hadriel_logs | (open) i will never find a way to heal my soul

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(open) i will never find a way to heal my soul

Who: Atem and peeps. Open mostly, specially to anyone in the in the clinic.
What: Atem finally comes to after being attacked by Yukari, spends some time at the clinic being a massive grump, then goes home to grump a little more.
Where: Clinic / house 6-1
When: November 3rd- 14th
Warnings: Mentions of stitches and wounds ew, torture and blood. Other possible warnings in comments.

november 3rd | clinic | open to one trafalgar law

「He wakes. He wakes and all his being pushes him to scream, it is not possible for someone to withstand so much pain, so much cold. But he does not utter a sound. His body shivers from the cold, and he frantically looks around trying to get his bearings, trying to locate him, Yukari. He doesn't remember anything, just pain, and so much red, and the need to hurt that man as much as he possibly could, to stop him from going after someone else, then nothing, just nothing. He tries to sit up, failing completely, the ache down his chest forcing him to fall back onto the mattress and finally making him blurt out a pained cry.

It's been so long since he's felt this torment, this body is was not designed to endure so much punishment, it was a temporal vessel for his wandering soul. Why must he go through it all over again? Wasn't he done? Wasn't his time up? Why have they abandoned here...? Was he never good enough to move on, to go back home? -- Why is he here?!

Please end it, anyone, please just, end him.」

november 3rd - 12th | clinic | ota

「He should probably be sleeping instead of forcing himself to stay awake and even more so, forcing his dominant hand to play chess on his phone, or even to reply a few messages. Hell, he can barely hold the stupid phone, but he needs the distraction. Every time he goes to sleep, he sees his face, and then he remembers how stupid he was to give his trust away, again.

Meh, just meh...」

november 13rd - 14th | imported house 6-1 | open to bakura and anyone who asks idk (someone bring food to this child omg)

「Not being able to stay at the clinic any longer, because it is so damn depressing, Atem finally convinces them to let him go home, under the solemn promise that he would not do anything stupid. Like going outside and look for Yukari.

Being drained from the past days, he often finds himself simply sleeping, indulging into tiredness and allowing his vessel to regain its strength (not that he has many options controlling that...). But more than once, he finds himself bored to death and trying to get a hold of his cards, he can't. Having sliced through his fingers, trying to avoid Yukari's blade to go any further into his shoulder has made it impossible for now. It is so frustrating, so painful! 」

Dammit!

「It wouldn't be the first nor the last time during these days that he's absolutely tempted to toss his deck of cards to a close wall due sheer resentment, but he doesn't... Picking them up would be yet another pain in the ass.」

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Whatever.

[With that he leaves the room, headed back to the kitchen to clean up his cooking mess and store the leftovers in containers in the refrigerator. Once all that is accomplished and the counters given a final wipe down he supposes he can't put it off any longer and heads back up the stairs. In Atem's room he finds the abandoned tray and no Pharaoh — but considering that the water is running in the bathroom, that mystery is solved. In the mean time he takes the tray back downstairs, wondering why he's even bothering. It's not like Atem had offered even half of this help when he'd been injured. Then again Bakura hadn't wanted help; he would have refused it if offered, telling himself that he didn't need anyone.

Why then is it so natural to fall into this role? He blames the years of sharing Ryou's body; the boy's habits about the home had become his own, and he can't argue that Ryou had been efficient at keeping an orderly living space. And falling into habit now gives his body an occupation while his mind spins around various topics and tangents. Most notably he's thinking around this latest opening of the Door, the introduction of new residents — and new dangers, apparently. Those thoughts take him through the task of washing dishes and into sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of strong coffee and a deck of cards. It's not his Deck, it's just a deck of standard playing cards, ones he uses to start building a house on the counter top to pass the time while he lets his thoughts turn over and over in his head.]

「So long passes before Atem comes the first floor, slowly, wearing nothing but some loose pants, socks and a towel... yes, you guessed, as a cape. It's more than easy to see his injuries in plain sight — the rather long sutures across his chest, the one on his shoulder, the bruises from both injuries and from having been electrocuted. He was at least somewhat able to fix the ones on his right hand, but from the loosened bandages in the others it's more or less obvious he tried to fix the others himself but, it didn't go too well.

He places a clean overlarge shirt and his deck of cards on the table, then approaches to Bakura.」

... Could you...

