hadriel_logs | Event Log: Dead Ringers

Entry tags:

Event Log: Dead Ringers

Who: Everyone participating in the event!
What: The event log for the Dead Ringers event!
Where: All around the city
When: January 16th-January 25th
Warnings: Evil doubles, so we can assume manipulation, violence, murder, and maybe some nasty words

Everything seems normal on the morning of the 16th - actually, everything seems normal about the city for the entirety of this event. Nothing is strange, nothing is obviously wrong. Well, except that the population has mysteriously doubled, and the new residents each look exactly like one of the old residents. So weird! Definitely not ominous at all.

At least until your new double gets down to business. After all, their only goal is to ruin your life, and that can take any form. Smashing your favorite coffee cup? Telling your worst enemy they're right? Kissing someone else in front of your girlfriend? Brutally murdering you and then hiding your body in a closet so they can more effectively destroy your life? The possibilities are truly endless, and the only way to protect yourself is to kill your double first. They're not really open to negotiation, after all - but they sure might pretend to be in order to trick you.

So watch your back, and try to make sure that really is your best friend and not an evil clone masquerading as them. Boy, that would be awkward. If you can stick it out until January 25th, good for you! But if you didn't manage to and your double survives until the end - well, just as a final 'fuck you', there's a chance you'll come back to life and remember every awful thing your double did. Hey, at least that'll make it easier to fix, right?

► This log covers January 16th-January 25th.
► Feel free to make your own logs, as well
► Please tag headers of threads with content warnings where they apply
► Please put your character's name and open/closed in the subject line of your starters!
► If your evil clone happens to take you out, please let us know here, and remember that you will not revive until the event is over.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[He makes sure Ronan has had enough time to get to sleep before he says or does anything. He caught that uncertainty, he knows that Ronan finds it difficult - or impossible - to tell him apart from the imposter. Adam's not angry about it, he can see they're identical, he can easily see the possibilities for confusion there. Confusion and worse. This thing does not have good intentions.

His double seems to be waiting for Ronan to fall asleep as well. He smiles.]

He's afraid I'll replace you. I should, too, I'd do a better job at being you than you do.

[The double takes a step forward, and Adam's hand tightens on the gun. He feels like the solution here is both obvious and inevitable. He can't pretend he hasn't been thinking of it, considering it. It would keep Ronan safe, when tying it up or imprisoning it would only leave the door open for more deception. If it got out, or even if it just got under Ronan's skin -]

He'll let his guard down eventually. You know that, right? You're a weakness that I'm more than happy to exploit. Even if he knows I'm not you, he'll listen. You already saw that.

[The real Adam does not want to get involved in conversation. He doesn't want to talk to this thing, he doesn't want to give it any ammunition, anything it could use against either of them. But he presses his lips together and speaks, because he needs to be sure.]

And that's what you want? You're not going to stop?

[His double is calm, confident. It shrugs, like the answer is obvious.]

Have you ever stopped when there was something you wanted?

[Which is, of course, enough of an answer for Adam. The choice is clear. Leave this creature alive and deal with its constant attempts to - well, accomplish whatever its goals are. Upsetting Ronan, or trying to trick him, or trying to get to Adam somehow. Or Adam can end this now.

He raises the gun, takes a breath. His double smiles.]

If the gun were in my hands, you'd have had a bullet between your eyes ages ago. We really aren't very different - you always had the capacity for this. Just like dear old dad. I wonder what Ronan will say?

[Adam falters, but only for a moment. He can't let it get to him. He isn't sure if this is the right thing, but from where he's standing, it's the only practical thing. His life, Ronan's life will be in danger as long as this thing is walking around. And whatever it is, it isn't a person. Adam knows that. It's a trick, something from the gods or the Door or - something.

That doesn't really make it easier, but it makes it possible. He squeezes the trigger. There's only a few feet of distance between them, and though Adam has never shot anyone before he isn't totally unfamiliar with firing a gun. He aims for the heart, rather than the head, to give himself more of a chance. He fires three times, to be sure.

He doesn't want to have to do this again.

