(open) i will never find a way to heal my soul

[puzzlingly]

Who: Atem and peeps. Open mostly, specially to anyone in the in the clinic.
What: Atem finally comes to after being attacked by Yukari, spends some time at the clinic being a massive grump, then goes home to grump a little more.
Where: Clinic / house 6-1
When: November 3rd- 14th
Warnings: Mentions of stitches and wounds ew, torture and blood. Other possible warnings in comments.


november 3rd | clinic | open to one trafalgar law

「He wakes. He wakes and all his being pushes him to scream, it is not possible for someone to withstand so much pain, so much cold. But he does not utter a sound. His body shivers from the cold, and he frantically looks around trying to get his bearings, trying to locate him, Yukari. He doesn't remember anything, just pain, and so much red, and the need to hurt that man as much as he possibly could, to stop him from going after someone else, then nothing, just nothing. He tries to sit up, failing completely, the ache down his chest forcing him to fall back onto the mattress and finally making him blurt out a pained cry.

It's been so long since he's felt this torment, this body is was not designed to endure so much punishment, it was a temporal vessel for his wandering soul. Why must he go through it all over again? Wasn't he done? Wasn't his time up? Why have they abandoned here...? Was he never good enough to move on, to go back home? -- Why is he here?!

Please end it, anyone, please just, end him.」

november 3rd - 12th | clinic | ota

「He should probably be sleeping instead of forcing himself to stay awake and even more so, forcing his dominant hand to play chess on his phone, or even to reply a few messages. Hell, he can barely hold the stupid phone, but he needs the distraction. Every time he goes to sleep, he sees his face, and then he remembers how stupid he was to give his trust away, again.

Meh, just meh...」

november 13rd - 14th | imported house 6-1 | open to bakura and anyone who asks idk (someone bring food to this child omg)

「Not being able to stay at the clinic any longer, because it is so damn depressing, Atem finally convinces them to let him go home, under the solemn promise that he would not do anything stupid. Like going outside and look for Yukari.

Being drained from the past days, he often finds himself simply sleeping, indulging into tiredness and allowing his vessel to regain its strength (not that he has many options controlling that...). But more than once, he finds himself bored to death and trying to get a hold of his cards, he can't. Having sliced through his fingers, trying to avoid Yukari's blade to go any further into his shoulder has made it impossible for now. It is so frustrating, so painful! 」

Dammit!

「It wouldn't be the first nor the last time during these days that he's absolutely tempted to toss his deck of cards to a close wall due sheer resentment, but he doesn't... Picking them up would be yet another pain in the ass.」

Comments

[hot_mes]

I was going to ask you that.

[seriously, he came in a bit too late to really grasp the scenario. As it is he only gleaned some information after the fact from Curufin's post]

I got your S.O.S. Maybe a bit too late, given that he'd already cut you to pieces, but I got it in time to save your life.

[puzzlingly]

「No, that's not what he asked, not what he wanted to talk about, but of course it would eventually come to that. Might as well get over with it.」

He approached me, 「He can still remember that, how amiable Yukari had seem, how friendly...」 asked me for a favor. He just wanted to see how long I could last.

「Somehow Atem has never been too good at hiding his anger, he spits those words with good amounts of venom. Yukari had not only sliced and diced through him but he had hurt his pride, his trust, that was much worse to him than some flesh wounds.
Flesh wounds that still hurt way too much. He takes another moment to breathe though it.」

You should left me there.

[hot_mes]

And you should have learned by now that I'm not going to do anything just because you tell me to.

[he picks up the vial of pills and offers it again. It's harder to concentrate on the important things when everything hurts, he knows full well.]

According to the message on the network, he made a deal to save a friend. That friend is having none of it. I'm not surprised people would kill to save the ones they love, but that's not how games like this work.

[puzzlingly]

「That is received with a glare, pirates... Fine! Atem does reach for the vial with a terrible trembly hand, though he cannot quite close his fingers around it. He hates this, he absolutely loathes this. 」

He mentioned it.

