Event Log: Speak Your Truth

[hadrielmods]

Who: Everyone in the city
What: The event log for the Speak Your Truth
Where: All over the city
When: April 3rd-April 9th
Warnings: None

There's a secret burning in your chest. It's hot behind your ribcage, and you need to let it out or else it might consume you- but who would you tell? Who could even begin to understand what you need to say? Your closest friend? Your significant other? Maybe even someone you don't get along with very well? It's hard to know who to trust and who will even understand, but in a strange way, neither of those things seem to matter- all you can think of is what will cause someone the most pain.

Maybe you're trying to get it out in the open so you can put it behind you. Maybe you just need to come clean because the guilt is eating you alive. Maybe you just really want to hurt someone- regardless of the reason, you're aching to tell someone else your darkest secrets.

Will they understand? There's only one way to find out, and it won't be pleasant for either party involved. Good luck, Hadriel!

► This log covers April 3rd-April 9th.
► Please tag headers of threads with content warnings where they apply
► Please put your character's name and open/closed in the subject line of your starters!
► If your secret gets a bit bloody, please let us know here.

Comments

[theladyofhighever]

[Mariane actually had the same idea. to wander into the wilderness until this strange feeling, the one which makes her actually want to share her pain and secrets and a moment of cowardice she's never going to be able to forget, no matter how hard she tries. and oh, she tries.

but deep down she knows that every day she continues to draw breath is borrowed time and eventually, she will be forced into a reckoning of what she has done.

she's so embroiled in her own thoughts that Michael's appearance comes as a complete surprise. she blinks owlishly at him for a moment before replying]

Greetings, Michael.

[aroundthecoroner]

[A small, stupid part of him is tempted to just get up and run. Mariane's a nice person, he doesn't want to hurt her, except that he kind of does. Not in a physical way, at least, but it's still an urge he doesn't want.

But a larger, equally stupid part of him stays where he is.]

You, um, enjoying the forest? Or were you trying to get away from people, like I was?

[Why did he admit that?]

[theladyofhighever]

[and a small, wretched part of her wants to do the same thing, but she's trying to quash that instinct as best as she can.

and she just. stands. with her hands neatly clasped in front of her]

...I was trying to get away from people, too.

[because she doesn't trust herself with people right now]

[aroundthecoroner]

Guess we're not very good at that, huh?

[This is awkward.]

Do you... want to sit down?

[He scoots aside on the log.]

[theladyofhighever]

No, I suppose not.

[very awkward. she's doing her best to project her usual demeanor of calm, but it's a struggle]

Oh. Yes, please.

[she sits on the log next to him, folding her hands in her lap. she stares down at them, trying to maintain her focus and not blurt out something horrible]

[aroundthecoroner]

[Michael's trying to focus too, but it's getting harder. He's never been great at resisting impulse.]

Maybe it would help if we just... instead of saying the things we don't want to say, we talk about what kinds of things they are? Maybe that'll appease it.

[He's grasping at straws but you know.]

[theladyofhighever]

[she's always been terribly good at resisting impulses but these impulses are particularly strong]

Perhaps it will? Should I begin?

[she doesn't really want to, but she assumes it's polite to ask]

[aroundthecoroner]

I, uh, I can start.

[He doesn't want to either, but it seems like the nice thing to do, since it was his idea.]

For me, some of it's stuff that happened when I was a kid. Bad stuff. And normally I'd never talk about it, I try not to even think about it, but this event's making me want to tell everyone I meet.

[There. That... doesn't seem to have worked.]

[theladyofhighever]

All right. If you're sure?

[there's a hint of worry in her voice. given that it's usually calm and even at all times, that's a bit remarkable]

That is . . . unfair of the gods, to manipulate you so. If you don't want to talk about something, they should respect that.

[aroundthecoroner]

Yeah, I think the same, but apparently they don't agree. At least it's voluntary this time, not like that thing with the memories.

[Granted, that was avoidable by not touching people, while this is only avoidable by not being around people.]

... What kind of thing is it making you want to talk about?

[theladyofhighever]

As voluntary as any of their compulsions can be.

[and in a town this small, it's impossible to avoid being around people]

...a moment of cowardice. I should be dead, but I'm not.

[aroundthecoroner]

That sounds, uh, rough. But on the bright side, at least it was only one moment of cowardice. I keep wanting to confess to three or four.

[Which he almost does, right then and there.]

... This isn't helping, is it?

[theladyofhighever]

Perhaps, but--there will be consequences from that moment. Likely terrible ones.

[as does she, but she bites her tongue]

...no. I don't think so.

[aroundthecoroner]

[Michael sighs.]

