hadriel_logs | Event Log: Soulmates

Entry tags:

Event Log: Soulmates

Who: All characters participating in the event
What: The event log for Soulmates event
Where: All over the city
When: February 14th-February 22nd
Warnings: None

Oh shit, what even happened last night? You're pretty sure you had a normal night, no crazy drunk antics (unless that is your normal night). But this morning you woke up with a brand new tattoo, and it's... a name?

Maybe it's a name you recognize, one of your good friends. Maybe it's a stranger. Maybe it's someone you can barely stand. No matter who it is, you kind of feel like you should look for them and figure out what's going on with this weird tattoo. And when you find them - well, they've got one too, except this one is your name. It would seem weird, except as soon as you see each other you kind of understand. Of course you'd have a tattoo with the name of the person you've found such an amazing connection with. You were meant to be together.

So enjoy your time with your newfound soulmate. Who knows, you might wake up tomorrow with a whole new name on your arm, a new connection, a new love. Make the most of it!

► This log covers February 14th-February 22nd
► Please tag headers of threads with content warnings where they apply
► Please put your character's name and open/closed in the subject line of your starters!
► If you try to pull off a stupid stunt to impress your soulmate and fail so miserably you die, please let us know here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[This feels horrible. Taako's been taken for an absolute ride by these liches before-- dreams into panic attacks, attacking Barry when he was just trying to help, having to kill Lup without any magic at all. He's hated it before. But as much as he has an endless supply of ire towards them, right now he just feels bad at himself. The feelings bubbling in his chest are in direct opposition to the hurt he's tried to cling to from that pivotal moment in her office, from his reflection on ten years of his life that feel meaningless and empty. But it's dragging him down to carry this at the forefront, like an anchor around his neck, to slog himself through his life with this choking him as he fights his own brain.]

Look, it's... they do this, alright, this just fuckin'. Same shit different fantasy day.

[It comes down to the fact that he's scared to cross the picket line he's built for the two of them. If he extends the hand, won't they all think it's just okay? Won't he lose the right to be mad, to be hurt, to not trust her again? Won't he have to shelve this forever, in a place where he can't ever touch?

He just needs to-- no one can see him if he does this. It just needs to be quiet.]

Your place is, like-- you moved in like right next door, right? I haven't seen it.

[He's not perfectly looking at her, rubbing the pad of his thumb over his other fingers, a fidgety motion he just needs to not be so still.]

Let me just, get something else on, ok? Can you wait a minute?

[ Lucretia nods, not really listening. She's still waiting for him to kick her out. Still unable to summon the motivation needed to do it herself. Still clinging, desperately, to every last second this stretches out, treasuring these scant few moments before he shuts her out again.

She doesn't know why he hasn't yet. Doesn't know why he's asking about her house, why it matters, until he's suddenly inviting himself over and all she can do is stare in shock and bewilderment.

She opens her mouth. Closes it. Opens it one more time and then thinks better of it. She's not going to ask. Not when he's willingly offering to spend time with her, not when he can't meet her eyes and she can tell just how precarious this whole situation is. ]

Of course. [ Was there ever a question? She nods, already waving him off to go, and hurry back. ] Of course, I - yes, yes I'll wait.

Cool, yeah, cool--

[He's speaking as soon as she is, darting out of the foyer and into a nearby bedroom, shutting the door behind him before pressing his back to it in a moment of abject panic. What the fuck is he going to do. What the fuck is he going to do about all of this. This is ripping open like, 27 boxes of trauma he had nicely packed in a corner and was planning to deal with precisely never. But nevermind! Guess they're on fire now! That's just how we're doing this!

Taako reaches over to the top of the bedside table to grab the Krebstar, casts 'Silence', and screams for about 30 seconds. Most of it is expletives at the liches in charge, but some of it is just good ol' fashioned screaming.

Once that's done, he dispels the field as quickly as it came and rifles through his room for a change of clothes. When he re-emerges a few minutes later, he's swapped into some kind of black sweater with big glittery stripes across the center that make out a rainbow over his chest and on his arms. He's tying a cloak over the top of it, his old wizard hat sitting on his head- some habits never change- and the Krebstar is tied at his waist. He walks up to her, finally finished fiddling with the tie, and looks at her with some apprehension despite the way his brain is lighting up in joy just to be in her presence.]

I'm just putting it out there, I reserve the right to not do this another time, or like, end this whenever the hell I want okay? Just because I'm doing this now doesn't mean we're-- this isn't some big everything's fixed, this is just what's going on right now.

[It's like a contract, or something. He can do contract. Sure.]

