I think I'll stay here

[unknowable]

Who: Gansey (mintly), Ronan (greywaren), Adam (unknowable), Noah (casperdisaster), and whoever else!
What: Claiming a house, getting settled in, oh god why are we here
Where: House 1303
When: 10/10-ish
Warnings: Confused teenagers, mental trauma, Ronan's dirty mouth



[It's not the first time they've been pulled into an unwelcoming, dangerous land, so maybe it's easier for these boys to acclimate. Anyway, no one's been eaten by a bear, and they've managed to both find each other and find a house to live in. There might be no food or electricity, but there'll be a roof over their heads, and that's something.

They still need to explore a bit, settle in, claim rooms, and take care of cuts and bruises caused by their unfortunate arrival (and bears, and little girls with swords), but at least now they've got a home base to do it in.

The Raven boys can be found at 1303 in the first spiral of houses. If you would like to drop by and say hello or interact with Gansey, Ronan, Adam, or Noah, feel free to tag in!]

Comments

[greywaren]

Well.

[Ronan sighs and tosses his jacket onto a nearby spiraled countertop, taking the opportunity to stretch his shoulders a little as they file into the house to check it out. It doesn't work quite as well as he'd hoped- the stab wound from earlier cracks and Ronan winces, but otherwise ignores the dried blood on his chest as he surveys the apartment. It seems safe enough- no collapsed structures, plenty of rooms, surrounded by enough of the other houses not to be a lone target. The door locks, the space is dusty from disuse and it seems at least adequately furnished. What more could they ask for?

He glances back toward the others as Chainsaw finds a perch on a chair in the living room, making eye-contact with Gansey and nodding toward the spiral staircase toward the end of the room. Multiple floors, also a good thing.]

Monmouth, take three? I mean, we're never going back to the first one, and apparently the line on the second hates us so much that it spit us into another reality.

[He shrugs, tests the give of one of the kitchen cabinets with his foot, listening to the creak of wood as he applies a little pressure.]

And free for the taking, too. What a fucking bargain.

[unknowable]

[He follows Ronan into the house, looking around himself. Observant as ever, Adam does not miss Ronan's wince, but he briefly sets that aside to make sure there's nothing overly strange here. No threats, that is.

It isn't like anything at home, or even where they were before, but there's furniture and quite a few rooms and another floor. The kitchen is decently outfitted too, though at a glance he can't really be sure what the appliances do. Without power, it doesn't really matter. That's something they can worry about later. Right now, shelter is the most important thing, then food and water.]

It's better than nothing. At least we'll have a roof over our heads.

[And for now, that's the most ringing endorsement Adam can give. He looks over at Gansey and Noah.]

If you're both all right with it, we can choose rooms.

[He looks at Ronan then, direct.]

What happened to you?

[casperdisaster]

[Noah sort of trails in after the others, pacing the rooms as he looks at everything curiously, the soft curves of the walls instead of the square or rectangular rooms he's more used to. Everything here seems built on curves and more 'nature' shapes though, like they grew rather than being built. He traces a hand along a wall, following the others into the kitchen at a sedate pace.]

This is good. I like this one.

[It's wedged more or less nicely between other houses which makes Noah feel a little safer, even if looking out at the wide roads that lead to the housing spirals make him long for his car again.

He doesn't say anything about the blood on Ronan's shirt, but he does give a sigh and a worried look. Adam and Gansey will cover the fussing.]

[mintly]

Could you be just slightly less negative, Ronan? We have things to do back at the first one.

[gansey just looks disquieted, agreeing with adam's judgment that at least it was a roof over their heads, even if it felt a bit like being inside a seashell. he watches noah examine the wall for a moment before his gaze sets back on ronan.]

We're sheltered, at least. And what did happen to you, Lynch? Must you introduce yourself to every new location by bleeding on it?

[the words are peevish, but the tone is just concerned.]

[greywaren]

[Ronan shrugs, even if it causes him a little pain to do so. He hadn't exactly wanted everyone to start fawning over his injuries, but better here than on the road somewhere. He's in the process of checking out the doors, shoving them open forcefully on the off-chance that there's something inside that needs to be startled before it can be a threat.

The first two are empty bedrooms that look out on the same balcony. Hm.]

Got in a fight. It's not a big deal.

[It isn't, probably, and he's dismissive as he searches through the rest of the bottom floor. Laundry room. Bathroom. Nothing too bad.

