hadriel_logs | Event Log: Dead Ringers

Entry tags:

Event Log: Dead Ringers

Who: Everyone participating in the event!
What: The event log for the Dead Ringers event!
Where: All around the city
When: January 16th-January 25th
Warnings: Evil doubles, so we can assume manipulation, violence, murder, and maybe some nasty words

Everything seems normal on the morning of the 16th - actually, everything seems normal about the city for the entirety of this event. Nothing is strange, nothing is obviously wrong. Well, except that the population has mysteriously doubled, and the new residents each look exactly like one of the old residents. So weird! Definitely not ominous at all.

At least until your new double gets down to business. After all, their only goal is to ruin your life, and that can take any form. Smashing your favorite coffee cup? Telling your worst enemy they're right? Kissing someone else in front of your girlfriend? Brutally murdering you and then hiding your body in a closet so they can more effectively destroy your life? The possibilities are truly endless, and the only way to protect yourself is to kill your double first. They're not really open to negotiation, after all - but they sure might pretend to be in order to trick you.

So watch your back, and try to make sure that really is your best friend and not an evil clone masquerading as them. Boy, that would be awkward. If you can stick it out until January 25th, good for you! But if you didn't manage to and your double survives until the end - well, just as a final 'fuck you', there's a chance you'll come back to life and remember every awful thing your double did. Hey, at least that'll make it easier to fix, right?

► This log covers January 16th-January 25th.
► Feel free to make your own logs, as well
► Please tag headers of threads with content warnings where they apply
► Please put your character's name and open/closed in the subject line of your starters!
► If your evil clone happens to take you out, please let us know here, and remember that you will not revive until the event is over.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Ronan, no.

[It's the real Adam this time, because he can't let Ronan believe this. He can't let him think this is his fault.]

You didn't do this. I would have felt it - you know I can feel the ley line surge when you make something big. I would have known. I didn't feel anything.

[Adam is not one hundred percent sure of this, but he says it as if he is. He might doubt - he might have some uncertainty - but he doesn't want Ronan to have any doubt in his mind. And though he may not be certain, he does think that's true. He used to feel it before, a surge and then a weakening. Not when Ronan takes small things, that barely registers, though if he tried he could probably feel that too. But large things - that's undeniable.

He would have felt it. He has to believe that.]

This is something else, it wasn't you.

[He keeps himself between Ronan and the other Adam. If the other Adam isn't a dream - which he isn't - he's something else. And whatever way Adam looks at it, that can't be good, especially considering the way his double is trying to get under Ronan's skin.

His double is not ready to give up just yet. He tries to keep Ronan's attention, to confuse him more, a look of concern and fear on his face:]

He's lying to you. He felt it, he knows what I am. He's lied before, hasn't he?

[He looks to Adam when he speaks, quiet, trying to make sense of it. He doesn't know what this other boy could be if not a dream, but he wants to believe that he wouldn't do something so stupid and irresponsible, even if all signs seem to point toward it.

Ronan's gaze shifts over toward the second Adam when he tries to take over, his brows drawing together for a moment, before he reaches for Adam's hand, clutching his fingers tightly around the other boy's.]

I trust him.

[Adam could be lying, sure, but he knows how much Ronan hates lies. Ronan is aware of Adam's tendency toward brutal logic, and he's willing to admit that putting unwavering trust in him could result in being lied to- but more than anything, Ronan believes that Adam's ends are his ends and Adam's justification of the means is also his. He trusts in Adam to find the best solution in a way that's a hundred times more nuanced and thoughtful than Ronan's own violent means.

He doesn't want to think that Adam is lying, but even if he is, then Ronan trusts that it's for good enough reason- and so, trusts him regardless.]

Let me trust you, [he finally decides to say, the words thick on his tongue as he steps forward, shoulder to shoulder with Adam, never taking his eyes off of the double.] And don't fucking lie to me. What are you?

[Hearing Ronan say that he trusts Adam is - well, not a huge relief, because Adam already believed that he did, but even so he is thankful to hear it. He doesn't want Ronan to doubt himself, he doesn't want Ronan to believe he would do something like that. All the more because Adam is starting to get the creeping suspicion that this isn't going to end well.

He stays quiet, waiting to see what his double will say. The other Adam straightens up, looking hurt.]

I'm just a copy. But I don't want to be - I want to be more than that. Ronan, please. Help me.

