[open] this is not black & white

[survivorsguilt]

Who: Ellie & you!
What: The gal is back after a month long stint as Sleeping Beauty.
Where: Starting in her apt, then all around.
When: 26th
Warnings: A miserable, miserable bbit

[It's been a long time, Hadriel.

When Ellie wakes, it's to a dry mouth and aching head. It doesn't feel like she's been sleeping- or mediating, or what the fuck ever- for a month. It feels like she's been running a non-stop mental marathon. For a long, hard couple of hours she just sits there, groaning and holding her head in the room she shares with Jade. Shared? Ellie doesn't know for sure. She only knows that she didn't see the other girl for awhile before she went under. Connor and Matt are definitely gone, she knows that much. But considering how quiet the apartment is, and how things look exactly the same as they did when she went to sleep...

It's fine. Definitely. What the fuck is the difference, at this point? One more person in a long list. (She kicks the wall and blames the tears in her eyes on the dull pain in her foot.)

She supposes she should thank the gods for the fact that she can already get up and walk around, but incredibly, she's not in the most grateful mood. Hands clenched tightly around the straps of her backpack and eyes red, Ellie wanders the city like a ghost.

Welcome home, or something.]

Comments

[lifetothefullest]

[That whole event had been a mess.

Denial, or more accurately just avoiding dealing with something, is not the healthiest method of handling a problem. In fact it's not healthy at all. But it's also only going to temporary in this case, so Lance is allowing himself a pass on worrying for right now; there are more important things to focus on, after all. Checking up on people, finding some food for the apartment, generally staying active.

So he's out wandering the city as well, although a bit more purposefully; he has at least vague ideas of where he wants to go in mind, and even the walking itself has the point of being exercise. He's not feeling up to running or anything, so walking'll work.

That's why he's out in the city and therefore around to catch sight of a very despondent-looking teenager he hasn't seen in awhile, and he's immediately concerned; he wanders closer so he doesn't have to raise his voice, but hopefully not close enough to startle her.]

Ellie? Are you okay?

[survivorsguilt]

[It certainly doesn't seem like he's startled her. If anything, Ellie's reaction is delayed. She turns to take in Sweets slowly, as though it's taking her a moment to process that he's actually here.

He's here. Well. So someone stuck around, after all.]

I'm great, Doc.

[lifetothefullest]

[That's not really a better reaction, and her answer is not convincing in the slightest.]

I'm going to assume that was very dry sarcasm and not that you're a terrible liar.

[It's a joke, but he means it all the same; he doesn't buy that response.]

What's going on?

[survivorsguilt]

No way. I'm never sarcastic.

[It's meant to be a joke as well, but it's like all the bite has gone out of her. Ellie gives him a tired smile.]

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Good to see you though, dude.

[Agh. Agggghhh. She can feel herself getting emotional.]

[skelebro]

[He's...

Tired. That's nothing new. He's tired, and that's normal. He's felt as though he's practically melted into the wall of the building he's parked himself outside. The peculiar sensation of being human hasn't completely died - skin sheathing his bones, possessing lungs, having a nose for a cannula to be wormed up, feeding him oxygen - it's like the lost of a phantom limb, tingling eerily every time he closes his eyesockets.

So he's almost not quite sure the apparition drifting through the city before him is wholly real. He rouses himself slightly, sitting up a little more securely, to shake himself. But she stays.

His voice rasps out quietly, a soft realization:]

Ellie?

[survivorsguilt]

[Ellie sucks in a sharp breath, and needs to brace herself before she can even turn to look at him. God, she. She could just go back to sleep. It'd be so easy. Only, then the gods would be sucking junk out of her brain again, and she doesn't know if she could survive that. If she could take it.

So she endures this, instead.]

Yeah. That's me. Don't wear the name out, or whatever.

[Fuck. He sounds like death, and he doesn't look much better. Concern fights to come to the surface.]

What's wrong with you? [Oof. Take two.] I mean- are you okay?

[skelebro]

[Shit. She's alive. He almost was wondering if maybe she'd gotten lost in the tunnels, if she was about to head home or - whatever the hell. Feels wrong to have thought it, to have been mentally preparing himself for that possibility, when she's right here now.]

[What's wrong with you?]

[Good question.]

I'm, uh...

[The effort required in stirring up a lie or an adequately believable excuse dies partway through its conceptualization, and he merely chuckles, an empty-sounding hum of noise.]

I'm tired, kid.

But, uh...seems like that's goin' around.

[survivorsguilt]

[Something feels different. It feels like, right now, if she asked him everything she wanted to know, he might not dodge the truth.

It's for precisely that reason that she's too afraid to ask.]

Yeah. No kidding. Can I...?

[She gestures at the ground next to him. It's kind of their thing, now. Sitting on the ground and being miserable.]

