gold light shining on so many things

[unknowable]

Who: The Raven boys and Blue (quaerit, ampliat, greywaren, unknowable, casperdisaster) + anyone else who drops in!
What: Gansey, Blue, Adam, and Ronan disappeared for a few days and return having suffered a both traumatic and pleasant canon update
Where: House 1303 and around Hadriel
When: 6/10-ish
Warnings: Swearing, the effects of trauma, heightened teenage emotions, probably kissing (that hopefully will not kill anyone), definitely TRK spoilers



[Feel free to make your own starter and tag others, and for non-canonmates dropping by to welcome CR back - feel free to tag in anywhere that isn't specifically closed to someone!]

Comments

[unknowable]

[It took Adam a moment - no, more like two or three - to get his bearings. But he recognized Hadriel quickly, even after the passage of time at home, after everything that happened. It's jarring to wake up there again, upsetting and strange, especially considering what he left at home. His mind races, his thoughts confused. Still worried about Ronan, about Blue and Henry, still shattered at the sight of Gansey's body on the ground. Still in shock, more than a little, still thinking of ways out of it. The demon, the forest, Glendower's body.

Adam's face is bloody and scratched. He can worry about that later. For now, he nearly runs home. The door opens easily, and everything - everything seems the way it was when they left, he thinks. It's hard to remember exactly. Not too much time passed at home, not really, but Adam didn't remember Hadriel at all. It's a function of the place, maybe, or the Door, he doesn't know. But there's the couch Gansey sleeps on, there's a discarded jacket on the floor that's probably Ronan's. There's a pile of incomprehensible books from the library. There's an art project, or something like it, Gansey's or Ronan's.

It's all the same. It was all real.

He's back.

Does that mean Blue is here? Ronan? Noah? His thoughts flinch away from Gansey, because how could that be possible, but Adam met people here who had died back home. It's not impossible. It's not.]

Hello?

[His voice wavers. He steadies it, with effort.]

Is anyone here?

[greywaren]

[Ronan hadn't been at home long, but he'd known that home would be the first place to go. He still doesn't entirely understand the way that this city even works in relation to the passage of time back home- if he was taken back with Adam and Gansey and Noah and Blue, or if he was the only one that was missing time, and the rest of them were here. They could be gone too, having went back with him and then not been taken again.

As much as Ronan doesn't want any of his friends to have to suffer any further, he doesn't know what he'd do here without them and so, a part of him shamefully hopes that they're still here, that they'd all either never left or had all come back at the same time.

He hasn't seen anyone yet, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything. Ronan barely has time to go through the house, searching through the upstairs and reaching to open Blue's door when he hears a familiar voice from downstairs.]

-Adam!

[He pushes his way downward then, rushing through the hall and rocketing down the steps. Somewhere in the house, Chainsaw lets out a screech at the sound of his voice, and Ronan's heart surges again at the sound.

Adam is near the door. Ronan sees him all at once and moves for him, with the intent of a relieved embrace.]

Thank fuck you're here.

[unknowable]

[Something inside of him untangles at the sight of Ronan, and Adam goes to him immediately, wrapping his arms around Ronan in a hug that's almost desperate. He's not alone here, and Ronan's presence has such a stabilizing effect on him, calming his thoughts, letting his mind go quiet for a moment or two.

He wants to keep holding on, press his face to Ronan's neck and hold him. After everything that's happened, and ending up back here again, it's all he wants. But there are too many questions, too many things to worry about, and Adam makes himself pull away, just enough to look at Ronan.]

Are you okay?

[It's a stupid question, probably. Adam's not okay. He doesn't know if Ronan left like he did, doesn't know if maybe he was here all along - but just looking at him, Adam doesn't think that's the case. He can't bring himself to really look at the marks on Ronan's neck, but he knows where they must have come from. He's wearing the same clothes that he had been at home, too.

He's here and alive and not too badly injured, and all Adam can do is be grateful for that, even through his grief and guilt and fear.]

Do you... did you go back too?

[greywaren]

[Ronan only nods at first in response to both questions, the tightness in his chest easing at the mere proximity to Adam. In truth, Ronan doesn't know how to begin to start untangling the order of his memories, how to separate giving Adam the dream instrument with meeting Adam on the porch of his childhood home.

