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hadriel_logs2015-12-30 09:19 pm
greywaren) wrote in hadriel_logs2015-12-30 09:19 pm
Entry tags:
every moment points toward the aftermath
Who: Ronan Lynch (greywaren), Adam Parrish (unknowable), Noah (casperdisaster)
What: Gansey leaves the city. The other boys react poorly because they have terrible coping methods.
Where: Ravenhouse
When: End of December!
Warnings: General blanket warning for Ronan. Cursing, fighting, maybe references to some rough stuff. Some spoilers for the series!
[Ronan stares at the front door of the strange, spiraled house that all four of the boys from Aglionby share.
He's still, quiet as he looks at it. It's quaint, really- the door has only been kicked in a few times (by him) and has barely any boot smudges. There's a trail that leads up to it, windows still mostly clean as they peer out onto the street below. In the bright artificial light of the afternoon, it could look almost cheery.
The window on the top right is Gansey's. Was Gansey's.
Ronan exhales, berating himself for thinking like that already. Christ, it's not like Gansey is dead (but he is, Ronan's mind argues, or he will be), he just went home. Maybe. Or- or fuck, maybe he is dead. What do they really know about this stupid Door? Ronan has seen Gansey die a hundred times in his dreams, and despite it actually happening in some reality or another, it never felt quite as real as this. The loss of him. The lack.
What the fuck are they going to do now? He needs a drink. He needs something to hit- or a car to pull back and let loose in, or something worse to do. Ronan's jaw goes tight as he tries to imagine a world without Gansey and finds that he can't, it's an impossible thought. Losing him temporarily almost killed them all once. How can they lose him for real this time? There's nobody to lead them or tell them what to do or laugh and stumble into his room at three am- nobody to try to mitigate fights or playfully knock around.
Nobody to pull any of the three of them away from their respective edges.
Fuck. Ronan rubs the heel of his palms into his eyes, before tightening his jaw and just committing to it. Hammer it in. Gansey is gone. It's not visceral and bloody like Niall, not sudden and still like Persephone, not vague and present like Noah- he was just here and now he's not, and there's no body to bury and there's no fucking church for a ceremony and there's no goddamn warning.
He moves suddenly, his body jerking into motion like he's been electrocuted. No sense delaying this. No sense doing anything at all except delivering the truth and then- he doesn't know. He still has some alcohol, and he knows that he can steal some of Noah's without any complaint. Find the Demon for round two. Find Nick for round two. Fuck, find Cashmere for round two. Doesn't matter.
Ronan slams the door open, not bothering to close it or really look at anyone else in the room as he shucks his jacket off and throws it toward one of the chairs. It misses by a good margin and lands on the floor, but Ronan doesn't notice or care.]
He's gone.
[His words are firm and loud and Ronan's fingers tighten into fists as he delivers the news.]
I looked everywhere. He fucking left.
greywaren), Adam Parrish (unknowable), Noah (casperdisaster)What: Gansey leaves the city. The other boys react poorly because they have terrible coping methods.
Where: Ravenhouse
When: End of December!
Warnings: General blanket warning for Ronan. Cursing, fighting, maybe references to some rough stuff. Some spoilers for the series!
[Ronan stares at the front door of the strange, spiraled house that all four of the boys from Aglionby share.
He's still, quiet as he looks at it. It's quaint, really- the door has only been kicked in a few times (by him) and has barely any boot smudges. There's a trail that leads up to it, windows still mostly clean as they peer out onto the street below. In the bright artificial light of the afternoon, it could look almost cheery.
The window on the top right is Gansey's. Was Gansey's.
Ronan exhales, berating himself for thinking like that already. Christ, it's not like Gansey is dead (but he is, Ronan's mind argues, or he will be), he just went home. Maybe. Or- or fuck, maybe he is dead. What do they really know about this stupid Door? Ronan has seen Gansey die a hundred times in his dreams, and despite it actually happening in some reality or another, it never felt quite as real as this. The loss of him. The lack.
What the fuck are they going to do now? He needs a drink. He needs something to hit- or a car to pull back and let loose in, or something worse to do. Ronan's jaw goes tight as he tries to imagine a world without Gansey and finds that he can't, it's an impossible thought. Losing him temporarily almost killed them all once. How can they lose him for real this time? There's nobody to lead them or tell them what to do or laugh and stumble into his room at three am- nobody to try to mitigate fights or playfully knock around.
