whoever it is, though she just barely manages not to fall out of the bed.]

[hardwearing]

[ This is a very rude awakening, Kyna. And is going to continue their trend of being atrocious at reunions, because startling a super paranoid marine awake ends well for no one. The drugs and magic have worn off and Wash was just sleeping, and now he is very much not. He's awake in an instant, and shifts into action mode so fast that if Kyna blinks she'll miss him rocketing out of bed and grabbing his magnum off the nightstand, pointing it at the attacker before he's even fully processed that he's moving. Except it's not an attacker. It's Kyna, unmistakeable even in the dim light. Wash blinks, waiting for his brain to catch up to reality.

Lando is somehow completely nonplussed by these antics, and trots up to Wash's side happily. Friend is back! Friend is awake! Pets, please.

Give him a minute, buddy. ]

...Kyna?

[ He sounds almost wary, like he isn't sure if this is real or another trick. The past week and a half has not been great. ]

[evocation]

[Kyna doesn't really react to the gun—with her magic, she's essentially immune to bullets, anyway. Wash's voice, though, hits her like a blow to the gut. She sucks in a sharp breath, eyes widening, her hands fisting in the sheets. Some part of her has started to assume that whatever is going on, it's her new reality, and that part of her insists this is a dream.]

...Am I hallucinating?

[hardwearing]

I don't think so. Am I?

[ Only one way to find out. Wash lowers the gun, sets it down on the nightstand next to his phone... which he should really check, his mind now racing with the thought that if this is real and she's back everyone else might be too. But in a minute. Right now he's reaching for her, hesitant like he's afraid his hand is going to pass right through.

It doesn't. Her cheek is warm and soft and real under his hand and he nearly collapses back onto the bed with relief, other hand coming up to pull her in against his chest. Maybe he should say something else, but nothing comes out even as his head is spinning. I thought I'd never see you again. Harlan's here. This was fucking terrifying. He just clutches Kyna to him, breathing unevenly. ]

[evocation]

[Wash pulls her close, and for a moment, Kyna is so overcome with emotion it feels like she can't breathe. She lets out a choked sound, almost a sob, and just clings to him, burying her face in his shoulder as she wills her heart rate to even out. He's okay, he's here, and she missed him so much his absence was like a constant, physical ache. When she finally speaks up, her voice trembles.]

I was so afraid I'd never see you again.

[hardwearing]

[ Oh okay, Kyna's just going to say exactly what he was thinking anyway, that works. It's painful to hear, but they're on the same page.

He's not letting go of her for a bit. ]

I know. I know, I...

[ Yeah, words aren't working. ]

We're okay.

[evocation]

[She's squeezing too tightly and she knows it, but so is he, so at least it's mutual. There's an irrational part of her that's afraid he'll just disappear again, and even just the thought of it makes her throat tighten.]

Are you okay? I thought...

[She thought maybe something terrible had happened. Something irreversible. She tries and fails to choke back another hiccuping sob, and before she can stop herself, she's crying in earnest.]

[hardwearing]

[ He's definitely holding her too tight but that's about to ease up, as he sacrifices one hand to stroke her hair when she starts crying. And now he has to keep it together, to calm her down. That's an effective way to ensure he keeps his grip, honestly, just be in a worse state than he is at a given moment. ]

We stuck it out. Harlan was with me, we were stocked up and nothing attacked. We're okay. It was a trick after all.

[ He can't say they're fine, because... they were not fine. The whole group was a mess, in different ways and to varying degrees. But nobody died, nobody even got hurt. ]

august 31; tucker

[hardwearing]

[ It does take a bit, for Wash to emerge from his room. At first for the obvious reason -- he woke up to Kyna there, and they needed a moment, but then because when they checked the list there were certain people missing and a new and profound sense of dread has settled into Wash's chest. He's got to break it to Tucker now, that everyone's back but not everyone at the same time... just like the last time this happened. Once again, they have no control over it and people important to him are gone.

Wash can't change that, can't fix it like he'd wanted, but he can be there.

When he opens the door Lando charges out, demanding a walk that's imminent if only because Kyna needs to go check on her people anyway. Then she's probably going to be around a lot more for awhile, he thinks, but if anybody's got a problem with that they'll cross that bridge when they come to it. He steps across the hall and knocks on Tucker's door firmly twice, then just opens it.

It's still super early, odds are he was still asleep but that's enough of a warning in this particular scenario. ]

Tucker?

