hadriel_logs | Event Log: Flu Season

Entry tags:

Event Log: Flu Season

Who: All characters
What: The event log for the Flu Season event
Where: All over the city
When: March 20th-March 30th
Warnings: Gross sneezing, sick people, and paranoia

It starts with a cough, a sneeze, a sore throat - something small and simple, easily ignored. But then your symptoms get worse. It's probably been awhile since you've been sick, that sort of thing doesn't usually happen here. You might be able to raid the shops for some tissues and tea before it gets too bad, and hopefully you've got a friend to help out until you get better. Surely it'll be over soon, right?

Until the fever sets in, and you start to understand why your friend is really there. They don't want to take care of you. They want to make sure this is the last anyone will ever see of you. They want to learn all your secrets. They want to steal your most precious possession. You know they're plotting against you, you know they're keeping something from you. What will you do to find out what it is?

Then, as the sickness fades, you realize it was all in your mind. Let's hope you didn't do or say anything too awful. But that friend of yours... they seem to have picked up your cough. Maybe you should help them out?

► This log covers March 20th-March 30th.
► Feel free to make your own logs, as well
► Please tag headers of threads with content warnings where they apply
► Please put your character's name and open/closed in the subject line of your starters!
► If your paranoia ends in murder, please let us know here.

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"You're done." He means for it to come out steely and certain, but just sounds tired.

"Okay, look." She shifts, hip bumping into him. "I don't know if the fever is fucking with you or not, but you're gonna have to spell this out for me. I don't know what you're talking about."

Confusion takes over his expression briefly -- is she fucking with him? Trying to make this hurt more? Fuck, she must be so angry to do that. "Just dump me and get it over with."

Of all the things she was expecting, that doesn't even come close. She just stares at him for a second, expression shifting from shocked to incredulous, at an utter loss for words. Where is this even coming from?

"What? Why the hell would I dump you?"

Is she really making him do this? Fine. Wash goes tense, closing his eyes so he doesn't have to look at her as he starts at the beginning. Every screw up, every way he's hurt her or gotten her hurt or just not been there. Every character flaw, all of which she already knows. He rehashes all the mistakes of the past six months and then just generally turns himself inside out with self loathing, before trailing off into another coughing fit that leaves him grabbing for the tissues on his nightstand. He's horrible, Kyna. And now he's sick and pathetic and whiny about it, so. He hacks up something disturbingly yellow and tosses the tissue away, grimacing. "Why are you still here?"

Kyna just listens, because she has no idea what else to do. She's so blindsided by this that she doesn't know how to cut him off or interject. He's hard on himself, sure, but this... Is this really how he feels about himself? "Jesus, Wash. None of that shit is true. You know why I'm still here."

This is dramatically worse than normal, but the paranoia is largely feeding into existing issues. Things he doesn't acknowledge on a daily basis or he wouldn't be able to function around anyone, let alone in a relationship.

Still, when she doesn't just agree and leave, he's confused again. And the fact is... he doesn't know. And is too far gone right now to come up with a single reason. He just shakes his head weakly before trying to roll away.

This isn't going well, and Kyna can't help but feel panicked. She can't even understand how this started in the first place. He tries to roll away, and she instinctively lays down beside him, wrapping her arms around his middle and burying her face in his back. She's already getting sick anyway, so it's not like there's a point in worrying about it now. Wash is her focus anyway, and her voice is quieter when she tries again, more gentle. "Wash, come on. I was going to give you that list, remember?"

What is even happening right now? What is she doing? This doesn't make any sense and he just tenses up even more when she presses against his back, wracking his fever-addled brain to even remember what she's talking about. A list, right. "You didn't," he tells her, vaguely aware that he didn't actually ask for it, but still. He never heard it. So either it doesn't exist or there's a reason she never gave it to him.

"I thought you wanted me to wait." That's partially true, but when it came down to it, making a list was surprisingly hard. It's so difficult for her to put the way she feels about him into words, but he needs her to, so she'll try. She squeezes him gently. "Can you at least look at me?"

See? Everything is his fault. That thread of fear and misery rises again, but for some reason Kyna is still here. So with great effort he shifts again, pushing himself up just enough to turn around, since he can't roll again with her right there. His arms shake and he winds up collapsing back to the mattress rather than settling properly, and both his eyes and cheeks are red and fever-bright. But he's looking at her.

Okay, that feels like progress. Kyna brushes her fingers through his hair and takes a deep breath. "You can't laugh if any of this sounds... stupid, okay?"

This is not an ideal cuddling situation. His hair is sweaty and he sniffles at her as he nods, only staying this close because she's obviously sick already too. Another thing that's his fault.

It's definitely not ideal, but she couldn't care less at this point. She takes a deep breath, trying to collect her thoughts and figure out what she's going to say while simultaneously not psyching herself out. It's a big ask.

"Okay. First of all, you're not damaged. I don't know how you got through half of the shit that's happened to you. I don't think I could do it, you know? But you really brave, and strong, and you have this way of making me feel... safe. I don't know how to explain it. It's like I'm steadier around you or something."

