hadriel_logs | Event Post: Ghosts That We Know

Entry tags:

Event Post: Ghosts That We Know

Who: All characters participating in the event
What: The event log for the Ghosts That We Know event
Where: All over the city!
When: June 21st-29th
Warnings: Emotional trauma, ghost murder, long slow deaths

It's been awhile since something really awful happened. Or maybe it hasn't - maybe you had a really awful day just yesterday. Don't worry! Things can always get worse. And they sure will, because when you awaken on June 21st, you'll find yourself haunted.

Maybe it's a relative, someone who raised you and loved you deeply. Maybe it's a friend, someone close to your heart. Maybe it's a former - or current - lover, someone you've given your affection to. Maybe a mentor, a coworker, a person who doesn't even know you love them. Whoever they are, they're someone who matters very much to you - and now you're seeing them where you shouldn't. They're haunting you, taking each step alongside you, and they're exactly like the one you love.

Over time, you'll feel yourself growing weaker as the ghost gains strength. Being able to see your loved ones again is a double-edged sword, because they're sucking the life from you. What are you going to do? Die, so that they can live? Or kill them to preserve your own life? And what do they want you to do?

By the 26th, the ghosts will have taken enough energy from you to be solid. That means you won't be the only one who can interact with them anymore - and maybe your friends here have opinions of their own about what should happen to that ghost draining your life away. But hopefully someone will do something, or else you'll die along with your ghost on the final day of the event.

Hey, didn't we get a few psychologists here in our cave city? Man, you guys are gonna be booked up after this one.

► This log covers June 21st-29th.
► Feel free to make your own logs, as well
► Please tag headers of threads with content warnings where they apply
► Please put your character's name and open/closed in the subject line of your starters!
► If you can't bring yourself to murder someone you love, no one else is around to lend a hand, and you die - please let us know here.

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[ After a long moment of silence, at the point where it seems she might not speak at all: ] The orchard. It is the closest thing to nature in this place.

[ Saber hasn't given up on arguing with Irisviel about her actions (or lack thereof), but it's pointless to do so now. She offers her arm to the other woman, her calm demeanor hiding just how much she wants her to take it. ]

Of course, I would escort you as a knight should. I cannot be embarrassed in front of our guests. [ Guinevere and Ilya both. ] Will you join me, Irisviel?

Oh, what a good idea! [She can probably spin a poor replica of some of the games Ilya used to play in the forest at home, at least, or to stand beneath her

She takes Saber's arm without a second thought, refusing to lean on her for Ilya's sake but accepting the escort nonetheless. Raising her voice to the time-honored tone of "summoning mother," she calls out down the avenue.]

Ilya, let's get going!

[Something about the configuration here, Ilya running ahead of them and Saber offering to walk with her, rattles a memory of similar strolls. It could be a carbon copy, albeit drawn up in this dark underground city and with different people. She freezes.]

Irisviel? [ Saber assumes her Master must have noticed something unusual, and looks around for a moment before realizing she's just rooted to the spot. Without knowing the reason, but still with some urgency in her voice, she says the name again. ] Irisviel. We must catch up to them.

[ She sees Guinevere coming back to help and shakes her head, knowing someone still needs to watch Ilya. Irisviel will be fine in just a moment, she's sure of it. Gently, she places her other hand on Irisviel's upper arm, squeezing lightly. ]

[She's brought back easily, albeit disoriented. The memory fades quickly, and her imagination goes with it. Ah, it would be nice to relieve those days again, but impossible. How much she wishes she could dwell on the past! It's alluring, even though Irisviel has always been the first one to think of the future. Her entire life has only been planning for that inevitable march of time.

She smiles apologetically at Saber, shaking her head to dispel the last smoky remnants of the dream.] I'm sorry. I was letting my mind wander. But I should focus on what I have now.

[Her eyes fall to the hand on her arm as if trying to process it.]

[ Saber's hand squeezes a little firmer, reassuring, before she lets go. She gives Irisviel a nod. ]

Do not worry. I trust Guinevere with my life — she would never let your daughter come to harm. [ They're not too far behind, but she doesn't want Irisviel to worry even more than she already must be. For a moment, while she waits, she finds herself biting her lip. ] Whatever happens, seeing them like this is... surely a joyful experience.

[ Now she's the one getting lost in thought. It sounds like she's trying to convince herself more than anything. ]

[Once all of the energy is drained from her, will Ilya continue to live? She would gladly give up her life (again) for that purpose (again), but, not knowing the outcome, Irisviel couldn't subject her daughter to cruelty for uncertain results. It could be her last chance to save her.]

If you trust her, then there's no reason for me to doubt. She's good with Ilya. I truly feel like I've succeeded when I see her so happy.