So... what do you think we should do about it? Sit and suffer, or get it over with?

[theladyofhighever]

[ordinarily, she's one to sit and suffer. but this is Michael, who's only ever been kind to her. she thinks she can trust him to keep his silence]

...I suppose we should get it over with?

[aroundthecoroner]

That's... yeah. It's probably inevitable at this point.

[But now someone has to start, and he doesn't want to be mean and make Mariane do it, but he also doesn't want to do it himself. Maybe he'll give her the option, and if she can't, he'll take it upon himself.]

Which, uh, which one of us should go first?

[theladyofhighever]

I--I intruded on you. It's only fair for me to go first.

[but it takes her a long time to continue]

The first thing is--you must understand. The only Grey Wardens left were myself and Alistair. That's how it was for a long time. And we. We fell in love. Surely there's nothing wrong in that? [her voice turns slightly pleading at the end]

[aroundthecoroner]

Of course there's nothing wrong with that. Why would there be?

[He doesn't know what Grey Wardens are, but maybe they're not supposed to marry? Or have a partner? In any case, affirming that she's not wrong is the least he can do as thanks for her going first. Though it's not like he doesn't believe that she didn't do anything wrong.]

(cw: self-harm)

[theladyofhighever]

[she sighs, looks down, and wraps her arms around herself] Because Grey Wardens are supposed to be devoted entirely to the cause of protecting people from darkspawn. Especially during a Blight, when the Archdemon leads them all to the surface to kill all living beings and pollute the air, land, and water. We knew we had to kill the Archdemon to end the Blight.

[she swallows hard before continuing]

We didn't know how until we were joined by a third Warden. He--he explained to us that when a Grey Warden kills the Archdemon, its soul tries to possess the body of the Warden. It fails, but the Warden who gives the killing blow . . . dies.

[she starts to dig into the flesh of her upper arms with her fingernails until they draw blood]

Alistair and I were . . . devastated. I didn't want him to give the killing blow and he didn't want me to. We. . . argued about it. I swore to him that I would leave him behind to guard the city gates and I would go on to kill the Archdemon. And die. I was considered the Warden Commander, it would have been within my rights to do so.

[and she closes her eyes tightly]

That was when a friend approached me with a--another way. A way to ensure that no one died.

[aroundthecoroner]

[Michael takes all that in, his expression growing more and more concerned.]

Jesus. That sounds like a lot of pressure to put on someone.

[Knowing you'd have to sacrifice yourself? To save everyone? He thinks he could do it, probably, but he also knows he's not the healthiest person when it comes to mindset.]

What... what was the other way?

[theladyofhighever]

It is a--a great deal of pressure.

[she keeps her eyes tightly closed and her nails continue to dig into her arms, blood trailing slowly down]

Morrigan--a Witch of the Wilds and our companion--offered a ritual. She would have Alistair. [she takes a deep breath and says quickly] She would have Alistair impregnate her and the soul of the Old God, what the Archdemon had been before it was corrupted, would enter the child rather than me so that I would live.

[aroundthecoroner]

[Michael just stares for a minute, then looks away and stares at the ground instead. That's... heavy.]

Holy shit... That's... A lot. Wouldn't that-? [He stops himself. Wouldn't that kill the child instead of Mariane? But what if that's already happened?]

... How did Alistair take it?

(cw: suicide mention)

[theladyofhighever]

[and it was all sprung on her when she was on the verge of a psychiatric break of some kind, not that her culture would have recognized it as such]

...wouldn't that kill the child? No. Not according to Morrigan. That was her purpose in being with us, to make this--arrangement.

Not well. He hated Morrigan, he'd been suspicious of her from the beginning, but I can be. Quite persuasive. [meaning that she'd begged him on her knees, threatening to leave him at the gate and kill herself through the Archdemon if he didn't comply]

[aroundthecoroner]

... So he did it?

[It sounds insane, but god, what would he do in that circumstance? The only way to save the person you love is to either die or sleep with someone you hate. Both options are kind of horrible. And from Mariane's side, how awful would it be to have to convince your future husband to have a baby with someone else?]

This is so messed up. I'm sorry you had to go through this.

[theladyofhighever]

[she nods yes in a move that is little more than a jerk of her head up and down, unlike her usual graceful movements.

it's even more complicated because as Grey Wardens, the odds of Alistair and Mariane being able to have a child are slim. to put it kindly. and she knows, she knows that the pressure to produce an heir and secure the Theirin line will be intense and it will all be on her]

. . . as am I. It was. Terrible.

[she takes a deep breath and tries to steady her voice before continuing]

May I ask your secret?