[He approaches them, walking closer, and the real Adam stiffens, watching him warily. He doesn't know what the point of it is, but he doesn't like the way this version of him is trying to fuck with Ronan's head. Adam is here to mitigate it, but he can easily think of what might have happened if he weren't. This is dangerous. This other Adam - Ronan might want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but Adam thinks that's even more dangerous. He takes hold of Ronan's arm.]

Don't listen to him. We should go. This isn't safe.

[Ronan is even more unsure, and his posture is wary as the other Adam moves closer. Adam- the one next to him- is gripping at his arm, insisting that something is wrong, and... well, of course something is wrong. There's another Adam in front of them both, and he's admitting to being a dream that Ronan must have taken out- but then, the real Adam next to him doesn't believe it.

What's the alternative? What else could he be but a dream?

He's lied to you before, hasn't he?

In the end, it's the cruelty of that. Adam may have guilt and regret and self loathing, but Ronan would never intentionally dream a creature that would hurt him- not even if the creature is wearing his own face. (He remembers though, an Adam with a mask, an Adam that ripped off his own skin- but that's different, that's a dream doing it to itself... right?)

He shakes his head once, pulling back, away from the impostor.]

What do you even want me to do? [He asks, ignoring the request to leave, but not the wariness- Ronan knows that Adam is uncertain and so his tone now is suspicious, aggressive.]

I can't change what you are.

Oh, Ronan.

[The other Adam looks worried now, even distraught, shaking his head.]

I know you're loyal, I know you want to stand by him, but - I just don't understand. You know he's going to leave you in the end. This is a great little honeymoon, but when you go home he's going to college and he won't look back. You'll be alone. I know it's true. I am him.

[That's quite enough for Adam - the real Adam. This started out unsettling and it's only getting worse. He can't look at this thing, this creature that looks like him, and watch it playing so hard on Ronan's fears. He has to do something, but Ronan seems unwilling to leave.]

You're not going to accomplish anything. I'm right here, I'm going to tell him everything you're saying is a lie.

[He addresses his double directly, and the double only looks at him, and for a moment turns its attention from Ronan to speak to Adam:]

Please. You know it's all true.

[The words cut through him, preying on his fears rather than his logic. He knows Adam loves him and he knows that Adam wouldn't turn his back on him- he knows that Adam will come back, he knows that Adam will move in with him at the Barns when this is all over and help him around the farm and help him raise Opal and live with him in their peaceful eternity- he knows that.

But at his core, Ronan is afraid to be alone. He's afraid to be left standing there, holding all the pieces while everyone he's ever loved walks away from him. Adam is going to leave, he knows that, his dreams know that, they've told him that Adam won't come back- but he can't believe it. He won't. He might have been happy alone if he'd never known Parrish, but a future without him now is not a prospect that Ronan is willing to entertain.

He doesn't believe it and, in not believing it, he knows he's being lied to.]

He's coming back.

[Ronan says firmly. In the face of lies, as always, he finds his anger beginning to mount, even against a creature with Adam's face. Ronan looks at the boy next to him- the real boy- his eyes narrowed into a glare, and he offers him a small nod, I believe you, before rounding on the duplicate.]

But you can fuck off.

Edited 2017-01-29 15:46 (UTC)

[It's an unutterable relief to see Ronan so easily and completely take his side, back him up like that. Believe him. Adam will come back, he always will, he's always intended to. But this creature with his face is trying to get under Ronan's skin. Trying to upset him, or trying to make him doubt the real Adam - Adam can't be sure which, because it's the same result in the end.

His shoulders relax a little as the double's eyes narrow. Its countenance doesn't change, exactly - it still has Adam's cadence, his bearing and his speech patterns, the faintest hint of a Henrietta accent. But with the rough finality of Ronan's words, Adam's imposter is frustrated, annoyed at the mischance of running into Ronan with the real Adam here.]

This would have been a lot easier if you were alone. It's clear you believe anything he says - must feel good to have that much power over you.

[If he can't make Ronan doubt Adam, he'll do whatever else he can to drive a wedge between them. Adam's double is as smart as he is - he knows the game is probably up. He knows Ronan is unlikely to listen to him and Adam is unlikely to let him get away with anything. But he's here for a reason, and he isn't going to abandon it so easily.]