Re: august 31; tucker

[lovernotafighter]

[Asleep, alone in his bed. The sound of the knocking woke him up, made him sit up and rub his eyes blearily. At least he knew people still existed if there was knocking; he just didn't understand why they couldn't exist a little later in the morning.

It was probably Kyna, right? There were only three people in the world, and the other two probably wouldn't be bothering him at buttcrack in the morning.

But, hey, people. And when he heard the voice, when he saw it was Wash instead, Tucker stared for a second. He wasn't gone. He wasn't-- Wash was here. It's fine. He's fine.

Everything was fine.

Tucker sat up, his eyes wide, before he got up and started walking over to him. One finger reached out poking the other man's cheek.]

Wash...?

[hardwearing]

[ Yeah, it's not like Wash didn't believe Kyna that Tucker was in his room in one piece, or doubted the accuracy of the directory, but. Actually seeing it with his own eyes is far more reassuring. Something in his posture eases and his eyes light with relief, but before he can say anything else, Tucker's poking him in the cheek.

You know what? It's fine. He doesn't even look irritated as he swats his friend's hand away but catches it, like he's reassuring himself further that Tucker's real. There's a hint of a smile on his face, even. He missed you, man. He missed all of you. ]

Yeah, it's over. Carolina's on her way home, I think Epsilon's still asleep. But we're here.

[lovernotafighter]

[Wash grabbed his hand, and it made Tucker think of something familiar, so he twisted his hand and broke free. Fingers grabbed Wash’s wrist, and he pulled the hand forward, putting it flat against his chest, letting him feel that beating heart while the Sim felt the weight of the touch. He closed his eyes, and for a second, it was like being comforted when everyone else was invisible, gone from him.

Okay, yeah. He was here.

He breathed, then let it go and smiled. Fuck. Carolina and--] Epsilon’s here?! [The excitement was tangible, hanging in the air.] That asshole didn’t leave?

[Not again. He didn’t do it…he didn’t do it again. He stayed. Finally, that jerk learned to stay!]

What about the others? What about Church and Tex?

[hardwearing]

[ Oh. Yeah, that's... that's kind of their thing now, Wash supposes. How he'd identify himself to Tucker when he couldn't otherwise be perceived. Prove that it was him and not one of the others, and track Tucker as he calmed down. How he made sure the other man was okay. It means something now, though, at least to him.

He lets it linger, his mixed feelings about shit faint and irrelevant in the face of Tucker's relief.

Then the other shoe drops, and so does Wash's expression. He doesn't even bother hiding that he's affected by this as well, even knowing they hated him. He'd still meant to save them, had taken it as a responsibility, and now... ]

No... not them, I'm sorry. They're gone.

[lovernotafighter]

[Okay, yeah, this was good. He was smiling still when he wasn’t shoved away, and that was cool. Epsilon was here, the Blue Haus was here, and everything was fin—

--e.

Wash was looking at him weird, was…saying things…and Tucker felt his expression slowly drop. The floor wavered under his feet as he stood there, his stomach bottoming out and—Fuck. Fuck. Tex and Alpha?

At least they were together. Didn’t help the void in Tucker’s gut, though, the way he was feeling. Again. It happened again.]

Are you sure? Maybe…maybe we just need to find them.

[hardwearing]

Tucker...

[ Fuck, he's not good at this. Breaking bad news. Weirdly he's reminded of when he had to tell Caboose that Freckles had been destroyed, how he'd struggled for ages with how to manage it and then it had been fine. But this isn't going to be fine. ]

When someone's gone from the directory, they're back through the Door. Sometimes it's temporary, but I don't think we should hope for that. I really am sorry, I... I wanted to help them find somewhere they'd be safe.

[ He hasn't pulled his hand back yet, doesn't want to but is expecting Tucker to lash out at him any second. First is denial, next is anger. He can ride it out, he's gonna be here, but nothing about this is going to be easy. ]

[lovernotafighter]

[But...it's not. It's not those things, because--]

Yeah. I should've known.

[Because this place just loooved to fuck with him, loved to dangle things and then take them away. And it took. And took. And took and took and took. He breathed a little, his eyes sliding away as his jaw tightened. This was a different sort of anger.

He didn't move away from Wash's hand.]

Just tack it onto the list of shit I'm going to demand from the gods.

[uptightness]

[Day after day, Carolina had woken up to the same four faces without hide nor hair from the others. The first few days it had been solitude, at least until she had seen smoke on the other island. Another look at their residence for some clue or some hint as to where the rest had gone, before she had set out. It hadn't turned out to be anyone from home that she had found, but she had known at least one of the faces.