He glances sharply back toward Gansey, even so. Slightly less negative is not something that really exists in Ronan's demeanor. He's not... openly challenging Gansey, so much as he is just arguing, hot under the collar and frustrated, like he has been since his arrival here.]

We're not going back. [It's heavy, final.] You know that.

[unknowable]

We don't know anything.

[He says it with some steady certainty. Really, Adam isn't so sure that Ronan is wrong. Whatever they did to the ley line - they probably shouldn't have. Adam knows that realistically he had no actual choice, he knows that when he has to do something that saying no doesn't get him anywhere. He's Cabeswater's tool. Good judgement on the subject of meddling with sinister ley lines doesn't come into the job description anywhere.

But he's not ready to admit outright that there's no way back, even if he's not sure there is. And certainly Gansey, of all people, deserves to have some hope that they'll get home.]

We don't even know where we are. It's a little early to be deciding we're stuck forever. Now sit down and let me look at your shoulder.

[He shrugs the bag off his shoulder, looks at Noah and then at Gansey.]

At least it looks like there might be enough rooms for all of us.

[casperdisaster]

[Noah watches the exchange like a tennis match. It hadn't actually occurred to him until Ronan says it that there might be no going home now. Ronan isn't always right but he doesn't say things he doesn't believe, and thinking it over...

It wasn't like they were pulled from home to here. They were pulled from home to the train then from Harborview to here. Would whatever power that brought them here even know how to get them home, or are they now lost like the main characters of Sliders, stuck in random world roulettes trying to find their home by chance?

He looks up when Adam addresses him and Gansey. He doesn't want to get in the way.]

... I'll look upstairs.

[If the downstairs is empty, the upstairs probably is too, right? Noah heads to the stairs with that.]

[mintly]

[gansey gives ronan a glare that would be poisonous if it wasn't exhausted.]

I don't know anything of the sort. But I find it difficult to believe that Cabeswater would abandon its two darlings...wherever we are...on a permanent basis.

[he watches noah go, torn between the need to know what was wrong with one of his best friends, comforting the second, and helping the third with his likely-to-be-difficult patient. this is all his fault. instead of doing anything at all he sighs and sits on the table, legs swinging in a manner that manages somehow to be quite agitated. he rubs at one of his ears, the motion practically a tic at this point.]

[greywaren]

[Ronan turns toward Gansey and now his expression turns challenging, his shoulders tense and fists tight as he watches him. Adam's request echoes in his head and he snarls as he strips off his shirt angrily in short, jerky movements. It's easy to see where the wound is- a small incision on his right pectoral, a little below his collarbone. It's dark with blood, and there are streaks of it over his skin and sticking to his shirt from where he just let it sit while he dealt with more important things.

Like this though, shirt off, bloodstreaked, he looks almost more animal than human and he rounds on Gansey like a predator, his eyes dark with frustration and fury. He'd been doing well enough to keep it under lock and key until now, but Ronan's boiling point is notoriously low and he can't stave off his anger anymore, not when Gansey seems to be deliberately needling him.

His tattoo is dark and sharp against his skin, the very image of rage. He doesn't yell- he can't yell at Gansey- but it's a near thing.]

You think Cabeswater is stronger than the line that can bend reality?

[He lifts his arm, motioning wildly toward the house around him. The cut squeezes and trickles out a fresh droplet of blood.]

If Cabeswater wanted us, it would have saved us last time. It would be saving us now. Either it's not strong enough to bring us home or it wrote us off. [He lets his arm drop after the display and gives a soft scoff, his voice lowering a little.] Fuck it. We're two worlds away with no way home.

[unknowable]

[He watches Ronan turn on Gansey as if it's somehow Gansey's fault, as if he was the one who caused this, who brought them here. But Gansey was only doing what Adam told him to. Following Adam's plan, Adam's stupid ideas, Adam's externally imposed need to fix the line.]

Stop it. This whole thing is because I had to mess with the line. Cabeswater is still here with me, it hasn't written us off, it's just - not that sort of thing. It's not going to save us, because why should it? That's not how it works.

[He doesn't know how to explain, not really. Cabeswater is so deeply unlike any living thing, it just doesn't think in a way that even Adam can understand. Especially since time at home is stopped - in Harborview, Adam had been told that, and he thinks it must be the same here. Why should Cabeswater try to save them if, from its perspective, it doesn't need to? It doesn't need its tool for anything right now, and while it loves Ronan, it's still somewhat in contact with him.]

