Rise

[dreamsallotted]

Who: Cal and Seel; Seel and Jo; Seel and Pell
What: Seel comes back from the dead
Where: Hope's Temple; Hara House, Second Spiral, 1402
When: August 13th
Warnings: Talk of murder, death, drugs, emotional and verbal abuse. Will update as needed. 

[Rise and Shine] - For Cal

When Seel came too, he was lying someplace unfamiliar. He'd seen the temples but he'd never really investigated them. There was a first time for everything. He was confused when he first came too, and the memories came flooding back. What. The. Hell. He'd been attacked. Killed. For what? What the point? As far as he remembered, he'd never even met the boy. He did remember B coming up behind him, holding him tight and tilting his head up as he cut his throat. And then cutting it again to finish the job. And he remembered B licking his blood. 

Fuck.

Sitting up on the altar, he took a few moments, more than a few moments, to compose himself. He was not going to fall apart in some temple. He was a damn Gelaming and he was going to act like it. Of course, no one here cared. He was alone, even with two other hara here, future Gelaming, but not yet. The few friends he'd made here he felt he hadn't deserved, gotten through acts of kindness by others after he'd screwed up, or by memory brainwashing. 

So he called the one friend he had, which was really, really pathetic when he thought about it. He called the har who murdered his best friend, who he'd drugged, verbally and emotionally abused and left to rot in a tower for a couple decades.

Cal.


[Moving back] For Jo and Pell

Seel had finished moving his things back in. He was a little numb to say the least. Caught between solid numbness and wanting warm reassurance, he was fidity. Seel was also stressed and want a cigarette, but he'd given his to Cal when he'd woken back up. Quitting was a bitch all over again. He should never have started up. Part of his mind cajoled him, knowing he didn't have anything to cling to this time. There wasn't the promise of power, prestige, there wasn't even Thiede telling him to quit. Ag he wanted a fucking cigarette. He also wanted to go out and kill the fucker that killed him but that wasn't what we did in polite society. Not that this was one. He couldn't even play pretend anymore. So why the hell wasn't he out there? 

So, he played with his gun and sipped a drink. Cal was right. He'd gone soft. Thirty years in Forever reading reports and testifying before the Hegemony had dulled him. He was a goddamn bureaucrat now. He saw someone out of the corner of his eye. 

"What?"

Comments

[pyralisit]

Cal had been chain smoking for hours. It had been days--long enough that he was beginning to wonder if people came back from the dead after all. It didn't see like there should have been a reason to drag this out any longer than it had already gone on. What was this even supposed to be a punishment for? Nohar had done anything except try not to kill the humanity around them. It was already a fucking nightmare, and now the waiting.

He was startled out of his reverie at the call and he about fell out of the chair he'd been perched in, grateful once he stood up that there wasn't anyone around to see the less than graceful way he ended up standing. He was out the door before he even thought to respond.

Stay where you are.

[dreamsallotted]

Seel wasn't sure how long it had been. He wasn't even sure if it was night or day. Cal told him to stay where he was, and at the moment he took it literally, and stayed sitting on Hope's altar. He took out the box of cigarettes he had gotten from Fear, and played with them, holding and turning the box absentmindedly.

If he knew how fast Cal had run out he would have been grateful. It might have even made him a little sad at how their respective stories turned out.

Okay. There was nothing else to say. He wasn't sure if he could say anything else.

[pyralisit]

Where was it, Hope's place? He doubted if Seel would know where he was, but that would have to do for a starting place. He could find Seel, he didn't doubt that. They'd known each other for too long. They could probably find each other blindfolded, as much as Sell might have disliked it.

Seel probably needed help, too, or he wouldn't have called for him. He'd have soldiered on alone if he had a choice. Sometimes it seemed like he was stubborn on purpose just to spite Cal for their youth.

At least he'd been right with his guess and there was Seel, sitting on Hope's altar looking like hell. He looked like he needed the cigarettes he was playing with instead of smoking.

"How are you feeling?"

[dreamsallotted]

The fact that Seel had called Cal instinctively twice now backed up Cal's theories. They could always find each other. Twice now Seel had a choice, and both times, he called Cal. They were a part of each other even if Seel hated it. Thought he regretted it. Couldn't sort out his own damn feelings.

How was he feeling. How the hell was he supposed to answer that? He stopped playing with the box and looked up at Cal, trying to formulate his own words and thoughts.

"Physically? I feel fine. Emotionally is something completely different." What was he doing? This wasn't Swift. This was Cal. He wasn't going to give you a cuddle and then play footsie under the covers.

He handed him the pack. "Here. I quit." Thiede would be relieved no doubt. Disappointed and relieved.

[pyralisit]

There should have been a better question to ask. The fact that there wasn't said quite a bit by itself. At leas so long as they were tangled up in each other, Cal could at least feel like he almost understood what Seel was talking about. He hadn't managed to die yet, himself, though, so it still felt strange and distant. Yet another experience that Seel had that Cal couldn't relate to because it hadn't happened yet. He certainly didn't envy him this one.

