Event Log: Dreamwalker the Second

[hadrielmods]

Who: All characters participating in the event
What: The event log for the Dreamwalker part 2 event
Where: In your dreams
When: October 14th-20th (the second log will go up on Oct 23rd, please keep the two weeks of the event separate!)
Warnings: All different kinds of dreams falling under the umbrella of Delight, Rage, Sorrow, and Hope.

This time, the weird stuff doesn't happen when you're awake- as a matter of fact, your waking hours are the normal ones. That's because you're forced to sleep by some unknown entity, getting more and more exhausted by the moment as night falls. Better make sure you're always around a soft pillow.

Once asleep, it doesn't get any less weird- your dreams will be influenced by one of the four gods that make up the first week. Something to make you smile, something to make you angry- or something that reminds you of your deepest regret or most vulnerable hope, they're all things that you're dreaming about now for some reason, no matter how hard you may try to pull away from them.

To make matters more complicated, there are others intruding on your dreams who definitely don't belong there, and while they may seem like manifestations at first, it becomes clear that these others are actually the consciousness of other members of Hadriel, getting some top quality exposure to your angriest, happiest, most sorrowful moments. Hope it doesn't get awkward when you see them tomorrow...

► This log covers October 14th-20th.
► Feel free to make your own logs as well
► Please tag headers of threads with content warnings where they apply
► Please put your character's name and open/closed in the subject line of your starters!
► If you die in dreams you don't die in real life, but if you somehow die in real life anyway, please let us know here.

Comments

[hardwearing]

I couldn't tell you. But ours did have something in common -- someone dead survived.

That's gotta mean something.

[evocation]

Well, the gods usually run this shit, right? Maybe it was Love or Hope or something.

[hardwearing]

Maybe.

I don't... like that they were in my head.

[ It's a dramatic understatement. Wash has extreme issues with anything, at all, being in his head. ]

Kinda don't let anyone in there anymore.

[evocation]

[She sure has a track record of stumbling on secrets through magic and stuff like this, doesn't she? Yikes.]

Anymore? What do you mean?

[hardwearing]

...I had an AI too. Briefly.

[evocation]

Oh, right. What did your AI do?

[hardwearing]

[ He thought he could talk about this.

Hell, he lives with Epsilon now, has come to trust him. See him as something of a friend, despite their baggage. But actually going back, thinking about what happened after his implantation... Wash shuts down a little, jaw working. ]

He killed himself in my head.

[evocation]

[Their hands are still tangled together, and she squeezes again instinctively.]

We don't have to talk about it.

[hardwearing]

It's fine. It's important.

[ She needs some background, though, so Wash tries to explain. ]

A full AI is basically a person's psyche, as a computer program. The Project only had permission to create one, but the Director wanted lots. So he came up with a way to break the Alpha apart. They tortured it, ran it through simulations designed to create enough stress for the personality to fragment. That's why every AI was just one aspect of a person.

Epsilon was the last piece they broke off. The Alpha couldn't take any more. It fragmented its memories of the torture to save itself, like any trauma victim.

They knew what they were putting in my head. The placement was curated -- Delta for York, Theta for North, Sigma was originally for Carolina. I don't know if they thought I could handle it, or just wanted to see if I'd break, too, but Epsilon was assigned to me.

[evocation]

Jesus Christ.

[She says it softly, under her breath, and then goes quiet as she tries to process that.]

Why the hell did they stick it in your head? I mean, why did they have to use it at all?

[hardwearing]

The experiment was the most important thing. I was the last one, though. They shut down the implantation program after me -- not that it mattered. Tex and York were already planning to bring it all down to save Alpha. I was still in the med bay when they did, and they made a fucking mess of it.

Everyone scattered. The Meta started hunting the agents who still had AIs.

Nobody ever came back for me.

[evocation]

[God, that's a lot to take in, and the more he talks, the more upset she gets.]

They just decided to go all rebel uprising and leave you there with that thing in your head? Assholes.

[hardwearing]

[ He lets go of her hand and reaches up to rub the implant at the base of his skull, trail his fingers over the electrical scarring that spiderwebs out from it and down his neck. A permanent reminder of Epsilon, if his memory ever fails. Of the time he spent basically institutionalized, alone, not even knowing his own name. ]

I was bitter for a long time, yeah.

[evocation]

But you're not bitter anymore? Why not? I don't think I could forgive them for that shit.

[hardwearing]

I don't know if I'd say I've forgiven them. I've just... accepted it, and they're all dead now anyway. We were never really a unit, the way things were set up we were always fighting against each other as much as with.

[ He thinks for a moment, digging his fingers into his own neck. His voice is a little softer when he speaks again. ]

If Maine had still been himself, I think he would have come back. But Sigma had taken over by then.

[evocation]

[She catches him digging his fingers into his neck and has to resist the urge to pull his hand away.]

But Epsilon never took over you?

[She's curious about why it didn't, but she doesn't want to come right out and ask.]

[hardwearing]

Epsilon just wanted to die.

They pulled him, but it was too late for me. Damage was done.

[evocation]

[Her arm is still looped through his, and she runs her fingers up and down his sleeve gently, going quiet. She can guess at what "damage" he's talking about. When she speaks up again, her voice is soft.]

Hey, can I ask you something? Um... God, this isn't going to come out right. How come you're telling me all this?

[Yep, that sounds wrong already.]

I mean... I don't mean that I don't want you to, it's just... Most people wouldn't, you know? But you're okay with it.

[In a weird way, it's kind of nice. People almost never open up to her like this, and Wash is easy to talk to, which is saying something for Kyna. In some ways, it's a relief.]

[hardwearing]

...I don't know.

[ Maybe it's just that once he decided to let her in, to keep her as an ally and maybe eventually a friend, it seemed like she needed to know. What he'd done, what was done to him. It was important, it was defining, and if she couldn't take it it's better he know now. People who stuck around back home knew everything, accepted him anyway. As much as he'd like to say he's stable enough to be on his own indefinitely, he knows he's not. He needs someone here.

He doesn't say that, though. ]

I'm not a good liar. I can tell people to fuck off when they ask questions, but I can't hide my shit. It comes out anyway. Maybe I'm just heading it off at the pass.

[evocation]

I get it.

[Mostly because she has the exact same issue.]

Thanks for trusting me. I won't tell anyone, promise.

[hardwearing]

[ Wash nods slowly. He does trust her. ]

Sharkface knows everything already, so don't stress too much -- he got his hands on my file.

[evocation]

Ugh.

[Sharkface didn't seem too bad in that dream she shared with him, but she's still biased.]

Do you think he's gonna... do anything with that? Try to make you look bad or something?

[hardwearing]

As far as I know so far he's only used it on me. Trying to throw me off, the first time we fought. But he could tell other people, if he wanted. Try to turn them against me.

[evocation]

[She sighs, scrubs a hand over her face.]

I'll kick his ass if he does.

[Not literally, because she knows Wash doesn't want that, but hey. A girl can dream.]

[hardwearing]

[ Whether he wants it or not, the offer means something. It's pretty much the highest form of affection where he's from, to want to kick ass on someone else's behalf. ]

I'm glad you hassled me outside the speakeasy.