I'd have put it to much better use, of course.

[Ronan brushes off the comment like it's nothing- if anything, it makes him stand up a little taller, prouder of the effect that Adam has on him. Unlike Adam himself, Ronan has never taken offense to the insinuation that he is owned, and he doesn't mind people thinking that now. It's not entirely true of course- Adam would never want to control him the way Gansey sometimes does, and Adam is always so careful to approach this as equals, rather than putting either of them in a position of power.

Ronan understands and appreciates that, but it doesn't change the fact that the insults to the contrary don't bother him at all.]

Too fucking bad. Are you a shapeshifter?

[That's still the important part of this whole thing, Ronan thinks. Figuring out just what this thing is- if it's something that either of them caused, or something more sinister entirely. Maybe it won't change anything, but Ronan would feel much better knowing that there isn't something out there wearing Adam's face 24/7.]

You're dumb as fuck, so you're definitely not a clone of Parrish.

[Adam's double rolls his eyes. His voice is dry, almost amused.]

I'm the new, improved version. You can throw all the insults you want, but if he hadn't been here, you'd be eating up every word I speak. We could have owned this place, you and I. You never use your abilities the way I know you could.

[He nods his head at the real Adam.]

He knows, too. He thinks about it sometimes. What you would do for him, and what he could do with that.

[Adam's shoulders tense. He hopes Ronan doesn't believe that - at least, not the way it sounds, as if Adam is plotting things, as if he has some hidden desire to use Ronan's powers for his own gain. It's true he's thought about the things Ronan could do if he wanted to, but it's not something Adam would ever take advantage of - would ever want to take advantage of.

He thinks Ronan knows that. But hearing it like this, in his own voice from his own lips, is unpleasant and dangerous.]

[Ronan stiffens just a little at that, we could have owned this place, because it sounds like somebody he knew and that person isn't Adam at all. It sends chills down the back of his neck- not because of the implication that Adam has thought about the potential of his dreaming, but at the double's willingness to use it in such a way.]

That's not what it's for.

[He finally says, his voice a little hushed. Sure, there's weapons- there's destruction and things he could use to rule this tiny little cave- but Ronan has never cared much about that. He just wants a few pots and pans to keep them eating, an instrument to learn and play, some medicine for the clinic. Ronan has never been one for aspirations and he thinks that Cabeswater prefers is that way.

After all, look what happened to Kavinsky.]

He knows that, [Ronan is confident about that at least, and he glances toward Adam with his chin tilted up.] He wouldn't abuse it.

[There's a pause though, and Ronan reaches back into the hem of his jeans, his fingers tightening around the hilt of the pistol before he pulls it out, keeping it aimed at the ground for now. He doesn't really think that he could use it- he's never really shot at anything and meant it- but it's there in his hand, a threat in and of itself.]

People who think shit like that tend to wind up dead.

You really want to hurt me? But I love you, Ronan.

[The double is careful to look distraught, upset at the thought, because he knows it will bother Ronan. And it's not so untrue - he has all of Adam's memories, all the pieces that make Adam who he is. He knows why Adam loves Ronan, what lead to that feeling, the intensity of it, though the feeling itself is expressed in an entirely different, far more destructive and manipulative way. That doesn't mean it isn't there at all - though, of course, the double will only use that emotion for its own ends.]

You could do so much. We could. I'd take very good care of you. You could be my pet. Just like the real one, right?

[He smiles, then, and it looks far more like the real Adam than it should when those words are coming from his mouth. A little cautious, just a touch uncertain. Like he's not quite sure he should be smiling at all, like he's still wary of happiness.

The most disturbing thing about this, for the real Adam, is that. The way his double still looks like him, talks like him, even while saying things he would never say. How much of the feeling behind that is real, how much is just a show? He knows Ronan would never believe this thing, he knows that whatever it feels can't be real, he knows that it's probably lying to get what it wants - whatever that is. But it's too dangerous. All he can think about is what could happen if this thing ever found Ronan on his own. It looks just like Adam, and it's more than clear that it can imitate him. Even if Ronan caught on, it might be too late, he might get hurt - or worse.

His eyes flicker to the gun in Ronan's hand, and he speaks before he can convince himself not to, low and urgent:]

Ronan, give me the gun.