[ He disappears, and even knowing, trusting that he'll be back as soon as possible, Lucretia still has to resist the urge to follow him. Being without him, even for a few minutes, leaves her restless, vaguely dissatisfied, and at a loss for what to do with herself. How had she lived without him all this time?

She knows, of course. She knows this isn't real, that it'll be over in a few days, but even so, it's hard to imagine that being the case. This isn't like what she'd felt for Allura or Nate. They'd been strangers, and as irresitible as her feelings for them both had been, there had been no history there. No deeper knowledge or relationship for their bonds to be based on, nothing but the thrill of new discovery.

This is different. This is Taako.

Luckily, perhaps, she doesn't have long to dwell on the alarming question of what happens tomorrow. Taako emerges quickly, fully decked out in his hat and cloak and a blindingly glittery sweater, and Lucretia can't stop the delighted smile that spreads across her face at the sight of him. Had he dressed up for her?

She clears her throat, schooling her expression into a somber, attentive one as Taako speaks. ]

Of course. I understand.

[ She's not about to look this gift horse in the mouth. Anything he's willing to give her, she'll take. Nothing more. ]

Shall we...go?

[Of course he did; of course he'd pick something she'd like, something familiar. It's ways like those this magic is manifesting as that's really getting him, subtle ways she's in his head, on his mind. He's trying not to worry about it too much.]

Yeah, sure, let's uh. Let's leave this place in the dust huh?

[He's sort of surreptitiously paranoid he's going to be seen and in the same vein just so happy that he's found some loopholes in the rules he made to see her. This is getting so complicated. Shit. At this rate he's just going to look like a particularly nervous mushroom as they head out the door.]

So uh. Hadriel, huh. Been pretty okay so far?

[This feels dumb as they cross to her house, but truly he has no idea how to start here.]

[ She doesn't care what he looks like. She's nervous too, but for different reasons; she's practically vibrating with it, simultaneously thrilled and excited to be with him and terrified that he's going to make good on his warning and decide that this, whatever this is, is over before it begins.

But for all his caution, Taako doesn't seem inclined to do anything of the sort. They make their way over to her house, Lucretia barely resisting the urge to skip with glee the whole way. She has no idea what she's doing or what happens next but Taako is here, at her side, and - she hadn't realized just how much she'd missed this, missed him. She'd thought she'd known. She'd thought she'd been lonely without him, thought she'd let herself feel the whole depth of her guilt and sorrow and loss.

She hadn't. She hadn't known. ]

It's - well.

[ Right, conversation. She can do this. Are they really doing this? ]

You were right, of course, about the gods, or liches, the - whatever they are. I can sympathize with their position, of course, it's - too familiar, but that doesn't give them the excuse to...manipulate us the way they do.

[ They reach her front door, and she lets herself in, stepping aside to let Taako follow. The room is perfectly neat and organized despite her not expecting any visitors, because that's who she is as a person. Most of the furniture and decorations are the ones that had been in the house when she'd moved in; the only personal touches visible are a stack of journals on an end table and one of Magnus' wooden ducks, something that Lup had brought over as a gift and Lucretia had immediately displayed in pride of place on the coffee table.

There is nothing else of note. The size and layout is similar to the house next door, but while Horny House lives up to its name, crowded with its inhabitants and their things and their guests, giving off a vibe of animation and confusion and life at all times, Lucretia's house is...quiet. Sure, if Taako went poking through the kitchen, he might find evidence of some of Lup's favorite food, or treats for Angus; it's not as though she never has visitors. But it is just her living here, footsteps echoing as she walks through a house far too big for one person, and it shows.

Even so, it's more company than she'd had back at the Bureau. Lucretia closes the door behind them, shrugging her shoulders. ]

It's been...nice, though. Seeing, uh, Barry and...everyone.

[ Smooth. ]

[It feels hard to hear through the way his heartbeat is pounding, seeming so obvious to him in every step. He knows he's being cagey, but even doing this is difficult for someone who shoes their emotions so hard into the floor they've oft forgot they had them. It's complicated. It's beyond complicated.

Taako nods as they step in, eyes sliding over the space. It's... hm. There's stuff here, for sure, and he knows she's only been here a little bit of time, but it feels a little surreal. Like slipping into her office at the Bureau, like being behind closed doors to ask for something stupid and inconsequential and for a moment his throat tightens, his mind reeling back to that person and that place and That Taako. Instead, he takes a breath, shuts that down as he turns to grin a bit her direction.]

Wow, pickin' up on the whole minimalism thing, huh? I get it, haven't had a lot of time to get stuff goin', but like, you draw. Nothing?

[He should keep this going about the liches, too. At least she agrees- it feels nice to agree on something, for once. He'll ignore that it's his fault they haven't.]