「He says as he offers the clean bandages. He knows he's been asking for a lot lately, not quite verbally ever since he got back, but still, it's been too much. He knows that Bakura is not longer bound to be thankful about saving him at the caves, as far Atem knows, they are even about that. But now, he owes him far too much and the Pharaoh has no idea how he'll ever repay him for staying. And even though he has no idea why he stuck around, he's thankful about it. That's the very, very least he can do for now.

Hopefully it will not come bite him in the ass... as usual.」

Sit.

[It's all he says as the Pharaoh come wandering into the kitchen, and he won't move until the last card is placed on his card house. Then he'll stand and give a critical eye to his companion. Atem is a mess, and he doesn't just mean the physical reality of his injuries. It's clear to see in his demeanor that something in the Pharaoh has been damaged. It's certainly hadn't been solved by Bakura's little outburst at him, but he's also not going to spend too much more energy on the man. If the so-called king can't pull himself together, then maybe he doesn't deserve that title.

Pulling himself out of his seat, finally, Bakura moves first to the counter. He's kept a kettle hot, and he pours a cup of tea to bring back to the table, setting it down in front of Atem.]

Curl your hand around that. It might help ease the ache.

[He's going entirely off of things that Ryou used to do, habits that his former host had to ease the pain of physical injuries (that more often than not were inflicted by Bakura). Then he turns a critical eye to the wounds and the poor job of bandaging that Atem had attempted. Taking up the end of one, he starts unwrapping so that he can rewrap them properly.]

You're going to scar. [It's an idle observation as he works to cover the wounds with clean bandages, tying them off carefully to bind without restricting too much. He wonders how Atem will feel about that. Scars are a part of Bakura's life, in his original body and in this one, but Atem's skin doesn't appear to bear anything close to Bakura's in terms of his life story written across flesh. Can the other man's vanity take such a hit? It'll be interesting to see.]

「The card house is admired as he sits; his partner, er, Yugi would love it... He does as Bakura says, trying to go through the motions the best way he can, keeping in mind that he is only helping him, that this doesnt mean anything but that, that he's not at his mercy, that this is but a favor, a courtesy... Atem needs to make the differences clear in his mind; it's not easy to be around Bakura still and it will probably never be. He goes as far as to close his eyes for a moment, focusing on the warmth of the cup around his hand — it's soothing— and he tries as humanly possible for him to ignore the proximity of the former King of Thieves, he tries to ignore how it hurts his pride that he's seen him at his lowest and that it is him of all people who is helping him through it. Atem then, allows himself a moment of respire, relaxing on the both, relieving and stinging touches. He does not wince nor complain once.

Questions about why Bakura has so much knowledge about how to ease the pain come to his mind, but he pushes them to the dark. He's not up for a fight right now.」

I know. Law mentioned it.

「He keeps an even tone, it's hard to tell what might be going through his mind, and the truth is that he hasn't given any real thought to it. Law had told him he tried to make the tiniest stitches for his shoulder, to which Atem even joked around. His chest, is another story — he will never ask Law about it, but it seems it took quite the effort to keep him from slipping away — but, honestly, right now, he doesn't care about either. He has yet to realize what it truly means, what it will be like when he looks at himself in a mirror while he remains in his body.」

Hmm.

[It's a noncommittal noise in response as Bakura works to fasten the bandages. Law is clearly talented as a doctor; the evidence is right there in front of him. But he wonders how deeply the wounds truly go, how this is going to shape the Pharaoh's thoughts and actions. After all, this hadn't been some sort of noble self sacrifice for the greater good, or whatever he'd told himself about Egypt.

Once he's done, he moves away from the other man and sits once more, methodically taking apart the card house he'd spent time building. He doesn't volunteer much else in conversation; he's always been more comfortable in silence.]

「While Atem misses the background noise of some chatter (Yugi's voice the most) he's not going for some small talk with Bakura. What would they even talk about, really? Everything he can think about would end in tears. Not literal at least.

Atem mutters a thank you after Bakura is done, it might not be effusive but it sounds rather honest. Then, he reaches for his deck and the shirt, he puts it on with some effort but it's nothing too terrible. He doesn't shuffle his deck, he's shuffled it enough over the past days, but at least finding slightly easier to move his hand after it's been warmed enough from the cup. He still will not force it much.」

You ready?

