Event Log: Keepsakes

[hadrielmods]

Who: Everyone participating in the event!
What: The event log for the Keepsakes event!
Where: All around the city
When: October 15th-October 19th
Warnings: A bunch of random crap.

Well, Hope and Delight are messing with the door again, but at least this time dragons aren't involved, right? This attempt goes a bit better - sure, no one gets sent home, but if everyone will just look under their seats, they'll find a FREE [INSERT SOMETHING YOU MAYBE DIDN'T WANT AT ALL HERE]! Awesome! So nice! Yup, throughout these few days people will be finding things from home - something they loved, something they used all the time, something they hated, something they totally forgot they even had. All sorts of cool stuff!

Well, they might not actually find it. Their neighbor might, or a complete stranger. And who knows where it could turn up? At the park, half-buried? In the Silent Hill zone, kept safe by a horrifying monster? Or hey, maybe in somebody's underwear drawer. Awkward. Better try to find your stuff, or find the owner of whatever weird crap you found. It could be something important.

► This log covers October 15th-October 19th.
► Feel free to make your own logs, as well
► Please tag headers of threads with content warnings where they apply
► Please put your character's name and open/closed in the subject line of your starters!
► If you somehow manage to die in this event, please let us know here, and also what the hell?

Comments

[enchangement]

She would and you wouldn't be able to stop her.

[ Because even if he killed her, she would simply wait to revive and do it again. Try it again. Because even if he didn't, they, Hydra, would revive and she would do it again.

Gods be damned.

She reaches for his arm and tugs at it. ]

They wouldn't protect you. They don't even care.

[wipedclean]

[He sighs deeply. Of course they don't care.]

Not supposed to care about your weapons.

[Not like that, anyhow. You keep them clean, maintained. You don't care about them.]

[enchangement]

[ River makes a frustrated, sad noise, and pulls on his arm again. ]

But you're more than that, was once, and again will be!

Why is that so hard? Why are good things wrong?

[wipedclean]

Because I don't deserve them.

[He's resigned to it. Parts of being here have been a nice dream, really. Steve, River. The others. Pretending to be a person for a little while. But it can't last. Hydra's claws have sunk too deep.]

[enchangement]

That's not true!

[ She pushes him, puts all her weight and force into it, trying to shove him into the wall. Get him to respond. To feel something. Anything but this self-appointed, self-targeting apathy. ]

You are loved!

[wipedclean]

[He lets himself be pushed against the wall. She's stronger than she looks, and she knows how to use that strength, but it's not enough if he chose to withstand it.

He just goes. After a moment, he wraps his arms around her, and slides down to the floor with her, his face dropping to her shoulder.

It's a nice dream. One he can't seem to wake up from.

He's loved, she says.

He knows it's true, and it scares him so much. Because he doesn't know what he's supposed to do with it. What is he, who is he, if not a weapon? Everything he was supposed to know, that he thought he knew, it's been shaken and broken. He doesn't know who he is, or what he's supposed to do without Hydra. He's been lost and wandering for months, with only Steve as an anchor, and... it's been enough, but it shouldn't have been. And that's scared him too. That one small man he barely remembers can shake up his whole existence so thoroughly.

That one girl from another universe can shake it even more.

Hydra was all he was, all he knew. What is he supposed to do without them?

He doesn't even notice when he starts to cry into River's shoulder, his arms tight around her.]

[prespangled]

[Hydra was never all that he was. Steve knows the truth of that, but it's like Bucky doesn't believe him, or doesn't want to. He's never gone as far as to push him, or yell at him, but maybe he should have.

He's been standing there for a couple of minutes, catching his breath after chasing after them, encouraging River to go on ahead when Steve just couldn't keep up. He shows up in time to see River get upset, to see Bucky hold her and start to cry, and he's smart enough to know that both outbursts are rooted in the same thing - pain.

Their pain hurts him too, more than a punch, more than broken bones and the winter a few years ago when fever tried to eat him alive in his own bed. Steve comes over to where they are, sinking to his knees.]

[wipedclean]

[He turns his head just enough to look at Steve, and he can tell that Steve's heard... if not everything, then enough.

Both of them here, both of them just as deep into his head as Hydra, if not deeper.

He might not know what he'd do without Hydra, but he definitely doesn't know what he'd do without them.

He takes one arm from River and reaches it out the Steve, grasping for him. He needs them. He needs them both, so much, and it scares him. It scares him how much he wants them, too. Wants to be with them, wants them safe, wants them happy.]

Steve.

[He says it weakly. Come here, Steve. He needs you.]

[enchangement]

[ River does nothing to stop the man who was once Bucky Barnes from pulling her into a hug, from keeping her close as he cres. She looks over his shoulder at Steve as he reaches for him, smiling. ]

The reconstruction of self is a difficult and fraught process.

[ She also reaches for him. ]

You are loved.

[ This repeating is as much for that which is no longer the Winter Soldier as much as it is for Steve. As much as it is for herself, as amazing as it is to be loved by someone other than Simon. ]