[Ronan can't help but to falter at the profession of love. The gun lowers just a little bit more and for a moment, he feels awful for even drawing a weapon on this other boy- Adam doesn't deserve it, he thinks, Adam never did anything to hurt him.

But this isn't Adam, even if he loves him. It's something else entirely, and Ronan doesn't know what to do with it. He and Adam have only ever been equals though, even if he knows that Adam could have complete power over him- that's not something that Adam ever wants to be offered, and so Ronan doesn't hold it out for him.

That doesn't mean it's not there. And there's no temptation to take this impostor up on the offer, but a small part of his mind imagines how it would be all the same- it looks like how he used to dream of Adam, before he really knew him. Adam as a harsh king, nimble and regal and lordly, and Ronan as- something lower.

Reality has proved so much better than his dreams, though- he'd never give it up, not for a single second.]

-Parrish?

[He looks sideways at Adam when he asks for the gun and, though Ronan trusts him, he's not sure what Adam is planning. But it's sound, isn't it? The two of them need to stay separated, and so if he has Adam train the gun on the impostor, it would give Ronan time to tie him up, maybe mark him in some way so that there would be no confusion. And then they could... he doesn't know, keep the thing prisoner?

It doesn't have a neat solution in his mind, but it's a good start, and so after a moment, Ronan nods and offers it up to Adam.]

It'll take me a minute to get rope.

[Adam himself isn't yet sure what he's planning. He just knows this thing with his face is dangerous, and Ronan is unlikely to pull that trigger even if it becomes necessary.

He's not entirely sure he can, either. He remembers Whelk, he remembers having the gun and being relieved when he no longer did, when that power was out of his hands. But he's gone through a lot since then. Maybe he's gotten harder, or maybe there's always been some part of him ready to do awful things, but whatever it is - whatever it is, he knows he's more likely to be able to do it than Ronan is. Especially when the thing in question is something that looks like him.

He sees Ronan falter for a moment, and that only strengthens his resolve. He doesn't want this, whatever is to happen, to be on Ronan. It's not fair to him. He always tries to protect Adam, and Adam loves him for it - though he doesn't like needing to be protected - but this is too much.

He takes the gun, nods.]

I'll keep him here while you go.

[He's not certain yet what he'll do. But either way, Ronan should get rope - whether Adam simply holds his imposter hostage or whether he determines a more permanent solution is necessary. If that's what happens, he doesn't want Ronan there for it.

The double is watching them, seemingly calm, eyes narrow.]

Alright.

[Ronan's fingers tighten a little as he looks from Adam and then back to his double, thinking suddenly about what would happen if the other thing got the drop on Adam in his absence. It would be simple enough to switch clothes, to pretend to be Adam and, although he hates himself for it, Ronan can't quite tell the difference between the two of them when they're just staring at him like this.

But they need to tie this creature up somehow, and Ronan is the only one who can get supplies quickly enough to be of any use, and so after another moment's thought, he steps closer to Adam, drawing him closer and pressing his mouth against Adam's good ear, shielding his face from the view of the other boy.]

Codeword's salvus. So I know it's you.

[And with that he pulls back, satisfied with his own quick thinking, and he casts another look back toward the double, who hasn't said anything in the past few moments. It's unnerving- maybe it's planning something?- but they have to imprison it somehow, and Ronan doesn't trust it enough to take it back home without being tied up in some manner.

He moves back toward one of the nearby trees before hefting himself to sit in front of it and tilting his head back with a sigh. He's not going to sleep easy, knowing that Adam is left with only a gun to protect himself from whatever this thing is, but it's necessary if they're going to move forward from here.

It takes him longer than it should to drift off, but eventually he manages, his hands going slack and drooping into the grass next to his thighs.]

[He makes sure Ronan has had enough time to get to sleep before he says or does anything. He caught that uncertainty, he knows that Ronan finds it difficult - or impossible - to tell him apart from the imposter. Adam's not angry about it, he can see they're identical, he can easily see the possibilities for confusion there. Confusion and worse. This thing does not have good intentions.

His double seems to be waiting for Ronan to fall asleep as well. He smiles.]

He's afraid I'll replace you. I should, too, I'd do a better job at being you than you do.