[And yet it seems that looking at their backs is the more realistic experience. Watching them walk away while she and Saber trail behind, the illusory nature of their appearance seems more obvious. Realizing that the woman beside her is slipping into introspection, Irisviel turns to her, curious.]

Saber?

From what I have seen, she is a wonderful child.

[ Saber swallows, staring after them a few moments longer. It's hard. It's harder than it should be, and only Irisviel addressing her pulls her out of her funk. ]

I— forgive me. I never expected... [ She remembers Lancelot, the realization that she drove her two greatest friends into misery and madness with her forgiveness. Her gaze and head both lower. ] I could so rarely make her happy. If only she had this sort of life, instead of a caged one.

Saber... [she repeats, her voice sad. The legend might be famous, but Saber so rarely talks about her past that it still feels like looking in on something private.]

I know how you feel. It's the same for me. I'm sure she knew that you cared for her. Even for her to show up here, it must be true.

[Are they getting farther away? It can't be. Irisviel knows that they are, to some extent, leashed to both of them, and will not wander far. She rushes a little bit, but stays closely locked to Saber's arm, as if torn between the two.]

I think we're both thinking about this. I keep wondering if this is my last chance to help her...What if I can trade my life for hers? But then, who will look after her? Ah...

[ She wants desperately to believe in those words. In this, the other woman has a surprising amount of insight; after all, though their situations may be very different, both Irisviel and Guinevere were trapped by them. (Of course, Saber ignores her own situation, the isolation and pain of the throne. Though she was born for it, the choice was still hers to make.) ]

Guinevere and I... we have spoken of it. [ She admits, finally. ] Of what is happening here. It seems others, too, have come to similar conclusions.

The right choice is often the harder one. [ And, in this case, there is no 'right' choice at all... only logical vs emotional. ] I could not stand to fail you again, Irisviel. If something must be done...

[ Her free hand clenches into a fist. She was always the cold, logical king: now she must be the same as a Servant. ]

[It is no easier for Saber, she knows, but there had to be some relief, at least, in being able to discuss the situation honestly with her 'ghost.' (Even the word bothers her, like it's some excuse for not thinking of them as they were.)

This isn't the first time she and Saber have danced around their current predicament. Irisviel feels nauseated when Saber speaks, her weak muscles shuddering with an anguish that's as physical as it is emotional.]

She's a child! [Her child. There's no venom in her protest, no animosity toward Saber, but she's defensive nonetheless. She's right. There is no 'right' choice; to mention that option at all like there actually is one is truly cruel.]

[ Saber hardly needs reminding of that fact. She bites her lip again, almost hard enough to draw blood. ]

The gods care not for our discomfort.

[ Or a knight's oath. Even on her bloodiest campaigns, she had never struck down a child — the idea of doing so, even to a specter, is abhorrent... but so is the alternative.

Her gaze returns to the two figures ahead of them. ]

They exist only with our energy. When we have none left to give, then surely... [ They, too, will disappear. ] To end it now may be the more merciful option.

Please don't call it that. [To hear it called "mercy" is just as frustrating and hurts as much as hearing them called "ghosts."]

Why wouldn't I take just one more day with her, if I had the option?

[She says that now, but Saber's logic holds water. They were no doubt summoned by their feelings, and like Servants or familiars, require spiritual nourishment to stay here.

But even then, how could she betray Ilya by giving her own health priority? What's the cost of another day?]

If I asked you not to, what would you do? [The seals on the back of her hand are practically burning.]

... There is no war here. But my Master's health must take priority over that of another.

[ She would not kill an innocent person, not even for the sake of the grail — but she knows, deep down, that this is something else. Irisviel must know, too. ]

I cannot watch you weaken further, Irisviel. [ More firmly: ] I will not. My oath was not only to win the Holy Grail, but to protect you as well.

I'm not going to treat you like you're completely under my control, Saber. [She swallows.] But if you go against my will on this, then I do intend to stop you. I think you knew that already.

[She would feel terrible wasting a command on stopping Saber from doing something to help her, and yet... It's a terrible position to be in, having to choose between protecting what she has now and what she once had. Weak as she is, she tries to draw some intimidating strength into her body, hoping to give off an aura of assured strength.]

I know you're worried about me, but... What will you do? [For herself. Perhaps she's threatening the command for Saber's sake, too. To go against her own creed twice in so short a time would surely shatter her servant. But she would be lying not to say her motivations were mostly selfish.]

[ She nods. ] Yes. I accepted that possibility when you became my Master.