And yeah, I mean, we know what it means to be uhhh super desperate, but we didn't run a kidnapping ring and sacrifice people for magic powers. I'm just saying, we figured it out, don't see why they can't.

There hasn't been anything worth displaying. Just sketches.

[ She's always been more prone to giving her art away than hanging it up for herself, anyway. The portrait in her office, in all its different forms, had been a rare exception, serving as both an inspiring reminder of those she loves and had been working to bring back, and an unforgiving one of what she'd done to both them and herself.

She doesn't need that here; all she needs is to look out the window.

Speaking of everything she'd done. Lucretia nods in cautious agreement. Oh, this is tricky. They, she, had never kidnapped anyone. She'd never sacrified anyone in the way that he means. Just their memories. Just their lives. Just Cam left alone and without a body in Wonderland forever, Taako without his sister, Davenport without anything. ]

I...suppose so.

Maybe we can find a better way. Put a stop to all of this.

[Lucretia that's sweet but also very, very sad. If Taako was better at saying real words here, maybe they could have a conversation about the difficulty of that trauma, but y'know. Words. Give him an hour.

He keeps letting his eyes drift over the area, but there isn't much else to look at while he talks.]

I dunno. Last time Lup n' I tried to talk to them they put us on a kill list, impaled me and murdered Krav, so like. I'm not saying I like the liches but I'll take a few more fuckin' swings at the asshole across the street.

[Not really wanting to just stand here, he wanders across the space uninvited and flops into the nearest chair. His body language signals familiarity, the way he can lounge out and take over a space with ease. It's weird to be doing it with her again, but so right, not just for this magic that's being thrust onto his mind.]

Neither of 'em do a very good job of being right. I'm just focused on getting everyone outta here with their heads intact. You think you're gonna take some real sides?

Yikes.

[ Lucretia follows him over, curling up on the corner of the couch nearest to Taako. It gives her a little thrill of happiness just to see him there, relaxed and at ease in her home.

He belongs here.

She sighs, shaking her head and resting her chin on one hand. ]

...I don't know. I mean, I think it's pretty clear that the Null are the bad guys here, but these gods...liches...it's harder to say.

[ God, this is a downer, huh? Time to change the subject. She flicks her eyes up to Taako's, a smile playing around her lips. ]

So, Krav, huh?

[Taako had kind of thought up to this point he knew what this conversation was going to be. He was gonna see her place, maybe explain some stuff he didn't when she arrived, read some books in each other's presence or whatever. It was nice to be around her all of a sudden, but he wasn't going to do anything rash. Just a good ol' chill day with a person who felt like an old friend again.

This is not that. This is him going to hell.

Taako very rarely gets caught off guard, but hearing Krav dance over her lips suggestively, a direct call of the familiarity he's adopted with the other man, leaves his ears going red. He can kind of hide the flush of color as he pins his ears back, lets the color in his skin distract from it. It's bad enough he was so obvious about his affection she now knows probably everything about what it means, now he has to admit it. Out loud.

Shit.]

Yeah, it-- Krav, okay? He's from our world y'know, like, known him for a while, what?

[He looks a little scandalized, which is a far cry from all the otherwise strained expressions she's gotten from him thus far.]

[ Oh, this is good stuff. After a hundred years, Lucretia's more attuned than most to elf body language, and to Taako's body language in particular. His ears go back, but that's only so he can try to hide the way they turn bright red under his hair. Lucretia smiles wider, and she leans in a little closer. ]

Uh huuuh.

[ She's teasing him, and it's been way, way too long since she's been able to tease him, but it truly is out of nothing but affection. Taako is happy. He'd found someone. Why shouldn't they talk about that? Just because her tone is a little singsong doesn't change anything. ]

And how did you two meet...?

[Nevermind all of this is cancelled he's going to climb out the fucking window. The pressure of it all forces him to drop the spiraling thoughts he was trying to wrangle in his head, his fallback on emotional reactions betraying him by latching onto the easier feelings first. For a second, it's just like old times, and he rolls his eyes without the malice simmering underneath.]

Uh, he tried to kill me, so really cute actually. Actually kind of your fault. He works for uh, for death, y'know, capital D Death? He was in Lucas' lab when we were goin' for the stone because he's the necromancy cops. So.

[Which Taako doesn't ascribe a lot of meaning to, because that wasn't really about him. When he thinks about their real first meeting, he thinks about their return from Refuge in the spring, turning on the light to the couch and seeing him, the conversation that strayed off topic and lead to date one, then two, then three.