「What Atem is not telling, is how just near the end Yukari had a really unexpected change of heart. He stopped, he yielded, but Atem did not let him. He had brought this upon himself. He's fully aware of that and he would do it all again if he had the chance.」

[hot_mes]

[yeah, he was afraid of that - lack of mobility. Law makes it easier on him, dumping one pill into his hand and offering the water as well.]

Then you probably know more than I do about any of it. Here.

[given that Atem has witnessed for himself his own moments of doing exactly the same dumb thing, Law has no place to judge. For now, though, he doesn't ask the details of the fight. He's already treated the injuries, the who-hit-who isn't important anymore.]

[puzzlingly]

「He mutters a very uneager thanks and he swallows the thing. Unfortunately he finds it a little difficult, the sensation of the water running down his throat reminds him how his own blood started filling in until he couldn't breathe, he coughs and yet again it just makes everything hurt, but forces the thing down. Only then, he starts to realize how bad it had been, how much Law had to fix and keep together. His eyes traveling again to the blood on his shirt, how long has it been? How many does he owe him now? He doesn't know.

He muses about that only for so long, not wishing to think about the extent of the damage nor how much he's bothered this guy already.」

Was he dealt with? Will he be punished?

「The disdain in his voice together with the question might have come off more like the Pharaoh and less than the kid he is, a fleeting reminder of that old dream Law went through.」

[hot_mes]

Room.

[true to form, Law brushes off the question in order to get his work done. The Room is small, only enough for him to Scan his patient and verify that lacerations are clotting, tissue knitting and blood flowing where it should and not where it shouldn't. He can also verify no fever in that instant, but he still doesn't like what he reads of blood pressure.]

I don't know. [finally answering, as he vanishes the aura] Why, do you want to avenge yourself?

[puzzlingly]

「The Room comes up and Atem just looks at it, Law is just not fooling around, huh?」

You think he doesn't deserve it? That it would be not the honorable thing to do?

「He's so tired of that right now.」

[hot_mes]

[nope, he's a hard worker even if he doesn't have the best bedside manner. And that question deserves a snort of derision in response.]

When did I ever say I was interested in honorable things?

[satisfied with the physical for now, Law lingers to talk this over. It seems like Atem is knotted up with something, and though it's really not his place, it's better to have it out than to have him lying there sighing and grumbling for days on end. That would be terribly distracting.]

I only said I didn't know. I don't. I also don't care what you want. There is one glaring fact, though, and that's that he's a much better swordsman than you are.

[puzzlingly]

You think I'm blind? There are other ways to bring someone to justice.

「That's all he says.」

[hot_mes]

[well good. He wouldn't be able to sit back and let him die if he tried doing it himself.]

You'll have to talk to whatever passes for law enforcement, then. The Guard? [with only the slightest touch of contempt for their capabilities. He has nothing against them, really, but it does feel like they don't have much of an ability to get things done around here.] After you've healed up some. I won't have you ruining my hard work by trying to get up too soon.

[puzzlingly]

The Guard? Really? They haven't done anything at all, ever, since I arrived. 「That's a lie Kain helped him, but he doubts that was just because he's in the Guard.」 No, this is between Yukari and me.

「But the way Law speaks about his work, well, it has him looking away, a little guilty. Fine he won't try anything until then, it's not like he can do much right now anyway.」

[hot_mes]

Fair point.

[no arguments - although if Curufin drops in on him, he'll get his chance either way]

I've only crossed paths with the guy once, and I didn't get a good read on him. I can't say if he's the type to even feel remorse. If you're going to go after him, at least do it at full strength.

[at which thought his hand unconsciously crosses to grip his right arm at the point of the scar plainly visible below his shirtsleeve]

[puzzlingly]

Remorse is the last thing I want to get out of him.

「What can he say, he's angry and hurt and it shows. Who would have thought he'd give into his old ways?

