gold light shining on so many things

[unknowable]

Who: The Raven boys and Blue (quaerit, ampliat, greywaren, unknowable, casperdisaster) + anyone else who drops in!
What: Gansey, Blue, Adam, and Ronan disappeared for a few days and return having suffered a both traumatic and pleasant canon update
Where: House 1303 and around Hadriel
When: 6/10-ish
Warnings: Swearing, the effects of trauma, heightened teenage emotions, probably kissing (that hopefully will not kill anyone), definitely TRK spoilers



[Feel free to make your own starter and tag others, and for non-canonmates dropping by to welcome CR back - feel free to tag in anywhere that isn't specifically closed to someone!]

Comments

[greywaren]

[Ronan should probably let Adam sleep- and he will, but even after the hurt of everything else, it hurts to see Adam injured like this. He had to move when it happened, had to keep going in the wake of everything else, but now that they have a moment to lay down and look at one another, he sees them and remembers the abject misery in Adam's voice.

He never wants to hear that again.

But he doesn't really have the words to say it. Ronan doesn't know if he has the words for anything right now, he's so exhausted and so afraid of what sleep could bring and it's easier to just shut off and not be than it is to actually try. He'll do that when he lets Adam sleep, but for now, he lets his hand fall with a small nod at Adam's reassurance.]

It all will.

[It's just a whisper, but he means it, even if it's difficult for him to believe right now. Ronan doesn't think he can survive without Gansey, but he also didn't think he could survive without the Barns. He can't stomach the trauma of losing Aurora, but he's already endured it from losing Niall. His bruises will heal, Adam's marks will heal, and they still have one another- broken maybe, useless for awhile, probably, but Ronan has come back from being unmade twice now and a small, stubborn part of him isn't about to let all of that go to waste.]

[unknowable]

[Even what little distance is between them feels like too much right now. Adam doesn't want to press anything on to Ronan, doesn't want him to feel trapped or forced into anything, but he also doesn't think he'll be able to relax if they aren't in contact somehow.

And, more than that, he wants to hold on to Ronan. He wants to feel him, to know that he's real, that he's not going anywhere. That whatever else might have happened, Ronan survived. Adam hasn't lost him, not yet, hopefully not ever. Not because of the demon or because of what he did or because of - any of a number of things.

He reaches out, catches Ronan's arm, pulls him closer. His hand slides up, fingers curling around the base of Ronan's skull, the back of his neck, leading him gently so that Ronan can lay his head on Adam's shoulder if he wants to. Only if he wants to. Otherwise, Adam will move back, give him space on the pillow, let him have what distance he needs.

But he can't let go completely. Maybe it's selfish, but he needs to hold on to Ronan somehow, some little piece of comfort for himself, even while he wants to give everything else to Ronan. Adam slips an arm around his waist, resting his palm against Ronan's back. He wants to hold Ronan there - honestly, he wants to cling to him as if Ronan might disappear at any second - but he forces himself not to. He just rests his hand there, instead, giving him enough slack to move away if he wants.

It's a struggle between Adam's selfish need to hold tightly to him and his desire to give Ronan whatever space he needs, but in the end, Ronan's needs will win out. Adam wants, more than anything, to be there for him, and if that means backing off, he will.]

[greywaren]

[Ronan doesn't resist when Adam moves them, though physical comfort like this isn't exactly a familiar sensation. He usually pulls away from people, lashes out in anger, says cutting things, gets drunk, tries to find anything to separate him from his pain.

This isn't like that. This is Adam acknowledging that he's hurt, that he's fucked up and at the end of his line- and taking him in anyway. In a way, it forces Ronan to face his own feelings, which is difficult for him to wrest through, but it also means that he doesn't have to do this alone. The solidarity is something that he's not sure if he's felt before, and he knows that Adam must be suffering too, but the fact that they can suffer together instead of pushing away to spiral is- well, it's different. Ronan isn't sure if it's good or not, it doesn't feel good, but it also doesn't feel as violent as screaming everything out into a bottle and bloodying his fists on someone else's face.

He moves with the shifting, resting his cheek against the hollow of Adam's shoulder, his eyes lowered, almost closed but not quite. He doesn't know how he feels, beyond the anger and the grief and the shock of it, and it all carves though his chest until he just feels hollow and quiet in Adam's arms.

Ronan reaches out to wrap an arm around his waist, holding on tightly to him and trying to just focus on breathing, laying there, inhaling the soft, earthy scent of Adam's skin. He's not going to sleep- there's no way he's going to let himself. Still, that doesn't mean that he can't settle like this, warm and cracked and quiet on their shitty bed in this stupid city between worlds.]

[unknowable]

[Something inside Adam relaxes a little when he feels Ronan's arm around his waist, his head resting against Adam's shoulder. He knows they're both usually the type to work their grief and anger out alone, but he'd tried to be there for Ronan and home - and now, here, he remembers all the other things they've been through. All the ways they've been there for each other, or not.

He doesn't want Ronan to be alone. He doesn't want to be alone.

He holds Ronan close, feeling the warm weight of his body and the soft brush of his breath. Adam deliberately tries not to think of anything, tries to push everything that's happened away. He wants to just exist in this moment with Ronan. Give him a tiny bit of peace, though they both know it's not enough.

Adam is exhausted. He's always been able to sleep pretty much anywhere, and this is no different. Ronan will wake him if he needs him - he hopes - so that's okay. He lets his eyes slide shut, lets his breathing even out. He doesn't let go of Ronan, even while he slips into an uneasy sleep.]