hadriel_logs | Event Log: Speak Your Truth

Entry tags:

Event Log: Speak Your Truth

Who: Everyone in the city
What: The event log for the Speak Your Truth
Where: All over the city
When: April 3rd-April 9th
Warnings: None

There's a secret burning in your chest. It's hot behind your ribcage, and you need to let it out or else it might consume you- but who would you tell? Who could even begin to understand what you need to say? Your closest friend? Your significant other? Maybe even someone you don't get along with very well? It's hard to know who to trust and who will even understand, but in a strange way, neither of those things seem to matter- all you can think of is what will cause someone the most pain.

Maybe you're trying to get it out in the open so you can put it behind you. Maybe you just need to come clean because the guilt is eating you alive. Maybe you just really want to hurt someone- regardless of the reason, you're aching to tell someone else your darkest secrets.

Will they understand? There's only one way to find out, and it won't be pleasant for either party involved. Good luck, Hadriel!

► This log covers April 3rd-April 9th.
► Please tag headers of threads with content warnings where they apply
► Please put your character's name and open/closed in the subject line of your starters!
► If your secret gets a bit bloody, please let us know here.

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I - maybe I did.

[ It's not that no one else knows what had happened. But there is something cathartic about sharing it all with someone who wasn't involved. Someone whose life she hadn't directly fucked up in the process of trying to improve it.

She smiles down at Alphys, still holding her hand gently. ]

It did help. Thank you. I, uh -

[ She winces, a little. Maybe this hadn't all been her story to tell. Oh.

Nothing she can do about it now.]

Well, now...now you know the whole story.

[On the contrary, Alphys would argue it's exactly her story to tell. Other people may have been part of it, hurt by it, but-- well, she knows a few things about the unique nature of stories from those who have made mistakes. Those who spent their whole life championing other's success, instead of realizing their own.

It's a hard road, and one Alphys hasn't walked as long as Lucretia has. But she understands. Dear god, does she understand.]

Well, I-- m-more of it, for sure. It uh, explains a lot though.

[Is it her turn to share something like this? Is that what's appropriate? She hesitates, but speaks.]

Besides I, uh... I know the feeling of, uhm. Trying your best and thinking you're doing the right thing. And if you c-came out the other side, uhm, guess you did better than me! H-Hehe...

[Alphys ducks her head, already unsure if she's said too much.]

[ It's only fair to let Alphys unburden herself, after she'd been so kind as to listen to Lucretia's sob story. Besides, the sight of Alphys so nervous and unsure tugs at her heart. There's no way she could just leave her hanging now. ]

What happened, Alphys?

[ She keeps her tone as gentle and nonthreatening as possible, trying to be encouraging without pressuring her. ]

Do you want to tell me?

[She responds with a fluttery sort of laugh, an obvious nervous response between what her soul feels and the gods' emotional pushing. So many people know now- is it really still such a tragedy? Is it bad for her to be dragging it back up?

Has she really moved past it, after all this time?

Alphys swallows, the grin on her face shaky at best and tipping downward at the corners.]

I just... I hurt a l-lot of people back home. In a way I can't fix and-- I never told anyone back there that I did it. I... I ran away instead.

[She grips her hands together, letting her gaze fall away from the judgement she fears on Lucretia's face.]

I thought I could save everyone. Rescue every Monster trapped in the Underground. But I lied until I messed up and... I don't know.

[Will she be able to return home?

Can she go back to a place where she died?]

[ Oh, Alphys.

Lucretia's heart goes out to her, her expression softening in sympathy even as it twists in painful understanding.

I thought I could save everyone. But I lied until I messed up...

Lucretia doesn't hesitate. She reaches an arm up to drape over Alphys' shoulders, pulling her close. ]

You were trying to help them.

[ Just like she herself had. Trying to protect people. To do it all alone. Inadverently making everything that much worse in the process.

Oh yeah, she gets it. ]

What happened?

[Lucretia pulls her in, and Alphys feels like falling apart. She isn't shaking, not quite in her shoulders, but the other woman will inevitably feel a jitter in her chest of something threatening to burst free.]

It... well...

[Maybe she can tell this story. One more time. Has she moved past the guilt enough to tell it right this time, without the gods' magic to force a confession.]

When I was born, monsters had already been trapped underground for over a thousand years. Only our King had e-ever seen the surface. And when I grew up, I, I wanted to help people. I did robotics, and, and building, and I--

[She stumbles, but some of this isn't her story to tell. It's one thing to display her part and another to out Mettaton. So she sucks in a breath and continues.]

I said I invented something I d-didn't, and our King, Asgore, made me the Royal Scientist to investigate the barrier and how we could escape. And I wanted it to, to work, you know? I uhm, I really, really wanted to get everyone out. But doing that meant studying SOUL magic, which I didn't... I mean, n-no one knew anything about. But... I messed up, I. I had isolated what I thought was, uhm, this power called Determination, and, I thought-- it--

[Alphys knows it's hard to summarize, but damn, she's trying. She breathes heavy and just spits it out.]

The Barrier needed human soul magic to break it and we needed 7 and only had 6 so I tried turning a monster soul from some dying monsters into a human one and it ruined them completely and they can't die and they're not even themselves anymore and I can't ever fix it!

[So much for her being the more calming presence here.]

[ They can take turns being calming. It's all right.

Lucretia just listens, following along as best she can, letting Alphys get it all out. She makes a small, distressed sound of sympathy as Alphys finishes, but doesn't pull away. ]

It sounds like...that was a big, big ask, Alphys.

