(open) i will never find a way to heal my soul

[puzzlingly]

Who: Atem and peeps. Open mostly, specially to anyone in the in the clinic.
What: Atem finally comes to after being attacked by Yukari, spends some time at the clinic being a massive grump, then goes home to grump a little more.
Where: Clinic / house 6-1
When: November 3rd- 14th
Warnings: Mentions of stitches and wounds ew, torture and blood. Other possible warnings in comments.


november 3rd | clinic | open to one trafalgar law

「He wakes. He wakes and all his being pushes him to scream, it is not possible for someone to withstand so much pain, so much cold. But he does not utter a sound. His body shivers from the cold, and he frantically looks around trying to get his bearings, trying to locate him, Yukari. He doesn't remember anything, just pain, and so much red, and the need to hurt that man as much as he possibly could, to stop him from going after someone else, then nothing, just nothing. He tries to sit up, failing completely, the ache down his chest forcing him to fall back onto the mattress and finally making him blurt out a pained cry.

It's been so long since he's felt this torment, this body is was not designed to endure so much punishment, it was a temporal vessel for his wandering soul. Why must he go through it all over again? Wasn't he done? Wasn't his time up? Why have they abandoned here...? Was he never good enough to move on, to go back home? -- Why is he here?!

Please end it, anyone, please just, end him.」

november 3rd - 12th | clinic | ota

「He should probably be sleeping instead of forcing himself to stay awake and even more so, forcing his dominant hand to play chess on his phone, or even to reply a few messages. Hell, he can barely hold the stupid phone, but he needs the distraction. Every time he goes to sleep, he sees his face, and then he remembers how stupid he was to give his trust away, again.

Meh, just meh...」

november 13rd - 14th | imported house 6-1 | open to bakura and anyone who asks idk (someone bring food to this child omg)

「Not being able to stay at the clinic any longer, because it is so damn depressing, Atem finally convinces them to let him go home, under the solemn promise that he would not do anything stupid. Like going outside and look for Yukari.

Being drained from the past days, he often finds himself simply sleeping, indulging into tiredness and allowing his vessel to regain its strength (not that he has many options controlling that...). But more than once, he finds himself bored to death and trying to get a hold of his cards, he can't. Having sliced through his fingers, trying to avoid Yukari's blade to go any further into his shoulder has made it impossible for now. It is so frustrating, so painful! 」

Dammit!

「It wouldn't be the first nor the last time during these days that he's absolutely tempted to toss his deck of cards to a close wall due sheer resentment, but he doesn't... Picking them up would be yet another pain in the ass.」

Comments

[puzzlingly]

「Atem keeps his eyes on Akira only for so long, until he looks away.」

The Null's list, you saw it?

「His smirk remains but it's not real.」

[jocoeur]

( oh, he'd seen it. and he didn't like it one bit.
but more importantly... )

Someone didn't seriously try to kill you... did they?

[puzzlingly]

「A little bitter scoff there.」

I think the answer is pretty obvious, Akira. I'm lucky to be alive.

「He's so ridiculous sore about what happened, for many reasons, not only they almost killed him, but they broke his trust in people, that's truly the worst thing they could have done.」

You didn't make it to it, did you?

「Given how easy it was for just about anyone to get the Null pissed.」

[jocoeur]

( akira pressed his lips together, looking off to the side, the lighting giving a glare off of his glasses as he did. there's silence for a little while, as he seemed to be considering something— then he shakes his head as a no.

but more importantly... )

Who was it?

[puzzlingly]

「Ah man, not this again...」

Why do you want to know?

「Besides the obvious.」

[jocoeur]

( there were plenty of reasons why he asked. but if he were to start with the logical standpoint then... )

We're all trapped in this cave with one another, with no way out. If there's someone among us that's actually willing to go around trying to kill people just because the Null told them to, well...

( knowing who and what you're up against are a rebel's best tools.
well. that and revenge. )

[puzzlingly]

「Yeah that is the reason why he'd tell him but...」

A guy named Yukari.

「DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID!?」

[jocoeur]

Did you know him?

( he flicks his eyes back towards atem again.
don't tell him what to do?? wow. ) Before all of this?

[puzzlingly]

Not really.

「Do not think it's something Atem hasn't been torturing himself over, he met Yukari briefly in a dream, but if he had known him better for far longer... would he had done what he did? The answer is not pleasant 」

Unless you consider those shared dreams.

[jocoeur]

Did you... not get along or something?

( i mean, why the hell else would someone try to do that in a place like this? )

[puzzlingly]

... I thought we did-- 「watch him get the sads.」 But that's not it, apparently he wanted the Null to take someone off the list and bargained with them. I was just... in the wrong place at the wrong moment.

「Wait no...」

Heh, better me than someone else, I guess.

「Okay that's better.」

[jocoeur]

Don't say that.