But Taako hasn't even said that tier of sappy shit or memory to even Lup, so he's certainly not going into those details now or maybe ever.]

Then he found out we had all died before so he was pretty pissed. Technically I guess I vored him a little, he probably doesn't love that part.

[ Well, she hadn't expected that. Any of it, actually, and she stops, her attitude of smug satisfaction momentarily displaced by surprise. ]

Oh.

[ Works for Death, necromancy cops - whatever that means - and...vore. Got it. ]

Well. He certainly sounds like an interesting fellow.

[ If not a little dangerous. This is fine, right? Honestly, though, if anyone can hold his own against one of Death's lieutenants, it's Taako. A moment later, she's smiling again, reaching out to shove playfully at Taako's knee. ]

You're welcome, by the way.

[He snorts a little bit, shoulders shaking in a familiar sort of cadence.]

You're welcome for what, sending me on a death mission for a meet cute with the grim reaper? I guess.

[It feels kind of weird for someone not to know, but also to have the context of the rest of his life. Usually when he's telling this story, people don't know the intricacies of his life, the circumstances without the context. She just knows.

It's weird, but it feels good. He wants it to feel good.]

He's been on the moonbase a couple times, y'know. I'd describe him but you like, saw him at dinner. Y'know, dark skin, half elf, long dark dreads? Pretty much always in a suit because I can't get him to wear anything even remotely respectable.

Well, you would never have met him if I hadn't sent you on that death mission.

[ You can't deny the logic here, Taako. Lucretia's still smiling, happy and relaxed. It's been a long, long time since they've been able to just be like this. ]

Hmm.

[ She pauses, wincing a little. ]

I shudder to think what you might do to that poor man in the name of making him look respectable.

[He just snickers, something playful and teasing and all the things they haven't been for what feels like forever.]

I think I get into a pre-tty fair amount of death missions all on my own, thanks. And he looks fantastic, thank you very much. That suit is all he knows how to wear! Besides--

[Something in him catches up, some strike of fear through the connection, and his shoulders go rigid until he sits back and forces them to drop.]

He has his own problems too. Not perfect just because he's some, uh, psuedo-god.

[Taako crosses his arms, sinking back into the chair. Damn. Holding himself back is harder than it's ever been.]

I can't argue with that. Honestly, it's a wonder Death didn't send someone after you way earlier.

[ Lucretia stretches out with a little sigh of contentment. She can't remember the last time she felt so...at peace.

It doesn't last long, though. The moment Taako tenses up, she's aware of it, leaning forward with a look of concern she can't hide. ]

Yeah?

[ This is Taako; pushing too hard will only make him clam up more. So she leaves it at that, just waiting. ]

[Of course. Of course he's the one who ruins it. He's given her all the caveats, she's played along with all of his shit, why can't he just-- he just--

Taako sighs, uncrossing his arms to mess with a bit of hair on the side of his face.]

Just-- yeah, you know, he's got a lot going on.

[This feels so uncharacteristic of him, to be the quiet one, to be warring between his own brain-- or at least to be showing it. He thinks a lot more than most people would know, but the tricky part with this is that he's never gotten to the point with someone where they can see past his lies and he doesn't want them to. He has no choice but to be honest with her. He has no other possible option.

He lets out a groan, slapping a hand over his face and dragging it down.]

This is weird, right? I'm making it fucking weird. Ugh.

No.

[ She answers immediately, then quickly relents. ]

Well, maybe.

I don't know, Taako. I mean, this whole thing is weird, right?

[ Of course it is, but talking about it - about just why they're sitting here in her living room talking about anything rather than Taako loudly declaring he'd rather rip out his own throat than set foot in her house - won't lead anywhere good, she's sure. ]

I just -

If you wanna talk about it, you should. I don't know Kravitz, but I wish I did, if he's that important to you. I want to hear about him.

[He sighs, more defeated than much else. This is dumb. Everything about this feels so dumb and he doesn't even know why he's attempting to make it not dumb. This is his life now. A land where he can't possibly get his feelings in order.]

Just, not just Krav, fuckin' all of it. You over here by yourself, me doing... everything.

[Taako bites at his tongue, but says it anyway.]

I know some of it's whatever the liches are doing. But how the hell do you not hate me by now?

[She'd have every reason to. He has no idea what he's even looking for here, just that it makes his heart ache, and he waves his wrist as if to dismiss his own words.]

You don't have to answer that. It sucks.

[ Oh.

Of course he's not just talking about Kravitz. Of course it's more than that. Lucretia takes in a breath, bracing herself for Talking About This, but when Taako asks how she doesn't hate him her eyes open wide in utter disbelief. ]

Hate you? I could never hate you. You should hate me.