Maybe it was never possible. But you did the best you could, right? You were trying to save your world.

[Alphys doesn't know if she expects her to, at this point. People have been so kind to her when they truly shouldn't, and she doesn't really know what to say. She doesn't deserve this. Why would she deserve this?

Her shoulders shake as she curls in on herself, hands pressed into her arms and crossed across her chest.]

No one was ever going to know. I didn't tell anyone, and-- and I ran away. And ended up here, and now no one ever will. They'll p-probably starve. And the Underground will have lost all hope. I don't...

[Alphys shakes her head.]

I don't know.

I don't know either.

[ She wishes she did. She wishes she had some words of comfort to offer, some reassurance that everything was going to be okay. More than anything, she wants to relieve Alphys of her fears and doubts.

But she can't. ]

I don't know.

But I do know that you're a good person, Alphys. You're kind, and compassionate, and so...so full of love.

I know you made a mistake. A big one. But...you know better now. You were only trying to help the people you love. And I know, if you ever do get the chance to fix things, you'll try with everything you have.

[And yet still, someone else thinks she's actually good. Sometimes it just doesn't make sense to her what they can find in someone that has only hurt others, but--

Maybe it's good that they see she's trying. Maybe it's because she's actually trying. It is still so, so hard to trust what other people say.

Alphys still doesn't let go of her own arms, but she is listening.]

I'm... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make this, uhm, a-about me.

[This was supposed to be about comforting Lucretia, and look what she did. She shakes her head, just a small gesture of 'no'.]

I don't think I can ever-- I mean, I don't know if we can ever fix things. But, I guess there's, uhm... no place to go but forward for that. We can't go back, so.... I try to think of it that way. If that helps, uhm. A-At all.

Edited 2019-07-08 04:59 (UTC)

It's okay. It's kind of a relief, actually.

[ Lucretia doesn't like wallowing either, even if it had been kind of cathartic to have a chance to finally get it all out. But being able to help Alphys too, or at least try, had made her feel a little less like a useless blob. She gives Alphys' shoulders a squeeze, trying to be encouraging. ]

It...does help. It does make sense.

[ She sighs, feeling tired. ]

It's just not that easy, sometimes. To just...let it go and move on.

[They're very similar, in ways she didn't even realize. If Alphys had been in her position, with that kind of power... well, the her of the past probably would've done it too, to keep them all safe. She thought she could be alone then, but...

Well, Alphys knows better now.]

Heh, yeah, it's... hard. Really hard. I mean, all that stuff happened, uh, y-years ago for me, but...

[It isn't really resolved or anything. Not when she was stuck here.]

I don't, uhm, think I'm much help with this stuff, seeing as I've never fixed, uh, well anything really but maybe we can help each other? Or I can try to help you. I mean, I'll try anyway, I just can't promise I'll, uh. Be good at it.

[ Lucretia just smiles. Still a little sad, but not despairing the way she had been. ]

I disagree, Alphys.

You've already helped me a lot, I think. And I bet you've fixed more than you think.

[A blush creeps onto her cheeks at Lucretia's words, Alphys opening her mouth once and closing it again like a beached fish.]

Well, I-- I don't-- I mean I'm glad I helped, uh, you that is, so I guess that's more than I thought? Technically.

[Close enough. She looks up towards Lucretia, face still tinged red.]

I'm just glad I could help. And know you, uhm, still have a friend around. If you ever need one. Or you just, uhm, w-want to have a sleepover or something so you're not alone in your house, that's cool too...

A sleepover?

[ It's not at all an offer she had expected. But there's no possible way she could refuse, even if she in any way wanted to.

Especially given the context. She'd told Alphys how lonely she felt, all alone in that big house, and now here she is. Offering to help. Lucretia's smile grows warmer. ]

I think that sounds wonderful.

[A lot of their stories may be different, but if Alphys knows anything, it's loneliness. When Sans disappeared from the city and no one else was living in that big house underground, for a bit it felt like she was right back in her Lab; suffocating, unknown. But that time... people came. Rosie barged in and slept over on the couch and stayed for years afterwards. Lup arrived with materials to make cookies and offerings to watch anime. Magnus carried her around the living room and let her pretend to be a princess. And so, so many more offered their ear, their hand, dropped off food to ensure she ate or just checked up to see if she was okay.

It's a growth point, she knows, to finally be the person that could have helped her younger self. Lucretia is obviously not as naieve or depressed as she was then, but that matters little when she can extend a hand of friendship.]

Okay! Uh, d-do you need to get anything from your place? Actually do you know how to get to me ohgosh-- maybe I'll just, uh, come with you really quick? And then head down?

[Hopefully Rosie doesn't mind a temporary house guest.]

Oh and uh, I have a lot of cats. And a wolf. And other things, if that, uh, would be a problem.

Oh, we're -

[ Oh, they're doing this right now. Lucretia blinks, but she recovers quickly, smiling warmly at Alphys. Maybe it's not a bad idea, not being alone right now. ]

Why don't you come with me, and you can tell me about the, um, other things on the way.

[ She stands, and holds out a hand for Alphys to take. ]

[Sometimes you're given an idea and your brain just says 'yes do this before you don't ever do it', and here they are. So she grins, a warm and gentle grin, and takes her hand.]

Okay! I, uhm, I don't think there's a lot to g-go over, but I can answer whatever, so...

[And she trails off as they walk on together, to spend some time less alone.]

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Event Log: Speak Your Truth

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