(open) i will never find a way to heal my soul

[puzzlingly]

Who: Atem and peeps. Open mostly, specially to anyone in the in the clinic.
What: Atem finally comes to after being attacked by Yukari, spends some time at the clinic being a massive grump, then goes home to grump a little more.
Where: Clinic / house 6-1
When: November 3rd- 14th
Warnings: Mentions of stitches and wounds ew, torture and blood. Other possible warnings in comments.


november 3rd | clinic | open to one trafalgar law

「He wakes. He wakes and all his being pushes him to scream, it is not possible for someone to withstand so much pain, so much cold. But he does not utter a sound. His body shivers from the cold, and he frantically looks around trying to get his bearings, trying to locate him, Yukari. He doesn't remember anything, just pain, and so much red, and the need to hurt that man as much as he possibly could, to stop him from going after someone else, then nothing, just nothing. He tries to sit up, failing completely, the ache down his chest forcing him to fall back onto the mattress and finally making him blurt out a pained cry.

It's been so long since he's felt this torment, this body is was not designed to endure so much punishment, it was a temporal vessel for his wandering soul. Why must he go through it all over again? Wasn't he done? Wasn't his time up? Why have they abandoned here...? Was he never good enough to move on, to go back home? -- Why is he here?!

Please end it, anyone, please just, end him.」

november 3rd - 12th | clinic | ota

「He should probably be sleeping instead of forcing himself to stay awake and even more so, forcing his dominant hand to play chess on his phone, or even to reply a few messages. Hell, he can barely hold the stupid phone, but he needs the distraction. Every time he goes to sleep, he sees his face, and then he remembers how stupid he was to give his trust away, again.

Meh, just meh...」

november 13rd - 14th | imported house 6-1 | open to bakura and anyone who asks idk (someone bring food to this child omg)

「Not being able to stay at the clinic any longer, because it is so damn depressing, Atem finally convinces them to let him go home, under the solemn promise that he would not do anything stupid. Like going outside and look for Yukari.

Being drained from the past days, he often finds himself simply sleeping, indulging into tiredness and allowing his vessel to regain its strength (not that he has many options controlling that...). But more than once, he finds himself bored to death and trying to get a hold of his cards, he can't. Having sliced through his fingers, trying to avoid Yukari's blade to go any further into his shoulder has made it impossible for now. It is so frustrating, so painful! 」

Dammit!

「It wouldn't be the first nor the last time during these days that he's absolutely tempted to toss his deck of cards to a close wall due sheer resentment, but he doesn't... Picking them up would be yet another pain in the ass.」

Comments

14th Pls!

[imhisaunt]

[There hasn't been a day that Delmar hasn't dedicate a significant portion of his emotional energy to worrying about Atem. To horrible thoughts of how bad Atem's injuries might be. How much pain he might be in.

Wondering if he's scared.

But he had made a promise to his friend not to go to the clinic. And as distressing a promise as that was to keep, he did it. There were times he almost broke his resolve, a few times even beginning to walk in the direction of the clinic. But always he managed to stop himself with the thought that breaking his promise might hurt Atem more than it could help.

However, he has heard through people who work at the clinic that Atem is no longer there. That he has gone home. And the promise he had made Atem didn't say anything about his home, right?

Delmar's hoping that's the case as he timidly pokes his head in the door.]

Atem?

[He tries in a hushed voice, not wanting to startle anyone. He tries it again just a bit louder]

Atem?"

[When he doesn't hear any response he dares to venture further inside, making his way cautiously towards the pharaoh's bedroom and when he reaches the door he pushes it ever so gently, opening it just enough to look in.]

[puzzlingly]

「Said Pharaoh is only dozing, being a little tired from earlier — moving around, actually taking a shower, get a change of bandages, walking a little bit because he's been in bed for so long now, you know — but now he's back to his comfy bed in his room that does not smell like medicine.

He does not hear his name being called from downstairs, and when the door opens, he assumes it might be Bakura, so, instead of making any effort to even send a glare to that dirting, he actually fakes being truly asleep. Was it time to eat again? How many times must he do that a day? Ugh.」

[imhisaunt]

[Delmar easily falls for the ruse, expression going soft at the sight of his friend sleeping. As quietly as he can he pads over to Atem's bedside and gingerly moves to try and adjust his blankets, gently easing them higher so that Atem is covered properly.]

[puzzlingly]

「Bakura what are you doing...? Nope this, whoever they are, is not Bakura! Atem opens his eyes, more than a little startled, his mind quickly going to this terrible dark place, thinking it might be Yukari. But he only sees that face he's been missing terribly for days and nights, and his own illuminates as it hadn't in days.」

Delmar?!

「Oh Ra... it is him! 」

Delmar! What--what are you doing--?

「Never mind the stitches, never mind the pain! Atem attempts to sit up rather fast, and does hurt like hell but he reaches for his friend. 」

[imhisaunt]

[Atem's sudden movements take him by surprise but Delmar instinctively reaches back for him]

Atem--!

[But his fingers just barely touch Atem's uninjured forearm before Delmar is able to take stock of the boy's bandages and bruising. Its like a hand suddenly grabbing his heart and squeezing angrily]

--Oh, Atem [He exhales, expression going sad. Gently he takes the unbandaged hand in his, and with the other he reaches out to carefully brush some of the young man's hair out of his face before letting it come to rest on Atem's cheek]

I've missed you

[He says it so quietly that were there another person just standing a few paces away from them they would not hear it.]