He raised an eyebrow as Seel handed him the pack of cigarettes and he slid it into a pocket and offered him an empty hand to help him down from the altar.

"Are you sure? You look like you need one. Or a few."

[dreamsallotted]

"Yeah. I'm sure. Thiede doesn't want me smoking anyway." Thiede. He was like a crutch. The thing he clung to in order to get him through the hard times. It was ridiculous. Thiede wasn't even here. This entire situation was crazy.

Seel looked at Cal's empty hand with sad eyes, and took it, stepping down. The har stepped in closer, clinging. He didn't have a good excuse besides 'I died, hold me.' It was Cal. It never ended well, but there he was, wanting comfort from him.

[pyralisit]

Thiede. Of fucking course it was Thiede. Did he really need to have his hands that far down everyhar's throat that they couldn't even choose their own vices anymore? One more reason to add to the list of why he hated Thiede. That shady, manipulative...

He didn't even hesitate when Seel stepped up to him, throwing his arms around Seel and just holding him in silence for a few moments. If all he could do was be poor comfort, he'd do the best he could at that. He pressed his lips against Seel's temple softly, ran a hand through his hair, anything he could think of that might help. Hopefully it actually would.

[dreamsallotted]

Seel was sure that Thiede had his reasons. Now he knew what some of them were. The grissecon, Azriel. The fact that Cobweb wouldn't tolerate him smoking in Forever and Swift probably didn't find it that attractive either. But, Seel had a soft spot for Thiede, despite all the manipulation. Maybe that was a reason he'd chosen him. Who knew what his reasonings were. Thiede had his hand in so many damn pots that it was hard to keep track of. Seel certainly couldn't keep up. He doubted if even Pell, his Pell, could.

Seel sunk into Cal's arms, taking anything he offered. His breath hitching as he felt Cal's soft lips against his temple, his fingers through his hair, and for a moment he was back in that cellar. His own fingers dug into Cal, unwilling to let him go, his eyes wet, fighting to control himself or let it go.

[pyralisit]

Thiede might have had reasons, but as far as Cal was concerned, most of them were bullshit. Just excuses to keep his leash pulled tight. Controlling every minute aspect of his victims' lives. Keeping them caged without having to use bars. He was goddamn menace. Not that anyhar else would believe Cal when he said it. Or they would, but they were too afraid to do anything about it.

He wanted to know what happened, but he wasn't stupid, either--it was a bad idea to ask that now. There would be time for that later. He didn't want to pull away, but he did a little so he could look into Seel's face. He kept his arms wrapped around him when he did.

"Can you move? We should head back home."

[knifecollecting]

"I-"

Jo freezes, trying to figure out why she feels defensive. Perhaps it was just the way the question had been asked. She was just walking through the house. She wasn't, or rather, shouldn't, be in trouble.

"Do you have bullets for that?" Sure, just go straight for the weapon and ignore the other pressing questions.

[dreamsallotted]

"Yup."

Sorry Jo. Seel was alternating between feeling warm and fuzzy and wanting a hug, and being downright defensive. Which he shouldn't have been, at least toward anyone currently in the house. There was only one person he needed to be defensive toward.

"You know how to use one?"

He wasn't sure how crazy that crazy fucker was. Actually, no, he was damn sure he was crazy. What kind of idiot drinks blood? He knew hara who randomly killed strangers, but they were typically humans, this had been the other way around. Had been.

Seel took a sip of his drink, putting the gun down."

[knifecollecting]

Jo stays where she is, not sure if the question means she's invited in to have a conversation or not.

"A gun? Yeah. Use 'em all the time back home." Or rather, she did use them before she died. She's not going to get into that with Seel.

"I'm good with one."

[dreamsallotted]

"Good. Make sure you get one here." He'd made that mistake. Seel had thought he'd be fine. That even without a weapon he was a har who could defend himself. Stupid. The gun might not have made a difference in his death, but it certainly made him feel better.

He looked at her. Most of the memories he had of her were false. But, she'd still cared and tried to help him.

"Do you want to sit down? I promise I wont shoot you."

[knifecollecting]

"Thanks." Jo nods, moving to sit across from Seel and get comfortable. She has a gun, she scavenged it from Dean's belongings when he disappeared, but she doesn't have much ammo for it and doesn't carry it much. She uses the weapons from Rage's temple more.

"I'd appreciate not being shot for sure."

[dreamsallotted]

Seel played with his cup, trying to steer the conversation. How did it get stuck on guns? Oh right. He had one out. He needed someone to scoop up his brain and put it back in his head. Did dying do that to you?

"Thanks, for trying to help. Before. You were sweet. And so was the dessert."

[knifecollecting]

She looks at her hands for a moment before nodding.

"You're welcome. It didn't seem fair to me." But she still hadn't treated Cal like she should have.

