hadriel_logs | Event Log: Speak Your Truth

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Event Log: Speak Your Truth

Who: Everyone in the city
What: The event log for the Speak Your Truth
Where: All over the city
When: April 3rd-April 9th
Warnings: None

There's a secret burning in your chest. It's hot behind your ribcage, and you need to let it out or else it might consume you- but who would you tell? Who could even begin to understand what you need to say? Your closest friend? Your significant other? Maybe even someone you don't get along with very well? It's hard to know who to trust and who will even understand, but in a strange way, neither of those things seem to matter- all you can think of is what will cause someone the most pain.

Maybe you're trying to get it out in the open so you can put it behind you. Maybe you just need to come clean because the guilt is eating you alive. Maybe you just really want to hurt someone- regardless of the reason, you're aching to tell someone else your darkest secrets.

Will they understand? There's only one way to find out, and it won't be pleasant for either party involved. Good luck, Hadriel!

► This log covers April 3rd-April 9th.
► Please tag headers of threads with content warnings where they apply
► Please put your character's name and open/closed in the subject line of your starters!
► If your secret gets a bit bloody, please let us know here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[He frowns at the contents of one of the cans, not recognizing any of those ingredients and putting it back on the shelf. He glances over at her, turns back and then glances again.]

Jesus, you look like Faith in that.

[He shudders and grabs something off the shelf just to have a thing to look at.]

[she's managed to find a skirt which works, at least. she glances back at him, then turns to face him]

Who's Faith?

[she continues to face him]

Someone from back in the cult. She looked a lot like you actually, except blonder. Young, always wearing white, seemed sweet.

But it was all a ruse, everything she said was a lie. Poisonous. She used to laugh when she overdosed people and they turned into braindead zombies. They weren't even conscious enough to eat anymore. And she'd pet them like dogs and say how precious they were.

Fucking sick.

[she has to blink, wide-eyed at the description of Faith]

...oh. She sounds awful. I'm sorry I remind you of her. In any way.

It's fine. Probably a good reminder so I don't go back to that shit.

Don't want me running around murdering people or tying them to chairs for brainwashing or anything. That's what I did you know, back in the cult. That was my purpose.

[aaaaaaaaaaaand immediate regret.]

Uh but... not... anymore. Jesus Christ.

[He needs to leave. He needs to leave right now.]

Definitely a good reminder.

[and she blinks owlishly for a moment] Ooooookay. Why was that your purpose?

[and she's kerflummoxed]

Of course not anymore. There's no need of that here. [said soothingly]

Because that's what Jacob said it was. He gets in your head and just... Half the shit I say is him talking instead. I don't know who I am anymore. I probably don't really even exist. Thinking what Jacob wants me to. Doing what he wants.

He isn't even fucking here.

[she reaches out to him]

No. No. Listen to me. Jacob isn't here. Jacob doesn't mean nass compared to what you've been able to accomplish here. Jacob is a worm. And you're better than him in every possible way. You let him dictate your thoughts, your actions, you're selling yourself short. Because you are stronger than he is. You've proved it over and over. I've seen it. Listen to me.

That's.. You don't understand. Do you know what classical conditioning is? It's.. I could just..

[He snaps.]

In an instant. And I wouldn't even know. Or remember.

I'm not stronger than him. I never will be. All this training and I'm still weak. Forever weak.

[He backs up, eyes starting to well up. He doesn't want to talk about this, he's not sure why he brought it up in the first place.]

You are. Jacob is a terrible person for what he's done to you, for what he's done to others. Don't compare yourself to a person like that.

[she wants to go to him, but she can tell he's on the verge of an emotional breakdown, so she stays where she is and tries to keep her voice pitched low and soothing]

[he hasn't run away, so that's a start.]

He's a fucking monster. Herald of Eden's Gate.

[Pratt snorts. What a joke. Herald of torture and manipulation is more like it. But the fact remains that Pratt is weak, and nothing will convince him otherwise.]

If I was strong he wouldn't have been able to do this shit to me in the first place.

[and she's glad of that]

Everyone has moments of weakness. No one's perfect, much as we might wish we could be. But you're gone from there, you don't have to go back.

You don't know that. I might go right back there. Though.. I'll be dead so I guess it won't much matter.

[Which is weirdly a consoling thought.]

I hate feeling like a liability. Like I could snap at any moment.

I'm not letting them send you back there. You deserve better than that.

[there's nothing comforting about death]

You're not a liability.

I absolutely am.

What if I fucking snap? Skin someone? Kill someone? Start painting "Cull the Weak" on my walls in blood?

There are people who can help you recover from that kind of conditioning. I can't imagine that it's easy, but they can help. I have connections with powerful people, I can get you the best help possible.

I need my whole damn brain rewired.

[And he's not looking forward to that process. How does someone fix a mangled brain? They'd have to take him apart first right? He's not sure he wants that.]

Not your whole brain. Ever since I've known you, you've been able to handle yourself. It's just the bad stuff, the stuff put in there by Jacob [she name said with loathing] that needs to be helped.

How do I get rid of it? Get his voice out of my head? I'm pretty good at blocking it out since I've been here but I don't know how long I can keep that up.

[He's back to thinking he's a liability who could snap at a moment's notice.]

It'll take time. Time and practice. And patience. Don't be so hard on yourself. Please.

[she looks at him beseechingly]

[Don't give him those puppy eyes.]

I gotta be hard on myself. I need to be strong. Stronger than I have been. Or I might just fucking fall apart.

[too late]

There's such a thing as being too hard on yourself. You've been able to keep strong until now. And now? I honestly think that the aliens are sprocking with our heads. So you can be strong, I know you can. I've seen it.

But don't you see? That's the thing. If they are fucking with our heads.. we don't even know they're doing it. What if they ... what if they do something that just makes me lose it?

[He can think of one thing in particular they could do that would have some less than desirable effects on everyone around.]

Then we'll help you through it. We're not going to abandon you. At least I'm not. You mean way too much to me for that.

[because she platonically loves him and she's willing to do whatever it takes to keep him safe, even if it's from himself]

[It's really hard to argue with someone that empathetic and caring. He hangs his shoulders in defeat.]

Alright.

If you say so.

sob

I <3 you!

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