Nobody to pull any of the three of them away from their respective edges.
Fuck. Ronan rubs the heel of his palms into his eyes, before tightening his jaw and just committing to it. Hammer it in. Gansey is gone. It's not visceral and bloody like Niall, not sudden and still like Persephone, not vague and present like Noah- he was just here and now he's not, and there's no body to bury and there's no fucking church for a ceremony and there's no goddamn warning.
He moves suddenly, his body jerking into motion like he's been electrocuted. No sense delaying this. No sense doing anything at all except delivering the truth and then- he doesn't know. He still has some alcohol, and he knows that he can steal some of Noah's without any complaint. Find the Demon for round two. Find Nick for round two. Fuck, find Cashmere for round two. Doesn't matter.
Ronan slams the door open, not bothering to close it or really look at anyone else in the room as he shucks his jacket off and throws it toward one of the chairs. It misses by a good margin and lands on the floor, but Ronan doesn't notice or care.]
He's gone.
[His words are firm and loud and Ronan's fingers tighten into fists as he delivers the news.]
I looked everywhere. He fucking left.
no subject
It sobers him quickly, though not entirely. Ronan stares at him, quiet for a moment, before slowly shaking his head, going tight with a sudden wave of emotion.]
No.
[Fuck it. Fuck that. Fuck everything, and fuck the sudden, stomach-wrenching loss that only now manages to hammer it's way home, once the veneer of rage has been stripped away for just a few seconds. Ronan weakens for a moment, and then visibly forces himself back together, reaching for the anger in the back of his throat and closing himself around it, letting it protect him again.]
No, you stay right the fuck here. Don't disappear, just fucking- be here. You owe us that much.
[It's not exactly clear what Noah owes them for- dying, maybe, trying to hide his death from them, but those aren't nearly as selfish as Ronan makes them out to be. Being calm about this, knowing the answer. None of Ronan's demands could really be considered fair, but there they are.]
no subject
I don't think it works that way.
[He repeats the words from before quietly, though he wishes it did. That just wanting was enough to remain present. Right now it's much easier to not be Noah, to just be a vague entity of annoyance and anger, throwing things around and slamming doors.
He tries to not do it in the house and only return when he's too tired to feel much at all.]
no subject
[Is Ronan's answering demand, sharp and blunt. Ronan isn't willing to give Noah quarter, or any sort of space to back out of this- he's putting his foot down, securing everything he possibly can with demands that may or may not be physically possible. But. He is the person who can create anything, just by wanting it enough. Maybe it's not quite a surprise then, that he tries to force his impossible demands on situations that may not actually be capable of delivering.
This isn't a dream. He knows it's not. That doesn't stop him from trying anyway.
Ronan steps a little closer, somehow taking up the room with just his shoulders, though he doesn't try to crowd Noah or overpower him. He's angry, he's desperate, and despite how much he does truly adore Noah, he knows how their ghostly friend will bend over backward to give into him. If he were more capable of rational thought right now, he'd take a step back, realize what that makes him, who that makes him- but he's not.]
You left. You had that choice and you chose this. Make it work. Don't fucking leave, Noah.
no subject
... I'll try.
[It's all he can do, he doesn't want to promise Ronan something he can't do, but he also wants to give in to whatever demand Ronan has. Ronan is Noah's friend, whatever he can do for Ronan he wants to. Unfortunately right now what he can do is 'very little'.
There's nothing that can replace a loss. At least if someone's dead you can bury them.]
no subject
He's still not pleased, but he deflates a little, his posture fading from where it was immediately threatening, back into something just simply angry. No more demands, no more blaming, just this. Gansey is gone and Noah is dead.
He grits his teeth.]
I'm taking some of your liquor.
no subject
- Don't take the vodka from Rook.
[it isn't a request.]
no subject
[It isn't an agreement.
Ronan turns to leave, walking past Noah- because what is he going to do, reach out a ghostly hand and stop him? Ronan insisted that he stay, but he doesn't really know to what end. He doesn't want companionship, he doesn't want to be comforted. He thinks, maybe, that Adam needs it, but he'd personally rather not deal with kindness and compassion right now.
In the end, Ronan will not take the vodka from Rook- partially because, even in his wild grief, he does listen, he does give a shit. Partially because he just doesn't want to deal with the fallout of Noah going all poltergeist on him. Partially because he'll find the other shit first.]