[circumitus]

[It occurs to Rey that she hasn't seen Ellie around in a while. Hell, come to think of it, she hadn't checked in with a lot of people. Not since Undine had... That memory that looked like her mother had showed up, anyway. She had nearly died then. Sometimes, she wishes she did, allowing herself to make things right -- to trade places as things ought to have been from the start. And then the guilt of that old feeling sinks deeper, and suddenly she's ashamed of herself all over again.

[Shame sinks in when she realizes how bad she has been at keeping up with other people. Just because she has long since accepted the fact that nothing is forever doesn't mean that she's eager to be alone.

[Bianca is gone. Her absence doesn't leave as much a hole as Rey thinks it should. Not when the deeper crater of her mother's (second) death has chiseled its way into her disposition in light of their little paradise vacation.

[She just can't escape it.]

Haven't seen you in a while.

[Rey is on her way home from the Speakeasy. It's late. Or, at least, it's dark enough to appear late. But she can stop for a breather to speak. Not like she sleeps much, at any rate.]

[survivorsguilt]

[Ellie, for her part, doesn't seem to project any ill will towards Rey when she meets her eyes and shrugs by way of greeting.]

Haven't been around for a while. Things feel different.

[She's not sure how. Just a little off center. Like the entire city has shifted two feet to the left.]

What'd I miss?

[circumitus]

You'd be surprised with how much can go on within a few weeks.

[Or however long Ellie has been out of it for. Having experienced a lapse in time herself, Rey can understand the feeling.]

That depends. What's the last thing you remember?

[survivorsguilt]

[Ellie makes a drawn out wooshing noise, but it isn't one of disbelief. She just isn't looking forward to catching up on a bunch of fucked up shit.]

Man, I don't know. There was that ridiculous party. And then a bunch of people left. Connor. Matt. Jade.

[quacked]

[ Everything has come rushing back. It all kind of reminds him of the dreams he had a lot in the Box (and still has here sometimes) where his mom and dad are still alive, and he's in his old house in his room, and it's just how it used to be before everything; it's good. But then he wakes up, and he remembers that he'll never get back to that life again, and it's like he's lost everything all over again. This is the same dream, except with different people and somehow more vivid and real. That loss, on top of losing his dad and Clementine all over again last month, is weighing Duck down a lot, and he's not nearly as energetic as usual.

It's only when he spots Ellie nearby while looking for food that his spirits raise somewhat. He hasn't seen her in a long, long time, it feels like. He'd though she might not be around at all anymore and quickly comes running over. ]

Ellie! You're here - I haven't seen you around. I thought you might be... [ Dead, or gone. Or both? He doesn't remember seeing her in the "dream" town either. ] Are- Are you okay?

[survivorsguilt]

[He comes running, and something in Ellie snaps. She opens her arms and wraps them around Duck without answering, scooping him up in a hug that probably lifts him off his feet. Her arms are tight around him.

It's not the first time she's felt wildly emotional since coming back, but it's definitely the most sudden. A burst of sadness, anger, protectiveness- it thrums and grows in her chest until it's eating her all up. Duck is here still. She needs keep him safe.]

I'm okay. I'm alright. Missed you, nerd.

[quacked]

[ There's a long moment where Duck stills, surprised, but then he relaxes, arms tightening around Ellie. It reminds him of his mom, or Clementine in the Box. It hasn't exactly been a long time since somebody gave him a hug, not really, despite those times being sort of illusions. But it's been a long time since he's had a hug like this; even if it's not how Ellie means it to be, it's comforting after everything that happened, and even after how horrible the last few months have been he feels a bit better, because Ellie's back. ]

...Uh huh. Me too.

[survivorsguilt]

[She tells herself to rein it in, get herself under control. But it's hard to listen to that sensible voice when Duck hugs her back. He reminds her too much of herself. Affection starved, alone. Just a kid. No one bigger ever looked out for her.

(Except Riley.)

She sets Duck down and ruffles his hair.]

Didn't get into too much trouble without me, didja? I'd hate to miss anything fun.

[knifecollecting]

[Jo is trying to adjust to life outside of the delusion from the last few weeks. She feels lost suddenly and rather alone, knowing that those feelings of family were fake. She hates being played with and this is a prime example of why.

Still, she's watching her surroundings, and when she sees someone up ahead she stays quiet until she's close enough to see who it is.]

Ellie? Where have you been?

[survivorsguilt]

[The more she wanders, she more Ellie realises there are still so many people here she couldn't stand to lose. And it sucks. It fucking sucks. She has to stop doing this- has to ignore whoever else the door drags in. Shut it out. Because they're all going to leave, eventually. Whatever happens.