[The double takes a step forward, and Adam's hand tightens on the gun. He feels like the solution here is both obvious and inevitable. He can't pretend he hasn't been thinking of it, considering it. It would keep Ronan safe, when tying it up or imprisoning it would only leave the door open for more deception. If it got out, or even if it just got under Ronan's skin -]

He'll let his guard down eventually. You know that, right? You're a weakness that I'm more than happy to exploit. Even if he knows I'm not you, he'll listen. You already saw that.

[The real Adam does not want to get involved in conversation. He doesn't want to talk to this thing, he doesn't want to give it any ammunition, anything it could use against either of them. But he presses his lips together and speaks, because he needs to be sure.]

And that's what you want? You're not going to stop?

[His double is calm, confident. It shrugs, like the answer is obvious.]

Have you ever stopped when there was something you wanted?

[Which is, of course, enough of an answer for Adam. The choice is clear. Leave this creature alive and deal with its constant attempts to - well, accomplish whatever its goals are. Upsetting Ronan, or trying to trick him, or trying to get to Adam somehow. Or Adam can end this now.

He raises the gun, takes a breath. His double smiles.]

If the gun were in my hands, you'd have had a bullet between your eyes ages ago. We really aren't very different - you always had the capacity for this. Just like dear old dad. I wonder what Ronan will say?

[Adam falters, but only for a moment. He can't let it get to him. He isn't sure if this is the right thing, but from where he's standing, it's the only practical thing. His life, Ronan's life will be in danger as long as this thing is walking around. And whatever it is, it isn't a person. Adam knows that. It's a trick, something from the gods or the Door or - something.

That doesn't really make it easier, but it makes it possible. He squeezes the trigger. There's only a few feet of distance between them, and though Adam has never shot anyone before he isn't totally unfamiliar with firing a gun. He aims for the heart, rather than the head, to give himself more of a chance. He fires three times, to be sure.

He doesn't want to have to do this again.

His double's body falls, and though part of Adam feared it would say another awful thing with its last breath, it's nearly dead by the time it hits the ground. He watches it breathe its last, labored and stuttering, feeling distant and cold and sick to his stomach.

There's blood on the ground. It isn't breathing anymore.

Adam doesn't know what he'll tell Ronan. He doesn't know what this makes him.]

[The sound startles Ronan awake instantly, and he comes up and out of it empty handed, jerking his shoulder as if he could force himself into action, but all it does is take his momentum and push him to the ground.

Laying on his side with his face in the dirt, Ronan sees Adam with a gun and his blood runs cold. How could he have been so stupid to leave him here with that thing? Of course it would overpower him, of course it would get the gun- Cabeswater could try to protect him, but Adam has never been much for physically fighting back. His gaze shifts to the other Adam on the ground and he looks at his sightless eyes, the way he bleeds out against the dirt.

He's dreamt about this enough time to know it perfectly- the shape of Adam's ribs, the meaty mess of his chest where the bullets went in, the slack in his jaw and lifelessness in his eyes. Ronan knows this image intimately well and if he could just get up- get up- he could try to make sense of the rest of it.

Adam shot- or the other one shot- Adam or the other one. It doesn't make sense, Ronan thinks that if it's the other one than he's next, if it's Adam then how could he think that he's the other one?

He squeezes his eyes shut tight, the first movement he's able to make, and Ronan curls in on himself, smelling blood and feeling immediately sick to his stomach.]

The- tell me the word-

[His tongue feels three sizes too big but he manages to slur it out, manages to move his knee first and then his other arm so that he can curl in on himself a little, his gaze flitting frantically up toward the Adam still standing, his heart still in his chest as he waits for a response that means the difference between life and death.]

[Ronan's awake - of course he is, of course the sound would wake him up. Adam knew on some level that would happen. It takes a great effort to tear his attention from the body in front of him, great effort to swallow the strange sense of shock and distance that consumes him. But Ronan is awake and he needs to know it's all right.

It's not really all right. But he's not in danger.]

Salvus.

[His voice sounds odd in his own ears. He makes himself move, go to Ronan. He wants to drop the gun, but that's not safe, so instead he sets it down carefully. He makes sure the safety is on again, makes sure it won't go off accidentally. He's careful.

Then he kneels next to Ronan. He wants to reach out, but he doesn't really have the right after what he just did. He doesn't know if this counts as murder, if that creature was really a person, but he thinks Ronan - who dreams people into existence - is likely to think that it does. He's probably not wrong.]

Are you - are you okay?