It happened twice, he fell into him twice, both separately, both exclusive, and now that everything is jumbling back together, Ronan doesn't know how to feel except immensely thankful and pleased to be near him in the wake of all that's happened. It's already easy to tell that Adam went back as well, he can see the clothes he's wearing, the marks he'd left on himself, and Ronan wonders for the briefest of moments about the demon, before dismissing the thought immediately- not because it's not possible, but because right now, it doesn't matter.

They're here. Adam is here again, neither of them are dead, and they don't have to be alone. That's what matters.]

I'm fine.

[He's not exactly fine, but he's getting there, now that Adam is here and everything seems somewhat safe again. Ronan reluctantly pulls away just a fraction, just enough so that he can duck his head and kiss at the line of Adam's jaw.]

I just got here. Back, I mean. I don't know how long it's been.

[unknowable]

[It's only when he feels Ronan's lips against his jaw that he realizes things could have been different. Ronan might not have remembered things, might have lived something else, might not have known about them. It seems impossible, in a way, because they've found each other twice already, and what's the difference between their two first kisses, between Adam's fingers tracing Ronan's tattoo on his couch at the Barns or on his bed here?

But he knows, suddenly, that it's entirely possible that he could have returned to a Ronan who didn't feel free to kiss him. And they've talked about it, about what would happen then, but the reality would have been much more difficult.

He grips the fabric of Ronan's shirt, holding on to him tightly for a moment longer. After everything, Adam can't imagine losing this. He almost did, at home.]

I don't know either. I just got back, too.

[And he doesn't know if the others might be around somewhere, might come walking in. God. Gansey might be here. Adam almost lost Ronan, but they did lose Gansey, and the thought of a second chance - it's not impossible.

He can't quite kiss Ronan properly at this angle, but he turns his head, nose pressing into his cheek, and kisses his cheekbone, his jaw. Whatever he can reach, before he pulls away again.]

What do you remember?

[quaerit]

[ And then suddenly Gansey is there, reaching for Adam's arms and staring at him.

The scratches on his face, the hollow look in his eyes - he's been there, he's seen it all. They'd all gone home together, that's the only explanation. They'd gone, and not even remembered this place. A laugh - a relieved, desperate sound - chokes out of Gansey. ]

You're all right. Thank God. Are the others here, too? Jesus, I can't believe we're back here.

When I woke up alone, I thought -

[ No, he won't say what he thought. He'd been so afraid. He still can't really believe he's alive again, after everything he'd been willing to give up. ]

[unknowable]

Gansey.

[He breathes it out, almost a gasp. The last time Adam saw him he was dead, unmoving, gone. Not Adam's fault, like he'd been so terrified of, but not entirely not his fault, either. And Gansey's words are enough to tell him that Gansey went back too, that he experienced at least some of the things Adam did.

In a moment Adam will wonder what, how much of it he'd been there for. If he'd been there at the end, if he's another person brought back to life by the strange magic that brings them to this place. He'll ask, probably. But right now all he's thinking about is that Gansey is right here in front of him, warm and breathing and alive.

He steps forward and hugs Gansey, sudden and a little awkward.]

[quaerit]

[ Ganseys are not huggers, as a rule.

This is a moment that does not follow the rules. Gansey pulls Adam against him and holds him tightly. He is alive, and this is real, and it's somehow okay. He is somehow okay.

Not somehow. He is okay because of Cabeswater. He knows it, inside of himself, an instinct that is incontrovertible. But despite that, it's still hard to get his head around. He feels terrified about what just happened to him, and yet elated that he's still around to think about how he feels. This...

It feels too good to be true. He knows he was supposed to die, and yet he's alive. And this time, he knows who to thank.

He pulls back, looking at Adam. ]

Did it work? Are you all right, is Ronan all right? Did the others come back, too?

[unknowable]

[It's a lot of questions, and Adam has questions of his own. He tries to focus, tries to push aside his overwhelming relief that Gansey is here and alive. And he seems to be well, too, uninjured and himself. Adam can only be thankful, purely thankful.]

It worked. You stopped it - I'm fine, and Ronan is all right. I don't know about the others.

