Aᴅᴀᴍ Pᴀʀʀɪsʜ (
unknowable) wrote in
hadriel_logs2016-06-10 08:13 pm
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Entry tags:
gold light shining on so many things
Who: The Raven boys and Blue (
quaerit,
ampliat,
greywaren,
unknowable,
casperdisaster) + anyone else who drops in!
What: Gansey, Blue, Adam, and Ronan disappeared for a few days and return having suffered a both traumatic and pleasant canon update
Where: House 1303 and around Hadriel
When: 6/10-ish
Warnings: Swearing, the effects of trauma, heightened teenage emotions, probably kissing (that hopefully will not kill anyone), definitely TRK spoilers
[Feel free to make your own starter and tag others, and for non-canonmates dropping by to welcome CR back - feel free to tag in anywhere that isn't specifically closed to someone!]
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What: Gansey, Blue, Adam, and Ronan disappeared for a few days and return having suffered a both traumatic and pleasant canon update
Where: House 1303 and around Hadriel
When: 6/10-ish
Warnings: Swearing, the effects of trauma, heightened teenage emotions, probably kissing (that hopefully will not kill anyone), definitely TRK spoilers
[Feel free to make your own starter and tag others, and for non-canonmates dropping by to welcome CR back - feel free to tag in anywhere that isn't specifically closed to someone!]
no subject
He'd been successful in part, but not in the whole. He can feel the remnant of the forest inside him, giving understanding where before there had been questions. He can feel time slipping - like it always has, like it always will, because Cabeswater has always been a part of his timeline, in a way. It's just been made real now. ]
You were its hands and eyes. You sacrificed yourself to it. You knew its power.
[ Adam had known it. He'd known the forest, and because of that, Gansey knows this means a loss for him. It means the shattering of one bond to preserve another. Even if that had been - or would be, Adam's choice, it's not an easy one. ]
I'm sorry. This isn't how I wanted it. I still...can't really believe that I'm talking to you, after it all. I was ready to die.
[ He'd been ready to accept death. He hadn't wanted to, but he'd been willing to. It's jarring, after coming to that place, that he's now moved outside of it. He makes himself breathe. ]
I can't even tell you how long I've been afraid of that. I can't believe it's over, but...Adam, I'm so sorry for Cabeswater. If I could have saved it, you know that I would.
no subject
But it's Gansey. It's a loss he would shoulder again and again, for Gansey. Gansey's loss would be too much, to great for all of them, and Cabeswater loves him, too. If that's what happened, it's what was supposed to happen. And it means he found a way. It means they saved him.]
I know you would, but whatever happened - you know Cabeswater chose that too. We couldn't have forced it to do anything. We could only have asked.
[That's how it's always been, at least for Adam. And he knows that he would have asked, given that option, he would have shown Cabeswater everything Gansey means to all of them and asked it for him.
It makes sense. Of course that's what happened, in the end.
He hesitates for a moment. Adam really isn't good at hugs, but he needs to touch Gansey, to feel the solidity and realness of him, to claim some tiny piece of comfort. So he does his best, stepping in close to hug Gansey, trying not to be awkward about it.]
It's okay. It's over. You're alive. It's worth it.
no subject
[ They had asked, and Cabeswater had given. Gansey remembers them talking about the forest, agreeing that they felt responsibility to it, and setting out to save it. Instead of that, it had saved Gansey. The Demon had eaten so much of it away, but it had given from what it had left.
There’s a lot of grief that comes with that. But Cabeswater is a part of Gansey now. In a way, it always was; he just hadn’t known it, hadn’t had access to that knowledge. In a way, it’s a part of all of them; Ronan had given it shape, Adam had given it agency. Both Gansey and Blue had been grown from it, in their different ways. No wonder it had meant so much, to all of them. Somewhere, its consciousness still exists, waiting to live again. It’s part of them, but bigger than all of them. ]
It’s never really gone. I can still feel it, Adam.
[ He means that to be a comfort, but he doesn’t know if it is. He sinks into his friend’s arms all the same, and lets himself be reassured by the solidity, by the warmth. After a moment his chin leans against Adam’s shoulder. ]
I think I can stop running now. It’s okay. [ Pulling back, he gives Adam a little smile. ] You were right. You saved me after all.
no subject
[But he smiles anyway. With relief, with a little sadness but mostly hope for the future. Gansey is alive. They saved him, and he'll keep living, and Adam knows none of them are going to let anything like that happen again. Not of they have anything to say about it.
