hadriel_logs | Event Log: Dreamwalker the Second

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Event Log: Dreamwalker the Second

Who: All characters participating in the event
What: The event log for the Dreamwalker part 2 event
Where: In your dreams
When: October 14th-20th (the second log will go up on Oct 23rd, please keep the two weeks of the event separate!)
Warnings: All different kinds of dreams falling under the umbrella of Delight, Rage, Sorrow, and Hope.

This time, the weird stuff doesn't happen when you're awake- as a matter of fact, your waking hours are the normal ones. That's because you're forced to sleep by some unknown entity, getting more and more exhausted by the moment as night falls. Better make sure you're always around a soft pillow.

Once asleep, it doesn't get any less weird- your dreams will be influenced by one of the four gods that make up the first week. Something to make you smile, something to make you angry- or something that reminds you of your deepest regret or most vulnerable hope, they're all things that you're dreaming about now for some reason, no matter how hard you may try to pull away from them.

To make matters more complicated, there are others intruding on your dreams who definitely don't belong there, and while they may seem like manifestations at first, it becomes clear that these others are actually the consciousness of other members of Hadriel, getting some top quality exposure to your angriest, happiest, most sorrowful moments. Hope it doesn't get awkward when you see them tomorrow...

► This log covers October 14th-20th.
► Feel free to make your own logs as well
► Please tag headers of threads with content warnings where they apply
► Please put your character's name and open/closed in the subject line of your starters!
► If you die in dreams you don't die in real life, but if you somehow die in real life anyway, please let us know here.

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[He doesn't know if he ought to follow her there, into the darkness, but he doesn't want her to have to go in by herself, either. So after a moment's hesitation, Adam follows her, keeping a few steps behind.]

What was here before?

[He wonders if it's just as dark to her, or if maybe she sees something that he doesn't. If this is a dream - and of course it is - either could be true. Adam is more familiar with these sorts of dreams than he ever expected to be.]

[As they walk, more screens on the wall flicker to life, beginning to light the way like a series of phone backlights as they go. Each of them displays a different entry, though skipping some as they go.

I've done it. Using the blueprints, I've extracted it from the human SOULs. The will to keep living... The resolve to change fate. Let's call this power... "Determination."

things aren't going well. none of the bodies have turned into dust, so i can't get the SOULs.

people are starting to ask me what's happening. what do i do?

nothing is happening. i don't know what to do. i'll just keep injecting everything with "determination." i want this to work.

She moves with purpose, but still trudging, like a methodical step towards the inevitable.]

It was... my lab. But what was important is what was i-in it.

[Suddenly, that howled bark comes through again, much, much louder this time. It seems almost to be right around the corner.]

Or what I left in it.

[He doesn't understand, exactly, what all of that means. He knows he's missing key pieces of information about Alphys' world, though, and he thinks that's likely why. It's impossible for him to unravel exactly what the meaning is, what's going on around here, and that's all right. He'll do what he can regardless.]

What did you leave in it?

[Adam is tense now, especially after that sound cuts through the darkness again. He wishes he had a weapon, but he knows it wouldn't make much difference if he did. He's not a fighter, not like that. He has to rely on his magic to protect him. It's the same in dreams as it is in real life.]

Is there something in here with us?

[Where Alphys is usually much more forthcoming about her world, and her place in it, she's still eerily quiet, despite looking towards him a bit when he speaks.]

There s-shouldn't be. But...

[She turns her head back to the end of the hall, when a large thump punctuates her sentence. Just then, one more screen lights up next to Adam's head, brighter than the others, and flashes a quick, red =) before displaying the final text.]

one of the bodies opened its eyes.

Everyone that had fallen down... ... has woken up.

no No NO NO NO NO

[Around the corner, a huge monster runs out, shambling and literally falling apart at the seams as it melts messily onto the floor. It lets out a broken, distorted howl, making it clear it's been the source of the noise since they started. It's movements are erratic, multiple legs struggling to keep balance.

But it sees them and charges, running as fast as it can, leaving bits of itself in it's wake.

Alphys doesn't move.]

Edited (i know how to close my html honest) 2017-11-03 18:22 (UTC)

[Adam sure wants to move. He's not a fighter, and is certainly the sort of person who tries to make smart decisions - which usually means not standing bravely in the face of danger, but rather retreating in order to make a plan before confronting it again.