[But if Gansey is here and he is here - doesn't that mean the others probably are, too? Hopefully. Right now, hope is all too easy to feel.

He steps back so he can look Gansey over, check him for any injuries he might not have seen immediately, see how he looks. How he's doing.]

You were - the last thing I remember, you were -

[He doesn't want to say it. He can't quite make himself.]

[ampliat]

[ It's like resurfacing after drowning. Exactly like. One second she's flooded with too much at once. Blood and anger and hatred and kissing and death and life. It's everywhere and she doesn't know what to do with it all.

Then she doesn't have to do anything with it. She's surfacing to catch her breath. It's like a bad nightmare she's just woke up from, eyes wide and staring around a room she didn't remember. When she got to back to their house, she had to see her things to really belief it. It's not hers. Yet she recognizes it fully. She's turning and twisting all around her, looking for the others. All she sees are things from other worlds. Nothing's even her own anymore.

She runs downstairs at the sound of a voice, pausing only at the head of the stairs to confirm the person. ]

Adam. [ She says softly, before running down the rest of the way and stopping only when her feet touch the floor. She pauses, watching with slight concern. ] Did you just...

Do you remember...? [ She sees the scratches. They cover his face and she suspects, but. ] Were we just in Henrietta?

[unknowable]

Blue.

[It's strange, seeing her. He doesn't feel relief, not exactly - after all, it feels like he only just saw her, like she only just kissed Gansey, like they were only just jagged and in pieces over his death. But at the same time, seeing her here is a relief. It means he isn't the only one, and it's very quickly obvious that she went back the same way he did.

That is more of a relief than anything. Not having to carry that burden alone is immensely comforting.]

We were. A lot of things just happened - what's the last thing you remember?

[He doesn't want to tell her about Gansey. He doesn't want to have to explain what happened. If she already knows, that'll be all right, that will be one less thing to agonize over.]

[ampliat]

[ She knows what he means. It's not relief but... it's fulfilling all the same. It feels wrong when they're not all together. Gansey so kindly demonstrated that recently by running off and telling no one where he'd gone. Everything feels better together. And admittedly, there was the nagging fear that she'd come here to find none of them had returned.

She nods her head as he steers them to the right track, running through it all in her head. It's such a mess. Here and there and back again. And so much happened on both ends so fast....

But she smiles a little. She breathes a sigh of relief. ] We saved Gansey. He'd just been brought back to life by Cabeswater. that's the last thing I can remember.

[unknowable]

[His shoulders relax, at that. She knows. And she knows all of it, the things Adam wasn't there for. It's not that he didn't believe Gansey - of course he did - but he's Adam Parrish, and having independent confirmation of the facts is important for someone like him. It reaffirms what he thought, what he wanted to believe. It's a comfort, like her presence is.]

Thank god. I don't remember that part - the last thing I remember is him dying. But if we brought him back, that's all that matters.

[Gansey and Ronan both safe. They've all lost a lot - he'll lose more when he goes back, he thinks - but having them both safe and alive means everything.]

Are you okay?

[quaerit]

[ Gansey feels like he's in a waking dream.

He had died. Around him, everything had been going to hell. Adam had been possessed, and then the demon turned its attention to Ronan, who kept falling in and out of sleep and was bringing half of his dreams back with him - creating and creating and creating while the demon tried to unmake him. The phone had been ringing - Declan's ringtone, over and over again, which meant that Matthew was in trouble too - and Gansey had known the only way to save him was to die.

So he had. He had kissed Blue, and it had gone straight to the core of him and taken his life. Oblivion, after chasing him for so long, had finally caught up again. The world was black.

And then it was light. He had gone from knowing nothing, to knowing everything. He was living his whole timeline at once. He was a baby, he was a ten year old child dying from hornet stings, he was a fourteen year old travelling through England and looking for a ley line, he was seventeen and meeting Blue Sargent for the first time. He was older, and turning an engagement ring around in his fingers. He was an old man, dreaming of being seventeen again. He was all versions of himself at once, and something was remaking him, reshaping him, creating him all over again, and -

There was a hand on his face, and Blue Sargent told him to wake up. And he opened his eyes to the sight of a cave far above him, while memories that had been lost restored themselves in his head.

