Event Log: Regret This

[hadrielmods]

Who: Everyone!
What: The Regret This event
Where: Throughout the city
When: June 25th-July 3rd
Warnings: Sorrow is resurrected, and everyone is immediately full of regrets

Hope has finally managed another god resurrection, and the people have spoken! On June 25th, he musters his powers and brings Sorrow back to Hadriel. An orchard appears across the river, in the until now ruined part of the city, and Sorrow's temple is also restored. Hooray! One more god to make things a little more livable in this place.

Of course, it's not that easy. It never is. Along with Sorrow himself comes a wave of regret and guilt that blankets the city. All those affected will be inclined to not only be sad, but to linger over past regrets and things they feel guilty about. They can distract themselves with everyday tasks or whatever else they please, but they'll find that their thoughts drift back to these regrets regardless of what they do.

And of course, the best way to purge a guilty conscience is confession, right? On top of these persistent sad thoughts, people will feel the urge to tell others about them, to air their past mistakes or misdeeds and possibly receive some kind of forgiveness. So what if your neighbor doesn't care that you cheated on your final exams all through school? You have to tell someone, and they're right there. If it doesn't make you feel better, that probably means you haven't confessed to enough people yet, or maybe you just haven't found the right person. Better try again!

On July 3rd, Sorrow has settled in and this urge to confess your sins will die down, along with the constant regret. Let's hope you didn't confess anything too personal. Remember, you're gonna have to see some of these people every day.

► This log covers June 25th-July 3rd.
► Feel free to make your own logs as well!
► Please tag headers of threads with content warnings where they apply
► Please put your character's name and open/closed in the subject line of your starters!
► If you somehow manage to end up regretfully dead, please remember to hit up our death post!

Comments

[whichend]

[ That's surprisingly endearing. Arya mimics the gesture. ]

Toot...toot?

[ She chuckles a little. ]

Yes. [ She agrees. Or thinks she's agreeing, anyway. It's hard to tell with this one. ]

I've got a list and everything.

[whichend]

[ Arya says nothing to that, just looks at Gottlieb solemnly, almost softly. The probability might be low, but it's not nothing. She's not afraid of Gottlieb, but she's wary. She's wary with everyone because she has to be, and she's learned not to care if that offends people. She'd rather be disliked than dead.

Still, Arya faintly hopes that Gottlieb doesn't take it too personally. ]

We're all dangers to ourselves.

[ That's why she had to stop being herself, wasn't it? Stupid Arya Stark wouldn't have survived the War of Five Kings, couldn't have made it in Harrenhal or the House of Black and White. She was a snivelling, bratty sort of thing, the kind of girl who cried to easily and was far, far too idealistic. She had to die, just as much as the Tickler or King Joffrey deserved to die.

Of course heroes are stories. That's because they're dead. The people who do right are the ones who are killed first -- Lord Stark's execution was proof enough of that. Stories are likely different for Arya than they are for Gottlieb. In Westeros, the stories were once histories, just aged and changed through the telling -- Nymeria and Brave Danny Flint really existed, she's sure, but perhaps not quite as they did in their stories. ]

I don't think there's ever a reason.

[ Arya doesn't know what an extraterrestrial beast is. A kind of army? Of men, Arya assumes.

She still doesn't know why everyone had to die. Arya eventually assumed that it was the way of things, that death exists as a cycle. Kill or be killed. That sort of thing.

She snorts a little, at Gottlieb's mention of black and white. The world is literally black and white for a servant of Him of Many Faces. Arya still has the robe, black on one side and white on the other, with a hood that conceals the face of someone who is no one. ]

Perhaps. But at the end of it, it's just living or dying. That's all we've got.

[ Arya shrugs. ]

Cocoa.

[ She says, after some hesitation. Arya doesn't know what cocoa is. She's rather curious. ]

[whichend]

Of course I am.

[ She says, indignantly. She can take care of herself.

Arya shrugs. ]

You should return only when you wish it.

[ Arya doesn't want to spoil his hunt. ]

[fleshing]

List??

[He looks at her in mingled dismay and alarm, and then stares at the ground. She has a list. A list! He lost count years, years...years ago? Years ago.]

How d'you keep track of 'em?!

[closerift]

I am happy! What do I have to be unhappy about?