It doesn't... I don't think it matters to Cabeswater that we're here. Maybe it's not strong enough, but I don't think it would even occur to it to try. But that doesn't mean we're stuck forever.

[He looks at Ronan.]

Anyway, put the blame where it belongs. I'm the one you should be yelling at.

[mintly]

[gansey is focused on ronan, if only because he knows better than to take his eyes off ronan when he's like this. something either stupid or dangerous could happen, but either way, it would be violent. he's not sure pinning ronan with his stare will help, but it's better than nothing.

but that doesn't mean he's not listening to adam.]

As though you had any choice in the matter, Parrish. You were going mad. We were all going mad, it was tainting Ronan's dreams. It didn't matter at that point whether it was a trap, things were going to hell anyway. I'm the one who offended it and got us sent to a fresh one.

[he rubs his other ear.]

Look. I know I promised that we'd get back home. I meant it. We're going to get back home. Cabeswater is still with Adam, we're not impossibly far. What we are is away from that damned line, and the rest we're going to have to figure out. But we will get home. We have to, to find Glendower and finish it. That's not the kind of thing that just stops.

[greywaren]

[Ronan doesn't move under Gansey's stare, but that doesn't make him any less dangerous. And Gansey- he swore that he'd get them home, Adam told him that he'd try to think of a way out of it and, granted, all of that was before they realized the true extent of their situation, but it doesn't make their promises any less to him.

And he knows, he knows that they can't do anything- and maybe that's part of why he's angry now, at Gansey, at everything.]

Don't fucking lie to me, Gansey. Don't you dare promise me something that you can't deliver on.

[He's shaking. Ronan's faith in Gansey, in his promises, in his quests, is absolute. It always has been. But he doesn't feel that faith now- he feels the Barns slipping through his fingers again, he feels justifications, pointless blind optimism, the insufferable attitude of someone who wants things to be okay but can't ensure that they ever will be.

He knows Gansey loves him. He knows that Gansey's heart is breaking to not deliver on his promise. He knows that Adam blames himself, that Adam probably doesn't think they can get back either, but won't side against Gansey when Ronan is so aggressive about it.

None of it really matters right now.]

You both fucked with the line. You saved us, that's- that's fine, thanks, but I'm allowed to be pissed about the fact that we're further from home than we've ever been. So fuck this.

[He's a prisoner in his own body, with nothing to lash out against, so Ronan turns and slams his hand against one of the doors, scuffing it. It's fast, over before he really realizes that he's moving, and Ronan looks toward Adam for a split second for his reaction- a hair of cautiousness among the violence- before turning his attention back toward Gansey. It's easier, now that he's moved, bled a little anger out in the motion of it. It's easier to breathe, to realize dimly that this isn't the sort of thing that gets resolved, just the sort of thing that you move on from.]

...just- whatever. Pick out bedrooms and keep going, right? It's not like we have another choice.

[unknowable]

[He doesn't flinch when Ronan moves, or when his fist slams into the door. It's harder when he knows he's part of the reason for Ronan's anger - hard not to remember all the other times violence was done because of something he'd messed up - but this isn't those times, and Ronan isn't his father. The mere fact that Ronan glances at him afterward, as if to make sure he's all right, is enough to prove that.

But either way, Adam wouldn't flinch. He hasn't been afraid of Ronan's violence being directed towards him for months now.]

Survival is our only choice. Maybe there's a way back, maybe there isn't, it's too soon to say. We don't even really know where we are. But there's no point in just - giving up.

[Not that Adam has ever thought that was really an option for any of them. But perhaps sometimes a reminder is necessary. He glances at Gansey, looks away. He could lie and simply agree, say they will get home, but he doesn't really think that and he doesn't have the energy for it.

Maybe it's not impossible. But maybe is a lot, right now. All Adam can bring himself to do is hedge his bets, not quite choose a side, place himself somewhere in the middle between Gansey's determined optimism and Ronan's furious pessimism.]

You can be pissed about whatever you want, no one's ever been able to stop you from doing that.

[And Adam fucked up, and he knows that, and while most of Ronan's anger is directed at Gansey, that doesn't change anything. In the end, Adam is perfectly capable of being angry at himself. He's very good at it.]

But yeah, this is all we can do, short of laying down and giving up. You don't get to pick a room, though. You get that one, because you just fucked up the door.