His double's body falls, and though part of Adam feared it would say another awful thing with its last breath, it's nearly dead by the time it hits the ground. He watches it breathe its last, labored and stuttering, feeling distant and cold and sick to his stomach.

There's blood on the ground. It isn't breathing anymore.

Adam doesn't know what he'll tell Ronan. He doesn't know what this makes him.]

[The sound startles Ronan awake instantly, and he comes up and out of it empty handed, jerking his shoulder as if he could force himself into action, but all it does is take his momentum and push him to the ground.

Laying on his side with his face in the dirt, Ronan sees Adam with a gun and his blood runs cold. How could he have been so stupid to leave him here with that thing? Of course it would overpower him, of course it would get the gun- Cabeswater could try to protect him, but Adam has never been much for physically fighting back. His gaze shifts to the other Adam on the ground and he looks at his sightless eyes, the way he bleeds out against the dirt.

He's dreamt about this enough time to know it perfectly- the shape of Adam's ribs, the meaty mess of his chest where the bullets went in, the slack in his jaw and lifelessness in his eyes. Ronan knows this image intimately well and if he could just get up- get up- he could try to make sense of the rest of it.

Adam shot- or the other one shot- Adam or the other one. It doesn't make sense, Ronan thinks that if it's the other one than he's next, if it's Adam then how could he think that he's the other one?

He squeezes his eyes shut tight, the first movement he's able to make, and Ronan curls in on himself, smelling blood and feeling immediately sick to his stomach.]

The- tell me the word-

[His tongue feels three sizes too big but he manages to slur it out, manages to move his knee first and then his other arm so that he can curl in on himself a little, his gaze flitting frantically up toward the Adam still standing, his heart still in his chest as he waits for a response that means the difference between life and death.]

[Ronan's awake - of course he is, of course the sound would wake him up. Adam knew on some level that would happen. It takes a great effort to tear his attention from the body in front of him, great effort to swallow the strange sense of shock and distance that consumes him. But Ronan is awake and he needs to know it's all right.

It's not really all right. But he's not in danger.]

Salvus.

[His voice sounds odd in his own ears. He makes himself move, go to Ronan. He wants to drop the gun, but that's not safe, so instead he sets it down carefully. He makes sure the safety is on again, makes sure it won't go off accidentally. He's careful.

Then he kneels next to Ronan. He wants to reach out, but he doesn't really have the right after what he just did. He doesn't know if this counts as murder, if that creature was really a person, but he thinks Ronan - who dreams people into existence - is likely to think that it does. He's probably not wrong.]

Are you - are you okay?

[Part of him visibly trembles with relief when he hears Adam's voice and Ronan knows for sure that this is the real one. That this is his, the one who would never use him or discard him, the one who- who shoots someone who looks just like him, to...

He doesn't know what the purpose of it was. He wasn't expecting it, he doesn't think that Adam had planned it- or maybe he had? Either way, it doesn't matter, it's done and Adam is safe and Ronan is coming out of it. He can move more easily now, and so he moves his arm to wrap his fingers around Adam's wrist, squeezing tightly for comfort and support and just to feel him, safe and within arm's reach.]

He hurt you?

[He asks, still a little breathless, but able to sit up, and Ronan blinks the sleep out of his eyes, looking past Adam for a moment to the still corpse of the double, thinking for a moment how that could have been Adam, how he'd been so stupid to leave him alone with such a creature.]

Shouldn't have- fuck. What'd he do?

[He doesn't really have any way to justify it, does he? The double didn't hurt him, though Adam has no doubt that he would have tried. That he would have hurt Ronan too, given the chance. It as much as said so, and said that it would not stop - that nothing could make it stop.

Does that justify what he did? If it had been a real person, Adam would probably say no. That he does not have the right to take someone's life simply because he might eventually be in danger. That even if it's the practical thing, that would be morally wrong. He thinks he would, anyway. He doesn't really know.

But it wasn't real. It was a monster with his face, and Adam couldn't stand the thought of it running loose.