[Part of him visibly trembles with relief when he hears Adam's voice and Ronan knows for sure that this is the real one. That this is his, the one who would never use him or discard him, the one who- who shoots someone who looks just like him, to...

He doesn't know what the purpose of it was. He wasn't expecting it, he doesn't think that Adam had planned it- or maybe he had? Either way, it doesn't matter, it's done and Adam is safe and Ronan is coming out of it. He can move more easily now, and so he moves his arm to wrap his fingers around Adam's wrist, squeezing tightly for comfort and support and just to feel him, safe and within arm's reach.]

He hurt you?

[He asks, still a little breathless, but able to sit up, and Ronan blinks the sleep out of his eyes, looking past Adam for a moment to the still corpse of the double, thinking for a moment how that could have been Adam, how he'd been so stupid to leave him alone with such a creature.]

Shouldn't have- fuck. What'd he do?

[He doesn't really have any way to justify it, does he? The double didn't hurt him, though Adam has no doubt that he would have tried. That he would have hurt Ronan too, given the chance. It as much as said so, and said that it would not stop - that nothing could make it stop.

Does that justify what he did? If it had been a real person, Adam would probably say no. That he does not have the right to take someone's life simply because he might eventually be in danger. That even if it's the practical thing, that would be morally wrong. He thinks he would, anyway. He doesn't really know.

But it wasn't real. It was a monster with his face, and Adam couldn't stand the thought of it running loose.

That doesn't justify it. But he won't lie to Ronan, and he won't make excuses for himself.]

It said it wouldn't stop. That it would get to you somehow, that you can't tell the difference.

[He shakes his head, looks at Ronan's hand on his wrist. He doesn't deserve that.]

I couldn't - I couldn't let that happen.

[Ronan doesn't quite get it- Adam seems alright, he says that the other creature didn't hurt him, so why kill it? The explanation makes a certain amount of sense, and makes Ronan feel guilty in the same vein. If Adam did kill the double in order to prevent it from tricking him, what does that say about him? That he can't tell the difference between his boyfriend and an impostor?

He frowns, sitting up fully and shakily moving to stand. He can't deny that a tiny part of him is shaken by Adam's actions, the cold brutality of it, but- he trusts Adam's judgement. He even told the creature earlier of the extent of that trust, and while he knows that Gansey or Noah might have been horrified, he needs to accept it.]

Yeah. [He manages to get out, his gaze still on the dead Adam's torn-open chest. How many times has he seen something like that in a dream?]

Guess we have to figure out what to do with it now.

[Ronan's foot brushes against the dead thing's own, nudging at it as he references it. He's not sure what the appropriate thing to do would be- bury it? Throw it into the lake? He'd dream up a coffin for it, but he thinks that Adam might feel even worse if he insisted on treating it like something worth mourning.

It is. But he doesn't know how to balance the creature's own humanity with Adam's cold view of it.]

[Ronan shouldn't have had to see this part of him. Adam knows that - he knows that he doesn't want to destroy Ronan's opinion of him, change the way Ronan looks at him. He should have thought it through more carefully. He still feels like it was necessary - he still thinks it was. But that's alarming too. That it was so easy, that nothing stopped him.

Adam knows that he's never been a good person, but to know that it goes this far is upsetting. To know that Ronan sees it, too, is even worse.]

I'll take care of it.

[His voice is soft. He reaches up to touch Ronan's cheek, to gently turn his face away from the body on the ground. This is Adam's fault, Adam's responsibility. Ronan should not have to look at it. Ronan should certainly not have to get blood on his hands.]

I did this. I'll take care of it.

[Somehow, Adam's voice is steady, though inside he's anything but.]

[He's reminded suddenly, of his own body, broken and bleeding on the floor of the church. He's reminded of the horror on Adam's face and of how it had almost ruined everything. He's reminded of his own anger, his frustration, and the deep-buried pain of creating another being whose sole purpose was to die.

He'd taken care of it then, after Adam had left. There were long moments with his head in his hands before he could bring himself to face it, and he'd dragged the body outside, he'd returned with all the napkins he could find in his car to clean up the blood and the gore, and he'd shoved his own body in the trunk and spent the next three hours burying it.

Ronan doesn't want Adam to have to face that. Not now, not ever. He lets his face be turned away from it, though part of him still wants to look, as if he has to keep reminding himself that it's real, that Adam's corpse is just a few feet away from him, even if Adam himself is in front of him.]