Edited (oops) 2017-11-17 04:27 (UTC)

[The only thing terrible here is that shirt. What even, Atem? Faintly Bakura wonders if Yugi was the one calling all the fashion shots in their partnership. But whatever; Bakura rolls his eyes and places the playing cards aside, trading them for his Duel Monsters deck and shuffling it quickly and efficiently. They don't have a duel mat and having only a single duel disk does no good, so it's the old fashioned way of tabletop and scores kept on paper.]

If you think you can stay awake through the whole match.

[After all, Atem looks tired. Not that the Ring Spirit particularly cares, to be honest. It's not like the game is going to mean anything, not really, and at least it's gotten the Pharaoh out of bed and moving around, which is much better than having him laying around moping and feeling sorry for himself. Bakura never allowed that in Ryou, and he's not going to allow it of his current housemate either. He has no patience for it.]

「Shit... Is it really that noticeable how exhausted he is? But instead Atem simply rolls his eyes, not quite ignoring the remark but making no comment on it.」

Shut up, just start.

「He says as he gets a hand of cards. ~~and just assume things please~~ Before they get too far into things, Atem mutters again.」

Did you find anything else about the Null?

「Yes, he's bringing that conversation back, it's been a while. It also screams, yes, I'm ready to work with you...」

Edited 2017-11-17 19:39 (UTC)

[The duel itself is nothing special, a quiet back and forth of monsters, spells and traps. Their decks aren't well matched, either to work together or in opposition, and Bakura knows that his opponent isn't fully on top of his game right now (even if Atem would never admit it!). But they've also no other cards here save what they had on their persons, so there's nothing to swap out to build new decks.

He hums quietly at the question, setting two cards face down and ending his turn. He could be snide and dismissive, but decides against it. With his luck it would send Atem back into his self pity cycle, and he doesn't want to deal with that.]

Not as much as I'd like. They're very closed-lipped, which doesn't surprise me but does make information gathering hard.

[He'd probably have to really cooperate with them to learn more, and Bakura's not going to enter a deal like that until he has more information on the other party. He'd already bargained his soul away once; he's not necessarily ready to do it again.]

「Atem has demonstrated before that even a deck that lacked of strategy can be fully functional if one trusts it, probably why he might be having the upper hand, and maybe he would be crushing Bakura if he wasn't so damn tired. He's bound to make a mistake or two, but the truth is he's enjoying it.」

What about the idea you had? Is it feasible?

Entirely so.

[Bakura's deck has always relied on taking damage and making sacrifices for its success; he summons Dark Necrofear to the field by doing exactly that. He knows that Atem is likely to be expecting the Destiny Board gambit as well and while he does have the cards in his deck, he's not planning on using them in this duel. But what does surprise him is that he's actually enjoying himself.]

According to the Null, brain dead still counts as dead, and though they didn't say as much, I got the impression that they'd be somehow checking or inspecting the body. By removing the soul, the body is brain dead. So yes, it would work.

「Wait, he needs to think about this one, taking a little moment to stare at his cards, blinking heavily as he comes up with an strategy, setting a couple of trap cards and ending his turn.」

Do you want to try it?

Still that desperate to hide from the pain, are you?

[He props one elbow on the table, regarding his opponent carefully and trying to decide his next move — both in the card game and in the conversation.]

I'm quite used to feel pain, Bakura.

「Just forgot how it felt. Quite literally. And even if the idea behind it is tempting, it is not his main goal...」

Heh, whatever you say.

[That means that he doesn't quite believe Atem — not completely, at any rate. He probably never will, either. There's too many years of mistrust between them to be so simply overcome and even though he'd originally broached the idea of working together, he's under no illusion that it will in any way be easy or pleasant.]

Then what are you after? I told you, it's no fun if you just let me pull your soul out of your body.

「At least he can get behind that very same idea... it's going to take more than a friendly duel for him to trust this guy at all... the irony.」

You don't have to believe me, even if it was mostly you who has made me bleed the most. 「Until Yukari happened. He's too tired to care about censoring these details to him.」

The godkiller.

You haven't bled nearly enough to settle things between us.

[It's a vicious statement and perhaps even a little unfair, but Bakura cares little enough about that. To have Atem suddenly want to cooperate raises enough suspicion even though Bakura had been the one to initially broach the idea.]