That doesn't justify it. But he won't lie to Ronan, and he won't make excuses for himself.]

It said it wouldn't stop. That it would get to you somehow, that you can't tell the difference.

[He shakes his head, looks at Ronan's hand on his wrist. He doesn't deserve that.]

I couldn't - I couldn't let that happen.

[Ronan doesn't quite get it- Adam seems alright, he says that the other creature didn't hurt him, so why kill it? The explanation makes a certain amount of sense, and makes Ronan feel guilty in the same vein. If Adam did kill the double in order to prevent it from tricking him, what does that say about him? That he can't tell the difference between his boyfriend and an impostor?

He frowns, sitting up fully and shakily moving to stand. He can't deny that a tiny part of him is shaken by Adam's actions, the cold brutality of it, but- he trusts Adam's judgement. He even told the creature earlier of the extent of that trust, and while he knows that Gansey or Noah might have been horrified, he needs to accept it.]

Yeah. [He manages to get out, his gaze still on the dead Adam's torn-open chest. How many times has he seen something like that in a dream?]

Guess we have to figure out what to do with it now.

[Ronan's foot brushes against the dead thing's own, nudging at it as he references it. He's not sure what the appropriate thing to do would be- bury it? Throw it into the lake? He'd dream up a coffin for it, but he thinks that Adam might feel even worse if he insisted on treating it like something worth mourning.

It is. But he doesn't know how to balance the creature's own humanity with Adam's cold view of it.]

[Ronan shouldn't have had to see this part of him. Adam knows that - he knows that he doesn't want to destroy Ronan's opinion of him, change the way Ronan looks at him. He should have thought it through more carefully. He still feels like it was necessary - he still thinks it was. But that's alarming too. That it was so easy, that nothing stopped him.

Adam knows that he's never been a good person, but to know that it goes this far is upsetting. To know that Ronan sees it, too, is even worse.]

I'll take care of it.

[His voice is soft. He reaches up to touch Ronan's cheek, to gently turn his face away from the body on the ground. This is Adam's fault, Adam's responsibility. Ronan should not have to look at it. Ronan should certainly not have to get blood on his hands.]

I did this. I'll take care of it.

[Somehow, Adam's voice is steady, though inside he's anything but.]

[He's reminded suddenly, of his own body, broken and bleeding on the floor of the church. He's reminded of the horror on Adam's face and of how it had almost ruined everything. He's reminded of his own anger, his frustration, and the deep-buried pain of creating another being whose sole purpose was to die.

He'd taken care of it then, after Adam had left. There were long moments with his head in his hands before he could bring himself to face it, and he'd dragged the body outside, he'd returned with all the napkins he could find in his car to clean up the blood and the gore, and he'd shoved his own body in the trunk and spent the next three hours burying it.

Ronan doesn't want Adam to have to face that. Not now, not ever. He lets his face be turned away from it, though part of him still wants to look, as if he has to keep reminding himself that it's real, that Adam's corpse is just a few feet away from him, even if Adam himself is in front of him.]

Like hell you will.

[His tone lacks its usual acidity, even though Ronan is puffing himself up, putting on airs of being able to handle this, being in control- being an asshole, because that's second nature to him to.]

Just- take the gun. [Ronan reaches over, loosely (and dangerously, but he doesn't seem to care) catching it in his fingers, before offering the grip of it to Adam.] Go finish your stuff here.

[He trusts him. He trusts him. He trusts him. It's hammering through Ronan's head, that trust, even through the doubt, even through everything else- Adam thought this was necessary, that's it, that's all that needs to be known- he trusts him, and so Ronan lets out a wry smile that he's not really feeling.]

I'm pretty fuckin' good at digging graves by now.

[He shakes his head, though he does take the gun - if only to keep it from getting left on the ground or accidentally discharged. He doesn't want anyone else to get hurt, he doesn't want Ronan to get hurt.]

This isn't your responsibility.

[And Adam absolutely does not want to leave it on Ronan's shoulders. That would be wrong in every possible way. He did this, he is responsible for it. It's his double and his murder. And Ronan - he can see the way Ronan looks at the body, or the way he tries not to look. It makes Adam's stomach twist. It's not him, but to Ronan - it must be similar. It must be even more horrible that Adam was able to do such a thing.