[ And he does, of course, maybe not right now when he's not really in control, but the rest of the time. He hates her, she knows it, and it's miserable but she understands. It's the worst thing about her life, Taako hating her, but she deserves it.

Hating him, though? She couldn't. ]

Of course it sucks. Of course I wish that, that things were different. But I took your sister away. I- I fucked everything the hell up.

You don't want me around after that? You don't want me living in your house? Shit, Taako. I fucking get it.

[He doesn't hate her, now. Couldn't, in the state they're in, with the invariable pull of something he can't place that's come a few times in his life. Of course, then, the culmination of those moments were those of utter triumph; connecting through worlds with magic he doesn't understand to save Kravitz from a thread started decades ago, breaking an umbrella over his knee, grabbing hands with Magnus and Merle before they ride into the apocalypse--

It stopped being an issue of hate a while ago though, even if she doesn't know it. Now... it's something else.]

It's not about hating you, it wasn't-- ugh.

[He should stop talking, but he wants to make this right now, he wants this to stop being weird with a person he should be so close to, right, he can just-- speak--]

I've been here for like, kind of a while, okay? This thing, this back and forth whatever isn't new to me. I got my memories back like, more than a year and a half ago, it's not about hating you.

[Taako pauses, a wrestle with himself where he can only reclaim so much. He can't get completely into it, the way he has with Lup, the way he's scratched with Barry. But he has to say something.]

But everyone else has just forgiven you like it's nothing and I can't do that, alright? It's not just, over like that, if people think we're all buddy buddy again it's over and it's not fucking over.

[He has no idea if he sounds like he's making any sense right now; it's paradoxical and messy and a byproduct of fighting down years and years of how he's conditioned himself to think.]

I just can't-- close this yet, okay. I don't know when I can.

[ She's quiet, not interrupting, doing her best to just listen and try to understand without her own feelings getting in the way.

It's not easy. This isn't Taako confessing that he's missed her like she's missed him. It's certainly not him saying that everything's okay between them - exactly the opposite, in fact. But she still has to fight to control the little sparks of hope that flare in her chest as he speaks. They're little things, scraps in comparison to the rich friendship they once had, but they lift her heart all the same.

It's not about hating her.

He can't close this yet.

When, not if.

It's not everything she wants, but it's far, far more than she'd ever expected or let herself hope for. It's - or at least it sounds like - a promise of someday, without even the conditional of a maybe to give him an out.

Lucretia nods, slow and somber, and while under normal circumstances she might have been content to leave it at that, to protect and tend that small flame of hope and keep quiet for fear of ruining it, the same drive that's forcing Taako into honesty is still affecting her too. She needs to tell him how she feels. Try to actually communicate with him, for the first time in years. ]

I understand.

[ She does. She'd never assumed he would forgive her, and she doesn't expect it now. But...She looks away, knowing better than to subject Taako to eye contact while she says this. ]

I love you. You're my family, and I miss you so much. I miss you every single day.

But I know what I did to you. And I don't - I won't push you to forgive that, or to move past anything a second sooner than you're ready to. I know I - maybe, maybe I don't deserve your friendship at all anymore, ever.

[ Today, he's her soulmate. Today, Love pushes her to keep talking, confess to things she'd never have said out loud otherwise. ]

But I still want it back. So badly.

[Later, he'll wonder if this gave her too much hope. When he isn't so stuck on the implications of what was said, of what he felt, of what was real or imagined or placed in his heart, he'll worry that he still gave too much. Did this revoke his permission to ever ask for space? Did this decide his future in a way he can't control?

Right now, he isn't thinking about it though. Right now, he's thinking about how to wrestle with her words, with her I miss you and I love you and all of the baggage that trucked right into his house. Now he has to deal with that. Now he has to handle...

Well, whatever this is. He hasn't determined.

So he just shrugs.]

I know you do.

[I would too, he thinks. If I did what you did. But that's the extent of his sympathies, the lengths he can go to justify this to himself.]

It's not even-- you didn't do something that means I think you're morally bad or whatever, it wasn't about that, I just--

[He shouldn't. He shouldn't, he shouldn't.

He is.]

I just can't trust you. I can't trust you not to decide you know better ever again and do something that I can't fix. That's it, alright? I'm not saying I forgive you for all of it because like, there's a lot of other shit there that was super fucked up, but there.

[Taako's shoulders drop and he scrubs at his face, just trying to handle all of that out of his mouth. He speaks through his hands next.]

Can we talk about something else, literally any fucking thing else, I don't care what. Keep dragging me about my dick appointments, whatever, let's talk about how big Barry's ass has gotten, anything.

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