pellameno: (not looking at you)
Pell ([personal profile] pellameno) wrote in [community profile] hadriel_logs2017-10-19 01:13 pm
Entry tags:

[ closed ]

Who: Seel and Pell
What: Pell needs a good whack upside the head, hopefully Seel will oblige.
Where: hara house!
When: 10/19, during dreamwalks
Warnings: possible talk of death, torture, sex.

The dreams have Pell on edge.

His sleep has been suffering already -- kind as Jo is to let him stay in her room, she's not Cal, and they don't cuddle. And lately it seems no sooner than he nods off is he in someone else's head. Their dreams. Watching something horrible, more often than not. He remembers the last time this happened, shortly after he'd arrived in Hadriel, and knows it'll run its course, but for the time being... he's tired.

He tries to keep out of the house during the day, not wanting to face the others but not wanting to hide out in Jo's room all the time either. Sometimes he can be found in the living room, studying. Most of the time he's just out. Right now he's in the kitchen, putting away the produce he'd harvested that morning. Moving stiffly and clumsily.

Someone's footsteps approach and he shakes his head to clear the cobwebs a little. Seel. He can sense it, he doesn't have to turn around to know. And he strongly suspects he's in for a lecture.

"Do we have to do this now?" He sounds whiny, and he knows he does, he just doesn't wanna, Seel. Not even a little.
immanionorchid: (Field)

[personal profile] immanionorchid 2017-10-31 01:14 am (UTC)(link)
Their room. That's even more surprising. It hasn't been "their room" for months. Maybe that says something, but he really can't be sure yet, can he? Maybe it's just a slip of the tongue.

He hangs up after that, and comes straight back to the house, stepping into the room a few moments later and hesitating for a moment before closing the door behind himself. They needed privacy for this.

"What do you need?"
immanionorchid: (Haze)

[personal profile] immanionorchid 2017-11-22 08:22 pm (UTC)(link)
They should have done this a long time ago and as much as he wanted it to end, now that it was he almost wanted to go back to hiding in case Pell didn't like what he found. That was always the scariest part, the not knowing. They didn't know each other anymore. They couldn't say how the other one would react.

Cautiously, Cal took a step forward, then another, until he found himself sitting on the bed next to him and he couldn't remember getting there. He still didn't touch him. He couldn't even begin to guess any longer how that would be taken. He had to take a deep breath before he spoke, and even then, it wasn't all that impressive.

"Alright."
immanionorchid: (Driven)

[personal profile] immanionorchid 2017-11-22 09:00 pm (UTC)(link)
"I never stopped, Pell. Even when I thought I had." He sighed, but kept his hand where it was at least, on Pell's chest. Touching. Both of them needed that. Pell might not have asked for a memory, but it was all tied together in intricate little knots that were impossible to undo. There would always be the memories. He couldn't help that.

"At first I believed you were dead--I watched it happen, what else was I supposed to believe? You were finished before you even fell, before I made it to what was left of you. I held you. I screamed. I refused to let go until there was no warmth left. When I couldn't stand the grief anymore, I burned the meat and left. That's what he wanted. He didn't want me to come for you. He must have known I would have. A part of me died there because you are a part of me. Nohar ever seemed to believe that.

"I didn't truly believe you were still alive for years. And then it was too late. I had nothing but time by then to dwell on what it meant. I knew you had your beautiful life in Immanion, your Tigrina, your son. There wasn't a place for me anymore. That was supposed to be our life but there was no dream anymore. I wondered. Did you still love me? Did you ever even think about me anymore or were you trying to forget the poison everyhar thinks is in my skin? There's no place for monsters in that shining city and then I still was one. Did you at least remember me fondly when you did or had I become an obstacle who'd held you back from your greatness? And when days turned to weeks to months to years and you never came...I started to wonder different things.

"He would come and talk to me--that's all he did. The things he said hurt far more than anything physical he could have done. I started to promise him anything I thought he wanted to hear, just so he would go away, let me leave. I would disappear, I would hide, I wouldn't come for you, I'd forget you, I didn't care--and I started to believe them. One day he didn't come. He'd broken me. He'd won. I ran to the most dismal corner of the world I could find and prayed the mud would be enough to hide the wretched thing I was.

"And yet as much as he tried--as much as I tried--I couldn't forget. I forgot so much and you were never one of those things. I found you again because I couldn't be kept away. Because there isn't a place for me in Immanion, it's a place for us. We're the same, Pell, two halves of one soul. We can't exist without each other. And not even God can keep a soul apart. The you I remember infuriates me. He's accustomed to dictating his will, he doesn't listen, and I'm still trying to learn him again. But he's still you and I still love him. And I love you. I always have as I always should have.

"No one enjoys pain. But it's there for a reason. Without it we don't learn anything. I only had a lot of learning to do."
immanionorchid: (Tied)

[personal profile] immanionorchid 2017-11-23 01:13 am (UTC)(link)
Cal almost sobbed seeing Pell get that close. After so long doing his damndest to keep away because that's what he thought he'd wanted... He couldn't even describe how it felt. The words didn't exist. The best he could do was say that it was better. He felt whole again.

He couldn't resist any longer, now that Pell was right there and he threw his arms around him and pressed his lips to Pell's, sharing breath with all the love he had. Some of the ache he'd feeling being apart was bound to sneak through but it was fading fast, now that it was over--now that they were together.