[It is an entirely serious statement. Your temper tantrum just picked your room for you, Ronan.]

later that night

[mintly]

[gansey has a new nightmare now. it's as terrible as the hornets, as the sound of his heart slowing, dying, because it's true. he wakes with a gasp as the feeling of being sucked out of the world, torn apart and into black, into void, into nothing, overwhelms his dream.

noah is still sleeping beside him, and the heat of the covers, the softness of the mattress, the darkness of the room, make him feel like he's still in that void, like he can't breathe.]

I'm going to talk to Roman.

[he murmurs it in noah's ear and gets a sleepy muttering in return as noah rolls over to put his back to gansey and hunker down into the covers once more. he climbs out of bed.

it never gets quite dark in the house, just like it never gets quite dark in the caves, and there are windows that cast dim phosphorescence into the main parts of the house. it's enough to navigate the stairs by, his hand sliding along the curved wall, bare feet finding each step.

ronan's room is sacrosanct. gansey breaks its sacredness, as usual. he's not sure that he wants to hear what ronan has to say, wants all the bitterness he's right to carry against gansey for this, whether gansey meant this to happen or not. it doesn't really matter. he has to talk to ronan, has to cut the poison out of this wound between them before it has a chance to fester and rot. gansey loves his ravens. he didn't mean to take noah's friends away from him, to make adam feel guilty, to take ronan even further from his beloved home. but gansey is not a magician. and in the end, it doesn't matter what he meant to do. it's still done.]

[greywaren]

[Ronan twists to roll over when he hears the door open. The last few moments that he'd shared with Adam had done enough to calm him down for the time being, but the thought of someone just coming into his room again makes him tense up. It's not that he really expects anyone- and for a moment, he's almost surprised that the figure in front of him isn't Adam again- but seeing Gansey makes sense.

They fought. Ronan rarely ever fights with Gansey, not when it matters, not when he's blaming Gansey for something that everyone knows was out of his control. But what's done is done, and as much as he's not angry about it anymore, he still feels tension tickle up his spine when Gansey steps through his door.

He's shirtless still, the bandage that Adam had applied still clinging to his shoulder, and by this point in the night, he's shucked his jeans and is just laying on the bed in his boxers. Ronan moves to sit up, not really in any hurry to cover himself, as Gansey has seen him like this plenty of times in the past. He scrubs a hand at the back of his neck and nods once, allowing the other boy further inside.]

Hey.

[It's no surprise that neither of them are sleeping. This is a new place. Ronan probably won't sleep here for days.]

[mintly]

Hey.

[gansey's also shirtless and in his underwear, because there's not much else to sleep in. he comes and sits down beside ronan. in the light trickling into the room his shoulders manage to be slumped and tense at the same time. the mildness of ronan's tone almost surprises him a little, but then again he'd spent time with adam, hadn't he? adam seems to be much better at calming ronan, anymore. it makes gansey relax, just a little. he hates ronan being mad at him, really and truly angry instead of just his normal snappishness. it happens so rarely that it sets gansey's world askew, and there are few things gansey likes less than when the foundations of his life start shaking.

and it's not even like gansey doesn't want to go home. it's just harder, because he'll lose noah once more to death, because he'll have to face his futureless future, because he believes that as much as his friends love him and he loves them, they all love something else more, especially now that he's inadvertently taken things away from all of them.]

I just...I don't know. Wanted to come see you.

[greywaren]

[Really, if you're going to go into someone else's room, you should probably consider putting on pants, Gansey. Still, Ronan shrugs and moves to stand, nodding out toward the porch. Adam will be asleep, and as Ronan had discovered earlier, his room gets the majority of the porch, which is nice, though he probably wouldn't use it much.

Chainsaw is asleep on his dresser- she stirs slightly when Gansey comes in but otherwise doesn't bother, and Ronan casts a glance toward her before moving for the glass door.]

Sure.

[If Gansey is expecting an apology- well... he might get one, because he's Gansey, and Ronan shouldn't have fought with his leader. Still, Ronan doesn't offer one immediately, and instead opens the door and waits for Gansey to move out into the cool evening air.]

Is this about earlier?

[mintly]

[if it was adam, maybe, or daylight, but it's ronan and the middle of the night, so his boxer-briefs will just have to do. nothing ronan hasn't seen a million times, anyway.

he follows ronan out onto the porch, shivering a little in the cool air but grateful for it all the same. it wakes him up, grounds him.]