Like hell you will.

[His tone lacks its usual acidity, even though Ronan is puffing himself up, putting on airs of being able to handle this, being in control- being an asshole, because that's second nature to him to.]

Just- take the gun. [Ronan reaches over, loosely (and dangerously, but he doesn't seem to care) catching it in his fingers, before offering the grip of it to Adam.] Go finish your stuff here.

[He trusts him. He trusts him. He trusts him. It's hammering through Ronan's head, that trust, even through the doubt, even through everything else- Adam thought this was necessary, that's it, that's all that needs to be known- he trusts him, and so Ronan lets out a wry smile that he's not really feeling.]

I'm pretty fuckin' good at digging graves by now.

[He shakes his head, though he does take the gun - if only to keep it from getting left on the ground or accidentally discharged. He doesn't want anyone else to get hurt, he doesn't want Ronan to get hurt.]

This isn't your responsibility.

[And Adam absolutely does not want to leave it on Ronan's shoulders. That would be wrong in every possible way. He did this, he is responsible for it. It's his double and his murder. And Ronan - he can see the way Ronan looks at the body, or the way he tries not to look. It makes Adam's stomach twist. It's not him, but to Ronan - it must be similar. It must be even more horrible that Adam was able to do such a thing.

He can't make up for it. It was the necessary thing to do, but that doesn't mean it was the right thing. Isn't that what Adam has always been good at? Doing what's necessary, not what's right. Doing things that are, objectively, awful. He can't make up for it, but he can clean up his own mess. It is the absolute least he can do.]

I don't want you to have to do this, Ronan. If you want to stay, I won't make you go, but I can't...

[He can't let Ronan do this, is what he wants to say, but he stops himself. He has even less right to exert that sort of control than he ever has before.]

I just need to do this.

You don't know that.

[He snaps back, a little heated. It's not that Ronan is mad at Adam, but the situation is fucked up and the visual of Adam, just a few feet from him with holes torn into his chest, leaking blood down into the ground- it's too close for comfort. It's too similar to what he's dreamed about, what he's terrified of.

It's going to make him a little prickly. Ronan isn't very good at being vulnerable, even if he's been getting better at it, and he knows that he trusts Adam, and he knows that Adam wouldn't lie to him, and he knows that Adam made a decision, but he still blurts out the first thing that comes to mind.]

You can't pull people out of thin air. You don't dream that- that-

[He takes a deep, hitching breath, running the palm of his hand over his closely shaven head as her jerks his chin to look back at it, his stomach turning.]

It's fucked. This whole thing is just- fuck! [He shakes his head, needing to look away, but he can't quite bring himself to. It feels disrespectful, almost, even though there's nothing to disrespect, even though the thing was evil and cruel and not Adam, it has his face.] I buried horrors and I buried myself in that church and we buried Gansey and I dug seventeen graves to find you last year and I'm gonna- I'll do this.

[He's determined, even if he's starting to sound hysterical, with his rushed voice and his fingers clutched tight into fists.]

I'll keep doing this.

[He hates this. He hates what this has done to Ronan, made him doubt himself and his dreams. Maybe it would have been better if Adam hadn't killed the strange double, maybe he should have let it live simply to spare Ronan this, to spare the both of them this. But Adam can't turn back time, though he can regret his actions - and he already does. He's no longer certain it was the best thing to do, not seeing Ronan's reaction.

He knows it is only because Ronan cares for him so deeply that his emotions haven't turned on Adam more fully. After all, Adam is the one who did this - Adam is the one who coldheartedly murdered something with his own face. Something that Ronan thinks might have been his dream. Adam knows that it would be so easy for Ronan to hate him for this.

He wonders if, on some level, Ronan will distrust him because of it. Resent him.]

You've done enough. More than enough. You did all of that.

[He doesn't know what to say, he only knows that he doesn't want Ronan doing this. He doesn't want Ronan taking this guilt on his shoulders, carrying it with him. He's afraid that if that happens, somewhere down the line it'll come bubbling back up, and then it might break them.]

This wasn't one of your dreams. It's a stupid trick of the gods here, that's all. You've already done so much - you being here kept me safe.

[Adam thinks that's true. He looked that thing in the eyes. He doesn't think it would have hesitated to get him out of the way, given the opportunity.]

Please just let me do it.

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