That was until today.

It was when that realization hit that Carolina had left the make-shift camp that had been set up. She had checked back at their residence a few times during the whole ordeal, but each time it had just been an empty house without a trace of anyone having come. Now, it seemed, others had returned, which meant that her guys should have as well.

Right?

It took longer than she desired, and she'd been chomping at the proverbial bit the whole time. While moving to the other island had gotten her some companionship, it had also made the return trip longer. She is slightly unkempt, hair a little unruly, clothes a little dusty, but the number of shits that she gives about that is zero as she works up the front stairs, two at a time, before shoving the door open.]

Hey!

[Because she's calling out as she all but slams the door shut, looking for confirmation and affirmation that yes, they are here, they are back, they are safe...]

[hardwearing]

[ Wash is just out of the shower when Carolina gets home, hair wet and face fresh shaven, and he hastily pulls on sweats to rush down to meet her. Kyna's gone to check on her people and he's already broken the bad news to Tucker, who's now in Epsilon's room for a reunion, so it's just him for the moment.

He'd already told himself during a particularly low point about a week ago that he wasn't going to hold back with any of them anymore, so when he sees Carolina he ignores that she's grimy and disheveled. He was a bit just before, too, not wanting to waste drinking water during the event on things like shaving. So he doesn't hesitate, doesn't second guess himself, just steps in and pulls her into a hug. They've gotten most of the way there a few times before, she probably won't punch him in the face.

Right? ]

Welcome home.

[uptightness]

[With a cock of her head, she can hear the sounds of someone, face rising to meet Wash as he moves toward the entry. That slight upward twist of her lips comes, relief flashing through her eyes, a bit of the tension leaving her shoulders at the sight of him. Wash, who is there, who doesn't seem any worse for the wear, who is real and back and-

It's is unexpected, and Carolina freezes for a moment, and yet his words... Home. She'd lost everyone once, went through it again in the Temple, and it certainly isn't something that Carolina had wanted to face again. She knows that home isn't always a place, but that sometimes it is a feeling, about who you're with, the people that are important to you and that you care about, and her own arms rise, hugging him back tightly.]

You're fine? The others? They're all good?

[hardwearing]

[ When Carolina's arms rise up around him Wash relaxes, letting himself just hold her for a moment. Reassure himself she's here, and she's okay. It'll be easier to break this if he's not looking at her face anyway. ]

Tucker and Epsilon are having a reunion, I strongly recommend you knock. But it's just the four of us now.

[ He ducks his head against hers a little, a hint of guilt in his voice. ]

When the network came back, Tex and Alpha weren't on the list.

[uptightness]

[That soft chortle at that news, not surprised at all by that information. She would give the both of them space to do- well, whatever they are doing because Carolina isn't going to pause too much to think that over. But they are both back, which is what is important.

Although she stills, putting his words together before he confirms his statement. ... is it fitting that they left together? In a way, it is. Although they've nothing to return to.]

So they've left.

[hardwearing]

[ Wash nods, only then pulling back from the hug so he can see her expression. Is she okay with it? Because he's kind of really not. Tucker's definitely not. It's a little different for all of them. ]

Yeah... I was hoping we could send them somewhere else, when Sorrow figured out the Door.

[uptightness]

[Most things did trace back to Alpha, although it can be argued that it could be traced even further back to one particular man. The Director. Yet, Carolina hadn't had much interaction with Alpha, and Texas? That's a whole other story there. To say it is complicated is too simple of a word. She doesn't hate her anymore, understanding better all that went down, about who and what she was.

It isn't easy to read anything on her face, guarded as it is. Sitting down and discussing feelings isn't something that they do- well, most of the time anyway. Emotions aren't really required in soldiers, makes things harder, really. Yet her gaze shifts, that light furrow in her forehead.]

Is that- you discussed that?

[She hadn't had many discussions with Tex, even less with Alpha. Yet that is what they had wanted?]

[hardwearing]

Uh... no. I was working up to it with Tex, but we didn't get that far. Talking to her about anything was always kind of a minefield.

[ And fuck Alpha, honestly, Wash hadn't liked him much in the first place even if he regretted just how little regard he'd had at the end. The guy was still a complete asshole. ]

They might not have gone for it anyway. Better not to think about it now, I just...

[ He'd kind of hoped. Stupidly, perhaps. ]

I'm going to make everybody breakfast, are you hungry?