I'd argue that outside help or a weapon isn't needed to kill these so-called gods. I would test Diabound against any one of them. But the energies needed for a Shadow Game here are tremendous, and I don't know how much of that is due to this not being our home. [He pauses carefully, considering.] There's too little information about this so-called godkiller: what it is, how it works, and how it could be turned against us. It may be a trap even more than it's a weapon.

[He sighs after a moment, quietly.] The Null are creatures of technology, yes? Too bad the Door hasn't brought Kaiba here; he'd be useful.

Edited 2017-11-25 19:02 (UTC)

「That affirmation is met with a rather numb stare, then the Pharaoh scoffs, shaking his head slightly, he's too tired to respond.

Still, Atem listens (idly) at what Bakura has to say as he stares at his cards, accepting that, he might be right. He, (idly, again) wonders how it would have been if Bakura had been a friend instead of an enemy, he was, is, incredibly resourceful, a good strategist, a smart guy, dedicated... Egypt could have flourished into a golden age with his advice...

Gods, he's so tired he's imagining alternate realities, wow.

Atem stirs from his stupor once he catches that name... He perks up a little, even. Good to know he hasn't been the only one who's thought the very same.」

I'd rather not have more people I know coming here. But... yeah, he would have been...

[Bakura simply watches his opponent. Atem's attention isn't on the game, clearly; his playing has gotten sloppy and lethargic. The former thief could easily beat him like this, but he sees little enough amusement in so doing.]

You're tired. [It's stated flatly, and not as a question. Atem is clearly struggling to stay awake and focused on their game, and he supposes that all the activity really has worn down the Pharaoh, considering it's the most he's tried to do since the injury.] We should shelve this conversation until later.

「Is Bakura being merciful on him or is he simply bored? Again, his mind seems to wander to places that don't exist, places where Bakura is just nice.

HAHAHA... He's tired alright.」

Hmm, are you afraid I kick your ass?

If by kick my ass you mean fall asleep on your cards, then yes, that's a very real concern of mine. [It's said in the most deadpan voice ever. Really Pharaoh have you looked at the card layout right now? You aren't anywhere near being the one kicking ass.

But Bakura lays down his hand, standing and moving over to the stove to heat the kettle once more. A cup of tea is appealing, and he's sure that Atem's has gone cold by now as well. Not that he cares, but he knows the heat of the mug is good for the hand injury, and he'll not be accused of being detrimental to Atem's recovery.]

Seriously, just take a look at yourself.

「You don't know what hand he's got, Bakura! It was looking promising-- just a couple of moves more and he would have probably, maybe, perhaps summoned one Egyptian God on your ass.」

Yeah, I have, and I'm not dying, sorry to disappoint you. Keep playing, Bakura.

「He makes his move, and waits for Bakura to come back meanwhile he leans on the chair's back. It is a mistake, he can feel himself fading fast and nearly unable to keep his eyes open.」

[Keep deluding yourself, Pharaoh.]

You're not, and more's the pity. Figures that you'd be the equivalent of a cockroach: impossible.

[But here's a fresh pot of tea poured into two mugs and really Pharaoh have you even looked at yourself? Falling asleep in the chair, looking a mess of bandages. Bakura laughs and thumps the teapot down on the table a little louder than necessary, just to see if Atem jumps from the noise.

He picks up his hand again and sets two cards face down.]

So. You're after the godkiller. Why?

「In his effort to insult him, Bakura has actually given him the lousiest of compliments he's ever heard. It's gonna take a lot more to kill him again. There is the fleeting thought that technically, no one had killed him yet.

The noise and the laugh make him jump alright, he blinks rapidly, bringing whatever hand he can to his face, rubbing his eyes.」

Why not? I'd like to have some advantage over them.

Too risky.

[A satisfied smirk crosses Bakura's face as Atem jumps. He settles himself back into his set, hands curled around the warm porcelain of the mug. It's amusing to see Atem fighting a losing battle to his own tiredness while stubbornly refusing to admit it, and he's going to count it as a victory for himself.

Hell, getting Atem up and out of bed was a victory.]

Look at it this way: they're not our allies. Yet they've got something that's powerful enough to take out one of these fake gods, their enemies, and they're not just using it directly? There's some kind of trick involved, and they're looking for someone stupid enough to be the canon fodder.

(open) i will never find a way to heal my soul

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