( he's quick to say it, though it's weighed down with heavy irony; akira is just the sort to think that very same way. he looks away. )

I know how you feel but— ( he hadn't considered that someone might bargain in that way... ) I'm glad you're okay.

( it meant that hope was still alive, right? someone wouldn't really try to kill a god...
would they? )

Mostly, at least. ( akira looks back towards atem again, offering a goofy grin with his crappy joke. )

[puzzlingly]

「It's been awhile since he's heard that tone. It makes Atem look up at Akira, his mind not quite there as he thinks of his friend Jounouchi, always being one of the few that would confront him when being an idiot, when he would be feeling sorry about himself. Not that Atem would accept he is being one in the open.

That goofy grin though, Atem reciprocates it.」

I will be fine.

「Physically.」

Thank you, Akira-kun.

[jocoeur]

( there's a nod. akira, too, is sure that atem will probably be fine... physically. but just laying around in bed all day, that wasn't what healed the soul. what he may need is... )

So... have time for a game, then? Or did you have other big plans for the day? ( he's kidding. like he would let you go anywhere after seeing you like this. )

[puzzlingly]

「Well, if Akira wanted to make him smile a little wider, that's exactly what he should have said from the start.」

Umm... I think I can always find some space in my busy agenda for you—But I'm afraid I don't have my cards with me.

「Unfortunately or fortunately, he is still not sure.」

[jocoeur]

Well in that case... ( he takes a look around, as though to make sure no one else is listening. satisfied, he leans in towards his now co-conspirator, looking rather serious and dropping the volume in his voice as he suggests... )

Why don't we talk... strategy, instead? ( yes, he means duel monsters strategy.
yes, he is a nerd. )

[puzzlingly]

... I don't think you'd be able to keep up with me, my friend.

「Not trying to discourage him, just... he's a bigger nerd. But he can already tell a lot from the little he's spoken to him.」

I know little about you—there is no better way to learn about someone through a duel, their weaknesses and their strengths,
what drives them—you've shown me you've got the heart of a true duelist, I can also tell you're dedicated and loyal, but why don't you tell more?

[jocoeur]

Atem-kun, you wound me.

( see? he's clutching at his shirt and everything with the false dramatics. more than offended though, that comment will probably just make him more determined.

relaxing his pose, he leans back a little on the bed though, considering the king's words. )

Hmm. ( he adjusts his glasses at the side, pushing up on one of the arms. could he really tell those things through the duel they'd had? he wondered if hifumi had felt the same way when they played shogi... )

Wouldn't it be boring to hear about a high schooler? ( of course, he's anything but a normal one. )

[puzzlingly]

「He gives a little chuckle at that — Akira definitely has so much potential.」

Hey, I was a high schooler for a while.

「Hah, bet you didn't know that!」

I can't believe what I'm saying it but I kind of miss it now...

[jocoeur]

Oh? So even the king of games was subjected to the high school life, hm? that hand that adjusted his specs moves downward just slightly to pinch at his chin, chuckling in kind. )

Funny how easy a simple high school life seems once you get wrapped up into all this, isn't it?

[puzzlingly]

「HAHA EASY? sure between punishing bullies and math classes... Yeah, he misses that kind of easy!」

Yeah. We used to stay after classes to play, it was fun. Once, Jounouchi-kun--「He stops abruptly. Oh no... he did not expect to be caught remembering his friends, oosp.」 Hmm... well, he... got too enthusiastic in a quick duel between classes and the professor confiscated our decks. That sort of thing.

[jocoeur]

( tilting his head with interest as atem paused, akira listened intently to the story, having to chortle at the thought of a teacher taking away two students' desks just for playing a card game.

he had to suppose... there were shitty teachers in all sorts of different worlds. funny of some things stayed the same... )

At least you had your friend to suffer through the punishment together, right? Heh.

[puzzlingly]

Heh, yeah. I had great friends then. 「Wait, that sounds wrong, he does now too, right? It's not the same, he knows it, but he's got friends here too.」 What about you?

[jocoeur]

( although akira picks up on that wording... he doesn't press the issue. he, too, knew it could be different... difficult, to adjust to this place without your trusted comrades. your friends from home. )

Hnhm. ( it's a chuckle, as he seems to reminisce. ) It was the same for me. Maybe not with card games but— my friends and I found ourselves on the teachers' black list quite a few times. Even the student council president was on our tail for awhile. ( before she joined them, at least. ) Even the principal. ( before he... well... )

But none of it was so bad, since... we were always in it alongside each other. ( and there's a pause— ) Actually before Ryuji... I don't think anyone even wanted to take a chance talking to me, let alone be seen with me.

[puzzlingly]

「Hmm, that sounds a little familiar. Is it how it it all the time for high schoolers?」

What changed?

「He's truly curious, since, apparently, things changed for Yugi when he came around. He claims that he didn't have friends and it was his wish to the Millennium Puzzle, but Atem knew it wasn't such, all that Yugi needed was a little push, not some ancient magic what made him make friends.」