He lets Gansey go and stands up straight, and it feels like he's relaxing for the first time in days. It hasn't been that long - it was still only hours ago that everything happened - but it seems like a lifetime. Longer. Ronan being unmade, Gansey dying, they were the worst moments of Adam's life. And he has a lot to choose from.]
Just make sure not to do anything like that again, all right? Somehow I doubt that trick will work twice.
[Of course, things are different here, but the sentiment still stands. Gansey is expressly forbidden from dying, on pain of making Adam very disappointed in him.]
no subject
No. No, I think we've had quite enough sacrifices for one year. I want to live.
I want to move on from this.
[ When he says 'this', he doesn't just mean dying. He doesn't just mean the sacrifice, or Cabeswater, or any of that. He means the quest as a whole. He means Glendower. It hadn't ended the way he wanted it to, and everything that happened afterwards was an overly dramatic mess.
But now it's done. He had been wrong; there is life for him after Glendower, and he intends to make the most of it. ]
Granted it's difficult to do that while we're here, but. This is a new beginning. I want it to be. This isn't something I want to waste.
no subject
We'll get home again eventually, and until then we can just try to make lives here as best we can. It's not so bad. We're all together.
[Of course, Adam knows it can get bad. He remembers everything that happened last time, and some of it was truly awful. But he also remembers that when they were home he didn't remember any of that. Mostly that is a relief, if a bit alarming, and of course there's some sadness around knowing he'll forget what friends he makes here. But it doesn't seem like something that can be changed, and in the end it means that they'll survive, one way or another.]
We've all got a chance at a new beginning, you most of all. I know it won't be wasted.
no subject
[ If Gansey could have chosen, he would not have started his new beginning here in this place. There’s been so much danger around all of them for so long. He had been dreaming of a normal life, for maybe the first time ever; a life where he wasn’t on a quest, where he wasn’t seeking, where he might be able to travel with Henry and Blue, and go to toga parties, and do things that normal kids his age got to do.
Instead he’s here. But Adam is right. It’s a lot better than it could have been. ]
We’ll find a way out of here. We have to, we know that it’s possible. We just need to make sure that it sticks. After everything, Adam, I’m not going to spend my life here. None of us are.
[ It’s not about needing to go back and finish something. It’s about having a life to live, and getting back to it. ]
We are going home.
no subject
They'll get back eventually and move on from there. Put themselves back together. Find their own paths.]
Yeah, we are. We're not gonna be stuck here forever.
[He looks around, still getting used to being back in these surroundings, still finding his feet.]
You think everything is where we left it?
no subject
Resolving himself to that, he looks around. The place looks exactly the same. Potentially more messy than they’d left it, although that kind of thing can be hard to tell in a house full of boys. ]
More or less. I’ll have to find my journal again.
[ It should be here; he doesn’t think he had his messenger bag on him when he left. ]
We need to get our heads around this again. Maybe go and scavenge. I can’t actually believe we’re back to that reality.
no subject
But maybe that's just a way to get settled, really. To get used to being here again. He'd fallen into a rhythm while they were here - help out at the clinic, find things in the shops, keep the house slightly less than a complete disaster area. Check on Gansey and Ronan and Noah. Keep an eye out for danger. He'll have to remember that, go back to it. He supposes it won't be that hard, but after being at home it seems so... strange.]
Yeah. It looks like everything's the same, but it's going to take some adjustment, I guess.
[Although - selfishly, and a little oddly - Adam is relieved that he won't have to wake up tomorrow and go to class, then Boyd's, then the warehouse. That was the one good thing about being in Hadriel. He found things to fill his time with, because he didn't know how else to live, but it wasn't so constant. He could sleep in if he wanted, spend the day at the park, not worry about stretching his paycheck to cover groceries.
He can't say any of that. He doesn't want it to sound like he's grateful to be back, and he doesn't want to remind Gansey of the differences in their lives.]
Maybe we should take a walk.
no subject
He doesn't really want to. There's a part of him that wants to sit on the sofa as just dwell on it all, until it becomes a part of his psyche that he can understand.
That wouldn't be helpful. He runs his hand through his hair. ]
Yes. We probably should, that would be...
We should do that. I'll find that journal. ]
And get changed, maybe. He's still wearing Henry's sweater. ]
no subject
But he can't do that. If he does, he might never come out. He has to just keep going instead, push through. It'll be easier if they do it together, he thinks.]
Yeah. We can find some supplies while we're out.
[A polo shirt for Gansey, maybe. Some food. Something. Just moving might help, just doing something to take their thoughts off everything that's just torn through their lives.]
I think I remember where the good shops are.