[ Ha... aha. Cecily buries her feelings more often than she embraces, though, so it's actually not sarcasm when she speaks. It may be denial, but it isn't a joke. ]

I don't want to be going over every mistake I've ever made. [ She mutters. ] I think it's the gods' influence.

[cashlin]

[Lilith's never met Newt, apart from what Maketh's mentioned of him, but her heart goes out to her. She's her friend-- really, truly her friend. If Lilith had her way she'd never feel like this.]

I'm sorry, Maketh.

[She steps forward slowly.]

I wish he could've had that, too, even if I didn't know him. It's tough. We don't know why we're here, or how long we're all here together, or what-- what even happens when we go home...

I know you were a good friend to him while he was here, though. [She smiles faintly.] You gave him that, at least. Hell, you're giving me that.

[muscovy]

[There is a long list. He thinks about what might be the most important ones, or ones that everyone should be able to connect to.]

The lives of nice people. Peaceful times. The summer. A festival. Years with good harvests. A nice meal. The night before a scary morning. Visits with friends or family.

[dedikated]

[ she nods, biting back a humourless laugh. ah, if there is anyone who understands that, Kamina, it's this chick here. ] Like it never ends. You get down here and it's all... memories. Too much time to think. [ nothing changes, there's nothing new or exciting in a goldfish bowl that doesn't even let you see outside of the walls. ]

[muscovy]

Why not?

[If he was better at twisting his words right now, he could answer truthfully that he's started to wonder about why everyone is being so distraught lately, and that she seemed distraught as well. Both of which is true.

It's just not why he is following her. He just likes following people, and she's hardly less fun to be around than most others right now. And he's started to pick people who look like they might jump into the river to him, or something akin to that. His own kind of worrying; thinking that people are being very silly and shouldn't be, an emotion somewhere between annoyance and sadness because that would mean that he can't make friends with them in the future and because dead people can't be lively anymore. It makes his presence more intense, intense enough to be noticed. Not that he has fully realized that he is starting to worry yet, so he is a bit surprised that she picked up on his following her that easily.]

You are not a monster, yes?

[muscovy]

You don't have friends or family that can die?

[Because that is the only reason that he can think of why someone wouldn't be sad about people dying sometimes.]

[muscovy]

Why not?

[He lived for a very long time before making a first friend, but he always had his sisters. It's a state that he doesn't know in that intensity, to be completely without friends or family, but he can imagine it too well to not think that it is terrible.]

[alayne]

Yes.

[ and she feels bad for it. she should have been searching for her, if something happened to her out there, in a city who is foreign and dangerous, she would not have forgiven herself. she has much she does not forgive herself for already. only, she is a craven. Arya is bold and ferocious, has always been, Sansa has always cowered away, Sansa has never been as brave, despite being her older sister, she was meant to protect her and how terribly she has failed. ]

Will you sit with me?

[cowardley]

[ Josh's words prick at her heart, and Ashley pulls him to a sudden stop, fingers wrapped tight where they touch him. ]

Y-You're not trying to...? [ There's no gentle way she can think to ask him if he's been suicidal, is there? She's honestly terrified of the possible answer. ]

[unfollowing]

Bet you got a lot more practice at it because of me, huh?

[Fuck.]

Shit. Sorry.

[Fuck you, Sorrow.]

[unfollowing]

The gist is all you need to get started, so Emily nods at Rey, setting the work in front of her.

"Pretty much. Like... I, um..." Fuck. Exactly what she hadn't really wanted to do is what Sorrow's influence is making her thinks she wants to do right now. "I kept insulting my boyfriend when he was trying to save my life. And that was really shitty of me. And, like, I hate thinking about it? But there's only so much I can not think about it, because of Sorrow."

[unknowable]

[He didn't come looking for an apology. Far from it. So he doesn't quite know what to say, and he shrugs a little, brushing it aside. Uncomfortable.]

None of us are good company right now. I know you didn't do it on purpose.

[Adam's been forcing himself to be alone, too, for all that he desperately wants to lean on his friends, to apologize to them and confess everything he's ever done to hurt them and how awful it makes him feel. But even with the compulsion to do that, Adam is not good at making himself vulnerable. He's afraid of what the response would be, even though he knows that whatever it would be, he deserves it.]

I just wanted to make sure you were okay. I haven't always - been able to look out for you the way I should have.