Which is to say, he's inclined to run.

But Alphys isn't running, and this is her dream. That doesn't mean there's no danger, it doesn't mean there's nothing to fear, but logically - where could Adam run? He doesn't even know where he is.]

Hey! Get out of that thing's way!

[He reaches out to grab her arm.]

It's coming right at us, we have to go.

[Alphys doesn't move her legs, but she does move her arms, one stretching out towards it as she reaches. If Adam looks at her, she's staring it down, but... isn't afraid. In fact, she almost looks happy. Hopeful.

The beast continues to charge, moving full-throttle towards them with another strong, horrifying howl. It's not slowing, and Alphys finally moves when its almost too close.

She takes a step forward, her clawed hand meeting it's goopy head.

And suddenly, the animal explodes.

It doesn't have an extended burst, or send goop or viscera flying. What it does become is dust. All of it, still moving with the monster's momentum, forward and onto the both of them. Dust. It coats them fully, the sound immediately gone, and silence blankets them like it's remains.

Alphys' leg shakes, and she falls to her knees. Adam can see the streaks of tears through her dust-coated cheeks as she struggles for words.]

I left them down here. I did this to them, a-and I left them down here to die.

[A clawed hand grips at the pile of dust in front of her, helpless.]

I locked them up and I can't ever go back.

[He doesn't understand, not really. He can't, he's not from the same place, he doesn't know the whole story here. But Adam knows what regret feels like, and he knows what it's like to make mistakes that you can't take back. That much, he understands.

He kneels next to her, ignoring the dust coating them. It's not the first time he's been covered in dust or dirt, he'll survive.]

If that's true - if you can't go back - then all you can do is try to move forward.

[Adam is practical, sometimes brutally so. And it is, of course, easier to say these things when it isn't about your problems.]

Take the things you regret and use them to push you forward. Be better in the future, because we can't fix the past.

[There are a lot of things about Adam's past that he would change if he could. But the chance for that is long gone.]

Don't let it ruin you.

[She's still crying, the tears rolling through the powder on her face as it smooths down.]

H-How can I not? These were... these were people. I tried to save them and I killed them.

[A door on the other side of the hall swings open with her words; inside, on the floor, a broken robot sits, no sparks or signs of life from his body.]

Everyone I try to help gets killed. I'm not a good person. All I do is hurt people, I can't... I can't move forward from that. I can't just get to enjoy my life when they have nothing left.

It doesn't help them if you're miserable, either. They're dead. Nothing makes a difference to them anymore.

[Harsh, maybe, but that's how Adam sees the world. You can mourn dead people, but if they're gone - really gone, not lingering ghosts or spirits caught in the world somewhere - there's nothing you can do that will affect them. It isn't that Adam doesn't believe in an afterlife. He has been friends with ghosts, he knows something like a soul must be real. He just doesn't think the affairs of the living matter to those who are really, truly dead.]

But you can still help other people. Or you can still try, at least. You don't have to be a good person to do that. You just have to - do good actions, I guess.

[Maybe that would, eventually, make someone good. Adam doesn't know.]

If you give up on that, what's the point?

[She sniffles, wiping the tears from her face with her sleeve. Everything's still dusty, and she doesn't really have the energy to try and change that. She doesn't really have the energy to change anything. But he's... right, isn't he? It's frank, and harsh, and maybe for monsters still feels cruel. But she can't really bring them back. Trying that, even inadvertently, was the other disaster she made. At least he isn't here. At least.]

I... I try to do good. But I don't want to forget them, I don't-- I don't deserve it. Why do I get to live when I killed them?

[She doesn't know if this counts as mourning. She doesn't quite know how.]

I don't know how to give them p-proper rights. I have to carry them with me. No one else even knew they existed. If I forget them... they never had anything.

You don't have to forget them. You shouldn't.

[He's quiet for a moment, trying to figure out how to properly express what he's thinking. Adam is careful with words, even if he can sometimes be a little harsh. He wants to be sure he's saying what he intends to say.]

But you can remember them without letting them destroy you. You don't have to... forget, or act like it doesn't matter. You can keep honoring them, or trying to, and let your actions be your apology.

[He'd give her a handkerchief if he had one, but, well. Nope. Anyway, Adam's always preferred it when people pretend not to notice him crying, so he tries at least to do that for her.]

That way their memory is helping other people.

[Let your actions be your apology.