But not Jo. It's too late for that. Too late to not care. So Ellie picks up her pace, half running, half walking, (god, she's tired) until she's close enough to give Jo a rueful smile.]

Uh. In my room.

[Well. It's not a lie.]

But I'm back now. Surprise.

[Her voice cracks.]

[knifecollecting]

[She doesn't look very convinced by that answer, but she just nods and takes it for now. Sometimes she wouldn't want to talk ab9out what she's been doing either.]

I was worried. [Jo shakes her head, trying to move past that quickly.]

Anything fun happen?

[armcollector]

[Around the same time Ellie wakes up from her trance, Magnus stumbles his way back into Hadriel. He's covered in scratches, some that look like they may scar, but he visits the clinic and the second they say some shit about "bed rest" he nopes out and sets out about finding out what he missed. He could just ask Taako or Merle -- or Lup, he reminds himself, who has taken up residence in their bachelor pad, which made it less of a bachelor pad in name but also it remains a place where Merle still always fucking leaves used mugs lying around -- but it looks like they're out somewhere, so he just starts wandering. Maybe he'll run into someone.

It's just that... a lot of the people he made connections with while he was here seemed to disappear all at once. He tries to think of who he should keep an eye out for, but each name that comes to mind also comes with a sudden, heavy reminder that he may never see these people again.

Until he sees Ellie, pale and exhausted, looking like how he feels, though he's a bit more covered in bandages. Ellie, who apparently isn't actually gone at all, but must have just temporarily left like Taako and Merle did. He jogs over to her, noting the redness around her eyes but opting to ignore it.]

ANGEL KNIVES!!!

[He yells the nickname the same way he always does, a running joke he'll never let get old.]

Holy shit! I thought you were gone, like, forever ago! Or it feels like forever ago. I've had a buckwild few weeks, let me tell you. I missed everything that happened here. When'd you get back?

[survivorsguilt]

[Boy, does Ellie ever know the feeling. One of the reasons she can't bring herself to wander anywhere specific is that she's terribly afraid of nobody being there. That said, the unmistakable sound of Magnus' voice, combined with the nickname that literally nobody else in the city calls her, sends a wave of relief through Ellie. Of all people, she's glad Magnus is still here. He's sturdy. Solid. There's something comforting in both the fact that she feels like she could punch him in the arm and he wouldn't even flinch, and that she knows he wouldn't consider for a second swinging back.

Despite how achingly tired she feels, Ellie rallies a weak shout in return.]

THE HAMMER!

[Ellie feels her eyes water as she takes him in, notices the scratches; the bandages. It's not nearly the first time she's felt suddenly incredibly emotional since coming back, and she's certain, now, that the gods are to blame. This is what she gets for helping out, apparently. She wants to hug him. It's painfully embarrassing.]

Yeah, uh... I kind of. Didn't leave. I've been asleep the whole time. Giving the gods mojo, I guess.

[Shrug.]

Wait, does that mean you left?

[armcollector]

Oh man.

[When he just wasn't seeing her around anywhere, he assumed the worst. It was around the same time other people were disappearing, so he just thought... Man, is he so glad to be wrong right now.]

I was so fucking worried about you. I'm really glad you're here.

[The fact she was helping out the gods is like, giving him pause, but he's too glad she's here to be too worried about that right now.]

I didn't like... leave leave? I kinda got lost in the caves for a while. Not the best place to be, obviously. I'm back now, though! Kind of embarrassing. Usually I can tell where the fuck I'm going, but like, not recently, apparently.

[noctyourking]

It wouldn't surprise him to see anyone else wandering the streets like himself, though he knew it was an assumption to call it wandering. What did surprise him, however, was that there was a kid out walking by themselves. The closer they came to one another he noticed she wasn't quite a kid, more like a teen, but it still upset him that this place would pull in even the presumably innocent. In the time he spent here he came up with some wild theories of what was really going on and it ranged from his utter delusions to the whims of gods he had somehow angered. Maybe it was somewhere in between but he had to accept it wasn't just his sole delusion, it was one he was sharing with various other inhabitants.

"Everything alright?" He questioned the teen as he came within feet of her, his own step stilled and he waited to see if she'd answer.

sorry this is so late!!

[survivorsguilt]

Ellie startles and spins to look him over, eyes narrowed. There's something familiar in his face, she thinks, but she can't really place it.

"Mm. Peachy." She watches him warily, not stepping any closer. "You new here?"

[noctyourking]

Peachy.. Noct huffs through his nostrils. No, he’s not going to buy that, but he can’t pretend to know what she’s really going through. Even if he thinks its about the same they’re all going through when they’re wandering about lost in this world of horror. His world was not too different, the darkness breed a lot of fear, a lot of daemons. Just from what he’s experienced thus far here, he was not short for dark reminders of home.

“Yeah, I am.. what about you?”