He can't make up for it. It was the necessary thing to do, but that doesn't mean it was the right thing. Isn't that what Adam has always been good at? Doing what's necessary, not what's right. Doing things that are, objectively, awful. He can't make up for it, but he can clean up his own mess. It is the absolute least he can do.]

I don't want you to have to do this, Ronan. If you want to stay, I won't make you go, but I can't...

[He can't let Ronan do this, is what he wants to say, but he stops himself. He has even less right to exert that sort of control than he ever has before.]

I just need to do this.

You don't know that.

[He snaps back, a little heated. It's not that Ronan is mad at Adam, but the situation is fucked up and the visual of Adam, just a few feet from him with holes torn into his chest, leaking blood down into the ground- it's too close for comfort. It's too similar to what he's dreamed about, what he's terrified of.

It's going to make him a little prickly. Ronan isn't very good at being vulnerable, even if he's been getting better at it, and he knows that he trusts Adam, and he knows that Adam wouldn't lie to him, and he knows that Adam made a decision, but he still blurts out the first thing that comes to mind.]

You can't pull people out of thin air. You don't dream that- that-

[He takes a deep, hitching breath, running the palm of his hand over his closely shaven head as her jerks his chin to look back at it, his stomach turning.]

It's fucked. This whole thing is just- fuck! [He shakes his head, needing to look away, but he can't quite bring himself to. It feels disrespectful, almost, even though there's nothing to disrespect, even though the thing was evil and cruel and not Adam, it has his face.] I buried horrors and I buried myself in that church and we buried Gansey and I dug seventeen graves to find you last year and I'm gonna- I'll do this.

[He's determined, even if he's starting to sound hysterical, with his rushed voice and his fingers clutched tight into fists.]

I'll keep doing this.

[He hates this. He hates what this has done to Ronan, made him doubt himself and his dreams. Maybe it would have been better if Adam hadn't killed the strange double, maybe he should have let it live simply to spare Ronan this, to spare the both of them this. But Adam can't turn back time, though he can regret his actions - and he already does. He's no longer certain it was the best thing to do, not seeing Ronan's reaction.

He knows it is only because Ronan cares for him so deeply that his emotions haven't turned on Adam more fully. After all, Adam is the one who did this - Adam is the one who coldheartedly murdered something with his own face. Something that Ronan thinks might have been his dream. Adam knows that it would be so easy for Ronan to hate him for this.

He wonders if, on some level, Ronan will distrust him because of it. Resent him.]

You've done enough. More than enough. You did all of that.

[He doesn't know what to say, he only knows that he doesn't want Ronan doing this. He doesn't want Ronan taking this guilt on his shoulders, carrying it with him. He's afraid that if that happens, somewhere down the line it'll come bubbling back up, and then it might break them.]

This wasn't one of your dreams. It's a stupid trick of the gods here, that's all. You've already done so much - you being here kept me safe.

[Adam thinks that's true. He looked that thing in the eyes. He doesn't think it would have hesitated to get him out of the way, given the opportunity.]

Please just let me do it.

[Ronan makes a pained sound, tearing his eyes away from the body, back to Adam's expression. He needs this now, to draw strength from Adam and keep his head on right. Adam is trying so hard to reassure him, and Ronan trusts him, he does, but it's hard to keep a level head when there's a body less than six feet away from him.

Shut it out. Don't think about it.

He reaches out instinctively, clasping a hand around Adam's shoulder and pulling him closer for a tight hug. It feels good to press his face against Adam's shoulder, to inhale his scent and feel the warmth of him through his thin t-shirt. He knows that this is the real one, but it's good to know, and he knows he trusts him. If Adam says that this is true, then it is.

Ronan resigns himself to that reality in half a heartbeat and steels himself for the next few- minutes, hours, whatever until they deal with this. He's going to have to be strong because Adam is going to have to be strong. The only way they make this through is together.]