Shock had not been the word. He had sat up straight, testing his limbs, breathing deeply. He's alive. He's alive and he knows why, because he can feel it within himself. Cabeswater, with all of its vastness, had remade him. So much is clear to him now, so much has been explained -

And yet he had not expected this. He stumbles home, feet carrying him through Hadriel's streets. He feels half in shock and half elated, knowing that he's escaped death. He's been brought back for a second time, and the shadow that had followed him since that day in the garden has been banished. At the same time, his mind feels scrambled. Everything he's just seen and felt is a storm in his heart. He has to find them. He has to find Adam and Ronan and Blue. They'd been here before. They must be here now, they have to be -

He bursts through the door of their old house, his eyes wild and his heart beating with nervous anticipation. ]

Jane?! Adam, Ronan! Christ, please tell me you're here.

Anyone?!

[greywaren]

[Ronan doesn't know about Gansey's sacrifice yet- all he knows is that they were trying to figure out a way to stop it, on their way to enacting a plan, when everything had gone to hell. Being unmade is something that sticks with you, it gets into your bones and settles deep into the back of your mind. Ronan had been saved by Hadriel, in some ironic twist of fate, but it's a sensation that sticks with him even now.

He's already reunited with Adam when the other boy had arrived earlier, and was now in the process of freeing Chainsaw from his room when Gansey slams himself through the door. The raven screeches and takes flight, darting out of Ronan's open door, and her master is not far behind.

He doesn't know that Gansey died, but there was still a concern that he would, or that he wouldn't be here, or- any number of things, really. Ronan goes numb with relief when he finally sees him and moves for him quickly, reaching out to grab at his shoulder and pull him in for a quick embrace.]

Gansey, fuck, you're here too. I thought-

[Well. What he thought should be obvious with how tight he's holding onto Gansey.]

[quaerit]

Ronan.

Thank God.

[ Gansey just about has time to get that out before he's wrapped in a crushing hug. He doesn't care; he's returning it with as much force, because Jesus, the last time he'd seen Ronan, he'd seen him writhing in the car. He'd been fighting off a demon from the inside, and it had been terrible, painful, to watch. Gansey had just needed to stop it.

And he had, or at least he thinks he did. That's what the sacrifice had been for. And he doesn't think that Cabeswater could have brought him back if the demon were still there, attacking it. He had felt the forest in that moment, because it became a part of him, and there had been no taint of that creature.

So it must have worked. In his head, he knows that. He's been running those thoughts over and over, replaying those moments in his mind. He'd done what he needed to do. It had to mean that Ronan was okay.

But that doesn't have the same effect as seeing his friend in the flesh. He hugs him so tightly, and pulls back only to get a clear look at his face. and even with that, he doesn't quite let go. He's searching Ronan's eyes. ]

Are you all right? Did it work, is it gone? It must be, or you'd still be pulling mint leaves from nowhere.

[greywaren]

[Ronan doesn't have to ask what he's talking about, but part of him is still confused. The demon, of course, unmaking him, dismantling him piece by agonizing piece- but Ronan isn't sure what Gansey is referring to when he asks did it work?, because he doesn't remember anything after that.

In a strange way, Ronan hadn't really known if he'd been alive or dead upon his reentry into Hadriel, whether the demon had succeeded- but he thinks that he'd know if he was dead, he'd feel himself being torn more than he already had been. What he'd experienced, he knew, had been a prelude to having the very fabric of his being unmade. It doesn't make sense that something like that would be the end of it, unless he'd simply lost consciousness before it finished.

But it's true, the demon is gone. Ronan hasn't felt it since waking up in the arena, and Adam hasn't seemed to feel it, so they might be safe here. In some strange way, Ronan supposes, Hadriel has been a blessing like that.

He's relieved to see Gansey of course, and it echoes in his expression, but there's still a hardness to him, tempered by everything that's happened in the last few days. It hasn't exactly been easy on any of them, demon or no.]

I'm fine now.

[Which is as much of the truth as he really wants to disclose when everything is so new and they're both rallying with hope.]

You went home? Parrish and I did too.

[quaerit]

[ Home.

