gold light shining on so many things

[unknowable]

Who: The Raven boys and Blue (quaerit, ampliat, greywaren, unknowable, casperdisaster) + anyone else who drops in!
What: Gansey, Blue, Adam, and Ronan disappeared for a few days and return having suffered a both traumatic and pleasant canon update
Where: House 1303 and around Hadriel
When: 6/10-ish
Warnings: Swearing, the effects of trauma, heightened teenage emotions, probably kissing (that hopefully will not kill anyone), definitely TRK spoilers



[Feel free to make your own starter and tag others, and for non-canonmates dropping by to welcome CR back - feel free to tag in anywhere that isn't specifically closed to someone!]

Comments

[quaerit]

[ Ronan has always had faith in Gansey. Maybe he's had more faith in him than any of them, including Gansey himself. He's certainly more sure than Gansey is now. But then, Gansey's whole world has been overturned. Everything has changed for him. he'd had exactly one reason for living these past seven years, and now it's gone. He has to find out who he'll be without the quest, and while he feels as ready for that as he did at home, it's also still frightening.

It's an open road ahead of him, and he doesn't know where it leads.

He's glad that he doesn't know. It just doesn't make things any less strange, for a boy who's spend the last seven years on a very certain, single-minded path. ]

I hope you're right. But you were right the first time. We'll find it. All of us, together.

[ He touches Ronan's arm, taking a firm hold. ]

I won't leave you behind again. I never did admit how wrong that was.

[greywaren]

[Ronan isn't sure what to make of the- apology? Whatever it is. He didn't expect it and it hurt at the time, but with everything thats happened since then, it feels like such a small thing now. But Gansey's fingers are warm on his arm, reassuring and firm and Ronan doesn't know what to say, and so his head drops a little and he goes quiet.

It wouldn't be fair of him to tell Gansey what a panic they'd all been in, or that he'd had to go back into a dream to find him. That he'd risked his own life so soon after almost losing it, gone back to where his mother had died and everything was being razed to the ground- Adam had said as much back in the caves and Gansey had reacted then, and Ronan had taken it in and accepted it then.

So his jaw merely goes a little tight and he nods, looking down at Gansey's fingers for a moment before easing into the touch.]

Just don't-

[He doesn't know what Gansey looked like when he died, but he's seen it in his dreams enough to guess, and the image that presents itself in his head is unpleasant. Ronan takes a deep breath and steadies himself before refocusing on Gansey, more resolute, the vulnerable parts of him starting to creep back into the corners of his heart where they belong.]

-don't die again.

[quaerit]

[ Gansey had spent a lot of the last six months thinking about death. Some of the time, he’d been trying not to think about death, and the rest of the time he’d been worrying about how it might happen. How it had actually happened – that he would go to it willingly, choosing it despite not wanting it – was not an option that occurred to him until the moment he did it. He knows that it had bothered Ronan more than anyone. He hadn’t accepted it even from a practical perspective. And Gansey couldn’t blame him, not after everyone else he’d lost. It hadn’t been fair.

Gansey hadn’t been fair, either. He’d tried to protect Ronan and instead he’d made him worry. Made him dream again, at a time when he should have been steering clear.

Gansey doesn’t argue. He nods, and lets out the breath he’d been holding. ]

I don’t intend to. Twice is quite enough. And we have too much living to do, all of us. I’m not going anywhere.

[ He says that firmly, his eyes lifted to Ronan’s. I won’t leave you. ]

We’re getting out of here together, okay?

[greywaren]

[Ronan nods, believing Gansey because he doesn't have much alternative. Believing in Gansey has always been sort of like that, though- because, at its core, Gansey was always a promise to keep moving forward, to keep living, to find something worthwhile, and falling away from that would have meant... well, the opposite. Ronan had been tempted to lose that faith a few times in the past year or so, but he always managed to cling to his regard and Gansey had always seen them through.

He'll see them through now, and Ronan tries to put his entire self behind that thought, because doubting Gansey now after everything wouldn't make much sense at all.]

Yeah. All of us.

[He doesn't know if he can talk much about everything else that's happened to them- in the stunning haze of being transported to Hadriel again, everything that happened in the last twenty-four hours in Henrietta seems further away. Right now, that's how Ronan prefers it, and so he tries to leave it at that.]

C'mon, we should make sure all our shit is still here.

[It's a decent enough change of topic, and Ronan turns away from Gansey to move toward the kitchen, where he knows that he kept a few bottles of liquor before they left.]

[quaerit]

[ It's not going to be easy, being back here. Hadriel has its own problems, and Gansey is well aware that they're not nearly over the problems of Henrietta. The climax of the demon's attack, Adam's possession, Ronan's unmaking, Gansey's death - that has finished. But the pain of how their quest had ended, the worse pain of Aurora's death, the loss of Cabeswater - that will take longer. Gansey doesn't know how to address any of it right now.

Especially where Ronan is concerned. He'd lost his mother. He's holding himself together now, but Gansey doesn't expect that to last. The Ronan who'd sat in the car, barely speaking to anyone, still haunts his thoughts. That emotion is still in there somewhere.

He nods, though. Right now, they all just need to catch their breath. Gansey had run straight here from where he'd woken, and he'd been dead right before that. He thinks, maybe, he could use a few minutes alone. He needs to pack that emotion away into something he can move forward with. He thinks Ronan might need the same. ]

Okay. I don't think I had much, anyway. My journal, though...

[ The new one, he means. The one he'd found here and had been using to record findings in Hadriel. He moves towards the living room, trying to remember where he'd had it last. ]

I'll find it. Listen, let me know if you see Noah? If we're back, he has to be. We wouldn't have left him behind.

[ They couldn't have. Noah had been so faded at home, and so vulnerable. But here, he's real and alive. They have to find him, too. ]

[greywaren]

[Ronan recognizes Gansey backing off, which- he doesn't want him to, he just got him back, but he also feels like they could both use a little composure. Gansey has just been revived, after all, and he-

-well, he doesn't want to think about it. Maybe when he's alone later, but right now, there's just a focus on making sure everyone is together and safe- maybe after a quick break to recollect themselves. Ronan does need to breathe, and as much as he adores Gansey, it's difficult when someone else is in the room with him.]

I'll look for him.

[Another thing to worry about. It's not necessarily that Noah had slipped his mind, but rather, that Noah has had such a lack of presence for weeks now that looking for him hadn't quite been at the top of Ronan's priority list. But he remembers Noah here in a winding rush, and how different he is from Noah there, and it's jarring enough to make him shift to wanting to find him sooner, rather than later.

First thing's first, of course- he nods at Gansey, before moving into the kitchen and closing his eyes (he's tired, but that's- that's nothing right now), leaning a hip against the counter. In a moment, he'll move again, turn around, leave and search for Noah. In a moment, he'll try to take stock of everything, make sure it's all where he left it. In a moment, he'll start putting everything back together.

Here, alone, now, he just catches his breath.]