Yes and no. I mean...yes, earlier, but I'd have come down anyway.

[he had a nightmare, he means, and of course he turns to ronan then. it doesn't matter that they fought this afternoon, the place he goes when he has a nightmare is still wherever ronan is. he sighs and runs his hands through his hair.]

I shouldn't make promises that I don't know if I can keep. It's just...

[there's a long silence, without even any nighttime sounds to break it. gansey looks up at the walls of the cave, at the strange glowing lichen there.]

If you give up, I'll never be able to forgive myself.

[greywaren]

[Ronan doesn't respond at first. He knows what Gansey is worried about, deep down, and he's probably right to be worried. Without the promise of home, Ronan had spiraled in their world, almost died enough times that Gansey should be sprouting gray hairs any day now. And now that they're here and he doesn't know if they can ever go home- it's not the law, it's fucking physics- is it really a surprise that his friends think he'll go back to the way things were before?

Because that's- that's not so far-fetched of an idea. And Ronan frowns in the cool night air as he sets his elbows on the railing and twists idly at the leather bands around his wrists. Finally, he just shrugs, though he doesn't really look at Gansey when he says it.]

You didn't do this. Or if you did, you didn't mean to. I don't blame you for what happened.

[The band twists tighter. Ronan exhales slowly.]

And I never asked you to be responsible for me.

[mintly]

I meant to do something, but it certainly wasn't this.

[he'd only been trying to save them all from what was trying to destroy them. things just always go wrong when he makes any sort of attempt to be heroic. when it came down to it, gansey was a pretty lousy king. he can't even save his friends. and the way ronan says that, they don't even want him to. gansey rests his arms on the railing and his head on his arms, not really looking at ronan either.]

I know. But you're my brother, Ronan. You'd do the same for Matthew. Besides the fact that I told Declan I'd do right by you, what would I even do without you?

[he sighs softly. it's not even as simple as that.]

You didn't have to ask. I know you feel responsible for me, and I never asked you to either. That's how best friends work. We all feel responsible for each other, even regarding things we maybe shouldn't.

[greywaren]

[Ronan shakes his head, staring down at his hands.]

That's not what I meant.

[It's difficult to articulate what, exactly, he meant because Ronan is not very good at saying the things he's feeling, and when he tries to get a point across, it usually comes in barbs and sharp generalizations. Everything comes out harsh, everything has a softer meaning that he can't quite find the words to say.

But he tries. For Gansey, he tries.]

It's just that- me, whatever I do. It's not on you, man. It never was.

[mintly]

[gansey is quiet for a long moment. ronan is trying to absolve him of...something. of everything, really. gansey isn't sure he wants to be absolved. he's learning that ronan doesn't need him like he used to anymore, but that doesn't mean gansey cares any less.]

I know that I can't make your decisions for you, Ronan. But that doesn't mean I don't care about what they are, about how you are. You were my first real best friend, you know.

[greywaren]

I know.

[It's an admission, as much as anything is- and it isn't any stretch of the imagination to imagine the sentiment being returned. Ronan didn't need friends growing up, not when he had the Barns. Gansey had been new, exciting, and they'd been wrapped up in one another almost instantly. Then, Gansey was all he had, and they're still dealing with the ramifications of that now.]

Just don't blame yourself for all this shit, man. That's Parrish's job.

[mintly]

Yeah.

[gansey takes a breath and exhales a sigh. he reaches out and puts a hand on ronan's shoulder, squeezing it briefly before letting go again.]

It isn't Parrish's fault either, although I'm sure he's not going to listen to anybody telling him so.

...how are you two, anyway?

[greywaren]

[Ronan looks over at the touch- he doesn't lean into it, but he doesn't push it away, either. It's an acceptance, if anything, and from Ronan, a thing like that carries the same sort of weight as a full body hug.

Still, at the question, he's not entirely sure what to say- his tongue feels thick in his mouth. Can he tell Gansey that they touched, that Adam healed him, that he still smells like the Cabeswater trees after rain when Ronan puts his head on his shoulder? Or that he doesn't know anything anymore, but he knows that Adam knows and Adam likes him and he doesn't know how to cross that gap between attraction and action?

It's an odd balance and Ronan looks down for a moment before shrugging.]

Things are fine. He- you know how he is. We all need to settle in, I think. See if we can make things stable again.