At least let me help.

[He's surprised, but he lets Ronan pull him close, leans into the hug and wraps his arms around Ronan in return, holding him. He knows it's Ronan looking for comfort, for reassurance. Maybe that this is the real Adam, or maybe just that he's alive, that everything hasn't been ruined. But Adam takes comfort from it as well - the simple comfort of Ronan's warmth, of his familiar embrace, and the knowledge that whatever else he may be thinking, he still wants Adam in his arms.

Adam hasn't ruined everything. Not yet.]

Okay.

[Honestly, he doesn't want to. He doesn't want Ronan to do this, to look at the face of a creature that looks just like Adam and bury. To know that Adam is the one that killed it. He'd rather Ronan went home, forgot about this, moved on. But he can't bring himself to make Ronan leave, and maybe that would do even more damage. He doesn't know. All he can do is what he thinks is best, as he always has.]

We can - we can bury it here. It'll be good for the trees.

[Maybe Ronan will find that macabre, or cold, or even cruel. To Adam, it's a comfort. He'd like that for himself, really, and it's the only kindness he's willing to offer this impostor that would have happily destroyed them.]

Yeah.

[He knows, somewhere in the back of his mind, that this is probably harder for Adam than it is for him. He knows that he should show sympathy- he remembers how hard it is just to let himself die, let alone actually have to pull the trigger on his own body. And regardless of how Ronan feels about the decision, he knows that it couldn't have rested easily on Adam's shoulders.

It makes sense, to bury it here, for reasons that aren't- exactly like the ones Adam is giving. It has always felt more serene in this place than any other location in Hadriel, and though it's nothing like Cabeswater, something about the nature of it is comforting.]

We need shovels.

[Which they have, buried in some forgotten closet back at home. Ronan kept his from the event the previous year just in case- and it looks like it may yet come in handy. He doesn't like the thought of that, but it's true. At least they have something.]

[He nods. It's not like they can dig a grave with their bare hands. He has no intention of making Ronan do it on his own, though. Or even do most of it. Adam fully intends to take the majority of the work on himself - this is his fault, his responsibility. Ronan has had to dig too many graves already.]

We have some at home, right?

[He remembers that, of course. Being down in that grave, Ronan ruining his hands digging him out. The fear on both sides, the relief when Ronan found him. It was awful.]

Do you want me to come with you?

[There's no way Adam will leave Ronan alone with the body. It's enough already, knowing that the image will likely haunt him, that what Adam did will stay with him. He isn't going to give it time to burn even more deeply into his consciousness.

And Adam doesn't want to make Ronan get the shovels alone, either, but he knows that Ronan might need time. Might need to be alone. So he holds out the option, for Ronan to accept or refuse as he wishes.]

One of us should stay here. With the-

[His tongue doesn't want to form the word body, as if its some kind of lifeless husk. It is. He knows it is, Adam shot it and killed it and he trusts Adam, but it still rattles him. Ronan just needs a little time, and while he'd love to spend that time with Adam and just try to forget about this whole mess, he needs to be a little rational here.

After all, what would they do if someone stumbled across it and thought that it was the real Adam? That would just create an even bigger mess than the one already unfolding. He's at loathe to leave Adam with his own clone just in case anyone stumbles across that, but there doesn't seem to be much more of an option, unless Ronan stays with it, which already makes his stomach turn.

His lips press together tightly and he shakes his head once, finally tearing his eyes away from the corpse and glancing out toward the path that leads eventually back to their home.]

Might take me awhile to get there. I don't want to leave you here too long.

I'll be okay.

[He doesn't know if he will be. Or rather - he has to be. There isn't really any other option. Someone needs to watch the body, and it can't be Ronan. He doesn't want it to be Ronan. So Adam will stay and keep watch over the body of this thing that looks just like him, this thing that he killed. And it'll be okay, he'll make it okay.

The fact that Ronan hasn't simply walked away from him helps. The fact that Ronan has accepted this, accepted Adam's actions without condemning him. He doesn't know if that's right, nor really - he thinks he might deserve condemnation - but it means a lot to him that Ronan hasn't done it.]