[ Irisviel's question is fair. It's also one she'd been hoping to avoid — but, of course, fate would never be so kind. Otherwise, this wouldn't be happening at all. ]

My own fate is of little consequence. [ Not a direct response, but the avoidance itself is an answer. ] Do not concern yourself with me. Until I obtain the Grail, I will be summoned without end, whether here or elsewhere.

[ Her contract with the World guarantees that much. What is one death, when another opportunity will present itself immediately afterward? ]

[It's hypocritical of her, which makes it all the more frustrating. Chastise Irisviel for nearly losing her life, then go on to offer up her own on the altar... one rebirth or a thousand, there's no difference, not to her, not when it comes to giving Ilya what she can. It's never been much, and even this time, she thinks a week could not possibly enough.]

Is that so? But, Saber, there is no war here. If you vanish now...It's possible you won't be called back here. [With both Ilya and Saber gone, it would be a dark, confusing life to get used to down here.]

I am aware of that. And yet, without a chance to obtain my goal, my existence here serves no real purpose.

[ She wants to protect Irisviel, yes, and she will do so for as long as she can... but her duty to her country still comes first. In the end, ensuring another becomes king in her place, ensuring Britain's salvation, is what matters. ]

... Even so, I would like to stay with you a while longer. But that is the wish of a human, not a Servant. [ Their existence is temporary by design; she's already spent longer alive here than she did during the war. Her time, Britain's time, remains suspended, but what right does she have to enjoy life after failing so many? ]

Am I not in the same position? [Saber likely forgets that Irisviel is without purpose here, too. This may be a resurrection, but her goals are all gone. And how can something so vague and open as 'live' stand as a purpose?

Did Irisviel not also have wishes?

Her eyes close halfway, partially with fatigue, partially with the realization that she is likely being just as hypocritical as her Servant.]

Most of that is undeniable. However, I still believe that you have a purpose, even if it isn't nearly as grand as the rest.

Saving Britain is my only purpose. [ Even after admitting a human wish, she dismisses it easily. That isn't her place; not here, not ever. ] To that end, I will gladly forfeit my own life. She will have a worthier king than I was, or could ever be.

[ And Camelot will not fall, the round table will never crumble. It's foolish, of course, to imagine things will play out the same way, just better: but she's convinced that her failures, and her failures alone, are what caused the country to meet such a bitter end. ]

My place is in the past. Yours, however, lies with the future. [ She can think of few who deserve it more. Again, she places her hand on Irisviel's arm, as if to emphasize her resolve. ] I would ensure that you live to see it.

Edited (what are words) 2017-07-03 07:44 (UTC)

[She is grateful for being taught to feel. Learning about the world, about emotion, as she grew and developed, just gave her an appreciation for its beautiful badness. Though this place is unfamiliar, damp and cold, it surely has its own reasons, its own beauty.] I did just say that you have no obligation to serve me, so being by my side can't be your purpose, I see. I should not be so afraid of staying here alone... I have never really been, though. Alone.

[That is the selfish side of this, and Irisviel lets the smallest bit of that betrayal seep into her voice. How could Saber kill the only two familiar things she has here, one after another?]

The future was supposed to be hers, [she adds, before swallowing the sickness taking her body and hurrying to catch up with the spirits.]

To fear is only natural. [ She sighs as she increases her own pace. ] You are far too kind, Irisviel.

[ It's painful, watching Irisviel go through all this. It was painful in the past, with Guinevere, and now history is repeating itself in more ways than one; before her eyes and in her heart both. ]

I cannot force your hand. But know that I will carry the burden for you, and gladly. [ As much as anyone can ever be 'glad' for such a thing. There is so much else she cannot spare Irisviel from, so this small act will have to suffice. ] Think what you will of me, be it monster or fiend. You would not be the first to curse my name. [ But it would hurt more than most. ]

I won't curse your name, Saber. [She smiles, and for all the exhaustion and pain in her movement and her heart, there's an attempt at reassurance there. Saber is hurting, too, and Irisviel feels the same amount of sadness and pity for her in return. Saber being so selfless, she knows that she won't think of herself at all.

After breaking eye contact, her posture briefly goes cold.]

But I'll stop you. [If Ilya has to leave them, can't it be in her mother's arms? Perhaps it's selfish for Irisviel to think that will give her some comfort, and can she still hold rage in her heart for that half-dreamed murder, when her actions are basically the same.]

[ She nods, but: ]

And yet I cannot let you die. I will not. [ There's a difference, even if the result is the same. ] It is my duty as your Servant to value your life above all else. Just as it is your right as my Master to stop me.

[ It's implicit in her words: that Irisviel will have to use a command seal, if things come to that. She'll give her as much time as she can; but in the end, she will have to act. ]

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Event Post: Ghosts That We Know

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