But the painkillers might be already taking some effect, since he seems a little more alert, which is why Atem notices the gesture, though, he is a little unsure if he should ask but his eyes say a different thing.」

[hot_mes]

[he guessed as much. Good job Atem.

His eyes follow Atem's and only then does he realize what he's doing, dropping his hand quickly. He's still 50-50 on whether those dreams really were shared or he was just dreaming of people he knows in Hadriel juxtaposed on his past.]

I might know a thing or two about vengeance. [hint hint]

[puzzlingly]

I think I prefer calling it, retribution.

「Divine retribution, heard of it?」

Believe me, I know a few things too. He will be judged, and he will be found lacking. The same way Doflamingo was.

「Atem is under the same notion that some dreams might have been just that, but he's not so sure, but if Law knows what he's talking about then... Either way, there is that obvious remark.」

[hot_mes]

[Yep there it is. Law's eyes go wide, understanding everything in that instant and not sure what to make of it. That ripple of shock is so atypical of him but...]

You saw it...? For real. That was all real. You saw him, just as I saw...the palace, the weird outfit...

[puzzlingly]

Weird outfit--? 「Congratulations, Law, he just makes Atem chuckle at that, too bad it's fleeting and shadowed by pain, his expression quickly changing to a grimacing one.」 Ow... so, you were really there... Yes, I saw it.

「He makes a bit of a thoughtful pause, relaxing, even, his features not as bitter all sudden as he actually welcomes the sudden change of topic — he's been meaning to ask all this time — that, and the painkillers really taking full effect now and the fact that he's not terribly cold anymore. Even if it's for a little while, he'll take what he can.」

Nasty guy that one. What did you do to get on his bad side?

[hot_mes]

[no one knowing means he can keep it to himself, never sharing or explaining. But now that someone knows (several someones in fact), Law has to face it. He can't pretend it never happened.

He eases back to lean against a cabinet, arms folded over his chest as if to protect himself.]

We have a...very long and unpleasant history. He...

[he winces with as much pain as Atem probably feels. But if he saw Doflamingo, that means the other dream was real as well. No sense pretending now.]

...the other man you met. He killed him.

[it doesn't even scratch the surface of everything that entwined him with the Donquixote pirates, but that's all anyone really needs to know right now.]

[puzzlingly]

「Oh no--」

He shot him...

「He says in a both remorse and surprise, remembering a dream always seemed hard, not realizing that what he had seen in that dream inside his soul room had been real too. Until then. Which also means Law saw that. Damn. He will not talk about that, he'd rather focus on Law. Especially since he can see how much it still affects him.」

[hot_mes]

[he shoots Atem a quick look - it is, indeed, hard to remember what all happened in that dream with the rooms - but goes with it]

Cora-san sacrificed himself to save my life. It took me thirteen years to finally be strong enough to even have a shot at taking down the demon who killed him.

What you saw...it happened almost exactly like that, except for the dragon bit. I destroyed his organs with Gamma Knife and then finished with a Counter-shock to the heart. But he managed to survive it. So in the end, I didn't even get what I wanted.

[puzzlingly]

You mean he's still alive?

「After having seen what Law could do, both in the real life and in the dreams, his voice and expression are one of disbelief.」

How?

[hot_mes]

[honestly that's what he'd like to know]

He's just that strong.

[looking away briefly] Someone else had to step in at that point, I had nothing left. He finally finished him, and the Marines arrested him and took him away. It's not the most satisfying end, but at least it's done. He can't manipulate and hurt people any longer.

[puzzlingly]

And yet, you wanted him dead...

「It is not a question.」

[hot_mes]

[of everything Law's hiding or is embarrassed to have anyone see, that bit? No shame at all, no dissembling, no lies.]

Yeah. I did everything I could to make him so. Basically, I missed by millimeters. [and don't think he doesn't kick himself for it, as evidenced by those nightmares]

Are you surprised? That a pirate captain should want someone dead so much so that he'd sacrifice an arm for it.