There's a small, but noticeable shift in Gansey's focus while those words sink in. He hadn't at all acclimatized himself to Hadriel again, not yet. He's far too focused on what had been his immediate present - the demon attacking Ronan, Blue's kiss, his own death, and the feeling of waking from it for a second time. Putting all of that together with where they'd been here feels disjointed and strange. He can't quite put himself into the mindset of the Gansey that was here before - though this time, at least, he remembers every part of it.

He makes himself nod. ]

I went home. I've seen Adam. Ronan, I...

Tell me what you remember. What's the last thing? I need to know.

[ Because he wants to ask about the demon, but he needs to know that Ronan knows what the hell he's talking about first. With this place, he remembers, one can never be certain. ]

[ampliat]

[ She's been home for awhile now, sitting on her bed and fingering a mirror that only shows her reflection. She doesn't know how she feels about this. She feels used to seeing something else, but at the same time she doesn't. Her head is filled with three worlds at the same time and it might just burst if anything more tries to cram itself inside there.

Then she hears a voice. A voice she's been waiting for.

She's downstairs in seconds, and when she sees him there's something in her heart that catches. Something that's tight and chokes her and threatens to be the thing that bursts her.

Her arms are around his neck before the tears can come. Before he can see them. ]

Gansey. [ She says softly. ] Gansey you're....


you're alive.

[quaerit]

[ She's in his arms before he realizes what's happening. It means that the scent of Blue hits him before the sight of her; he's aware of the feeling of her hair against his cheek, the rise and fall of her chest against his, the particular softness of her skin.

He'd felt her lips on his the moment he died, and then her hand on his cheek in the moment he lived. His life and death has everything to do with Blue Sargent.

He is in love with her. He will never let her go again.

His arms go around her, tightly, squeezing her like he's afraid she's a dream. She's not, though. He knows she's not. She's too real and too vital for him to mistake her. It's just that he can't get enough of the sound and smell and sight and feel of her. He wants it all. ]

I'm alive. You were with me. You had your hand on my cheek and you told me to wake...

[ He makes himself lean back, just a little. Enough to see her eyes, and he strokes her hair back from her face. ]

Jane.

[ampliat]

I remember. [ She answers softly. She remembers everything. But that moment had been so brief before the door took them once again. She hadn't got to enjoy that moment. Revel in it. Revel in the knowledge that Richard Campbell Gansey III was finally safe and alive.

Although safe was relative here. That wasn't the point.

She leans back just enough to look at him. To meet his eyes. To see how timeless he really is now. She can't help a laugh as tears touch the edges of her eyes. He's here. He's really here. ]

Gansey...

[ She hesitates. She can't imagine being able to just... do this now. But the idea is that she can now. The curse has run it's course. All that's left is the two of them.

She leans in again and presses her lips to his. ]

[quaerit]

[ It's unexpected. That moment when their lips touch, so like the last moment they touched. So soft and warm and eager, and Gansey feels himself responding to it instinctively, just because it's Blue. He's only ever kissed her once before, and yet he knows what to do. His hands find her waist, and his eyes close, and his lips part beneath hers -

And then there's the memory of the last time, when he had felt the shock of this right down to his heart. When his heart had stopped, because she had been something of Cabeswater, and Gansey had only been repaired. When pointed at each other, the weaker one had given. He waits for that feeling.

It doesn't come. This time, there's no such give. Delighted shock draws him back from Blue. They kissed, and his heart didn't stop. This time, his heart has not just been repaired.

It's been grown. Made from Cabeswater itself. And that means - ]

I can kiss you.

[ He grins, stupidly, and pulls her close again. He kisses her cheek, and then her jaw and then, clumsily, her lips again. ]

It's over! I can kiss you all the time.

[ After so long avoiding it, it's likely he'll try. ]

[casperdisaster]

[Noah isn't home when the others arrive. He doesn't come home right away either. He's been too preoccupied with trying to drown his sorrows and kill his liver at the same time to really keep an eye on the date.

He's alone. He's all alone here. He has friends of course, Ashley and the Demon have been kinder than he deserves, but he doesn't know if he's strong enough to go through this on his own.

He's barely strong enough to stay alive with every single friend he has back home supporting him through it. How is he supposed to get by on his own?