If anything happens, I'll call you. And Aspen can stay with me.

[He doesn't think anything else will happen. This is probably the thing they had to fear - this, and what Adam did. But he doesn't want Ronan to have any reason to worry.]

I don't...

[It's not a good idea, but what choice do they have? They can't leave the body alone- who knows what could happen to it while they're away, and Ronan doesn't want anyone to stumble across it and think the worst. They could wrap it up somehow and take it with them, or make a detour into the river and sink it there, but that seems improper somehow, lacking in respect, and it drives a sour taste into Ronan's tongue.

Adam seems resolute, but he's distracted, Ronan can tell that much- and how couldn't he be? He shot something that wears his own face in cold blood, not without reason, but... still. It's unnerving and as much as Ronan wants to be considerate, he needs to be away from it too.

He still hesitates, imagining what it would be like to be left alone with your own corpse- but he doesn't have to imagine very hard because he's been there- and maybe it's that, moreso than anything else, that strikes flint into his heart and makes his shoulders square up.]

I'll be quick.

[He promises, glancing back downward before taking his jacket off quickly and kneeling next to the dead creature, laying the fabric of it over its head and gaping chest. So that anyone who happens across them won't recognize it. So that Adam doesn't have to look at it. So that- maybe some part of this can be hidden.

Ronan leaves then, moving for their house as quickly as he can. Sprinting would put him out of breath so he doesn't, but he moves fast, hoping that Adam will be able to handle being left with Aspen and the doppleganger's corpse for however long it takes Ronan to come back.]

[He watches Ronan go. He wanted Ronan to go, but now, being alone with the corpse of something he murdered, the solitude of it feels like a weight. Being alone is something he should be used to, is something he was used to, but that doesn't mean it's always easy.

For a moment, some part of him is afraid that Ronan won't return. That somewhere on his way back to the house they share, he'll realize what Adam really is - a murderer, the sort of coldhearted person who can decide to kill someone preemptively, simply because he thinks it needs to be done. That he'll realize that and he won't come back, he'll just keep walking.

But Ronan would never do that. Adam knows it, he knows it in his bones. He's only afraid because he doesn't know how to reconcile this. He's not sorry, he doesn't think it was really the wrong thing to do, but he's disturbed that it was easy. That he didn't back down, that he could do it.

He sits with his back against a tree. Aspen comes to him, puts his head on Adam's lap to be petted, and that helps a little. The dog is alert even then, like he always is when Adam is alone, just in case there's any danger. Because he's good, because he's the kind of wonderful thing Ronan dreams, because Ronan is, at the very core of himself, an impossibly good person.

He pets Aspen and waits for Ronan to return.]

[He isn't gone long- he meant it when he said that he'd hurry. While Ronan still refuses to use a moped (though, if he had one during this then he might hop on) he's quick on his feet and he knows the fastest way home by heart now.

It still feels like forever- every second he's away from Adam is another second that Adam has to spend alone with Aspen and that thing that he killed, and so Ronan doesn't waste time. He realizes, in retrospect, that he could have dreamed a new shovel, like he dreamed the rope... but after the gunfire, the not knowing, the dead body- well, he doesn't think that he's going to be falling asleep again anytime soon.

This will likely be faster, even if it's more inconvenient. He bursts through the door quickly, cutting straight through their house so that he can get to the back patio and searching briefly for the shovel he was given the previous year. It had been useful enough to keep, but not useful enough to use regularly, and so its presence had diminished in Ronan's mind, until his only real knowledge of where it was was just sort of a feeling of the general location of it.

Still, he finds it quickly enough, after dislodging some of his more cumbersome dream equipment, and Ronan grabs it and rushes back without delay.

It takes a little longer to get back than it did to get there in the first place, but the sight of Adam sitting against the tree with the creature still dead nearby makes something unknot from his chest, and he lets out a soft exhalation of relief.]

-Parrish.

[He's breathing hard and red faced, but he drops the shovel anyway, moving for Adam's side.]

You okay?