[Mostly it's been Gansey looking out for Ronan, and trying to look out for Adam, who always fiercely resisted it. He doesn't regret resisting it, not the action itself, but the way he went about it - that deserves an apology. More than an apology.]

I haven't been a great friend to you.

[fadeling]

No. You aren't. [He doesn't need to be able to see that to know it.]

Sometimes mistakes are important.

[mismanagement]

No. [She says it softly. Sometimes she wakes up crying in the middle of the night, fighting off the dreams where she loses people; Newt, Henry, Emily...

Lilith.

There are so many unknowns. So many ways to hurt and die in this place.

Maketh swallows hard, then reaches out and closes her hand around Lilith's. Part of her still balks at the thought of touching another person, but this is important. It must be said.] You cannot disappear. I--you cannot.

[cashlin]

[Lilith blinks back her surprise, but, instinctively, she squeezes Maketh's hand back.]

I'm not going anywhere. Not without you.

[Her grip loosens, and her fingers thread loosely with Maketh's. In the midst of all of this, of everything the gods have thrown at them all... she's not going to leave her alone again.]

I'm-- [She falters, but with her own will and Sorrow's influence, she continues:] I don't want to do that to you. I'm sick of you getting hurt, Maketh.

[mismanagement]

[The contact solidifies. Maketh exhales slowly, bringing their joined hands up to press against her cheek. This is real. It's not a nightmare about to turn on her like so many things have. She has a chance now, so long as she doesn't ruin it.] When you go home, I--

[Don't falter now, girl.]

Please let me stand at your side.

[greywaren]

[The deliberate touch stills him for a moment- not because it's unwanted or that he doesn't like it, but rather because the human contact is somehow unexpected, even if he was the one who touched their fingers together in the first place.

Ronan has so many regrets, and so many of them are tangled up in Adam, even if getting to where they are is all he's wanted. He should have done so many other things, should have protected him more, should have paid more attention, should have tried to work faster while digging when he was buried alive. He'd failed him more times than he could really count, and Adam is still here, still touching him- how is that possible?

Ronan's gaze drops back to the dirt after similarly pulling back from the weeds, his heart heavy with the weight of the creeping doubt he'd been carrying since waking back up in this place.]

...do you think my deer are okay?

[He asks it quietly, having not really seen the end of the demon's destruction. All he'd known was that everything was coming apart at the seams, including Opal, including his mother, including everything beautiful that Niall Lynch had made. Ronan doesn't know what escaped, if anything did. He doesn't know if Matthew made it out. He doesn't know the state of the barns, doesn't know the state of Chainsaw, or anything he'd ever created.

Ronan asks about the deer, but in a way, he means all of it, he means the things that are too painful to ask about, the things that he can't give his voice to for fear of somehow making it more real. The deer are important, part of him loves them as he loves everything else about the Barns, but compared to everything else he loves so much more, they're a safer topic.]

[cashlin]

[Lilith kisses her.

She'd closed the distance before she'd known it, her hand resting against her cheek, her heart pounding. All that time spent worrying, and doubting whether this'd feel right, has gone out the window: her lips are moving slow and soft against Maketh's, and standing under the trees in this moment, everything is... fine. Better than it's ever been, in Hadriel.

She pulls away, and, sheepishly presses her lips together (doing what she can, to memorize the feeling of that kiss) before breaking into a grin.]

That... is a yes, by the way.

[mismanagement]

[Oh.

For a moment - longer - Maketh's brain stutters on the thought that this is happening and then--

Then.

It's not the first time she's been kissed, but it's the first in a long time.

Maketh quips a smile. It's softer than she remembers.] You are beautiful.

[circumitus]

At first Rey just blinks at the materials, before casting a sidelong glance to Emily when she goes off on her little confession.

"Seems that Sorrow has us thinking about a lot we'd rather not." Rey herself is no exception to this. She picks up some of the cloth, but doesn't really do anything with it yet. "People tend to say and do a lot of shitty things when they're scared. Doesn't excuse it, but it happens."

That's what she assumes what happened, since Emily did mention that her boyfriend was trying to save her life.

[corundum]

Not so sure it isn't after, too.

[Actually she's totally sure it is. She's spent a lot more time dead than alive, after all.]

Nice to meet you. How long have you been in this place?

[A pause.]

Not the bar.