Delight at least doesn't kick people out or cut them off. It's more feeling vaguely gross and in need of a shower that sends Noah back to the empty house he can't even stomach anymore. He stays outside, still kind of tipsy to stave off the hangover, thinking he should have had at least one more bracing shot before trying to brave the terrifying quiet he'll be walking into.

It's so easy to dispense dubious life advice when you're standing on the outside. Even when he was alive, Noah never liked to be alone.

He doesn't really knock, or announce his presence, or anything like that. He thinks he's walking into an empty house, after all. The fumbling with the doorknob on his way in probably gives a clear enough signal though.]

[quaerit]

[ Gansey had been listening for him. None of them had known what had happened to Noah after they disappeared. Truthfully, they're not even sure what's happened to him at home. He'd been so faded the last time they saw him, in the car with Ronan. And before that, he'd been overtaken by the Demon, and then Gansey had seen him for how he really was - or what was left of him, anyway.

There had been a time when Gansey had planned to use Glendower's favour to save Noah. He'd thought that was possible, or at the very least, he'd hoped that it was. He'd always been wrong, though, and Noah's deterioration at home had made that clear. Gansey isn't sure there would have been enough left to save, even if Glendower had still been a possibility -

Which, of course, he's not.

Noah here, though. That's still a possibility. This place has captured Noah from a happier time, given him a body that won't decay so long as he's in it. Here, he still has a chance. What a strange thought that is. He still has a chance, so long as he didn't go home.

Now the door is opening, and Gansey comes around the side of the couch to look up to it. ]

Noah?

[ He's more calm than he was earlier, more settled with himself. He's seen all the others, and he's not exactly okay, but at least the initial shock has worn off. There's unmistakable relief on his face when he sees his friend. ]

Noah, Jesus. We all got back hours ago. Did you...go home?

[casperdisaster]

[Noah stares dumbly at Gansey for a few moments, uncomprehending of the sight in front of him, of his friend standing there and the words he's speaking. 'We all got back' -

It can't be true. He has to be hallucinating, or dreaming, or - Noah wants this to be real, he wants it so much he's certain it can't be actually happening. A tremor runs through him, then another, and he brings the back of his hand up to wipe at his eyes before reaching out to grab on to Gansey. He gets his shirt, takes a careful step forward, eases his hand onto Gansey's solid shoulder instead. He's real. He's really here.

It was a false alarm. An awful nightmare of a couple days washed away by daybreak. The tears in Noah's eyes are as relieved as Gansey's face.]

I was at the bar.

[He certainly smells a bit like a distillery. Noah can do an impressive amount of self destruction with the usual suspects gone, even with a few caretakers willing to step up in their absence. He tries to blink away the tears but they keep coming.]

You were gone. I woke up and you were all gone.

[Home. They went home.

The knowledge comes all at once, of course, but it doesn't feel that way. Noah had described himself once as data in cloud storage. Disconnected to the ley line, he only had everything that was available at that exact moment, but now he can feel it... It feels like the tide coming in. He's still Noah from the exact instant he was taken from, but through Gansey, through what Gansey's lived through and what makes him now Noah can feel the rest. Shallow pools and eddies between the rocks filling up, becoming part of the whole that washes over everything.

'We should all be afraid,'

'Is this how you die?'

The others in the house began to seep in as well, filling him up to overflowing.

'Do you need to go?' 'Not yet.'

Unmaker, unmaker

'Godspeed, King.'

'Be Noah.'

'Show me where the Raven King is.'

And finally, finally, his own voice echoed back inside of him, the clarity of the nightmare of fear brought forward, given form, given truth.

'Don't throw it away.'

Noah's hand shifted on Gansey's shoulder again before the other came up, closing the distance between them to wrap tightly around Gansey in a desperate embrace. Just for a moment before pulling back, hands coming up to Gansey's face and leaning down to press their foreheads together.

His mirror here. If it was my choice, I would choose you.]

It was me.

Oh, it was me.

[Noah's crying hard again, but it's not from sorrow anymore. He's laughing too - drunk on liquor but also joy.

He was never coming out the other side of this - but everyone who mattered did, and he helped make it so.]

I knew you could do it, I knew it.

[Noah saved Gansey - and Gansey saved all of them.]