[It's strange, that wait. Adam isn't in any danger - doesn't feel like he is - but the wait is still uncomfortable, unsafe. Maybe it's only his thoughts that make it so, his uncertainty about his own actions and his difficulty accepting the ease of it. The touch of Aspen's soft fur against his fingers helps more than Adam quite realizes, and the simple presence of something that accepts him regardless of what he does.

He doesn't know what Ronan is thinking, worries about that as well, but still Adam finds the sight of him a relief. Ronan's here, at least, he came back. And he's worried about Adam, which sometimes Adam doesn't like - he doesn't want to be treated like someone who can't take care of himself, who might break easily - but right now he might need it.

Not to be worried about. He's fine. But to know that Ronan isn't so incredibly horrified by what he's done. He pushes Aspen gently off his lap and gets up.]

I'm okay. Here, sit down, rest for a little while.

[He reaches out to touch Ronan's arm, confirm his presence. Adam didn't doubt, not really, but even so he's immensely relieved that Ronan is back. And there's no way he's going to let him do anything else right now when it's clear he was pushing himself to get there and back so quickly.]

Are you all right?

[Ronan lets Adam touch his arm, but he resists the requests to rest- they have too much to do, and the sooner they do it then the sooner they can be rid of the body nearby. Still, it'll be good to catch his breath, and he sets the shovel down, leaning against the handle of it for a moment while he regains his bearings.

It's hard not to look at the body- almost as if he'd forgotten it in the time he'd been away, looking at it makes it real again, and he represses a shudder at the sight, despite his coat still strewn over the face and mangled chest.]

Just out of breath.

[But that's beside the point, and not helpful for what they're doing right now. Ronan gives himself another moment or two, before he straightens up and grips at the shovel, pushing it a little more forcefully into the soil near the tree.]

Here okay?

Let me do it.

[This is still his responsibility. That's how he feels, and it's not something he can easily ignore - he did this, he made this body, and he's the one who needs to clean it up. Ronan did nothing except be the person he is, the kind of person who might lash out in anger but would never think things through coldly the way Adam did.

He reaches out to take the shovel and start digging himself. There's no way he can let Ronan do this. He's already done so much.]

Here is good, but I'll do the digging. Just - just rest, okay? You brought this, that's enough.

[He doesn't quite want to look at the body, but he forces himself to anyway. It's important to take responsibility for the things you've done. Adam has always believed that, and how could he not? He spent so many years being blamed for his father's anger, his mother's indifference. If there's one thing he can take from that, it's to look at the things you've done and take them on your own shoulders, rather than forcing the blame on to anyone else. He did this, whatever that makes him. However bad it might be.]

You don't-

[But Adam is already taking the shovel from him, already starting to dig. They don't have two shovels and so Ronan can't help him much, so he stands there, watching as Adam begins. He feels... useless, maybe, like he shouldn't be there at all, but he knows what Adam would think if he leaves.

So he stays, fingers tightening and loosening anxiously as he watches Adam move, watches Adam stare down at the thing.]

Don't look at it.

[He drags his eyes away, though it isn't easy. He knows he'll probably be seeing this in his dreams. But even so, the act itself bothers Adam less than the knowledge that it was this easy for him - that he could take a life without real hesitation. Even if this wasn't a real person, it was close enough. And how can he know that it wasn't, really?

He digs the shovel into the ground, working steadily.]

If you had run into it alone, would you have thought it was me?

[It's not a trick question. Adam would rather hear a yes, because that would mean that maybe he did the right thing - that maybe it was what needed to happen. He knows that creature had no good intentions, and if Ronan could have been fooled by it, then he can - well, not rest easy. This won't sit easily with him. But he can hold on to that justification, at the very least.

Of course it would be flattering to think that Ronan would always be able to find the real Adam, but that's not realistic, and Adam isn't sure he'll believe it even if Ronan says so. He isn't sure he'd want to believe it, anyway, because then he might have done something both awful and unnecessary.

It's all right if it's just awful. That seems to be what he's good at.]

Event Log: Dead Ringers

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