She thinks back to the beginning of the year, Chara standing in front of her, intent in their eyes and knife in hand. How all she could think as the blade came down was that this was penance. This would make it better. This sacrifice would fix everything. She could stop begging for forgiveness from everyone who knew her, from everyone who knew this, from the world.

Really, all she had to do was forgive herself. But how else could she have ever made it up to them?

She sniffles again, takes her glasses off her face. Tries to get some of the dust and water off enough so they're not such a mess.]

I've... I've tried to do better, in Hadriel. To try and live when they couldn't. I just don't know if I'll ever be good enough to make up for it.

[She pauses, but doesn't rise from the floor.]

What if I make another mistake? When do I stop getting second chances? When d-do I stop deserving them?

[He answers carefully.]

I don't think that's something I can say.

[After all, none of things that are weighing on her have affected him in any way. It's entirely possible - even likely - that if someone who was hurt by her was here, they would have a different opinion about all of this. Adam can only try to explain what he thinks, what he feels. He's aware he probably doesn't know the whole story.]

Everyone makes mistakes. I mean, that sounds like a cliche, but it's true. If you're still trying to make up for them - trying to fix the mistakes you make - then I'd say you still deserve second chances. And more.

[He shrugs, a little awkward.]

I just don't think giving up is anything but adding insult to injury. I don't know everything you've done, but - the fact that you're this torn up with guilt over it counts for something. For a lot. Some people hurt other people and never feel guilty at all.

[She listens, quiet, letting his words wash over her. Some people don't ever feel guilty. They keep hurting and hurting and never once do better.

Isn't that what she said to Frisk? That after it all, at least they were trying?

She pulls herself to her feet, and the water that could be heard in the background seems to fade and disappear.]

I thought dying for this would make it better. But it didn't. No... no one even knew t-they were here.

[She wants to reach out and take his hand, take something small and physical, but she's too shy. So she grabs her own hands instead, looking down at her closed palms.]

I wanted to pretend it hadn't happened either. But I... guess I can't. Not if I really want to... I d-dunno. Do good. Be good.

[Adam isn't very good at physical contact, at showing affection or support that way. He spent most of his life not receiving it, and so didn't really learn how to give it, and it's only recently that that's changed. But it's changed in a very decisive way, and now he knows how much a quiet show of support can mean to someone. He does not quite feel that he can take her hand - it seems intimate, and he doesn't know if she'd welcome it - but he does reach out and place a hand carefully on her shoulder.

It's a careful gesture, one that he thinks about before doing it. This doesn't come naturally to him, but he wishes it did. He hopes it helps, at least, even if only a little.]

I know I'm not in any position to absolve you of guilt, and I wouldn't want to anyway. That's your life and your history, and I don't know much about it. But to me, at least, you seem like you're trying hard to do the right thing. To do good.

[He doesn't know if he's expressing himself well.]

It matters a lot, just seeing that. Just seeing someone trying.

[Alphys spent a long time down here, alone. Sure, she had her computer, her media, her interactions. But none of them knew who she really was, and that was on purpose. There was those quiet affirmations, where she could post anonymously on message boards about having a bad day and someone would try to cheer her up. But physically, she was always alone. Her and the Amalgamates. Her and her guilt.

So the touch is more than welcome. At this point, it's one of the only things that reminds her she's real.]

I guess I'll... try to keep trying, then. It's all I really, uhm, have.

[She unlaces her hands from each other, and gently, reaches over and lays the edge of her claws across his fingers. It's not really a handhold, not even a squeeze. But she's there.]

Thank you.

[He relaxes just a tiny bit when she touches him, mostly because he was worried he wasn't doing the right thing. He still is worried about that - he doesn't know if what he's said has helped in any way. But she looks... better, maybe, at least in a more stable condition. Which is good.]

You don't need to thank me for anything. I'm just talking as if I know anything about this.

[Adam smiles, also just a tiny bit, self-deprecating.]

But I mean, if there ever is anything I can do to help you, I'll try.

[He did. There's no way she could describe it to him, really, but he did. And she's more grateful than she knows how to say.]

I'll try, too. For you.

Thank you.

[She closes her eyes to smile, and when she opens them again, she's awake, the dream dissipated and over. But for once, she doesn't feel dread. Just contentment as she tries to roll over and go back to sleep.]

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Event Log: Dreamwalker the Second

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