[puzzlingly]

「Atem doesn't care how much it hurts right now, and it shows, he just seems so content with Delmar there, he allows himself to be so, even if may not last. But he can only be sitting for so long, so he slides back into the pillow, holding Delmar's hand as tight as he can, which is that much yet, but better than nothing.

His smile doesn't lie, he missed him too, so much.」

I was... I was going to tell you I got home, but-- did you... did you come to see me?

「Like why else would he be there? But maybe he just wants to hear it.」

[imhisaunt]

Of course I came to see you

[Delmar now holds Atem's hand in both of his, giving it a light reassuring squeeze]

I've been so worried... how are you feeling?

[puzzlingly]

Do you want a white lie or the horrible truth?

「He would see through the lies anyway. Atem tries to move aside, he can't, he still pats the small space next to him so his friend can sit next to him.」

[imhisaunt]

[Delmar's expression turns bittersweet as he very carefully moves to sit beside the small man]

Please tell me the truth. I...I know it won't be very nice but please tell me.

[puzzlingly]

I--

「Okay he should have thought of that better, the moment he starts trying to put in words what he truly feels he can sense his throat close on him, a lump in the throat, he believes is what they call it.

He swallows, hard, trying not to let it show.」

Awful.

「Part of him wishes Yukari had killed him, It would have been easier. But he's here, and for whatever reason he will not give up... He will not waste Law's tremendous efforts to keep him alive. Not that he doesn't wish to. 」

[imhisaunt]

Is there anything I can do?

[What he had been afraid of had happened. Atem's name had been put on that list and someone had hurt him, had tried to kill him. And just as he had feared he hadn't been able to do anything about it.

It's a very helpless feeling.]

[puzzlingly]

「Actually... He places, awkwardly, his banged hand over Delmar's.」

You already are.

[imhisaunt]

[Delmar's gaze drops to that hand resting on his own. It's small compared to his own. And hurt so very badly.

He swallows with difficulty around a burning knot in his throat]

Atem

[He keeps his eyes trained on their hands, too ashamed of himself to meet Atem's eyes]

I...I hate them.

[puzzlingly]

Delmar... don't...

「But how to ask him not to? Atem doesn't know how to deal with his own.」

Don't harbor such feelings in your heart, there is no need.

[imhisaunt]

[He's nodding but only as a gesture to show that he's listening. He'd be lying if he said he agreed. And he doesn't want to lie to his friend.]

Have you eaten recently? Are you hungry?

[puzzlingly]

「Atem knows and feels that it's not just a magic thing to stop feeling, specially hatred, but he will try to be there for Delmar, to lesses that terrible burden he put upon his friend.

He gives him a little nod.」

I'm good, 「In that regard, at lest.」Bakura has been taking care of me.

「Oh, didn't he mention he's kind of living with his worst enemy and he is taking care of him? Oops.」

[imhisaunt]

[It takes Delmar a few moments to put that name to a memory. Some time has passed since the dream and so much has happened in that time that a lot of the details seem fuzzy now. But he is certain he knows that name.]

...Bakura...

[He frowns looking at the floor as if the answer might be there before his eyes suddenly go wide and he straightens]

Isn't Bakura the one who had you so very worried?

[puzzlingly]

Yeah, still am.

「Atem pls.」

But we... Talked.

「Sort of? Bantered, threatened and insulted each other, you know, talked. Well no, in fact, Bakura had done all the talking, last time anyway.」

It's going to be fine.

[imhisaunt]

[Sorry, Atem, but Delmar does not look entirely convinced]

Is he a good person to be taking care of you right now?

[puzzlingly]

「He gets it, but he surprisingly nods at him.」

He had every chance to kill me and he hasn't, and he will not.

「For now.」

We share a bigger enemy right now. ... Plus... he's a good cook...

「If it only was food he makes! He does laundry too, bless that fuck. Don't tell anyone Delmar!」

[imhisaunt]

[Delmar still looks unsure but he relents for the moment. If Bakura is feeding him and making sure he rests then he supposes he shouldn't be ungrateful]

Well, if he does anything untoward you tell me.

[as if you could do something, Delmar]

[puzzlingly]

「The idea of Delmar lecturing Bakura in some way is actually a little funny. He knows the Ring's Spirit will not harm his friend, also, for now, but even Bakura has some honor left, plus he swore upon the Ring... Those are not small words, coming from him. So yes, that comment makes Atem chuckle, it comes naturally even if a little too mild for him, but it's way better than what he's been forcing for the last days. The fact that Delmar is there helps.」

Believe me I will. He will not hear the end of it.

[imhisaunt]

He will not

[Delmar nods in emphatic agreement, brightening a little to hear Atem chuckle.]

It must sound silly of me to say...but It really has felt like you've been away forever.

[puzzlingly]

No, it is not silly.

「Atem attempts to lie down back again, it's tiring to be sitting up.」

I feel I've been away myself.

「And he's not back yet, somehow. He still cannot believe he was completely out for a couple of days, in truth, he cannot still believe what happened.」

[imhisaunt]

Where do you feel you've been?

[He asks in a quiet voice]