[dreamsallotted]

"I'm grateful, even if it wasn't real. You could have stuck by Pell no matter what."

Despite the situation, and everything he'd been through, he gave her a small smile. Even brainwashed with false memories Pell and Cal still found each other. What had ever made him think he could separate them? They were halves of the same whole.

"You know not to go near that...har right? The new one. He's dangerous." He didn't want her getting hurt.

[pellameno]

"It's just me," Pell says, stepping into the room with his hands clearly in view. He's been murdered before. He knows how on-edge it makes someone.

He doesn't ask if Seel's alright. That would be stupid and insensitive besides -- of course he's not alright. He was fucking murdered. Instead he says, quietly, "I'm glad you're back."

[dreamsallotted]

Seel tried to relax. It was just Pell. He tried to consciously relax his muscles, take a deep breath and look at his friend. Pell. This kind of was all Seel's fault wasn't it? Seel and Orien. Pell's heart and Saltrock indoctrination. He never had a chance to even come up with the idea of smothering Beyond with a pillow or leaving him to die on the street.

"Thanks. Are you alright with me being here?" Despite everything that happened, he still had to ask. He knew Cal hadn't given Pell much of a choice, and wasn't about to let Seel leave even if Pell protested. But it was still polite to ask.

And no, he wasn't alright.

[pellameno]

Pell comes in a bit further, not close enough to hover but enough to get a good look at Seel. To see that no, he's. Most certainly not alright and probably won't be for awhile. He wishes there was something he could offer, something he could do, but... there just isn't. But the way Seel's hand is fidgeting... he pats his pockets, finds his pack of cigarettes and offers it. Quitting is overrated.

"Yes. I was considering asking you back anyway, before..." he trails off awkwardly, rakes a hand through his hair and sighs. What a mess this was. And he doesn't want to ask Seel to revisit it but he needs to know for sure.

"Can you tell me what happened?"

[dreamsallotted]

Could he tell him what happened? Seel took a breath and looked at the cigarette Pell was offering with hungry eyes. Yes, he wanted it. He really, really wanted it. He took it gratefully. Thiede would be so angry. He'd quit tomorrow. Seel had lasted a whole few hours. Still, he held it in his fingers, wanted to light it but not sure which was worse, the stress and the cravings he was fighting, or Thiede finding out he'd lapsed, not once, but twice.

Seel tried to be neutral, keep his voice consistent, like he was talking to the Hegemony. "Nothing happened. I didn't have time to react. He came up behind me, grabbed my head and shoulders so I couldn't move and slit my throat. Then he licked it, watched as I struggled on the ground for a little bit until althaia took hold and he cut me again while he still has the strength, before, well, I don't know what happened after that."

He doesn't want to say that he wishes Pell had just let Beyond die. He knew currently his Tigron didn't have it in him. Which was really his own fault. It was a good background for what would come ahead of him though, scaffolding for what Thiede and Vaysh would coax Pellaz into.

[pellameno]

"That's." Not at all the situation that had been described to him. Pell is somewhat surprised he was such a poor judge of character, that he'd believed what he'd been told when it was so blatantly a lie. And horrified that there was now a murderous har walking around. If he gained control of any of his abilities (unlikely, but possible) he'd be a menace to the city.

He feels himself start to shake, with anger and with fear.

"I should have let him die. He told me he needed to feed on blood, that it had driven him mad with hunger and he wasn't lucid. He said you were a victim, he... he apologized and I. I fucking believed him." He doesn't curse often but does so now with vehemence, shaking his head. "I'm sorry, Seel."

[dreamsallotted]

Of course you fucking believed him Pell. Seel is as much responsible for that as you were. He was almost grateful Thiede had undone some of the damage he'd done to Pell, so that he was capable of judging and acting and not just assuming the good in everyone.

"It's not your fault." It was. But he wasn't going to tell that to his Tigron. Then again, Seel also blamed Cal for not distracting Pell and having a mishap with a sedative. Whoops, gave him too much, now he stopped breathing. Sorry Pell.

Seel fidgited, staring at Pell and then the unlit cigarette like he was contemplating lighting it. He scratched his thumb. "You always see the best in people."

[pellameno]

"It's my fault he's out there now. Not that anything would have kept him down long... but it's my fault he's har." Pell's voice has started to tremble, and his hands have balled into fists, nails digging into his palms. He screwed up. He made a bad call and what if someone else pays the price. It's not his fault that Seel was hurt, but someone else getting hurt could be on his shoulders.

"I have to go find him."

[dreamsallotted]

"No. Stay Pell. He caught me by surprise, and I couldn't do anything." Seel was trying desperately to stay neutral, to stay calm when all he wanted to do was lose it. Don't do this to him now Pell.

"You are angry and impulsive right now, and you are going to get killed. I'm Agloma and he still killed me." You don't stand a chance. Not the way Pell was now. Tigron Pellaz har Aralis? Seel would send him out there no problem. He could control his emotions. This Pellaz couldn't.