Deep breath. This is going to be a hell of a long list. "And you're sweet, and you always make me feel like everything will be okay. I know you screwed up with Freelancer and everything, but you're honest about it, and you're always trying to do better." She hesitates for a second, thinking, but if he doesn't interject she's just going to keep going forever.

Wash doesn't know how to reconcile what she's saying with what he's feeling, but she's not really phrasing it in a way that he can argue with it. Opinions can't be wrong, exactly? If she feels something he can't rightly tell her she doesn't, or shouldn't. His brow furrows a little in vague distress. Even if all that is true to her, he's still a burden. Still more trouble than he's worth... right?

He doesn't try to stop her or even interject, so she sorts herself out and keeps going. "You laugh at all my stupid jokes. You're always doing shit for me, and you're always trying to watch out for everyone. And you're..." She trails off, frowning. "I'm really bad at talking about stuff like this, right? But with you it's always been easier. Even when I'm freaked out, you get me to calm down. Everything feels easier with you around, and I don't... I don't know."

She's starting to ramble and she knows it, so she takes a second, continuing much more quietly. "I don't think I've ever been this happy with anyone. I just really—" Love you is what she almost says, what she means to say, but she catches herself before she can, eyes going wide. She knows instantly that it wouldn't have been a slip of the tongue, that she would have meant it. Shit. Shit.

This makes absolutely no sense. He was sure, he knew that she hated him, that she was gearing up to end it. Except that's not at all what she's telling him, and he doesn't understand. He's paranoid, yes, but not like this. Not spiraling and lost in it. On the other hand, usually he's right -- so should he trust himself, illness aside, or her?

She stops herself before anything resembling a confession happens, but he's still processing anyway. Doesn't quite realize that the panic in her expression isn't just because he's being an asshole. Which should be another point against him, but he gave her his own list and she's still arguing it, so. Okay. It must be in his head? That's terrifying, but at least his fear gives her an out. He reaches up for the first time since she entered the room and grips her arm. Weakly, by his standards, but still holding pretty tight.

"Am I going crazy again?"

Kyna is still so caught up in panic mode that his processing doesn't quite register. It makes sense that she's in love with him, sure. It's not like she'd make plans to go to a war torn world, using powerful magic that might backfire, for just anyone. And they've been through a lot together in such a short amount of time. These are basically the same circumstances that led her to getting so attached to Harlan and Tucker, but none of that makes it less frightening. What if he doesn't feel the same way? What if there really is no way for them to see each other again after they go home? What if they forget each other completely?

Wash grabs her arm and she blinks at him, torn from her thoughts. "What? No, no, you're not going crazy. Maybe it's just... Maybe it's just the fever, or the gods screwing around again."

Even as Kyna tries to reassure him, his paranoia is spiraling off in that direction instead, now that his certainty about her has been so shaken. He's crazy. Obviously. Blaming it on the fever just makes him crazier, fevers don't do that. But if he's aware of the fact he's going nuts again, does that make him not so? The argument could be made in either direction. This is too confusing, and his head is fuzzy and aching, and he just wants to not be sick anymore so he could know for sure.

"I feel crazy," he admits, and his eyes flick to his bedroom door. Another thread of paranoia joins the knot already worrying at him. "They can't know."

Kyna takes a deep breath and tries to refocus. It's easier to turn her attention to Wash right now, anyway. "Hey, you're not crazy. It's okay." She shifts, propping herself up on one elbow. "Do you want me to text Lance? He can tell you."

...Lance? Lance would definitely think he's crazy, that's what he's trained to see. Besides, Wash is already on guard around him constantly, not wanting to let on anything that's wrong with him because he's Kyna's friend. Being a psychologist is icing on the paranoia cake even if he honestly seems like the helping type, nothing like the Counselor. They both have that voice down. Wash shudders and shakes his head vehemently.

"No shrinks."

"Okay, no shrinks." Kyna leans down to kiss his forehead. "I'd be an idiot if I broke up with you. And you're not crazy."

He's more inclined to think that's she's an idiot for sticking around, except that she isn't one so neither is the case. She has her reasons. He's accepted that before, why can't he right now? Even as he's actively arguing with himself, trying to outlogic the feelings, they're overwhelming. Maybe she should just leave, so this particular topic isn't on his mind, but he fears what he might jump to next. Is it fair to ask her to take that hit?

"Are you staying? I don't want anyone else to..." Honestly, he doesn't want her to see him like this either, but. Too late. She's seen worse, anyway. They haven't.

"You're not gonna get rid of me, remember?" She lays back down, wrapping an arm around him again. "It's okay. I bet this'll go away in a couple of days like everything else does."

"I hope so." On both counts. And he's gross, but she's holding him anyway, so he drapes a heavy arm over her in return. He hates feeling this way, wishes he could just sleep the rest of whatever the hell this is off. Ideally she won't get this sick, but Wash isn't an optimist -- right now he's just hoping he'll be better by the time she's this sick so he can return the favor of the past few days.

"Thank you. For staying, and looking after me, and saying all that." He knows it's not easy for her to talk about those things, but she did it anyway just because he needed to hear it. He did listen. And he'd have to be a lot sicker than this to not remember.

Event Log: Flu Season

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